Food - How do you decide how "clean" your families diet should be?

[LNC]

My in laws just left. She is a huge fan of Sallie Fallon/ Nourishing Traditions and the Weston A Price organization. She has also done a lot of the Maker's Diet. She talked a lot about Omnivore's Dilemna also. Her opinions ebb and flow over the years but they are STRONGLY held.

We eat very healthy in my opinion, but have many health problems. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, my 6yos has type 1 diabetes and my oldest 13yo son has a rare genetic disorder. None of these are nutritionally based, but I think she believes strongly I'm causing all of it!

We eat huge, gigantic amounts of raw veggies every day. My kids prefer crunchy to slimy and that's fine with me. Salads with all kinds of greens, carrots, varieties of peppers and tomatoes, onions etc. Also raw broccolis, squashes, cucumbers. I buy some organic, but some I also wash well with a special and safe veggies wash. We eat mostly apples for fruit. I shop at Trader Joe and enjoy a lot of whole grains and some whole grain chips type of things. I make a wide variety of freshly ground whole grain baked goods. We don't eat a lot of meat, but we buy the chicken breasts at Sam's every week that say they are hormone or antibiotic free - who knows. We buy our dairy at Trader Joe's. We had steaks from Sam's that she wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole, but that was a rare treat - supposedly to bless them!

We DON'T buy a fresh butchered grass fed cows, drink raw milk, eat fermented or pickled (I'm not really sure what she's talking about here) foods, and I use at times yellow (GASP!) cheddar.

She inspected every single thing in my pantry and fridge. My husband got a chuckle at Sam's bc I asked him to pick up a large bag of broccoli florets and he told me that she said -"let's see how many preservatives and chemicals we will be enjoying tonight" and they looked, and it simply said: broccoli florets. Ha!!

I'm just so frustrated. I can't afford her ways, they are extremely wealthy. I don't think I would do raw dairy unless we owned a family farm anyway. We do quite well with the food budget we are blessed with. What is the deal with the food police?

Also, cleaning only with Melalauca (sp?). What's wrong with vinegar & water and the occasional splash of bleach?

[Rebel]

We eat as organically as we can afford. Some weeks are much better than others depending on our financial situation. If MIL wants you to eat and clean like her, then she'll have to pay for it.

[Amy in NH]

Does your success feel like failure? (taken from wise words in another thread)

Don't let her make you doubt the great job you are doing! You can't live to her standards, but she is not paying your bills or taking the time to fix your meals. I know it's difficult not to feel offended at her judgment, but you really should just let her think what she wants and feel happy that you are doing the best you can, which is more than most, and really quite good IMO!

[j.griff]

ITA, you'll never be able to control what she thinks or how she feels about your food choices. Just do the best that YOU can. I might be brave and confront her "If you really don't like our food, you do not have to eat here, and in our home we have rules pertaining to my food preparation: 1. NO COMPLAINING about what is presented, *I* do the shopping and cooking and it insults me to have someone complain about the choices I have made." Or something like that. Hugs.

[momo4]

Nourishing Traditions (NT) is a great book full of real nutritional information. I am sure the author would not be pleased to hear that her readers are using the information to judge others and give harsh opinions about their food choices, especially family.

I agree with the above post, if she feels so strongly about it and you were willing to adopt some of the foods she recommends then she could pay for it. I have heard of grandparents who pay for raw milk shares. Since she feels so strongly about it she could even consider it a investment in the life of her grandchildren.

Following Nourishing Traditions is a more expensive diet, I always see it as a way to offset current and long term health costs.

This reminds me of religion. You aren't going to win people over to your beliefs by angrily putting them down and making fun of what they believe or taking a holier than thou attitude. It will only turn them off. My guess is that even the name NT makes your blood pressure rise at this point.

If I could make a suggestion, the next time she comes to visit let her do the shopping and meal prep and see what you think. This is exactly what many people who follow this diet do for their family members who aren't familiar with it. If she isn't willing to do this, then she isn't really committed to helping your family and just wants to criticize. Also, most libraries carry a copy of this book and you could look it over and see what you think.


