Fun Sayings! Please join in!

[Brindee]

"I hate housework! You make the beds, do the dishes, and 6 months later you have to start all over again!" --Joan Rivers

If you leave me, can I come too?

I live in my own little world. But it's ok, they know me here.

You can't stay young forever, but you can be immature for the rest of your life!

As you grow older, your secrets are safe with your friends.....cuz they can't remember them either!

[~FireFly~]

"No amount of learning can cure stupidity"

I had a bunch, but now can't think...oh, well
~S

[Brindee]

When my ds14 was 5, he was trying to learn the presidents because his older brother was. He was going through them, doing very well. When he got to Rutherford B. Hayes, he said Ruth of ford BEHAVE!

This same ds was once trying to think of some words in a religious book he was reading. The REAL words were "God's infinite wisdom," he said, "God's forever smartness!" :D

Anyone else???

[Rich with Kids]

They say I have A.D.D. but they just dont understand. Oh Look! A chicken!

[LizzyBee]

No, I've never considered divorce. Murder, but not divorce. Ruth Bell Graham

[Crissy]

They say I have A.D.D. but they just dont understand. Oh Look! A chicken!

LOL!
When in a conversation with my mom, who change subjects at an astonishingly rapid rate, my dad teases her saying, "Oh, look! A butterfly!"

[Virginia Dawn]

My dad is a veritable fount of witty sayings:

You die if you don't et.

Thirty days hath septober
April, June and no wonder
All the rest have peanut butter
Except for my grandmother
And she rides a little red tricycle.

Mary had a little lamb
its fleas were black as ink
and everywhere that Mary went
the lamb was sure to stink.

It was soo cold (in Maine when he was a child) that when the wash water was thrown out the back door, it froze so quickly that it was still warm to the touch.

Summer in Maine was the fourth of July and the day the Lays potato chip man came to town.

[Parabola]

My dad had some pretty good ones too, most of which I will forever have ingrained in my brain and which I find myself trotting out on my own kids:

Take as much as you want, as often as you want....eat what you take.

Do you eat your toys? Then don't play with your food.

He also quoted Newton's three laws of motion at us at random moments, which is nice because I've always had them memorized!

And he had The Salt Lecture. We just didn't put salt on the table for meals. I had a good friend who was staying for dinner once ask me if I could sneak the salt shaker on to the table for her. The lecture basically revolved around the fact that humans consume more than X times more salt than they need too.
Last year, he got news from his doctor that his potassium levels were too high, when I asked him why his potassium levels were too high, he said it was because he wasn't getting enough salt in his diet.
He will NEVER live that down.

[Jean in Newcastle]

My dad's sayings:

"Back in the day when men were men and women appreciated it. . ."

"We have nothing - please help yourself!"

His one joke:

"Did you hear of the boy who was hurt? He was struck by a thought!"

[tonya in sc]

at lunch with my family and dh's work crew a couple weeks ago, someone commented about some child "acting like an angel."
15yo dd quips, "Satan is an angel."

Much choking on food resulted.

Some of my personal faves:

On whose authority do you tell me to question authority?
I was on my way to conquering the world, but got distracted by something shiny.
You've damaged my self-esteem! Now I'll have to become an emo! (seen on another board, I think)
Great thread.
t.

[rockermom]

My dad's favorite joke:

"Did you ever hear the one about the Indian (he's not P.C.) who drank too much tea? He drowned in his tee pee."

"Help yourself, we'll put it on your tab." (to my friends over for Sunday dinner)

"Get me a rock..." (every time he saw my best friend)

My SIL (who was an adult when I was a child) got mad at me and chased me around the yard yelling "Come here so I can hit you." ...I kept running, I wasn't that stupid.

[Rose in BC]

This was a phrase going around sometime when I was in high school --

"Sorry for living but the graveyard is full."

Yeah, corny.:001_smile:

[Stacia]

If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants!

[Once]

I've been dying to ask this for awhile now.

Joanne : What is an "emo"? Love your site by the way. I could not come up with any simple explanation. :001_huh: I guess I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Sorry, back to previously scheduled programming!!!

[angela in ohio]

My favorite funny saying is: "It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt... then it's hysterial." :D It's just so wrong, LOL.

Oh, and "By the time I get it all together, I'll forget where I put it."

I also like the one along the lines of "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."


We joke about my ADD here. If I get distracted, someone will ask if I saw something shiny. :glare: There is also a joke:

Q: How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Let's go ride bikes.

