12 yo DS getting nervous at night....

[Michelle T]

Recently, DS, who will be 12 next week, has been wanting to sleep on the floor in our room. He says he is very nervous in his room at night, as he feels there is a "spirit of someone dead" in the room.

I've told him that I know there aren't any spirits in there, and even if there was, the only one that would come would be his grandpa's, who loved him very much. I've recommended he pray, and tried leaving the light on. He is still wanting to sleep on our floor.

DS is totally without fear in every other area, and loves scary movies, intense action, etc. He is somewhat immature for his age, and does have ADHD.

Anyone else gone through something like this with an older DS like mine? I have to admit, when I was around 10, I also got scared at night and wanted to sleep on the floor of my parent's room. I was scared of earthquakes.

Anyway, any advice for me? Or at least reassurance that it isn't totally abnormal for a boy about to turn 12 to get scared and want to sleep in his parent's room?
Michelle T

[Joanne]

Recently, DS, who will be 12 next week, has been wanting to sleep on the floor in our room. He says he is very nervous in his room at night, as he feels there is a "spirit of someone dead" in the room.

I've told him that I know there aren't any spirits in there, and even if there was, the only one that would come would be his grandpa's, who loved him very much. I've recommended he pray, and tried leaving the light on. He is still wanting to sleep on our floor.

DS is totally without fear in every other area, and loves scary movies, intense action, etc. He is somewhat immature for his age, and does have ADHD.

Anyone else gone through something like this with an older DS like mine? I have to admit, when I was around 10, I also got scared at night and wanted to sleep on the floor of my parent's room. I was scared of earthquakes.

Anyway, any advice for me? Or at least reassurance that it isn't totally abnormal for a boy about to turn 12 to get scared and want to sleep in his parent's room?

I was this child. I'd like to first gently share that being told any form of "don't be afraid" or "there aren't any spirits" wasn't at all helpful and made me feel ashamed.

My fear emerged from somewhere deep and not reachable by logic. Looking back, it's a big and scary world. Horror movies didn't bother me, either, but the real world stuff from the news *did*.

I know my parents were baffled and frustrated and even resentful. As a parent now, I get how they felt. But there response prolonged my fear; it did not help alleviate it.

My Dad ended up staying upstairs watching TV in his room while I fell asleep in my room next door. He hated it (away from Mom, worse TV, hated that I had needs that were unexplainable). Had he lovingly and patiently just been upstairs, the whole thing would have ended much sooner.

It is completely within normal bounds and quite common for older young kids to go through this.

[LisaCA]

I suffered from nightmares and still have them occasionally. I think they were brought on by stress. I had snuck into my parents room well into my teens and even went to my mommies once as a young adult.

I am currently going through this with my youngest DD who is 10. She has not verbalized her fears so specifically as your son has. She displays high anxiety in some situations.

I agree with Joanne. Their world is opening up and they are starting to see more clearly the world we live in. Change can sometimes be stressful and scary.

[Cadam]

2 things..

First...
I think it is pretty normal for pre-teens to go through a stage like this. I didn't tell my parents but I went through a time where I was afraid and I couldn't really explain it.

Be loving, be understanding give him what he needs and know that it will pass.

second thing...
My husband grew up overseas surrounded by an animistic culture. I know the concept of spirits or demons is controversial but when one lifts your bunk-bed off the ground you start believing in them! In our house we would take this seriously and pray over the room and cast out the spirit. We personally do not believe that the spirits of our deceased loved ones come back to hang around on earth. We do believe that evil spirits can come in the form of something or someone else though and thus we would take steps to expel any spirit from our home.

I can't tell you what to do because I don't know your family's background and beliefs, but dh and I would take statements like that seriously.

[Jenny in Atl]

My dd12 suffers from anxiety attacks at night from time-to-time. It runs in the family so I recognized it quickly. We handle it by helping her face the fear. By letting her know that the feeling won't hurt her and that she is ok, that it is a fear and nothing more. Anxiety can make you feel like you are dying, and to a young adult, this is very scary. I also let her sleep with her sister if she is feeling really bad or stay with her till she falls asleep.

I see nothing wrong with letting him stay with you or you sitting with him till he falls asleep. Let him talk about it but don't make him if he does not want to. There are web sites to help you if you feel he is getting worse. I'm not a fan of meds, but in some cases they are a help.
:grouphug:

[yslek]

I've had trouble falling asleep for years. It was only recently that I realized it was (is) anxiety. (Though not always about something fearful; often, I just can't turn my thoughts off.) After reading The Mood Cure I started taking 50 mg of 5-HTP at bedtime, and I can sleep! The crazy anxious thoughts are gone.:party: I have no idea, however, if this would be safe/appropriate for a child. It may help to acknowledge your dd's fears, and going to her room with her to see what she's talking about. (:confused:) Just a thought.

Kelsy

[mom42terrificgirls]

We have even sent her to a counselor. She insists there are spirits (4 black, one white) in her room and the front of the house. We are Christians and have read Psalms and left her Bible open to Psalms at night. We used a sound machine for awhile, but it wasn't really effective. She sleeps in our room occasionally or on the couch. As long as she is not in the back of the house she is fine. We have even discussed moving her room to the guest room in front of the house.

[RoughCollie]

Our DD slept on the floor in our room for several years because she was too scared to sleep alone in her room. Her imagination got the best of her, exacerbated by her brothers' delight in scaring her death with their stories of monsters. She had to go to sleep first, while everyone else was upstairs and still awake, with someone in her room, in order to be able to sleep in her room.

Eventually it became obvious, even to me, that she no longer needed this, and I sent her to her own room, where she has happily slept every night since.