Huh, odd family discontent with homeschooling

[Mekanamom]

Just a weird thing. I was talking to my mom today, who said that my cousin (whom I have only seen a handful of times in the last 20 years) wants to have a meeting with my father about sending my children away to boarding school.

:001_huh:

As I said, I haven't seen this cousin more than maybe 3 times in the last 20 years. He is married and has no children. He does not think that either public or private day school here in CA is adequate either.

Weird.

Now I'm really curious about which boarding school he has in mind? LOL! And about when exactly he was going to ask for my opinion on sending my children away? :lol:

[Miss Peregrine]

Weird. :confused:

[Victoria]

That is the oddest thing I've ever heard. I think you see him way too often. ;)

[momofkhm]

That is rather odd. things that make you go hmmm

[Brindee]

That is the oddest thing I've ever heard. I think you see him way too often. ;):iagree: That's one of the strangest things I've heard! What at all does he have to do with YOUR kids???:001_huh: Why would he even have a talk about them, and with your dad, not you???:glare:

[Tarheel Heather]

My in-laws tried to have a 'secret' pow wow with my parents two years ago. My parents told dh and myself about it and kindly told my in laws to shut up, and to never approach them about the matter again.

You never know what goes on in the minds of those who haven't a clue about what you do.

[Kelli in TN]

My in-laws tried to have a 'secret' pow wow with my parents two years ago. My parents told dh and myself about it and kindly told my in laws to shut up, and to never approach them about the matter again.

You never know what goes on in the minds of those who haven't a clue about what you do.

Were they planning to stage an intervention? Were they hoping your parents would see the 'truth' and the four of them would surprise you at home just after your Latin lesson and everyone could cry and they could share their concerns and then you would all go together to the local school?
And in the end you would thank them for helping you break free of this unhealthy addiction to educating your children?

What are people thinking?

[Kelli in TN]

I don't think I would be able to leave it alone!! I think I would be calling the cousin and challenging him on his right to even consider where my children should go to school as part of his business.

I can see this getting under my skin in a big way.

And in fact it is sort of under my skin right now. And it's that time of month. And there is no chocolate in the house.

Give me his number. I need to say some stuff to him. He won't try that again.:lol:

[Tracey in TX]

Just a weird thing. I was talking to my mom today, who said that my cousin (whom I have only seen a handful of times in the last 20 years) wants to have a meeting with my father about sending my children away to boarding school.

:001_huh:

As I said, I haven't seen this cousin more than maybe 3 times in the last 20 years. He is married and has no children. He does not think that either public or private day school here in CA is adequate either.

Weird.

Now I'm really curious about which boarding school he has in mind? LOL! And about when exactly he was going to ask for my opinion on sending my children away? :lol:
ROFL! That's so bizarre it actually warrants laughter! If he's discontent, would he like to send MY DCs to a boarding school? DD has asked since 1st grade to attend a Swiss boarding school. It is just not going to happen :lol:
Is he dude wealthy? Maybe he can fund your education or put the funds toward DCs college tuition.
People are truly strange, but this audacious relative wins the award of the week.

[Kathleen in VA]

I would tell you father to tell him that your children are already attending an exclusive boarding school. (very exclusive, kwim?)

[Melissa in CA]

I think you see him way too often. ;)

:iagree: How absurdly funny. :lol:

A think a 'life' is in order....meaning he needs to get himself one. ;)

[Mekanamom]

:iagree: That's one of the strangest things I've heard! What at all does he have to do with YOUR kids???:001_huh: Why would he even have a talk about them, and with your dad, not you???:glare:


Yeah, I don't know! All I can think is that if he had kids, he thinks he would send them away to boarding school, and since he doesn't have any, he wants my dad to fund that type of education for mine? :confused:

So far, I am the only cousin on my dad's side of the family to have kids. This cousin and both of his brothers are childless. (My brother and SIL are expecting their first this year.) So I guess my kids are the first of the "next generation"... though it's still very odd that a cousin would want to take over their education... :001_huh: (ETA: That should read: ...odd that a cousin would want to take over directing their education...)

