Making the best of a bad situation

[Michelle T]

Let's say that you have come to realize that you have certain responsibilities/life situations that make you unhappy, and are not going to change. Not just mildly unhappy, but very much so.

Let's then say that due to various conflicting responsibilities/life situations, you are determined to stay the course, despite being unhappy.

How do you make the best of it? How do you find happiness even in a bad situation? Is there a way to learn to see the silver lining?
Michelle T

[stephanie]

Let's say that you have come to realize that you have certain responsibilities/life situations that make you unhappy, and are not going to change. Not just mildly unhappy, but very much so.

Let's then say that due to various conflicting responsibilities/life situations, you are determined to stay the course, despite being unhappy.

How do you make the best of it? How do you find happiness even in a bad situation? Is there a way to learn to see the silver lining?
Michelle T

I don't know your spiritual beliefs, but I firmly believe that in every difficult situation God wants us to grow and learn from. I ask Him what He's trying to teach me or tell me. I try to thank Him for those times, and I thank Him that He has appointed only me to be responsible for those things that drive me crazy or tend to bring me frustration in life. Because I know in that it makes me stronger and closer to Him. I've decided that no matter where I'm at in life, I am going to bloom where I'm planted! Not thriving in the situation only brings sadness and purposelessness to me. I'm going to believe that in every thing I do there is a purpose- no matter how tedious. I'm sorry if this is not your beliefs for I don't mean to impose anything on you, but this is what works for me when I feel like I'm not moving in my life! I hope it helps you a bit.

[Mandy in TN]

How about- Just keep swimmin', swimmin', swimmin'

Find solace in the fact that you evaluated your options and made a choice! Even if everything else stinks, you had choices and made one. That is a good sign- much better than acting victimized and claiming that there were none. It says something about strong inner strength and character.

And again- Just keep swimmin', swimmin', swimmin'
Mandy

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Let's say that you have come to realize that you have certain responsibilities/life situations that make you unhappy, and are not going to change. Not just mildly unhappy, but very much so.

Let's then say that due to various conflicting responsibilities/life situations, you are determined to stay the course, despite being unhappy.

How do you make the best of it? How do you find happiness even in a bad situation? Is there a way to learn to see the silver lining?
Michelle T

The only way I know of is to switch to being thankful -- out loud and often -- for the privileges that are afforded you because of the responsibilities/situation. Even if it is becoming a person of deeper character is the only positive, then you deliberately become genuinely thankful for that.

And meditate. That helps, too, for some reason.

[Once]

A Thankfulness Journal would help make you more aware of the process. I have heard of several ways to keep them. Some people do it in their head. (This one is me) I think the benifits of having it written down multiply. If you write it down it could be like a prayer journal if you believed in God. I have heard of others doing the same thing in other faiths.

I have been there before and I know it is difficult. But the rewards are often great in the end. These things have a tendencey to feel very big when you are going through them but once you have stayed the course so to speak you find that life does really keep going and that the challenge of it lessens.

I have a time of year that can be so challenging that I think I will not ever get out. Each year I do similar things. Some of them are...thinking of others. I spend time challenging myself to find someone to help. Anyone. Not to make a friend or to appear to be in a better state but just for the sheer selfishness of giving. (Seems odd I know but it works). I also take time to conect with *supportive* friends. Share my challenges without whining and seek counsel I respect. I take time for me too. I think it is easy to let the feeling turn to helplessness. The last one I can think of that I have time to type in is prayer. Again I do not know how you feel about faith based ideas but prayer changes me.

I hope that you will soon find the peace that is escaping you. I will think some more about this. And pray for you.

[Joanne]

If the issues involve addiciton of any kind, I'd suggest Al Anon where you can learn to rely on God for peace, happiness, serenity and joy no matter what you do in terms of the relationship status.

Indeed, the principles, thinking and behavior learned there are helpful even without addiction.

But I'm reluctant to offer "how to stay the course" advice in the absence of other information. Stay the course isn't always the best, most healthy or most constructive choice. Sometimes it's very slowly but pervasively destructive.

I will suggest *excellent* self care in terms of activity, spirituality, friendship, food, recreation, etc.

[strider]

Helping with my brain-damaged aunt and her five needy children is something I am absolutely called to do and confident in doing, but it is also a terrific burden that ties up a good deal of my time and ties my family to this area as well. There are other, complex reasons why it's a unique and very difficult situation.

It helps me a great deal that I know beyond any doubt that this is what God wants me to do.

For the dark, overwhelming times I have learned to:

--Rest when I can. I resigned from a lot of commitments and I have purposely built in a lot of down-time to my schedule.

--Pray a LOT.

--Set boundaries. I help in the situation as God leads, and have to choose NOT to help sometimes too, which is also a choice NOT to feel guilty that I cannot be all things to all people.

--Choose to surround myself with people who will uplift and encourage.

--Choose to engage in activities that help my soul soar--reading good literature, free concerts in the park downtown, watching British TV/movies, etc.

I hope this helps--I'm sorry it's tough.

:grouphug:

[Mom to Aly]

I second the "just keep swimming" philosophy.

Actually, I am hoping it is not a bad marriage situation, because, been there, done that. I stayed in one much too long, because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to continue homeschooling my daughter, and it emotionally damaged me and, afterwards, her, because he didn't want to pay to allow me to continue. But, in the end, I did, on a shoe string, but we do it, and are grateful, and love it. But it wasn't worth staying.

That said--if you have decided to stick with whatever it is, you need to just resolve yourself to it, and find comfort in the fact that you have made that decision, and it must be for a reason, one that is for the good of someone else, I imagine, if not you. I am sure that someone else is someone very important to you, and, in sacrificing of yourself, you are giving that person a better life, which, hopefully, will get you through the unhappiness you are feeling.

Another option, which I would not have recommended a few years ago, is therapy. After my divorce, I found a wonderful therapist who helped me tremendously. If you find the right one, it is amazing, and it will give you support you probably won't find elsewhere. Despite where you do find it, you will need plenty, because, deciding to live with unhappiness, and actually doing it, are two different things (I did it by gaining 60 lbs : P not something I recommend at all! )

Take care, and best of luck.