10 yo crying about school work

[Cadam]

being the evil mom I am, I have recently been forcing my son to - get this- write a 5 sentence paragraph about what he has read. Not only that but I have taken the cruel and unusual assignments to a whole other level by expecting him to revise and then rewrite the whole 5 sentences.

I feel like we are way behind in his writing skills, he is capable of this but I want it to be a simple task by the end of the year so each day we will be alternating either outlining or a paragraph. One day a week it will be both.

He would like to write it perfectly the first time and not have to re-write but 1. he has never had an error free paragraph and 2. I think editing and re-writing are part of the learning process.

When I assign him something to write I get the same stuttered breathing and eyes pooling you might expect out of a toddler who just had his cookie taken away. I am inclined to tell him "that's the way it is and I will have not more theatrics". I decided "suck it up" was probably not quite the tone I was going for.

Am I asking to much that a 10 yo be able to do a small assignment without crying about it. Am I being mean to not allow the emotion? He doesn't like writing. In fact, precisely because it is the bane of his existence I think he needs more practice so he can see it is possible and it can get easier. I was obviously sarcastic earlier, but this isn't to much is it?

[RoughCollie]

I think that your son is trying to manipulate you and it is not working. I don't think you are asking too much.

I asked the same of my very reluctant sons who spent many of their waking hours trying to convince me not to make them write anything, ever. Now 2 of them, age 13, spend a lot of their free time writing books. This odd behavior started when they were 12. I encourage them when I can casually shoehorn it into the conversation. You could have knocked me over with a feather when I found out about it, though.

Come to think of it, they started their most avid writing when we got a laptop about a year ago.

Before the laptop, one of them wrote his books in thick little memo pads which had lined pages and were spiral bound along the side. The other wrote his in a blank book. The boys came up with this on their own and I had nothing to do with it. Still don't.

[godpoetry]

For my writing phobic boys I am doing the writing assignment on one day and the editing and rewriting on another day. It helps them when it is broken down into smaller pieces somehow.

[nancypants]

I do not believe it's too much to expect. But I've had my kids get worked up about fairly simple things too... they see it looming before them as something enormous and then once the storm is all through and I tell them they did a great job in the end, they look back and say, "Yeah... it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be."

I really don't think you're asking too much for a 10 year old. Just make sure you are really being positive and encouraging about *everything* he does right with his writing. If he's worked particularly hard on it (yea, verily though he detests it) maybe give him a 10 minute break before he has to revise and fix. Or let him work on something else and then come back to it. Just a thought. :) Hang in there Mom!

[Claire]

You know, it's not too much if he's really capable of it. However, if he is dysgraphic then writing really can be very difficult and seem overwhelming.

Are there ways you can break it down for him into smaller tasks? IEW teaches a 3-word outlining process that can be very useful. When starting out with this methodology, the student writes an outline for an existing paragraph that is given to him. He has to choose 3 key words to write down for each sentence. Afterwards the original paragraph is taken away and the student re-writes the paragraph using the key-word outline. It is only after this type of thing has been done quite a few times that the student is given the task of creating a 3-word outline of his own.

It sounds as if the prospect of writing a whole paragraph is pretty overwhelming for your son. You might want to take it in smaller steps and eventually being able to create an outline, write a paragraph, and then revise and rewrite as your end goal rather than your immediate goal.

[Amy in Orlando]

I really think it depends on your son. I have two sons who at 10 I would have (and did) expect them to write, edit, rewrite and finish a 5 sentence paragraph. I have one son who is only 8 so I'll leave him out of this. My other son, at 10 would nearly shut down just thinking about writing five complete sentences. He's not (and wasn't) a lazy kid - just the process of getting his thoughts from his head onto paper is VERY difficult for him.