Maybe he wants to get my dad to agree to put together an offer or something before he talks to DH and me about it? LOL, now I'm just dying to know!

I'm sure he means well... but I still think it's odd. As far as I know- he is not intending to be their benefactor by offering to send them to boarding school himself. He wants my dad to pay for it. (According to my mom.)

My dad fully supports homeschooling 100% ;)

[clwcain]

Well, break out the tar and feathers, because I just disagree with the reactions so far.

With what you've posted, no conclusion can be drawn that this springs from a judgment of their education so far.

My first thought was, "Cool." To have a "rich" uncle who sends you to boarding school would be the height of "cool" for a lot of kids. Perhaps not yours, but many.

I know I used to dream of such things, mostly because I knew it couldn't ever happen.

So take a deep breath and get the skinny before you assume, unless there is more than you've told us, that this is some sort of nefarious anti-homeschooling manoeuvre.

[abbeyej]

lol... Well, if I were you, I couldn't wait to hear from "dad" how the conversation goes! ;)

[flutistmom]

I can see this getting under my skin in a big way.

And in fact it is sort of under my skin right now. And it's that time of month. And there is no chocolate in the house.

Give me his number. I need to say some stuff to him. He won't try that again.:lol:

I'm with ya' Kelli! Let's sic the WTM PMS Posse on him!

-Robin

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

ROFL! That's so bizarre it actually warrants laughter! If he's discontent, would he like to send MY DCs to a boarding school? DD has asked since 1st grade to attend a Swiss boarding school. It is just not going to happen :lol:
Is he dude wealthy? Maybe he can fund your education or put the funds toward DCs college tuition.
People are truly strange, but this audacious relative wins the award of the week.


Umm hmm. My high schooler is in boarding school, and we would love some person to subsidize her fully. That would be very cool. Throw my name in the pot, just in case someone has some money earmarked "boarding school" that is crying out to be spent.

I can't imagine going a boarding route if it is not 1) initiated by the *student's* sincere and burning desire and 2) it is not fully supported by the immediate sending family.

PLEASE update us on this one. This truly takes the cake.

[Philothea]

Oh how nice of him to try to prevent you from messing your own kids up. How thoughtful... :tongue_smilie:

[A.J. at J.A.]

And in fact it is sort of under my skin right now. And it's that time of month. And there is no chocolate in the house.

Give me his number. I need to say some stuff to him. He won't try that again.:lol:

:smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5:

[elegantlion]

I'd write up a nice brochure describing YOUR boarding school! You could talk about the diversity of education, your activities, and even list your tuition. Perhaps he'd be willing to kick in some cash toward all those extras that there is never money to do.

Think of all the fun thing you could do with tuition money. Skiing in the Alps, horseback riding on the beach, white water rafting, the possibilities are endless.

[Sarah CB]

I'm with ya' Kelli! Let's sic the WTM PMS Posse on him!

-Robin

The WTM MPS Posse could be quite a force to be reckoned with! Maybe we should write up a hit list. Concerned Uncle can be first.

[Soph the vet]

I don't think I would be able to leave it alone!! I think I would be calling the cousin and challenging him on his right to even consider where my children should go to school as part of his business.

I can see this getting under my skin in a big way.

And in fact it is sort of under my skin right now. And it's that time of month. And there is no chocolate in the house.

Give me his number. I need to say some stuff to him. He won't try that again.:lol:

I think your cousin better enter the witness protection program or maybe you should just get a restraining order against Kelli and the rest of us who agree with her!:lol::lol::lol::lol:

[TraceyS/FL]

I haven't read everything - but maybe he will give you the money???

That is just BIZARRE......

[Pencil Pusher]

From what you've said, he could be freakishly over-concerned about your dc's ed, or he could have a genuine interest. What if he's talking to your dad about it before he talks to you, to make sure it wouldn't be offensive? I'd assume the offer's sincere (not judgemental) until I knew for sure otherwise. Just for the sake of saving face, if nothing else. ;) GL!

