I know this has been discussed, but I need help with potty training my almost 4 ds...

[Kari C in SC]

I have read many potty training threads. Here is my ds' background. He will be 4 at the end of September. He will pee in the potty if I send him in there - no problem. He doesn't tell me he has to go pee though. I am not all that worried about that. His problem is pooping. He poops a little bit all day long - like a gerbil. I have tried going with no pants. I have tried having him clean himself up. I have tried trip to the toy store, bought a little barn and told him he could earn an animal for each poo poo. I have tried stickers, candy, special food. I have taken him off most dairy and red dye. Both seem to effect his digestion. We have a friend that is going to do preschool with us in the fall. I have told him that he can't do the fun crafts with us if he isn't using the toilet. This seems to have worked the best, but still no results. He did at least try to poop on the potty since I have been saying this. Just no real poop. And... yes... I have spanked him. No flames - we believe in spanking in our family. I am TERRIFIED he is going to be 4 or 5 years old and still not potty trained. I am tired and drained. Even if you don't have advice, but went through this - tell me your child trained by age 4 or so. Oh and you can pray for him. His name is Sebastian. Thank you!

[Liza Q]

I would discuss this with the pediatrician before I did anything else - I would stop training/spanking/anything until I was sure that everything was all right. His, um, *style* sounds very unusual and I would want to be sure that he was physically able to control it before I would expect him to learn to control it.

[beansprouts]

My dd was 4 1/2 when she finally got the potty training thing down. I also tried *everything* including spanking (and I am one who believes there is usually a better solution). I pushed so hard that it became about me. I finally backed off completely to let her decide to potty train for herself. I put her back in diapers at 4 years old - not to embarrass her, but as my way of leaving her alone. She knew where the potty was and what it was for, and when she was ready she would use it. At around 4 1/2 *she* took her diaper off and began using the potty. At once she was trained for both daytime and night time.

Because of this experience I did *not* train my ds. I used the same philosophy "he knows where the potty is and what it is for and when he is ready he will use it". And when he was 3 years old he decided it was time to start using it.

My almost two year old knows where the potty is and what it is for, and occasionally asks to "pee". He will come along when he is ready ;)

There is something different with your ds, though. I would explore the possibility of a digestive issue. Have you spoken with your doctor?

[JenneinAZ]

I just want to encourage you. My youngest son potty trained the week after he turned 4. And it was a very messy month. I set a timer, at the beginning for every 45 minutes and he pottied every 45 minutes.

After about a week I extended it to 60 minutes and by the end of the week it was 2 hours. He never ever told me he needed to potty. He did go in the toilet but only when I told him to. And this is all for pee.

He pooped in he pants everyday for a solid month. And every time he did he got a shower and cleaned himself up and had to pick out different clothes. Which meant that he couldn't wear his favorite shorts all day unless he pooped in the potty. So he didn't get to wear his favorite shorts much.

It did work but it really did take a month and he still has accidents. But we are diaper free now and he is very proud of wearing his shorts all day.

[Colleen]

I am TERRIFIED he is going to be 4 or 5 years old and still not potty trained.

Why are you TERRIFIED? I'm not be sarcastic; as one whose boys have all used the toilet much later than average I'm not sure what it is that's terrifying. Is it just the thought of having to continue with diapers? Or...?

I've seldom taken my children to the doctor, but I do think you should make that a priority. He does sound atypical, so perhaps there's a digestive (or other medical) issue that should be addressed. Beyond that, I honestly don't know what to tell you other than to encourage you to relax. I've actually never potty trained a child. I see no point in spending time on it because unless a child has a developmental disability, it's going to happen. They aren't go pick up their diploma in diapers.;)

Kai will be 4 at the end of September. He wears diapers day and night. He almost always does his serious business in the toilet now, but he still has enough issues that I don't want to deal with accidents, etc. No biggie.

ETA: I don't want to disrespect your right to use spanking as a disciplinary tool, but may I further encourage to please, please not spank a child for not using the toilet? Aside from the fact that he may indeed have a medical issue, would you go so far as to say his behavior is on par with disobedience that requires such discipline? If God blesses us with a good, long life, we'll have 80 years or so on this earth. Is a handful of extra months spent in diapers such an issue, in the grand scheme of things? (((Kari)))

[nutmeg]

He poops a little bit all day long - like a gerbil.

It sounds like he might be Encopresis. (google)

My youngest dealt with this for a couple years. She started holding in her BMs because of a bad rash. This made her constipated - then it was too painful to go so she would hold it in longer. Little bits would sneak past though - soiling all day long.