I didn't let him stop writing, I just took a few different approaches that were not as threatening to him. Looking back, I see that 10 is very young for a lot of boys. We started with him reading whatever he was supposed to read. Then we would sit and talk it through - he understands what he reads but has a hard time putting it into his own words. THEN he would dictate to me five sentences. I would type them as he dictated (no prompting) and print them out. The next day, I'd have him start by reading his paragraph (as dictated to me) out loud. He would usually catch a bunch of mistakes and ways to re-write it. And, I'd have him re-dictate it to me with the changes he'd made.

On the third day, we'd read what he'd written AGAIN. He'd make more changes. This time around ds would do the typing and make the changes. This kept him writing and didn't discourage him. With each year, I'd add more challenges and responsibility, slowly and within his comfort-zone. (Please note that this boy is not coddled in anyway - but this was the only way I found that allowed him to learn to write without total meltdowns.) Yes, painful and time-consuming. But that was what he needed.

This year (he just turned 14 - 8th grade) we started using IEW (link:http://www.curriculumconnection.net/teachingwriting.htm) and I SO wish I had picked this program up in 4th/5th grade. It's perfect for the reluctant writer and my "natural" writers have improved using it as well. Today, he gave me a 9-paragraph essay on a portion of the Canterbury Tales. It was rough, but he did not flinch when I marked it up, talked to him about why I marked it up and he just (about 3 hours ago) emailed me a much improved version of his essay. This boy will never be a writer, but he will never be embarrassed if he HAS to write.

My $.02. YMMV.

Edited to add: You might want to pick up SWB's tapes on writing - they're very insightful and encouraging AND accurate, in my own experience.

[Brenda in FL]

:rolleyes:I'm sorry you are so frustrated, but because my son is exactly the same way - I derive a certain amount of comfort knowing that my son isn't the only child his age acting this way!!

I am sorry that I can't offer any advice - only sympathy!!

[Anne/Ankara]

I would break up the assignment into do-able pieces, even for a 10 year old, so that the work is seen as more manageable. Also, sitting with him physically might help, because writing is hard work! Lastly, sometimes a small glass of juice or hot cocoa does the trick with hard assignements...

[Elizabeth TN]

I also don't think it's too much to expect. I had the exact same problem with my 8 year old yesterday. He is wanting to do more journaling, so I asked him to write about going to the orthodontist yesterday. He wrote three sentences, like "We went to the orthodontist. It was neat. They took pictures." Seriously. He reads on a 6th grade level. I know he can do better than this. When I asked him to write more, he cried and said that was the best he could do. I am still trying to figure out how to teach him, though, since we just started homeschooling in January.

[Tracey in TX]

DS,11, also has meltdowns when he feels overwhelmed with an assignment. I use to think he was manipulating me, but eventually realized if I help him break down the work into smaller pieces he manages it pleasantly.

You could let him type the initial paragraph, then manually correct it. If handwriting is important, he can write it the second time. Otherwise make corrections on the computer. Perhaps he could dictate ideas for you to write. He could take that outline to write his first paragraph.

My DS needed to know I was helping him, even though most of the time I did more than sit with him and talk through the work. It calmed him enough to reassess the task. fwiw, I feel the same way about housework. When DH mentally breaks it into smaller tasks, it is manageable.

Good luck,

[lynn]

Things became overwhelming fast to my son. It was part of his personality. If I told him write a 5 sentence paragraph, revise and rewrite on that same assignement same day it would be met with a meltdown but If I said after his reading to take a 5 min break. Then when he came back to write a paragraph minimumof 5 sentences, put it aside for the next day to take that paragraph and revise and day 3 rewrite we accomplished the same thing without a melt down. It was like this on most subjects, we worked through it. I quickly figured out what he resonded well to and most days he knew if we allotted 30min to a subject but he finished it to my satisfaction in 20min he could have a 10 free time. Eventually he knew what was expected and might get it all finished in one day then have more free time day 2 and 3. Make Sense? Every child is different and that difference changes with the seasons. You'll find what works for your son without being manipulated and getting frustrated. It may take some time and some experimenting but you'll get there.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Nor do I believe it is manipulation (unless he usually tries to get out of work this way). He is telling you that he needs you to help him. Both of my boys were like that at 10. In fact, my 11 year old is still like that. Writing is very difficult for my boys. Reading level has nothing to do with it. The ability to synthesize information into a small piece is not natural for every kid.

