I just feel like complaining re: finances

[Calming Tea]

I'm just so bummed this month. This whole month I've had about 300.00 to buy food. It's *really* tight in this area of the country, where usually just to get the basics I spend 180 per week. That's no pre-made foods, no convenience dinners, no fancy snacks or name brand anything....

So this month not only did we only start out with 250.00, but then my dh's tires were ready to blow, my dd broke my cell phone, I got a huge phone bill from talking to my sister too much, and I threw my retainer in a public trash can on accident.

I'm so frustrated. So we borrowed money from my mom and that just barely covered the broken phone and the tires. We still have little money for food (I have about 50.00 to cover 3 weeks), I can't buy the curriculum I needed to start the school year in July, ...

We did do some things that caused this month to be more tight. But overall it was just the way God ordained it to be.

I am so thankful to be home with my kiddos, and to have food (we are not hungry.) We have lots of meat that we bought on sale, rice, forzen veggies.

We are working to be debt free but everything just seems so difficult and dismal. I feel a lack of freedom- I can't buy the simplest little things and when I do I regret it later, thinking I should have saved that money for tight months.

Sigh.

[Brigitte]

No words of wisdon, just a hope and prayer that it gets better for all of us soon.

:grouphug:

[Ohio12]

I was in your situation a few years ago and it was very stressful and hard to be content. I am so sorry for what you are going through. And for a mom of two little ones it can feel paralyzing. I hope you will get through this and that it will just be a "season." We aren't loaded, but a little extra has gone a long way to where I can now buy whatever I want at the grocery store! I am still getting used to that.

What area of the country are you in?

[chiguirre]

If your budget is so tight that you have to borrow to cover minor emergencies, I think it's time to look for ways to add to your income. Some possibilities that come to mind are looking for a part-time job on weekends so that your dh can watch the kids. You might be able to get an employee's discount as well to stretch your budget a bit farther. You could look into work at home opportunities, there are several WTM moms who do this so if you start a thread on this topic, I'm sure you could get the details. Another possibility is babysitting/daycare. You'll have to check the laws in your state to see if you can watch 1 or 2 kids without being a formal daycare. I've had IRL friends do this and it was a good fit with their schedules. You could also work toward establishing your own home-based business, but you'd need some cash up front so I think that might have to be a longer term goal for now.

I hope you can find an income source quickly to put your mind at ease financially.

[iquilt]

That about describes our situation when we found out about #3, I didn't have the money to buy anything for the baby and we borrowed just to pay our part of the hospital bills. When we were in that situation I came up with even more creative ways to save $; finding a job wasn't an option with 3 little ones to pay daycare and a dh with incredibly long/strange hours. Instead we cut out everything that was convenient and I spent more time making from scratch, not just in the kitchen but with our clothes and around the house. I do not know your situation, but just wanted to share that we found it to be a huge learning season for us where we saved a bunch of $ because we had to and now we do it because we want to. Praying for you, and I love your screen name - I drink tea daily :)

[Kelli in TN]

I'm just so bummed this month. This whole month I've had about 300.00 to buy food. It's *really* tight in this area of the country, where usually just to get the basics I spend 180 per week. That's no pre-made foods, no convenience dinners, no fancy snacks or name brand anything....

So this month not only did we only start out with 250.00, but then my dh's tires were ready to blow, my dd broke my cell phone, I got a huge phone bill from talking to my sister too much, and I threw my retainer in a public trash can on accident.

I'm so frustrated. So we borrowed money from my mom and that just barely covered the broken phone and the tires. We still have little money for food (I have about 50.00 to cover 3 weeks), I can't buy the curriculum I needed to start the school year in July, ...

We did do some things that caused this month to be more tight. But overall it was just the way God ordained it to be.

I am so thankful to be home with my kiddos, and to have food (we are not hungry.) We have lots of meat that we bought on sale, rice, forzen veggies.

We are working to be debt free but everything just seems so difficult and dismal. I feel a lack of freedom- I can't buy the simplest little things and when I do I regret it later, thinking I should have saved that money for tight months.

Sigh.

It is so hard, isn't it? When my oldest three were little our lives were very much like you describe. We lived always on the edge, and were had two incomes coming in!! Dh paid the monthly bills and I waitressed for the groceries. If I had a bad tip night, we simply had no food money. My mom bailed us out many, many times. She would always say "I have it and you don't but someday you will and then you can bail my grandchildren out."

