Help! -Twins- 2 Different learners = One difficult problem

[Binalina]

This has been our first year homeschooling. I have a dd8, twin dds 6 and a ds 3. We went with mostly abeka because that is what they used previously at private school. DDS 6 had 2 years of preschool there. They were used to worksheets. The year started out that dd twin2 was difficult and everyday was a struggle with her. I would describe her as a visual/kinesthetic learner. Reading was slow to get going but now she is doing much better. Math was going fine but I noticed that she needed to see and build and play with the math before it clicked. Meanwhile, DD twin 1 was flying through reading and math doing worksheet after worksheet - enthusiastic and begging to do more. Her sister was only doing the sheets not to be left behind. She never would have done that otherwise. They each get extremely upset if the other is "ahead" or get the answer right when they get it wrong. They are so concerned with everthing being equal. I have spent alot of energy and school time trying to eliminate this competitiveness. As a result of little miss worksheet's enthusiasm, we finished up our K Cir. in January. Since then we have been in limbo- just reading along in 1st grade phonics, dabbling in a couple of math programs. We tried Miquon and Math u See. DD2 vis/kin loved both these math programs but dd1 Auditory/? did not like them at all and called them babyish and boring. She hates manipulatives for the same reason. I have gotten little to no cooperation from her except for doing worksheets. I would be fine with her doing worksheets except for one other problem. She will not sit without attitude for a lesson. In the Kindergarten Cir. the lessons were so easy for her that she really did not need them but her sister did. Now, she has shown me on numerous occasions that she has an aptitude for math (answering her sister's 2nd grade problems before her, doing multiplication in her head, seeing number puzzles everywhere in daily life) But when she goes to do math (with an attitude) she makes mistakes does messy work and then refuses to believe she made a mistake.:confused: In a quandry...and after much debating, I decided to give Right Start Math a try. You would have thought it was christmas day at our house the day the big box came. The kids literally attacked the UPS guy and dragged the box into the house like some sort of victim. They tore through the contents of the box Ooohing and Aaahing all the way. Even DD1 -so I was pumped! Well, 1st grade starts pretty slowly and this is just poison to DD1 while DD2 is having a blast! DD1 admits she likes the card game we played so far (only 2 days in) But my issue still remains as far as her not wanting to be taught anything. It seems to have spread to other subjects as well. I don't know how to help her with this. She just sits - eyes elsewhere or glazed over - disinterested. If I ask her what I just read she can tell me very well but she is just not enjoying learning at all. Is she bored??? Is this just an attitude problem? I just can't figure her out. In general she is a very sweet child. Obedient to a fault, generous and kind. Lately though... behavior is down the tubes. Alot of fighting and down days... I am upset just writing this b/c I don't know how to help her. If anyone has any advice for me I would greatly appreciate it!
I have considered dropping formal school stuff for a while and I may but I don't think that really solves the problem. How do I let one twin move ahead without destroying the other's confidence in such a competetive relationship. I would rather not do Abeka math going forward it would be very difficult to do 3 seperate math lessons every day.

Any suggestions????

Thanks so much for reading (listening)

Binalina

[RoughCollie]

When my boys were in early elementary school, I gave them separate math and reading lessons. It took a lot of time, especially with DS2, who was behind the others by a significant margin. Aside from them being potty-trained, the happiest day of my life was when all three of them could read fluently.

We did all the schoolwork except for math and reading, and then I tackled those subjects with each kid in turn, until we were done for the day. I did my best to stifle academic competition in those areas because it was hurting DS2, in that he felt like the "dumb one".

(Note: I do not believe that competing with others is helpful. It distracts one from doing one's best, IMO. For example, I am highly competitive. I compete with myself to do better. In the end, I look at everyone else and usually I come out on, or near, the top. I like this way of doing things because it doesn't involve me trying to get the best of everyone else -- just me doing my best at something.)

This method gave the boys what they really wanted, my exclusive attention and the opportunity to forge ahead at their own paces.

In later years, I taught 2 of the DS math at the same time, and I taught DS3 separately.

