Well-meaning family members purchasing supplies?

[Melinda]

My MIL teaches special ed at a local elementary school (they live half an hour from us). She feels we are making a very poor choice in HSing the kids and that they are going to be way behind everyone else. Every time she is out somewhere or there is a book fair or book dealer who comes to school, she buys us more stuff. I appreciate the thought and think (hope) she has good intentions, but I don't use the stuff and don't really have the room to store stuff I'm not going to use. Usually, it's things like hardbound "get ready for kindergarten" type stuff. A few of the things have been helpful, but more often they have not. The last few times, I've said something to the effect of keeping the things at her house so that when the kids visit, they will have different and new activities to do.

So, here is the question...

Do I just keep accepting the things she wants to give us and sell/pass them along to someone who will use them?

Do I tactfully ask her to keep the things at her house for the kids to use there?

Something else I haven't thought of?

I don't want to hurt her feelings and I'm sure I sound spoiled saying this, but I really don't want to feel obligated to use things I don't want to just because they are given to me. If she wanted to pay for portions of curriculum we have chosen, that would be different. It feels like she is trying to enforce her opinion of what we should be teaching when she does this, though.

[Alice]

My Mom does similar kind of things. Although it's not because she isn't supportive of homeschooling...she just likes buying stuff. I tried "why don't we keep this at your house so the boys can use it there." It didn't really work so well. Now I just say thank you and then if I don't want it I give it away or sell it.

[Julie in Austin]

I think the etiquette here is the same as it would be for any gift:

(1) You smile and say, "Thank you for thinking of us."

(2) You are free to do anything you want with the gift. (I'd sell them, but that's just me :) )

[momofkhm]

Do I just keep accepting the things she wants to give us and sell/pass them along to someone who will use them?

Do I tactfully ask her to keep the things at her house for the kids to use there?

If she will keep them at her house, great! But if she won't listen to that, then feel free to pass them along. There was something I read from FlyLady a while back - something about once you think of something as clutter, get rid of it. You are making yourself anxiety ridden by holding onto stuff that doesn't make you smile. Am I a poster child for FlyLady - no. But I do try to glean what I can use.

[Jennifer in NH]

I would probably say thank you and then donate or sell the item..but how about this one...if you have a good relationship and you do actually think she has your best interest at heart, could you when she gives you a book say "thank you very much...I was wondering if the next time you are at a book fair, if you see any of these items (and hand her a short list of stuff you will actually use) would you consider picking them up?"
I don't actually know about this advise...haven't actually done it..i have been considering it though....

[Melinda]

I would probably say thank you and then donate or sell the item..but how about this one...if you have a good relationship and you do actually think she has your best interest at heart, could you when she gives you a book say "thank you very much...I was wondering if the next time you are at a book fair, if you see any of these items (and hand her a short list of stuff you will actually use) would you consider picking them up?"
I don't actually know about this advise...haven't actually done it..i have been considering it though....


You know, that's not a bad idea. I think I will make a list of the topics we will be covering this next year and next time she brings it up I will give it to her. Thanks :)

[Another Lynn]

my sil doesn't disapprove of what we do, but she does think of the homeschooling at Christmas time. My dd received a Barbie ABC writing workbook, LOL! And my sons got Scooby Doo workbooks! (I confess we have allowed a love of Scooby Doo to develop here, but I try not to base our school lessons on it, LOL!)

Okay, OT story over. I agree with others about seeking for it to be kept at her house. If she doesn't like that than you are FREE (no guilt!) to do with it as you please! (why is that so hard for some of us? - self included!)

[Melinda]

my sil doesn't disapprove of what we do, but she does think of the homeschooling at Christmas time. My dd received a Barbie ABC writing workbook, LOL! And my sons got Scooby Doo workbooks! (I confess we have allowed a love of Scooby Doo to develop here, but I try not to base our school lessons on it, LOL!)

Okay, OT story over. I agree with others about seeking for it to be kept at her house. If she doesn't like that than you are FREE (no guilt!) to do with it as you please! (why is that so hard for some of us? - self included!)

I don't see that as being OT as all...haha We must have received the same stuff at Christmas. hehe

[JFS in IL]

Could you ask her to help out by buying some larger item your kids could use but that is beyond your budget, like music software or a microscope? Perhaps get a cool catalog like Veritas or ? and use a highlighter to mark the cool "extras" you would like for your kids. Then she would have a better idea what to get.

I'd go ahead and show her, or have the kids show her, some of their workbooks,etc. that you are using she may just need reassuring that you do know what you are doing and have quality materials.