:grouphug: Lots of the older women you know have been where you are, young, broke and anxious. God protected them and their little ones and He is protecting you now. Learn the lessons you must learn from this season of life, face the adversity with courage and joy. Do not let your circumstances dictate your demeanor. You will get through it, I promise.

[Calming Tea]

for the encouragement.

Julianna- I have been begging dh to let me get a weekend job. I actually think I'd enjoy it! I'm a friendly person and I don't mind smiling and ringing up groceries.

But dh will not hear of it. He makes so much more money programming and has been asking around and praying God would send him a side job. Plus he's due for a raise next month. I am just praying so hard that it would be a 5% raise- that would be a huge help! And recently he was approached for a side job so hopefully that will go through. But I agree. I wish I could just go apply for a part time job just to get us through this year Even if I only made 300.00 per month that would go a long way towards things like tires or small emergencies.

Meanwhile, dh is trying something new this year. He is making us save by letting the IRS take our money. While it really stinks to have to keep borrowing money from our parents for things like tires, it will be very good at the end of the year. It's forcing us to learn to live within our means, save every penny, be content with little, etc. I would have rather had a little more and learn to save for things like tires but dh pointed out that we have never been able to do that. So maybe he is right!

We sold my car, cancelled our landline, stopped using all credit (and used CCCS to re-work our cc bills to one payment), started saving money by letting the IRS take it, cancelled all the kids extra curricular activities, I could go on.

I am so encouraged by your post Kelli. If we are careful we will be there in 10 years.

[Erica in PA]

I just wanted to let you know that we are in the same situation. This month is the worst time financially we've had in a long time, though we are always tight. Just to give you an idea, as of last Thursday, we had $40 total to get us through the next three weeks (dh only gets paid once a month, and we recently had $1500 worth of unexpected car repairs which totally threw off our already tight budget). We have some food onhand, but I wouldn't say our kitchen is well-stocked. I am going to do some very creative thinking to come up with meals, especially by next week. Unfortunately dh is going to have to charge his gas to get to work ($100 per week), even though we are trying to get out of credit card debt. And, due to a clerical error on my part, our checking account is overdrawn, and will remain that way until payday. :willy_nilly:

But, all that said, I have to remember that the Lord has been so good to us. We have never gone without meals, we've always had a roof over our heads, always had clothes on our backs. We have a wonderful, loving church, where we have dear friends and receive excellent biblical teaching. We have friends and family we love to spend time with. We have two kittens who bring a lot of joy to us every day.

And we do have some really special material treats in our lives, too, like our apartment complex's swimming pools where I can take the kids every day and have a free day of fun for them. We have a gym here where I can exercise and get a great workout, and dh's insurance pays for me to go to Weight Watchers so I can get healthy. My inlaws are treating us to a day at an amusement park in a few weeks. There are free family movies playing at the Regal Cinema near us, so we can get in the a/c and have fun together that way. My oldest son will be attending a free community tennis program, and the kids have a very low-cost Christian day camp that they love to attend next month. We can go to the library and get books and audio tapes free there (as long as I return them on time!).

One thing that really helps me feel better about our situation is that other than a few meals that might not be up to par, our kids will probably not even feel the pinch. They will still have happy, fun summer days ahead. I am so glad that dh and I are able to bear that burden for them, that even as stressful as it is for us right now, our situation is not so bad that it needs to affect the kids. That gives me a lot of comfort in hard times.

Maybe you can think of some things like this that you have, free or low-cost things in your life that give you and your family pleasure. Keep taking your requests to the Lord, because He loves to rescue us from trouble. He's done that for us so many times, even when the trouble was largely our fault! That is His grace at work, teaching us more about Him.

Hang in there! Better times are sure to come, and in the meantime, we still all have so much to be thankful for.

Erica

[OnTheBrink]

CT, look at this time in your life with joy! The Lord is teaching you something and you can be 100% confident that He will provide for you during this time.

