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View Full Version : Having a bad couple of weeks... (long sorry)


hsmom
06-19-2008, 09:26 AM
This what it all started with. I was gearing up to buy a few things for school next year from here and other places. Then everything hit the fan. So, here I am having to back out of my word to everyone I was going to order from. (I am hoping I told everyone) Now I feel horrible, but everyday it just seems like all keeps stacking up more and more. So, I needed a quick vent if that is alright.

Last week my ds got pretty sick and we ended up in the hospital. He is better now.

My nephew (1 yrs old) went to the emergency room because he got into some pills, while my sister was sleeping. (quick brief on this, my sister (20yrs old) is having a problem getting he life together. She is living with my mom. My mom usually takes care of the baby, but she had to be at work. They live in Arkansas or I would help out) Well he had to have his stomach filled with charcoal and pumped. He is alright now and living with his dad.

Then we went to dh sisters house and her dh is having some problems. So, with them unable to pay for all of their car loans we told them we would take over one, if there was some way to get our name somewhere on the truck. So, there was not a liability issue. Well this still has not happened. To top it all off we gave them our word to help and come to find out they were 2 months behind and another payment is due by the 9th. This will make $1200 we have to put out by then. We already put $500 toward it, but don't know what to do. We thought and were under the impression we were just taking over payments, and we could afford that. But when you add in the late fees and past due payments it becomes wow! So, now we are stuck wondering where we are going to get a payment by tomorrow. I am just hoping the rebate check shows up today or tomorrow.
I just feel like giving it back to them and telling them this was not the deal and we cannot do it. Yet we gave them our word.:confused: What is a girl to do?

Also when we went to dh sisters house we found out that our nieces father (sil ex) which is still a friend of the family, was in the hospital brain dead. He was out riding his motor cycle and wrecked. My poor niece has had a hard time, with all of her loved ones dieing around her. Now to have her father basically dead she is flipping out.

So, after all that we went back home. Well we stopped at a friends of ours house and no one was home. Well no sooner did we walk in the door and we got a call from his wife that he died. What... I was shocked and confused. She said he had an abscessed tooth and the infection took over his body. He had went to the doctor a while ago and they pulled a tooth. Well he thought it was over. He was one of those people who have a very high tolerance for pain, and hates to go to the doctor. So, he ended up with flu like symptoms, head ache, upset stomach, all that. So, he did not think much of it, told his wife he did not feel good and was going to take a nap and that she needed to keep working on the wedding she was planning with her sister. (she was in the town next to us) Well his son came home to feed the cat and saw his dad on the floor, he was able to wake him up and ask what was wrong, his dad just told him he did not feel good and was lying down, well he called mom and they called 911. He made it a to one hospital then life flighted to another and died the following day. He was only 39!
We went to his funeral yesterday. Dh was a pallbearer.
The wife is going to come home today, I told her that if she needed anything to just ask. We have loaned her my car (theirs is not reliable). Helped with bills and what not. (even though we cannot figure out where ours are going to come from, but we will survive. Her dh was the sole provider of their home)

Also yesterday ds 11 went to his urologist and he has surgery on the June 30. (he had a testicle that did not drop). We did not know that this would cause problems, he doctor for years has told us it will happen on its own. Well the urologist, says this should have been taken care of years ago. Well ds is nervous. They have to go in and make sure there is not a hernia, which I guess is common in cases like his. Also they have to see if the testicle has cancer. Which is also common when one is left "up" like that for too long. We are hoping that all is well and he will be alright.
Yet in a way he is more worried about not being able to ride his bike for 2 weeks after surgery. Leave it to my son. He loves his bike.

Well now that is all that has happened. It so seems like to much over load for my family and I right now. So, today ds 11 is gearing up to go visit his dad for 9 days before he has surgery. Dh is back at work for a week. So, ds 3 and I are going to go find something fun to do to get our minds off everything right now. :001_smile:

Thank you all for listening I really needed it.

Kathleen in VA
06-19-2008, 09:32 AM
Wow! That's a lot all at once. No sage advice - just prayers here. I'm sorry you are having to deal with all this. :grouphug:

hsmom
06-19-2008, 09:33 AM
Prayers are always welcome. We sure need them right now.

unsinkable
06-19-2008, 09:39 AM
Oh, wow, Joanna. You all have my prayers!

runningirl71
06-19-2008, 09:42 AM
So sorry Joanna. I'll be thinking of you today!