[Mekanamom]

Well, break out the tar and feathers, because I just disagree with the reactions so far.

With what you've posted, no conclusion can be drawn that this springs from a judgment of their education so far.

My first thought was, "Cool." To have a "rich" uncle who sends you to boarding school would be the height of "cool" for a lot of kids. Perhaps not yours, but many.

I know I used to dream of such things, mostly because I knew it couldn't ever happen.

So take a deep breath and get the skinny before you assume, unless there is more than you've told us, that this is some sort of nefarious anti-homeschooling manoeuvre.

Nah... he doesn't want to spend his own money to send them to boarding school... he wants to convince my dad to do it. (According to my mom.) You are right, I don't have 1st hand information here. Just what my mom told me in a conversation earlier today.

So... basically he is just saying that not only is public school and private day school in CA inadequate to educate my kids, but homeschooling is also not good enough. He wants my dad to intervene with an offer to send them away to a school he (my cousin) thinks is a better option.

On the other hand, he must have thought I've done a good enough job with them so far to get them INTO a prestigious boarding school... so there is that! And at least he isn't saying that even putting them into a local private day school would be any better than what we're doing here at home.

(My dad doesn't have the money it would take to send all his grandkids off to boarding school either... though possibly my cousin thinks he does? Makes me wonder what other family rumors are floating around!)

[Cadam]

My dh and his siblings have been to top-notch boarding schools in Germany, Russia and the Philippines. He doesn't recommend them.

[summer]

1) I would consider the idea that your mother (or father) brought this up with this cousin and they discussed it and now your mother wants to blame the cousin. The cousin may very well have this opinion now, but it only started and got going due to things said by your own parent


or


2) you really have a very busy body insane cousin who after all these years wants to pop up and make these odd decisions. I could not imagine any of my cousins having an opinion on anything in my life.

[Remudamom]

No, no, don't offend him, maybe he will pay for college.

[Mamagistra]

Were they planning to stage an intervention? Were they hoping your parents would see the 'truth' and the four of them would surprise you at home just after your Latin lesson and everyone could cry and they could share their concerns and then you would all go together to the local school?
And in the end you would thank them for helping you break free of this unhealthy addiction to educating your children?

What are people thinking?

:lol::lol::lol: I need me a PocketKelli®...for comic relief anytime, anywhere! :D

[mcconnellboys]

Well, LOL, maybe he's trying to talk to your father first to see if it would be appropriate for him to even approach you about such a thing? It sounds like he has good intentions....

[Starr]

Do you get to go too? I hear they cook for you. :lol:

[Joanne]

So take a deep breath and get the skinny before you assume, unless there is more than you've told us, that this is some sort of nefarious anti-homeschooling manoeuvre.

The remote cousin wants to talk to the dad/grandpa. All around, that is violation of boundaries; neither men have a role or say in the education of the children involved.

I would make the boundary clear that while I can't stop the conversation, the "offer" or "discussion" is not welcome and would not be considered.

[Mekanamom]

From what you've said, he could be freakishly over-concerned about your dc's ed, or he could have a genuine interest. What if he's talking to your dad about it before he talks to you, to make sure it wouldn't be offensive? I'd assume the offer's sincere (not judgemental) until I knew for sure otherwise. Just for the sake of saving face, if nothing else. ;) GL!

It most certainly would change my perception of this news if my cousin was actually offering to send my kids himself to some prestigious school!

Then it would be less of this: :001_huh: and more of this: :eek:

Wow- whether we took him up on it or not- what an offer! If that is truly the case you will all know about it! LOL!

But from what my mom said- he wants to have a meeting to convince my dad to pay for it. Of course I know there is no way my dad would foot that kind of bill.

I really don't have any specific details other than he wants to present an alternative educational plan for my kids to my dad- and that pretty much any form of schooling in CA is inadequate (including, but not limited to, homeschooling.)