Two years ago, when I had EX removed from the home, I had NO money. I had to borrow the $$ from my father to retain an attorney. I had no idea if EX would give us $$ for food and bills during the separation time before we'd gone to court. There were weeks I'd literally make a grocery list purely out of faith that God would provide the money for them. He did. We NEVER went without. And, in all that time, I only had to ask for financial help from my church once, when my brakes went out. Even then, one of the elders went to the mechanic and got him to lower the price by $150!

Over the past 2 years, other things have happened that show over and over the providence of God for His children. Things like, my credit union changing policies on how much was required to keep in savings, so I was able to take some of the untouchable savings and use it when I had a dire need. Also, a friend won a gift card to a gas station in some drawing. One Sunday, when my gas light came on as I got to church, this woman, out of the blue, gave me this gas card. She had NO idea that I was on empty at that exact time. There have been countless other times where my needs were met at the exact time I needed them. All this has shown me quite clearly that God does provide, He is trustworthy and I've learned to trust Him in these financial matters far more than I ever did before. All provision comes from God, whether it's through your dh's job, gifts, whatever. Lean on that and learn that trust and contentment with waiting (I've been waiting for a YEAR for my divorce settlement-driving a van that I was positive wouldn't make the winter and it's still pathetically chugging along). Learning to do with less and learning creative ways to make meals from what seems to be nothing are great lessons to learn because they continue to form you into the image of God, they help you along your journey to becoming the Prov 31 woman, and they give you perspective on what's really important. And, these lessons are also things you can help other women with later, when they go through these same trials. :)

[Tammyla]

:iagree: Looking back, the lean years were filled with lots love and my little ones. Hang in there.:grouphug:

My mom bailed us out many, many times. She would always say "I have it and you don't but someday you will and then you can bail my grandchildren out."

:grouphug: Lots of the older women you know have been where you are, young, broke and anxious. God protected them and their little ones and He is protecting you now. Learn the lessons you must learn from this season of life, face the adversity with courage and joy. Do not let your circumstances dictate your demeanor. You will get through it, I promise.[/QUOTE]

[Julpost]

...possibly even worse because we have a mountain of debt and it's not going anywhere! I've thought about credit counseling.

Anyway, I'm getting used to trying to make do with what we have and not buy anymore groceries for the next week. I'm also going to try to cut way, way down on my driving since gas is so expensive. It's ironic because I'm actually a lot happier when things are tight, when we have extra money, dh and I are just chomping at the bit to buy something. I always say I know why God didn't make me rich. I'd just live it up and be irresponsible. With little ones, I get so tired, I just want to do anything to make things easier. Eat out, buy new, shop as therapy, it's never ending. Now that I've worked us into a corner, we're going to have to be super, super frugal for a long time. But I know it's a good thing.

I'm a car payment behind and a month late on a few credit cards. It can be very discouraging and hard. This thread has been very encouraging to me, thanks to everyone for being open, sharing, and offering encouragement. I so love Michelle Duggar's story of struggling early on (with ONLY 7 children) and how God told her to offer a sacrifice of praise. That taught me to sing a praise song or thank God for things like a/c and plenty of food, etc. and how He does bless us with a peace and joy amidst the daily struggle.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

We are also in the same situation as most here. Each month is an adventure of faith wondering what will come in and what God will do to get us through. It's been, at times, really stressful, but, it's been so great to see Him come through time and time again. Prices here are comparable to the States because of where our ministry is (Antigua). We pay a little less in rent, fresh fruits and veggies, but, we pay alot more for dairy, bread, electricity, gas, and meat. So, sometimes, it's interesting.

I want to encourage you to trust God and see what He will do. He is faithful. He really is. I loved reading SolaMichelle's testimony. What an encouragement! We've had things come from very unexpected places. I went to Bible Study here one Friday morning with only 20Q (less than $3) in my pocket for the next 2 weeks. We didn't have much food left in the kitchen and I was a little worried (that's what I normally do, I worry). During our prayer time, a woman there came over to me and said that God was telling her to give our family some money she was wondering what to do with. After Bible Study I went to her house and she gave me an envelope containing $2400 in American money! That morning before Bible study, my dh and I prayed and asked God for $2000 to help us and fix our car. We were able to do that and give $400 to another family that we knew who were hurting as well. What a blessing!

God does that! Just because He loves us and is who He is. Anyway, it's normal to be frustrated and even a little discouraged, but, allow Him to teach you and show you His love. He wants to teach you about His character through this and make His character shine through you as well.