We think it's hysterical, because dd and I are so bad about this. So we catch each other and say, "Let's go ride bikes."

[Jumping In Puddles]

My father, who has no chest hair, always says it's because "hair doesn't grow on steel"

Or he'll say he was in the navy when the ships were made out of wood and the men were maid out of steel.

[fivetails]

I was on my way to conquering the world, but got distracted by something shiny.

I want that on a bumper sticker. :D

I have one (bumper sticker) that says "All generalizations are false." ;)


I used to have a shirt that said "If I throw a stick, will you leave?" across the front... kinda mean, but I was fond of it. :tongue_smilie:

[cat in black]

Cleaning the house while the children are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
phyllis diller

[Virginia Dawn]

Cleaning the house while the children are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
phyllis diller

Maybe I should channel Phyllis Diller.

Oops, is she still alive?

[Heather in NC]

A coffee cup that said "People like you are why people like me need Prozac" made me laugh pretty hard.

Once on an airplane I saw this nerdy-looking fellow wearing a t-shirt that said "NO, I will NOT fix your computer!" and that made me laugh too.

At the mall I saw a teenager wearing a shirt that said "You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you're all the same."

My own personal favorite is "People who think money cannot buy happiness have never been shopping with me!" :D

[Jackie in AR]

"I hate housework! You make the beds, do the dishes, and 6 months later you have to start all over again!" --Joan Rivers


I normally detest Joan Rivers, but this is funny!

[PiCO]

In college, we used to have this conversation:

Where are you going?

Crazy, wanna come?

[Parabola]

At the mall I saw a teenager wearing a shirt that said "You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you're all the same.":D

I LOVE that!!

[Carpe Diem]

Not sure if these are the same as "sayings" but these are some of my Dad's. I'm keeping a list of all his little sayings. Some of them are as follows:

About life "Its only the first 100 years that are tough."

If anyone asks him 'what is new' he always replies, "New York, New Jersey."

If one words the question, 'how are you' he replies "Just peachy" or his latest "fine as frog's hair". To which now I can reply (thanks to this board), "Well, I'M fine as frog's hair split four ways!"

Or if you ask him 'What's up with you?' He'll say, "Everything that's not down."

One of his useful ones "The main thing is to stay calm."

"Whatever blows your skirt up." Hasn't said that one in a long time.

He has about 30 more. You can literally have a conversation with him and actually not have gotten a bit of info about anything about him. I've use that strategy once or twice and it is kind of fun.

[Jennifer on Earth]

My grandmother is full of funny, but true sayings. A few I can think of off the top of my head:

~Pretty is as pretty does.
~Girls who eat sweets have big seats.
~I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
~Can what you can and eat what you can't.
~That's like the pot calling the kettle black.
~She had a fit and fell in it.
~A sliver, a slice, a slab, a slob.
~For a while when my mother was growing up, my grandparents didn't have any furniture in their front living room (to my mother's great embarrassment as a teenager). My grandmother always told her to tell people they were decorating in "early, early, early American style."

[Brindee]

:smilielol5::smilielol5:You guys are doing great!

Speaking of Dad's sayings, here's one of the ones my dad says:

People will say, "How ya doin'?" and he'll answer, "Fantastic, but I'll get better soon!"

My brother had a friend named Ben, and he'd TRY to say well-known sayings, but always get them backwards/mixed up. So they took to calling them "Benerisms"! Such as: A bird in-hand is like a stone. (I don't even remember how the real saying goes!) I'll have to call my brother and see if he can remember some of them!

I normally detest Joan Rivers, but this is funny!I feel the same way about her! But, this sums up my philosophy of housekeeping to a T! :D

[Stacie]

Some of my favs:

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." - Joe Theisman

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

Some days you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant.

I'll be conducting a seminar on time travel in two weeks ago.

I think animal testing is a bad thing. They get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

I used to have the most wonderful best friend. Then the rope broke and he got away.

A real father is a man who carries pictures where his money used to be.

What if this wasn't a hypothetical question?

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're sitting in class in your underwear and forgot to study for the final exam.

One good turn gets most of the blanket.

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all those who opposed them.



Okay, I'm done now. I love interesting quotes!

[Brindee]

Some of my favs:

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." - Joe Theisman

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

Some days you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant.

I'll be conducting a seminar on time travel in two weeks ago.