[abbeyej]

The remote cousin wants to talk to the dad/grandpa. All around, that is violation of boundaries; neither men have a role or say in the education of the children involved.

I would make the boundary clear that while I can't stop the conversation, the "offer" or "discussion" is not welcome and would not be considered.

Nah. I think you're overreacting. It's not a violation of boundaries for them to talk to each other. It's not even a violation of boundaries for a grandparent to express (respectful) concern for the way their grandchildren are being brought up.

Now, if the cousin came and started telling the OP how to raise her kids, then there'd be a "boundaries" issue. Or if her father did, in a way that was not simply and respectfully expressing a concern (if it was "laying down the law" or nagging repeatedly, for example.) But for a man to approach his uncle and say, "Don't you think so-and-so's kids would be better off at Hoity Toity Prep?" Well... ridiculous, maybe. But it's not (yet) a "boundaries violation".

It sounds like the OP's father is supportive of her home schooling and in no way inclined to give undue weight to his nephew's opinions of how his daughter should educate his grandchildren...

But I would vehemently disagree with you that grandparents should have no right or say in their grandchildren's education. The final decision does, ultimately, come down to the parents. But in healthy families (of which I believe there are a fair number), it's perfectly acceptable for grandparents to express an interest and at times even an opinion about the way their grandchildren are raised or educated. Certainly when that's done, it needs to be done out of genuine concern for the children and with respect for the children's parents, but it *can* be done that way.

The cousin, well, it's just funny. But he hasn't even *spoken* to the OP yet (and I'm betting he never will). It's hardly a violation at this point.

[Joanne]

Nah. I think you're overreacting. It's not a violation of boundaries for them to talk to each other. It's not even a violation of boundaries for a grandparent to express (respectful) concern for the way their grandchildren are being brought up.

Now, if the cousin came and started telling the OP how to raise her kids, then there'd be a "boundaries" issue. Or if her father did, in a way that was not simply and respectfully expressing a concern (if it was "laying down the law" or nagging repeatedly, for example.) But for a man to approach his uncle and say, "Don't you think so-and-so's kids would be better off at Hoity Toity Prep?" Well... ridiculous, maybe. But it's not (yet) a "boundaries violation".

It sounds like the OP's father is supportive of her home schooling and in no way inclined to give undue weight to his nephew's opinions of how his daughter should educate his grandchildren...

But I would vehemently disagree with you that grandparents should have no right or say in their grandchildren's education. The final decision does, ultimately, come down to the parents. But in healthy families (of which I believe there are a fair number), it's perfectly acceptable for grandparents to express an interest and at times even an opinion about the way their grandchildren are raised or educated. Certainly when that's done, it needs to be done out of genuine concern for the children and with respect for the children's parents, but it *can* be done that way.

The cousin, well, it's just funny. But he hasn't even *spoken* to the OP yet (and I'm betting he never will). It's hardly a violation at this point.

I completely disagree about everything except the bolded part. For a remote cousin to take an active interest, third party, in the educational choices of these children *is* most definitely a boundary issue. If the men involved had anything more than a casual, spontaneous conversation about it, without the parents, would be assuming roles they do not organically or healthfully have in the lives of the children.

I agree, however, with the bolded part. And also that there are a fair amount (a majority, even) of mostly healthy famililes.

[elegantlion]

It most certainly would change my perception of this news if my cousin was actually offering to send my kids himself to some prestigious school!

Then it would be less of this: :001_huh: and more of this: :eek:

Wow- whether we took him up on it or not- what an offer! If that is truly the case you will all know about it! LOL!

But from what my mom said- he wants to have a meeting to convince my dad to pay for it. Of course I know there is no way my dad would foot that kind of bill.

I really don't have any specific details other than he wants to present an alternative educational plan for my kids to my dad- and that pretty much any form of schooling in CA is inadequate (including, but not limited to, homeschooling.)


Don't forget to stop by the Cafe Press and pick up your "Educational Anarchist" t-shirt, tote bag, or hat. It would go perfectly with your next visit to see "dear" cousin.