Prayers to you. God bless!

[Kelli in TN]

an adventure of faith wondering what will come in and what God will do to get us through. !

An adventure of faith.

What a great way to put it!!!

[lori in tx]

Thanks so much for this thread, I am feeling the same way and trying to be content. We are really struggling and it is very hard right now. I have such guilt too I would love to work but we live in a bad area and walking to work would be very unwise for many reasons and we only have 1 car and dh works 6 days per week. The house we live in is so cr#ppy mainly because the landlord will not fix a thing again making us feel down but honestly I do like this house we have so much wildlife (possums, birds and squirrels that is wildlife to city folk) it is just I wish we could get simple things repaired that we can't repair ourselves.

I know God is teaching me to stick to the frugal ways and am blessed that we always tend to squeek by. One time when we still only had two kids and they were 1yo and 3 months old, we had bought a chair at a thrift store we had no money adn we were actually trying to get emergency food. I was sitting in our new to us old chair feeling bad and for someone reason I stuck my hands in the chair and felt something. I pulled out a $100 bill, I stuck my hand back in and still felt something and pulled out 6 more $100 bills. That was more money than my dh would make in 2 weeks, we were able to pay rent and eat. I forget sometimes we need to pray! Just sharing my story with you!
blessings
lori

[Whisperlily]

Thank you for posting this thread.

We have been in tighter times than these, but financially we're in a tight spot right now, and gas prices have taken a lot away from our family. We won't go hungry, but it was a challenge to see what the last $15 in our checking account would do for a family of 6 for the next week. I wanted to cry when I got home from the store last night.

I am very thankful that we have had leaner times, as it has taught us to live without credit cards, we may have an old car, but it's running and we have no car payments. If we have enough gas, we have a pool available to us for free, and a nice big backyard and plenty of books and fuel for the kids imaginations to have a great summer. We may not be able to afford lessons any more, but we do have a piano that DD likes to play. Our monthly bills (so far, other than the worry about having enough gas) are covered. We have many benefits other than financial to DH's job.

Thank you for reminding me to look at the bright side, when things look dismal.

I really didn't think the current economic situation would affect us as much as it is. I had my head in the sand a little bit, knowing DH's job was secure, and his income would remain stable. Not having a lot of extra is fine with me. The rising gas prices, however, are taking the food right out of our mouths. Something I didn't really expect, despite hearing about it over and over on the news.

God does always provide, and he is always faithful.

[Elaine]

I can relate. Our situation is a little bit different in how we got here though. We moved from NJ and left a very high paying job with great benefits, 401K, etc. (Hubby's job, not mine.) We always had money and therefore spent a lot of money.

We moved to NC because we knew that God was calling us here. Financially, this has been the hardest thing that we have ever had to endure. We were totally stripped of what we thought was materially important and now we are truly able to say that no matter what, we trust God to provide. New clothes, new furniture, fancy restaurants and expensive cars can never fill the void in our soul like being in right relationship with God. We would not trade this place of brokenness for what we had in the past.

It's hard, isn't it, when the basics are so difficult to provide for. When you don't know how much money is going to come in or when it will arrive. We have learned that God wanted to do a deeper work in our hearts and that would not come without bringing us to the end of ourselves.

Be encourged! You have your eyes on God and He is your provider! Besides, you can't go wrong with someone who owns the cattle on the thousand hills.;) Praying for you today.


:grouphug:

[Carol in Cal.]

I think that the uncertainty is worse than anything else.

I feel that to fight that deprived feeling, it's very helpful to have other goals and focus on them. When I reframed my failure to make a really cute nursery for my DD, something that I would have loved to do, as a success in being able to stay home with her for that many more months, I felt empowered and good about it rather than deprived.

(And we ended up buying some unfinished furniture from Costco and staining it, and getting a handmedown crib, and it was OK. It was not 'cute' but it was very functional. And I stayed home for that much longer, which made it all worth while.)

[Amy in NH]

I'm sorry, for you and me. I only had $20 to buy groceries this week. But at least I was able to pay my mortgage.

It'll get better, right?

[Colleen]

One thing that really helps me feel better about our situation is that other than a few meals that might not be up to par, our kids will probably not even feel the pinch. They will still have happy, fun summer days ahead.