"eat fermented or pickled (I'm not really sure what she's talking about here) foods"

Lacto-fermented foods have been used for a long time to help preserve food and increase nutrients in food. They are very healthy. The fermentation predigests carbohydrates, fats, and proteins to create probiotics which offer friendly bacteria into our digestive tract. Fermented foods are also full of digestive enzymes. They help keep the immune system strong and support overall digestive health.

Making them is fairly easy and cheap.

HTH, I am sorry you had to go through that, I wish your MIL introduced you to NT in a more loving and educational way. Homeschoolers by nature, IMO, don't mind going against the grain and are open to new ideas and better ways of doing things.

Momo

[Diana in OR]

Sounds to me like you're doing pretty well :) Your family sounds pretty much like ours. We try to eat lots of fruits and vegetables, and I'm pretty militant about whole grains (preferably organic). I try to stay away from chemicals in our foods and cleaning products.

Although some products marketed through MLMs are very good (like Melaleuca), you do not need them to be healthy. If you even wanted to, you could find acceptable, lower cost alternatives at TJs or a whole foods co-op.

[momo4]

P.S. I think NT is just another dimension of healthy eating to add to what you already do. From my experience nutrition is a journey of baby steps. I always thought I ate really healthy until I read NT, it didn't take that much to change, but I certainly didn't do it over night.

Momo

[Claire]

LNC, you are doing a great deal more than I am! The only thing I was wondering about was the apples. When I buy non-organic apples and potatoes, I am careful to remove the peels before eating as most of the chemicals are in those peels. I think skins (such as grape skins) typically are the worst part of non-organic fruits and veggies.

It's too bad your mil is so extreme. With just about any other mil, you would be considered saintly!

[Snickerdoodle]

We follow some of the principles of NT but I think it's rude to make judgments about food while a guest in someone else's house, family included.

[GothicGyrl]

Just to make you feel better: I don't even dare go through all of that. Forget it. Boxes, cans, whatever I can afford go in my pantry.

Why, I'm sitting here eating a piece of Deli Rotissiere Chicken from Sweetbay, along with a fruit plate that has apples, cheese and CARAMEL dip.. hehehe... I'd give your MIL a stroke just walking in my door.

I don't have the time or the patience to go through all of this "whole foods healthy foods, lacto this whatever that" diet. Nor the budget.

But since you do and you seem to be doing just fine with it (and both of my girls are veggie eaters as well. Raw is always best for you), I'd do as someone else said-- "MIL my house, my food. Don't like it either bone up for the groceries or go home".

Period.

[LNC]

There are just so many worthwhile things to do, but there are also constraints of time, energy and money!

It was stressful just to host them for the first time with a new disability. It was a lot work to get ready and then extra people to serve. Help and sympathy might have been nice instead of criticism. Venting helped a bit :)

Thanks!

[Rebecca in GA]

You know, if it wasn't the food you aren't doing right it probably would be something else. :rolleyes:

[GothicGyrl]

There are just so many worthwhile things to do, but there are also constraints of time, energy and money!

It was stressful just to host them for the first time with a new disability. It was a lot work to get ready and then extra people to serve. Help and sympathy might have been nice instead of criticism. Venting helped a bit :)

Thanks!
I'm not sure where this is coming from, but I wasn't criticizing you! I was trying to show you that you are doing just fine and that I agree with the other posters about telling her where to stick it (you might be more nice about it though :) )...

I so was not criticizing your choice.

[LNC]

GothicGyrl - I wansn't responding to you directly. I haven't quite figured out how to reply to threads yet.

I was just posting generally to everyone that even though I want to know how people do things, I kinda don't, bc I just don't have the time, money and energy to do any more ya know?!

Thanks so much for responding to my post. I really appreciate it!

[GothicGyrl]

GothicGyrl - I wansn't responding to you directly. I haven't quite figured out how to reply to threads yet.

I was just posting generally to everyone that even though I want to know how people do things, I kinda don't, bc I just don't have the time, money and energy to do any more ya know?!

Thanks so much for responding to my post. I really appreciate it!
Oh I know--which is why I don't do the things you do. :) I just don't have the time, money, gumption to even try.