It is a vicious cycle that takes behavior and dietary changes, sometimes medication. But not punishment.

[Mommy22alyns]

Well, I have a little girl who is 39 months and still not trained. I completely understand being terrified of a 4 or 5 year old still in diapers. It's embarrassing enough with Sylvia definitely over age 3 if she suddenly decides she has to poop in the middle of the bookstore. :glare: Every parent in a 12 foot radius knows what just happened.

I'm hoping for any other shred of wisdom too... it seems like I've heard everything and tried it all too. (Except spanking - no flames from me, but I don't think it's a good motivator for Sylvia + potty.)

She does tend to be constipated too, so we try to offer her juice appropriately and make sure she eats fruit too. There's also a fiber that dissolves completely in a drink without affecting the taste - we use a tiny pinch in her night time milk to help things move along.

[Sara in AZ]

I second the encopresis suggestiong...

My 5 1/2 dd has only recently stopped having accidents. We dealt with encopresis for a very, very, very long time. Because of the constipation and the bowels being so blocked off, very small amounts of sludge leak out around the blockage. Is this what is happening for your son? We had to change her underwear nearly every time she peed because there was always some poop leaking out. I know it's very hard to deal with, but if this is the problem then it's a physical issue that your son has no control over. The less pressure you put on him (I know it's hard not, too) the easier it will probably be for him to relax and deal with this. I would definitely go see the doctor. She/he will probably prescribe a laxative. Benefiber tablets and mineral oil have really helped my daughter as well. GOOD LUCK!!!!

[Colleen]

Well, I have a little girl who is 39 months and still not trained. I completely understand being terrified of a 4 or 5 year old still in diapers. It's embarrassing enough with Sylvia definitely over age 3 if she suddenly decides she has to poop in the middle of the bookstore. :glare: Every parent in a 12 foot radius knows what just happened.

Lest you think I can't sympathize with the reality, I want to make sure you read my post in its entirety. I have a (let me think...gotta calculate this, LOL...) 45 month old who isn't completely potty trained. (And at 39 months he wasn't using the toilet at all.) So I'm right there with ya.:) As far being embarrassed about it, though, I can't identify. Yep, poopy diapers stink, no question. So do a lot of things adults do, like smoke, or fart.:tongue_smilie:

[Cadam]

Take him to the pediatrician and goggle "Tethered cord" and see if it fits him. I don't know that it will but my friend had a very tough time and it turns out her ds had TC.

[Kari C in SC]

I took him to the doctor for his 3 year old check-up and voiced my concerns. I was told that it can be quite normal for him to not be trained until much later. The ped was not willing to do any tests. We just moved here, so I don't have a new ped as of yet.

I read a little about encopresis. It sounds possible except I know he has totally "cleaned out" his system recently. The symptoms of this say it comes from constipation and leakage. I am going to read more about this (when I am not in the middle of painting trim).

He seems to be too busy to just finish his business. He seems to push just a little out to relieve the urge and then goes on his way. We have tried having him sit and sit and sit until he poops it all out.

The reason I spanked him is because with my dd it was just an issue of being in control. She was quite capable of pooping in the potty. She just wasn't going to do it. It took one spanking and she knew we were serious.

I guess the word "terrified" wasn't the right word. I am not afraid, I just am frustrated and would like to move on. This is my stubborn child. Smart as can be, but super stubborn. When my mom was looking to buy a puppy on the web, this little guy pulled the history down, found the website and began looking for the puppy. I told him that we couldn't get a puppy until he was potty trained. He told me that I was "just trying to fool him into doing what I wanted".

I think I am going to try JenneinAZ approach. We have another busy week or so, but then July is pretty open. I think I am going to have to just take the diapers away and try the shower, change clothes thing. I have had him clean up, but not completely by showering himself, etc.

I appreciate all of you helping me out. Y'all are great!

[Mommy22alyns]

Lest you think I can't sympathize with the reality, I want to make sure you read my post in its entirety. I have a (let me think...gotta calculate this, LOL...) 45 month old who isn't completely potty trained. (And at 39 months he wasn't using the toilet at all.) So I'm right there with ya.:) As far being embarrassed about it, though, I can't identify. Yep, poopy diapers stink, no question. So do a lot of things adults do, like smoke, or fart.:tongue_smilie:


I know it's horrible, but I'm glad I'm not the only one in this boat! :) I guess it seems more common for boys to train later, so I feel extra weird since I have a girl who's late... and yeah, she's not using the potty at all either.

I basically am not even touching the issue right now. But I do want to beat my head on the wall when I think of what else that diaper money could buy!