[Rosie_0801]

The remote cousin wants to talk to the dad/grandpa. All around, that is violation of boundaries; neither men have a role or say in the education of the children involved.


I don't know. The idea of male relatives actually speaking to each other is so radical to me that I wouldn't want to discourage it! I actually think this is funny. It's not like Cousin can make anyone do anything anyway. I wouldn't even be offended about him speaking to your dad instead of you. My father always speaks to my dh about matters of importance. This could be because I have the reputation of being tetchy and argumentative, where dh has the reputation of being chilled out... I was rather surprised when my aunt was grilling dh on our future plans the other week, instead of grilling me. Being a pagan lesbian, it's probably not some "man as head of the house" thing, so I must assume it's just a family weirdness.
Wait and see what he comes out with, and have a good laugh!
:)
Rosie

[mcconnellboys]

Oooooh, that's different. And a little weird...?

[Mekanamom]

1) I would consider the idea that your mother (or father) brought this up with this cousin and they discussed it and now your mother wants to blame the cousin. The cousin may very well have this opinion now, but it only started and got going due to things said by your own parent


or


2) you really have a very busy body insane cousin who after all these years wants to pop up and make these odd decisions. I could not imagine any of my cousins having an opinion on anything in my life.

LOL- Well, I know for sure it isn't #1. My dad would have to have suffered some kind of psychotic break to think about parting with that much money (if he even had it) to send his grandchildren off to boarding school (he is really very supportive of homeschooling)... and my mom actually did attend a boarding school in her youth and hated it so much she dropped out and got her GED instead! LOL!

I do know that my cousin is totally disgusted with the educational system in CA. This may possibly have something to do with his father, my uncle, being a public school teacher for 30 years? (LOL, I don't really know.) And he has never asked me any specifics about how we homeschool- so I don't know what he thinks about that... (well, other than boarding school being a better option in his opinion?) I did give him a general overview of homeschooling last time I saw him a year or so ago.

I really just don't know what prompted this boarding school thing at this time. I can only assume the focus is on my kids since they are the only school aged children in the family (on my dad's side) at the moment? LOL, I'm still just :001_huh:.

[Mekanamom]

My dh and his siblings have been to top-notch boarding schools in Germany, Russia and the Philippines. He doesn't recommend them.

Yep! My mom went to a "very good" boarding school too, and she hated it so much she dropped out and got her GED instead!

[Mrs Mungo]

I'm not sure I'd be offended or anything. This isn't a close friend or relative. I'm pretty sure I'd laugh so hysterically that people would nervously change the subject.

[Sis]

I would ask them if they forgot their bowl of bounderies this morning.



Well....probably laugh hysterically since I am far more likely to just start laughing than come up with a retort right away.

[summer]

The fact that he has no children is a tip off to his mentality. I have a male family member who seems to think he knows all about how to raise other people's children. Thing is, he is totally clueless, totally. He made a remark to me about how I need to be bathing my 13 yr old son!!! I could just see him saying the things your cousin said.

[Sis]

The fact that he has no children is a tip off to his mentality. I have a male family member who seems to think he knows all about how to raise other people's children. Thing is, he is totally clueless, totally. He made a remark to me about how I need to be bathing my 13 yr old son!!! I could just see him saying the things your cousin said.


AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I can only imagine how a 13 year old son would react to that.

:lol:

[Mrs Mungo]

The fact that he has no children is a tip off to his mentality. I have a male family member who seems to think he knows all about how to raise other people's children. Thing is, he is totally clueless, totally. He made a remark to me about how I need to be bathing my 13 yr old son!!! I could just see him saying the things your cousin said.

http://pages.prodigy.net/indianahawkeye/newpage12/1.gif

My youngest (who is 7) has asthma issues that cause him to sleep heavily. So, I still wake him up in the middle of the night and take him to the bathroom. I was just sort of holding him up and letting him aim but over the last few months he's been saying (still half asleep and teetering) "mom! Can I have some privacy PLEASE?!"