Like we said, MIL needs to just back off. I certainly wouldn't be afraid to tell her. Especially since you DON'T have the time, money, etc. to do all she demands. You are doing fine. Even from this boxed/canned food cooker's opinion! :)

[Colleen]

We do eat organically, in large part, and since we own a dairy, my husband and boys drink our own raw milk. This is where my heart has always been, so I am not merely following the latest fad. I also pursue this lifestyle first and foremost in order to protect the natural environment; health benefits are actually secondary to me. I haven't read Nourishing Traditions and am not interested in doing so, and as I mentioned in another thread, I'm not a big fan of the Weston A. Price Foundation. I share all this to give you an idea where I'm coming from.

I think you're doing a great job and your mil is a Nosy Parker. I simply wouldn't alllow her to inspect every single thing in your pantry and fridge. Ask if there's something she needs, firmly but gently making it clear that her behavior isn't acceptable.

At the same time, you do know what your mil's preferences are, so don't be surprised when she isn't as appreciative as you expect her to be. Steaks from Sam's may be a treat to you, but knowing what you do about her eating habits, it seems fairly obvious that isn't something she'd find pleasing. In other words, you can meet her halfway in some respects.

You're doing great!

[Peek a Boo]

I'm more inline w/ GothicGirl on this one [as I eat my dry hot chocolate mix from Walmart...]. If it's any consolation, my family is usually ridiculously healthy [except for the stomach bug or other THING that goes around --we get hit about twice a year] so any health problems your family may be experiencing are probably not caused by your diet.

Knowing me, I'd turn right around and tell her I screwed up my kids when I vaccinated them. Or took them to the smog downtown. Or cooked the spaghetti sauce in a plastic container in the microwave. Or too much BBQing over the grill. Or the fluoride...... you get the drift ;)

[Doran]

I'm just so frustrated. I can't afford her ways, they are extremely wealthy. I don't think I would do raw dairy unless we owned a family farm anyway. We do quite well with the food budget we are blessed with. What is the deal with the food police?


I'm not sure what kind of relationship you have with your MIL, but it might be wise to try to cultivate a conversation with her about your views and needs. Not a confrontation, but a discussion to help her understand that her zeal makes you feel judged. In my experience, people can become rather self righteous about food choices (lots of other choices, too, for that matter), and they don't recognize how alienating this can be. She might take a different approach if you explained to her, minus the anger (not that I wouldn't feel angry, too!), that you truly can't afford the foods she'd like for you to eat. She just might take the lead and offer to buy you half of a grass fed cow! :) That said, and for your reference (maybe hers, too), here's a site (http://www.grinningplanet.com/2006/update-2005-05-24/pesticides-in-food.htm) that will help you gauge which of your fresh fruit/vegetable choices might leave room for tweaking. Our Trader Joe's a variety of organic products, so be on the lookout for those as you are able.

I own NT and tried to follow those recommendations for a time, but I have moved away from those principles over time for a variety of reasons. Time, more than cost, was a big factor for me. I don't make the time (note the emphasis on it being my choice) to soak all my grains, to make lacto-fermented vegetables, to eat "traditionally prepared" meals every time we eat. Another reason I moved away from Fallon's philosophies is that I felt they were making me fatter and possibly raising my cholesterol. Her studies show that "high cholesterol" is an invention of those who wanted to promote highly refined oils. Having heard her speak on this topic, I can see how she came to this conclusion. But, I also feel that my mostly European descended genetic make up probably has exactly zero predisposition for processing coconut oil. And, I've found nary a source here in MD for local coconut. So, that doesn't add up to me.

Michael Pollan (of Omnivore's Dilemma fame) has a new book about to be released called In Defense of Food (http://www.michaelpollan.com/indefense.php). I'm really looking forward to that one, because I'm just about done with so many people telling me over and over again all the things I should STOP eating. :rolleyes:

You're all good, LNC. I'm sorry your family is dealing with so many health issues. I know that must be very difficult. And, of course, avoiding stress is a goal when dealing with any chronic illness. Rest easy on this one.

Best wishes,
Doran

[kalanamak]

some sweet, some scary, some a big pain. Without knowing anything else about her, check out the criteria for narcissistic personality

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder

I'll give myself at least an even chance she has these traits even if not enough to qualify for the "disorder".