I think animal testing is a bad thing. They get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

I used to have the most wonderful best friend. Then the rope broke and he got away.

A real father is a man who carries pictures where his money used to be.

What if this wasn't a hypothetical question?

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're sitting in class in your underwear and forgot to study for the final exam.

One good turn gets most of the blanket.

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all those who opposed them.:D These are good! I think my favorite is the one about following your dream, unless....! :D

"What if this wasn't a hypothetical situation?" reminds of this one (I think someone here has it in their siggy line): What if the Hokey-Pokey really IS what it's all about?!

[Jumping In Puddles]

I remembered another one:

Our lawn was always the most beat up one on the block because we use to play all over it (baseball etc.)
My father would tell people who complained that he was raising kids, not grass.
(go dad! :) )

[Virginia Dawn]

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your arm pits. :D











Not you of course.

[RoughCollie]

I've never heard this phrase before. My former, elderly, now deceased MIL used to say "snake hole jumped at" -- she used it where I would say "between a rock and a hard place".

She would also use "shoot a monkey" as an expletive.

[partyof5]

On my favorite mug:

God put me on Earth to accomplish a certain number of things... right now, I'm so far behind I will never die. :tongue_smilie:

[Virginia Dawn]

On my favorite mug:

God put me on Earth to accomplish a certain number of things... right now, I'm so far behind I will never die. :tongue_smilie:


:lol:

[3lilreds in NC]

My grandma says "heckety darn!" for an expletive and I love it. I say it too. Cute, cute when my girls were itty bits and would say "hecky darn!"

We also say "Better than a sharp stick in the eye!" when things don't work out exactly as planned. Emma will say "Better than a stick in the eye!" and Abbie will say, "No, a SHARP stick." They crack me up.

"Bless his pea-pickin' heart" - I don't know where this comes from. I don't even know what it mean. I know my family said it - I'm a Michigan gal, too, not a native Southerner.

I may think of others as I ponder - the ones you guys have shared are hysterical!

[Parabola]

What if this wasn't a hypothetical question?

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[3lilreds in NC]

I've never heard this phrase before. My former, elderly, now deceased MIL used to say "snake hole jumped at" -- she used it where I would say "between a rock and a hard place".

She would also use "shoot a monkey" as an expletive.

I have never heard of either one of those. I have no idea what the snake hole one means! I'm trying to use it in sentences and I just don't get it. :lol:

[Parabola]

Do you think it would mean, the snake hole has already been jumped at, there's no going back to before the jump and you're just there in midair between a jump where you could've not jumped and a snake hole that may have a snake.
LOL, I'm groping here. I've just been trying to make sense of it too.

[3lilreds in NC]

Do you think it would mean, the snake hole has already been jumped at, there's no going back to before the jump and you're just there in midair between a jump where you could've not jumped and a snake hole that may have a snake.
LOL, I'm groping here. I've just been trying to make sense of it too.

I had to read your sentence several times to get it but I think you're right! Good job! (My brain is a little on the slow side today)

[Brindee]

My mom told me that her mom didn't like her girls chewing gum. Gum was rare, but once in awhile someone would give them some. When their mom (my grandma) saw the girls chewing gum she'd say

A gum-chewing girl, and a cud-chewing cow,
There is a difference you will allow.

What IS the difference? Ahhhh, I've got it now,
It's the thoughtful look on the face of the cow! ;)


My dad's dad used to say this:

As a rule, a man's a fool,
When it's hot, he wants it cool.
When it's cool, he wants it hot.
Always wanting what is not!

I didn't know either one of them, so I'm glad my parents remembered these sayings!

[crazycoffeechic]

You will always be my best friend! you know too much

God made us best friends because He knew our moms couldn't handle us as sisters.

Dear Lord,
I pray for...
Wisdom, to understand a man.
Love, to forgive him and
Patience, for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength
I'll just beat him to death.;)

[Jenny in Atl]

If you blow in a dog's face-he'll get mad at you, but take him for a ride in the car - the first thing he does is stick his head out of the window!

"I used to be Snow White, but I drifted."
Mae West

She's more nervous than a long-tailed dog in a room full of rocking chairs

I am not the boss of my house. I don't know when I lost it. I don't know if I ever had it. But I have seen the boss's job and I do not want it.
-- Bill Cosby

Nothing is over until we decide it is. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!!
-- Animal House

If you read a lot of books, you're considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed.
-- Lily Tomlin