[Mekanamom]

You guys are all hilarious!! LOL! I can't wait to respond to some of your comments!!

Ok, I called my mom and asked for more details. No- my cousin is definitely not offering to send the kids to boarding school on his dime. ;) Yes, he definitely is trying to talk my dad into doing it.

Context of the conversation: Mom & Dad were at Aunt & Uncle's wedding anniversary party. Cousin was there and as Mom put it, "cornered them" to talk about the kids' education. He brought up the boarding school idea at that time. (Telling Dad it would be the best possible use of his/Dad's money.) Dad said that the party was not the place to talk about it, Cousin agreed and said he'd like to meet later to discuss it.

Er... with the discussion on boundaries and odd behavior... there was no alcohol at the party, so it wasn't a situation where a little sauce was flowing a bit too freely or anything.

So Mom just told me about it today... Dad hasn't said anything to me about it, and was just yesterday talking about how great he thinks homeschooling is. I bet the meeting will never happen! Kind of too bad too, because I'd love to hear how my cousin presents this to my dad, why he thinks my dad has that much money to spend, and... what school he recommends? LOL!

I think he really has no idea he's crossed lines with this... It's that Guy With No Kids Full Of Parenting Advice syndrome, I think. (His wife is extremely nice and would probably die of embarrassment if she knew he was pushing this.)

[gardenschooler]

I agree that does sound very strange, and obviously he's letting his issues with CA education get to his head, but really, it's not even worth worrying about. You wouldn't even know about it if your mom hadn't told you, and that's why I have a big problem with people telling others what is being said behind their back. Maybe your mom didn't realize how you'd take it to heart, but still, no good ever comes of that.

Who knows, he may or may not have approached you at some point with his boarding school idea, and then you could have told him exactly what you thought of it. But now, you can't do anything but simmer. Are you going to call him up and say, "So, I've heard it through the grapevine..." ?

I would just chalk it up to weirdness and some strong feelings he's having about education, for whatever reason. Maybe he's misplaced his intention, and he really wanted to go to boarding school. Maybe he needs to have some of his own kids! Maybe he's an off-his-rocker busybody, or maybe he thinks he's cooking up some great surprise for you! The fact that you discussed your homeschooling with him a year ago makes it clear that he is more interested than average, but who knows what his angle is. I think it has more to do with him than you.

If I had a nickel for every strange relative I have, I'd be RICH!! :D

[Mrs Mungo]

If I had a nickel for every strange relative I have, I'd be RICH!! :D

Oh, no kidding! Don't get me started with my crazy uncle(s) stories.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

You mention CA. Maybe the cousin has heard just enough news to have formed the opinion that homeschooling is or is about to be illegal and is trying to help set something up to help you.

I wouldn't worry about it much. At this point, it's no better than gossip.

[Mekanamom]

I agree that does sound very strange, and obviously he's letting his issues with CA education get to his head, but really, it's not even worth worrying about.

Oh no, no... I'm not taking it to heart or getting all offended or worried by it- I just think it's really odd! Odd in a "Wow, my cousin who I don't really know wants my dad to send my kids off to boarding school without considering how my DH and I might feel about it" kind of way. LOL! Been kind of chuckling all day over it.

We should have a poll: "If your cousin was able to convince your dad to pay to send your kids boarding school, would you let them go?" :D

[Mrs Mungo]

Oh no, no... I'm not taking it to heart or getting all offended or worried by it- I just think it's really odd! Odd in a "Wow, my cousin who I don't really know wants my dad to send my kids off to boarding school without considering how my DH and I might feel about it" kind of way. LOL! Been kind of chuckling all day over it.

We should have a poll: "If your cousin was able to convince your dad to pay to send your kids boarding school, would you let them go?" :D

Some days it would be quite tempting. ;)

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Some days it would be quite tempting. ;)

It does sound lovely in those stressful moments, doesn't it? ;)
The reality is actually heart-wrenching, though. Like half of you is missing all the time. (Even when you know full well that you're following the right path.)