:grouphug:

lovemywhirlygirls
06-19-2008, 09:47 AM
WOW! You have experienced some very intense situations! I will cover you and all of the situations you mentioned with prayer as soon as I'm done typing.

I felt compelled to respond to the situation with dh's sister. UGH. I have family with money issues, as well and it is terribly difficult when you love them and want to help. My gut feeling is that your "promise to help" was based on the information that you had. If you were unaware that the payments were behind and that there would be monetary catching up to do.....I feel that the deal is not valid. You didn't know fully what you were agreeing to. You now have to determine if the "new" situation is one you are wiling to be involved in. I, personally, tend to shy away from any involvement in family money issues---it can get complicated and ugly. I prefer to support on a relational basis.

If taking this payment on will, in any way, hurt YOUR family, then it's, in my opinion, not a good idea. It's kind of like the oxygen on the airplane thing....take care of yourself first SO THAT you'll be in a position to help others. If you're not "in the position" to help easily (extra money liquid and available) then you'll have two families with money issues and probably some resentment and anger to boot.

So all of that said, you will need to do what you think is best. You know the people and ALL of the details involved. We/I have access to only a few. There are some situations, in my experience, that just have to play out for the people involved so that they do not continue in any bad habits/bad choices that MAY be present. Again, no idea if this applies to the dh's sister's situation.

Sending hugs of support your way.

elegantlion
06-19-2008, 09:50 AM
:grouphug: prayers and more :grouphug:. It's all happening at once isn't it? May God give you strength and peace.

Tarheel Heather
06-19-2008, 09:54 AM
Prayers Joanna. That is so much all at one time. :grouphug:

hsmom
06-19-2008, 09:56 AM
Dh sisters husband is getting sent back to prison. His parole was revoked. So, her and the niece (13) are stuck with a car payment, truck payment, and motorcycle payment on top of all the other bills. That is why we stepped in. We are the only family they have left. Everyone else has passed away this last few years.

With the regular payments we can easily do it. It is just coming up with all the extra and in such a short amount of time, is what makes me mad and frustrated. If they would have told us, maybe we could have be prepared to do this.

Thank you for your prayers.

Heather in the Kootenays
06-19-2008, 09:57 AM
:grouphug:

Remudamom
06-19-2008, 10:02 AM
Whoa! Praying that boy of yours is back on his bike quickly, and the other issues as well.

lovemywhirlygirls
06-19-2008, 10:48 AM
Joanna--My heart feels so heavy for all that is going on. Will continue to pray.

I wonder, with the husband being sent back to prison, if perhaps selling one of the vehicles and/or the motorcycle might take a bit of the burden off. It's not what they might want to do....but this certainly is a special circumstance. Drastic times.... When the situation changes and husband comes home, they can work on a plan to get another vehicle again.

Just a thought. Might be a hard sell, but it is an option to consider.

Definitely keeping your son in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sure it's a scary thing for all of you. Keep us posted on progress.

Thank you for sharing your burdens with us. It's a privilege to walk alongside you in this little way.

Renee in FL
06-19-2008, 10:57 AM
Dh sisters husband is getting sent back to prison. His parole was revoked. So, her and the niece (13) are stuck with a car payment, truck payment, and motorcycle payment on top of all the other bills. That is why we stepped in. We are the only family they have left. Everyone else has passed away this last few years.

With the regular payments we can easily do it. It is just coming up with all the extra and in such a short amount of time, is what makes me mad and frustrated. If they would have told us, maybe we could have be prepared to do this.

Thank you for your prayers.

Dear, this is not your problem. The SIL and the niece only need 1 car. Let the bank have the other two back. OR, let all 3 go back and you assist them with getting a beater to drive. You have no business paying for their car unless you already needed one and you want to buy this one, in which case you get your own loan and buy it.

Cadam
06-19-2008, 11:01 AM
Oh, my goodness :grouphug: I am so sorry you are going through all of this! You must just be reeling from everything.

Please don't take over the payments on your sil's truck. They need to sell things they can't afford and pull their financial life together. You bailing them out will only prolong their misery and put your own family's stability in jeopardy. When her dh gets out of jail and can afford another truck he can get another truck. Maybe you can help them get the extra vehicles sold or given back to the bank with the proper paperwork so the bank won't come after them for the difference between the actual value and what they owe.

hsmom
06-20-2008, 01:15 PM
Well we have not really decided on the truck yet. If we can get our name on the loan some how then we will, if not then we won't. We did let them know we will help with the back payments, only if they payed at least half of it.

Thank you all for your prayers and listening to my problems.