Right now, I handle math separately with the boys. Their learning styles are completely different. DS1 wants me to teach algebra to him (his teacher at school is not good at teaching math) and then he does his assignment and I check it and he corrects his errors.

DS3 gets his assignments from me, does the work, and moves on -- I don't have to teach him anything.

I sit with DS2 and teach the lesson, then check his work every few problems to catch any errors he makes. DS2 has nonverbal learning disorder which was recently diagnosed, so this is necessary for him.

In essence, even though it will take a lot of time, I suggest you teach your DDs math separately. I have a pretty good idea about the constraints on your time as I had 4 kids close in age, but sometimes it is necessary.

RC

[Brigitte]

I have 6 y.o. twin girls, too. For me the problem came with phonics and reading instruction. While I continued to use the same phonics program for them and taught them together, their supplementary reading changed. Giving them something different to do help enormously. Twin A was able to gain some confidence in her ability and become a proficient reader without comparing herself to her twin who was an exceptional reader. Since Twin B was moved up to reading things that were challenging for her, they were both experiencing challenges and neither felt that she was ahead or behind the other. Now they are both reading well above grade level.

My point here is that you might consider doing something different with each, even if it is just for a short period of time. Also, if the girls are at about the same level in math, but one "gets" it faster, simply ask her to work on something else while you do the lesson. If one is truly ahead, I would pick a different program to do with her. The extra time you spend on a second lesson might be made up by having to fight with her less.

They might also just need a break. My girls were at that point a couple of weeks ago. Behavior during school was terrible, their attitude was bad, and getting them to do the work was painful. We finished all but history and grammar, which will be done this week. We will take June off for our move and camp, then we will add some fun school activities for the summer.

[Melinda in VT]

My kids are in school, but I did teach my twins to read when they were 4. I used the same program for both, but once one twin got ahead, I had their lessons at different times and didn't let the other twin listen in.

As it turned out, they finished the program (100 EZ) within a few days of each other because the child who initially had trouble and had to repeat a few lessons was more consistent in having lessons (because they were only 4, I didn't force them to do a reading lesson if they didn't want to) and asked to do more than one lesson a day in order to catch up. (I was not entirely able to keep them from figuring out who was ahead.:glare:)

In my case, I found that they learned to read the same way they learned to walk--my daughter launched herself into open space and frantically churned her legs, sometimes she stayed up and other times she went splat; my son spent lots of time working on balance before he dared venture away from the couch. Two different approaches, but they both became solid walkers at about the same time.

[kaylk in tx]

and with their extreme differences in learning style, i'd do different programs as well. (with my 6yo twin boys, i can do that same program but i have to teach them separately because of the competition factor) because i believe that manipulatives are so important to math concept development, i'd continue with those even though she didn't like it. once she could demonstrate the concept using the manipulatives, i'd let her put the manipulatives away as long as she could do the assignment correctly! if she makes lots of errors, pull the manipulatives back out!

[Tracey in TX]

Having two closely aged sibs (1yr) and a set of triplets, I completely understand your challenge. However, we've found that *encouraging* their competitive nature gets the best work, effort, and attitudes. Nothing about being a twin/triplet/quad is equal, even with identicals, so why teach them to expect equality (IMO)?

I give the children minimum amounts of work, which are required. When a child wants to forge ahead, they should be allowed to without fear of hurting their sibling, otherwise we've just created the public school mentality of status quo is good, and a child getting ahead hurts his peers.

Try to think of the twins as two separate grade levels (even if they're in same), so you can work both separately and collectively with the girls without feeling as if you need to teach them the same. My trio has three very different learning styles. Sometimes I swear it'll be the death of me;) but it's all part of being a mom of several children, regardless of having same birthday.

I'm a big advocate of encouraging competitive behavior, but it's not natural for all kids or all families. DH & I would compete in anything, and our kiddos follow suit. It might not be your style. Just know that it's ok to let the girls move ahead or want to compare grades/work output and it's not damaging unless you dislike the behavior.

Good luck!