I'm sorry, (((Calming Tea))), Erica, and others that you're so stressed financially. What encouragement you've received in this thread! Erica's words here particularly struck me. It's always interesting to listen to older people who grew up with next to nothing (by today's standards). Truly, what impressed them in their childhood were the simple pleasures ~ and even in our current culture, many of those pleasures do indeed come free of charge. Cliches can be flippant, but there is so much truth to the words, "Money can't buy happiness", as Elaine noted. On the other hand, having to borrow money, feed a family with virtually empty cupboards, etc must be dreadfully burdensome. I will pray that the Lord eases your burdens.

Keep taking your requests to the Lord, because He loves to rescue us from trouble. He's done that for us so many times, even when the trouble was largely our fault! That is His grace at work, teaching us more about Him.

Beautifully said ~ and true not only if one has financial troubles, but troubles of any kind. All too often, I don't heed this advice. His yoke is easy, his burden light.

[Calming Tea]

I am so glad we've been able to encourage each other!

Erica, you are so right. My kids have:

Food to eat (though it may not be their favorite!)
A free pool all summer- all year in fact included in our assoc. fee
A wonderful free library
A lady is loaning me her car every Thursday!! to GET to the library!!
A Barnes and Noble to visit on Saturdays if it's too hot outside (1 mi. away)
Plenty of toys, Dress-up Clothes, Blocks, and good toys to keep kids busy
A Mini trampoline that we didn't have last summer- my mom gave it to us and oh my has it been a lifesaver!!!
A safe neighborhood where we can go out very early in the morning
A lake to take walks around-complete with the excitement of a four foot alligator, Ibises, Herons, Ducks, Huge turtles, minnows, clams, etc...
Two kids that LOVE to be read to- (back to free library idea)
A comfortable, clean house
Lots of energy to keep up with kiddos (usually!)
Good Health Insurance
Diminishing Debt (so so slowly but going down it is)

I guess you know what...even though we owe money to a few people, and we're really tight sometimes, I feel sure that God is doing something great.

All year I was planning to buy a Band in a Box but I decided to google how to make a home made one and we are having so much fun MAKING our band in a box. The kids are absolutely thrilled. My husband helped with the shoebox/rubber band guitar and he made it sound like a real Japanese stringed instrument. Really. I'm *not* exaggerating. We never would have made it, before and now I'm learning to fix and make things- something I considered myself bad at doing. Now I see that I can make things.

We have had generous family members-

My sister and BIL paid for and installed pergo in our living/dining room!
My mom and pop loaned us money twice
Pastors loaned us money twice
the friend who lets us use her car every Thursday
A friend who treated us to the zoo

and so much more!

[Doran]

I'm wrestling deeply with a similar situation except that our children are older and I'm feeling like we should be "past this point" by now. Sigh. I think it's just difficult all over for many these days.

Sending you peace and encouragement, Calming Tea. I can tell you that I have walked in your shoes in my past and thought it would never improve. But, it did. So, hang in there, honey. I'm sorry I have no more good advice to offer, but I do understand what you're feeling right now.

[Erica in PA]

I am glad you've been encouraged, Calming Tea! I have too, reading about the others, even though it does make me sad in a way to know that others know all too well what I'm going through. But ultimately it's encouraging, to remember that all of this stuff we go through is being used by God to do His work in us. And when people are able to give testimony of that in the midst of hard times, that is always a blessing to hear about!

You do have a lot of fun things going on! I enjoyed reading your list. I kept thinking of more and more things later today that I could have added to mine. There are some many things to be thankful for, once you get into the right mindset.

We received an additional blessing after I posted today. My sil is my best friend, so I told her a bit in general terms about our situation, no specific amounts, just as a vent and a prayer request. A short time later my bil called dh and told him that he was going to send a check over to us, just to help out a bit. It came this afternoon, and it was enough to cover our overdrawn checking account! So at least that is brought current, and we won't be charged the daily fees for being overdrawn that we would have been charged every day until next Thursday!

That was a big weight off my mind in particular, especially since that particular problem was my fault, so I was really grateful that the Lord provided for that need. Now the next thing to pray about is the rent... But we have faith that somehow, He will provide.

Thanks again for the encouraging discussion!

Erica