Ongoing sibling dilemma.....need some help

[mktkcb]

We have a computer issue at our house that just doesn't seem to want to go away. Sigh. In a nutshell: DS 11 owns a computer game cd (bejewled). He loaded it completely onto one of our (older) computers, meaning you no longer need the cd in order to play it. For quite a long time now, there has been an ongoing feud between him and his dsisters over whether they should be "allowed" to play it "without asking". They maintain "We aren't messing up his games, or damaging his disk, or hurting him in any way.....games that are completely loaded for use on a 'family' computer are fair game". He doesn't like this in principle. In his mind, whats "his" is "his", whether it is "digitalized" property, or physical property. Bearing in mind that he is the youngest, a bit henpecked, and extremely sensitive about property, and very competitive. Bottom line.....his sisters often score higher than him, and he doesn't like the game stats to not be in his favor. He likes to have the "high score". I completely waffle on this. I see validity on both sides of the aisle. I hem. I haw. Sigh. I just can't settle on what I think is "right", kwim. In my mind, he needs to learn to enjoy his game without having to be "superior" (an ongoing problem that we work on all the time), and his sisters are truly not perpetrating any evil on him or his game. OTOH, I do acknowledge the need for kids to have certain things that belong only to them. Yes, I've considered banning them all, but this would *thrill* my son out of sheer spite. So.....opinions? I just want a solution that I can understand to be fair. What do you think??

[Crissy]

True, there are things that belong to each of us that we don't care to share.
But choosing to load a computer game onto a 'family' computer would make it one of those items that we all share, and complaining that others chose to use it would not be tolerated.

If the thrill belonged to one because all of the siblings were banned, I would be seriously tempted to let everyone *but him* play the game.
We're all about sharing here, and this situation wouldn't fly in my house.

[Mrs Mungo]

I say if it's loaded on to the family computer and they aren't messing up his files or anything then it's fair game. My kids *do* have things that are their own and the others have to ask permission for but this isn't about that. This is about your son being a good sport. He's not mad that they're playing, he's mad that they are beating him. Those are two different issues.

[True Blue]

Our policy is games on the computer are for everyone as long as they are age appropriate. There are plenty of other opportunities for ownership.

[Tracey in TX]

Our rule is that if the software is on a family computer, it is fair game. Appreciate that you desired the item enough to purchase it, but the computers belong to everyone and everyone gets to enjoy it.

[summer]

I would make him share and use this as a chance to be a good sport..and even improve his score enough to beat his sisters. If he wants sole use of that game, then he needs to save enough money to purchase his own computer to load it on to.

This is the rule in our house. And our children just deal with it. They never even bother to argue over it because there is no arguing allowed over it.

[mktkcb]

Ok, seem things are leaning a particular direction. Thanks for confirming that side of my logic. It does make sense to me. This particular child is extremely challenging. Part of his desire for one-upsmanship stems from his older sister jealously guarding her Nancy Drew cds from him. BUT, in her case, you DO need to cd to load, and he isn't the most careful of the posessions of others all the time. More than one instance of mishandling her cds has led her to ban him from them. So part of his motivation is just revenge. Well, given the bit of needed moral support, I'll inform him he's outvoted (he won't be very happy, but oh well....I'm used to that with this kid). Another "tough darts hombre" moment in the life of my uber emotional, uber difficult, uber immature, yet uber sweet and uber gifted (he just one of those "uber" sort of kids, iykwim). He's also uber cyuuuute, and thats him kissing me in my avatar. He also plays a mean piano. Thanks guys.

[Joanne]

If the thrill belonged to one because all of the siblings were banned, I would be seriously tempted to let everyone *but him* play the game.
We're all about sharing here, and this situation wouldn't fly in my house

I agree. This would be my response. He can share gracefully (which, in this context means without displays of anger) or not play at all. Particularly since part of his possessiveness relates to sportsmanship issues.

[Cadam]

In my house if it is in a "community room" (main living areas of the house) it is "community property".

My children are each allowed a few toys that they don't have to share. The toddlers special blankets are only hers, dd has a few books that no one else is allowed to touch and ds has a staff and a few breakable items that are off limits to little sisters.