[Brigitte]

Having two closely aged sibs (1yr) and a set of triplets, I completely understand your challenge. However, we've found that *encouraging* their competitive nature gets the best work, effort, and attitudes. Nothing about being a twin/triplet/quad is equal, even with identicals, so why teach them to expect equality (IMO)?

I give the children minimum amounts of work, which are required. When a child wants to forge ahead, they should be allowed to without fear of hurting their sibling, otherwise we've just created the public school mentality of status quo is good, and a child getting ahead hurts his peers.

Try to think of the twins as two separate grade levels (even if they're in same), so you can work both separately and collectively with the girls without feeling as if you need to teach them the same. My trio has three very different learning styles. Sometimes I swear it'll be the death of me;) but it's all part of being a mom of several children, regardless of having same birthday.

I'm a big advocate of encouraging competitive behavior, but it's not natural for all kids or all families. DH & I would compete in anything, and our kiddos follow suit. It might not be your style. Just know that it's ok to let the girls move ahead or want to compare grades/work output and it's not damaging unless you dislike the behavior.

Good luck!

:iagree: This is very sound advice. I have been known to make math or spelling competitive when motivation is running low.

[Binalina]

I appreciate all the responses. It seems like more people are doing two math programs for multiples than I ever expected. It's good to know that it is a viable option. As it is - with all the resistance I get - I probably would spend about the same amount of time with less aggravation.
I personally dislike competition except for with myself. I see that with my dc competition in school crushes their enthusiasm . Reading these posts I realize that I have not taught them enough to compete with themselves enough. I say things like "do your best" and "that is your best work ever" I show them their school work progress from time to time but maybe I need to go a bit further with each of them individually. I don't go to difficult lengths to make everything even but I do try to be fair.

I think i will try to flip the subjects and do math at the end so I can be with each one individually while the others do piano, reading, chores, etc... It may just help to ease the tensions and mix things up a bit.

Today actually went fairly well. I spoke with all of them before bed last night and especially dd twin 1. She informed me that the good girl was coming back from her vacation :001_smile: and for the most part it was true. She even was attentive during Math and FLL and made appropriate comments to let me know she was interested. Not sure if that was just for my benefit but either way- I'll take it.

One funny note - she asked me today, "When baby swams are under their mother's wings in the nest, where to they get their atmosphere?" (meaning air) :lol: Now that was a breath of fresh atmosphere let me tell ya.


It is so good to know that this is common and curable. Thanks for sharing all your good tips/advice.

Binalina

[Brigitte]

She informed me that the good girl was coming back from her vacation :001_smile: and for the most part it was true.
Binalina

My Twin B is on that same vacation. Did your twin see her there and if she did does she think she will come home soon? ;)

I am glad things went better today. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom to bounce back to the top again.

[Binalina]

I hope your twin B comes back soon too.

Today we had a MOPS meeting at church so we just took a :chillpill: for the day. We took a walk, visited the farm down the street and worked in the yard. I made sidewalk paint for them and we all had a good day. Only the toughest part is left now. Sitting w/ 3 at gymnastics for 1 1/2 hours while one has class. Ugh.. Must bring distractions...


Binalina
Mom to DD8, DD6, DD6, DS 3

[Rosie_0801]

If it were me. I think I'd take all the blame. I'd sit them down and say I was sorry I'd forgotten they were different people and I shouldn't be trying to make them learn from the same book if they didn't like it. I'd decided to give them different maths books to work from. "This (whichever) maths books are for people like you, Twin 1, who don't like to use manipulatives. This book is for you, Twin 2, because it is made for people who do like manipulatives. So we will study maths seperately, but some things are more fun to do together, so we'll do history, art and science (or whatever) together like we usually do."
It might also help if you build competition into your schedule in appropriate ways. What classes as appropriate depends on you and the kids, of course, but "who can find the most bugs in the garden" is pretty harmless. Maybe board games too? They are an area which allows winning and losing (which some kids seem to need) but allow you to emphasise the LUCK element. Twin 1 didn't win by being smarter, but by being luckier.
Rosie