I tried following the WTM recommendations, but we had to put much of the writing on hold until they were 10 or 11 because it was causing them so much distress and they weren't improving. These are really obedient kids who love learning. This was the only subject they really balked at. We just decided that at about 11 we hit writing really hard. I have to hold their hands for a couple years until it clicks. My oldest (a very bright kid who by 11 had a higher reading level than his book loving mom) had 2 years of tears and fighting until his writing skill caught up to his ideas. He is now 14 and writes nicely. It will always be a difficult subject for him but I am proud of how far he has come. His WriteGuide teacher says that his writing is above grade level.

So don't beat yourself up. Give him the guidance to break it down over and over again until he can do it himself. He will get there:).

hth,

[Night Elf]

I think whether or not it's reasonable depends on the process you are using. At his age, he may have difficulty doing it all on his own. Are you expecting for him to come up with the 5 sentences completely on his own and to also edit and revise competely on his own? I ask because my son doesn't have a problem with writing 5 sentences, but he does have a problem with knowing what to say. I help him by discussing it aloud. For example, I asked him to write 5 sentences on what we read in History a couple of days ago. He was paralyzed with the pencil in his hand, unsure of what was worthy enough to go on paper. So I asked him aloud to tell me WHO we read about. Then I said WHAT was one thing we learned about him. I repeated it back to him so he could hear his own words. Next I asked him HOW the man handled it. And then I repeated back the 3 sentences he had given me so far. Basically, I have to help him focus on what to write. FWIW, my son writes grammatically correct sentences and never has spelling issues. He's also a very advanced reader and very knowledgeable in many things, particularly Science(y) type things. But he stops cold when he's asked to write something on paper.

I remember SWB saying in her Writing Without Fear tape to please by kind to your little boys.

[Joanne]

I have recently been forcing my son to - get this- write a 5 sentence paragraph about what he has read. Not only that but I have taken the cruel and unusual assignments to a whole other level by expecting him to revise and then rewrite the whole 5 sentences.

I feel like we are way behind in his writing skills, he is capable of this but I want it to be a simple task by the end of the year so each day we will be alternating either outlining or a paragraph. One day a week it will be both.

He would like to write it perfectly the first time and not have to re-write but 1. he has never had an error free paragraph and 2. I think editing and re-writing are part of the learning process.

Ultimately, of course, every able child should be able to construct, plan, edit and re-write a terrific paragraph. But many kids, often the younger boys, are overwhelmed by the reading, processing and planning. I think you should listen to the fear behind the reaction and break it down into do-able processes.

Have him read.
Have him plan paragraph.
Have him write sentences.
Have him edit.
Have him re-write.

Go through it with him, if possible.

[Rhondabee]

Why not help him brainstorm and fill out a simple graphic organizer first?

Help him decide what his topic sentence is going to be.

Then, help him decide what details he could include (use keywords only).

Do these need to be in the order of time, or the order of importance? Go through and label them 1, 2, 3 and 4.

Now, he has a sheet of paper with a plan to help him write 5 good sentences.

And, yes, I often write these organizers out for my 10 yo. Sometimes even for my 12yo. One day, he will grab the paper from you in frustration and say, "OK, mom, I get it. Just leave me alone and I'll do it myself."

Maybe have him "read" his plan out loud before he writes it all down. This will help him take those keywords and turn them into sentences of his own. Praise him!!!!!

I don't proof the writing until the next day.

And, no, if my child is that upset I don't just assume he's trying to manipulate me. Of course, dc and I are very similar, and often when I'm very upset I cannot think of the right words to use and the tears just flow- especially as a child it would seem like it should be *obvious* to this big person what was upsetting me so and they should know how to fix it. As a parent, I know now it's not often so very obvious.

And, remember - until he is comfortable doing this with your help, he isn't going to be able to do this on his own.