Jenny in Florida
06-15-2008, 11:38 PM
I think I've mentioned here and there that my father-in-law has been ill and my husband has been travelling back and forth between Florida and California to be with his dad? Well, we kept thinking things were (slowly) getting better, but early last week my father-in-law took a fairly sudden turn for the worse and the passed away rather quickly.
It was pretty awful, because my husband and his brothers had to decide to turn off the ventilator and let my father-in-law go. I absolutely believe they did the right thing, but it was, obviously, extremely hard.
This is not a particularly functional family. And my mother-in-law, who was the one who held things together, died eight years ago. So, in addition to the pain of coping with his father's death, my husband has been plunged into all kinds of family drama and unpleasantness that has just wiped him out. In addition to everything else, although he is the third oldest brother, his dad chose him to be the executor. This, too, was absolutely a wise decision, but it is causing a certain amount of resentment and dissension.
The kids and I flew out to California yesterday morning to be there for the funeral and reception. We all came back together today.
The kids and I had a quick discussion about Father's Day when we learned about my father-in-law's death, and then talked about it again once the plans for the funeral and our travel were finalized. We all felt strongly that it would be too horrible to do much to celebrate today, under the circumstances. And, between the travelling and everyone's general exhaustion, we frankly just let it go.
However, I know the kids will want to do something to let their dad know they love and appreciate him.
So, I'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions for how to handle this from here? My first thought that I would speak to him when the kids aren't around and make sure he knows we didn't forget but chose to give him some time. Then we'd wait a few days, maybe a week, and do something low-key.
We're not big into these celebrations, anyway. It's usually not much more than some home-made cards, a nice dinner and permission to loaf free of guilt. So, I'm thinking that observing those little traditions next weekend would be a reasonable place to start. But I'll admit to feeling very much at a loss, here, and would appreciate some chat.
Thank you.
--Jenny
It was pretty awful, because my husband and his brothers had to decide to turn off the ventilator and let my father-in-law go. I absolutely believe they did the right thing, but it was, obviously, extremely hard.
This is not a particularly functional family. And my mother-in-law, who was the one who held things together, died eight years ago. So, in addition to the pain of coping with his father's death, my husband has been plunged into all kinds of family drama and unpleasantness that has just wiped him out. In addition to everything else, although he is the third oldest brother, his dad chose him to be the executor. This, too, was absolutely a wise decision, but it is causing a certain amount of resentment and dissension.
The kids and I flew out to California yesterday morning to be there for the funeral and reception. We all came back together today.
The kids and I had a quick discussion about Father's Day when we learned about my father-in-law's death, and then talked about it again once the plans for the funeral and our travel were finalized. We all felt strongly that it would be too horrible to do much to celebrate today, under the circumstances. And, between the travelling and everyone's general exhaustion, we frankly just let it go.
However, I know the kids will want to do something to let their dad know they love and appreciate him.
So, I'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions for how to handle this from here? My first thought that I would speak to him when the kids aren't around and make sure he knows we didn't forget but chose to give him some time. Then we'd wait a few days, maybe a week, and do something low-key.
We're not big into these celebrations, anyway. It's usually not much more than some home-made cards, a nice dinner and permission to loaf free of guilt. So, I'm thinking that observing those little traditions next weekend would be a reasonable place to start. But I'll admit to feeling very much at a loss, here, and would appreciate some chat.
Thank you.
--Jenny