Rude, insensitive, offensive comments?

[Part-Time Homeschooler]

What's the most insensitive/offensive thing someone has ever said to you? I can think of a few, but this is the most recent one (actually, it's really more of a back-handed compliment):

A few years ago, I was at my dermatologist's office for acne. My breakouts were not all that bad, but I was tired of always having a few pimples on my face.

Everything went well; he wrote me a prescription and turned to leave the exam room. Then he stopped and said, "You know, in here under this lighting your skin doesn't look all that bad."

I replied, "I know my skin isn't horrible, but I'd really like it to clear up completely."

To that he replied, "Oh, I wasn't talking about your acne. I was talking about your wrinkles. For a woman your age, you really don't look that bad."

Ummm, thanks so much! (I was 34 at the time!)

Anyone else care to share their stories?

[Diane in CO]

Well I have two to share :001_smile: The first one was 5 years ago when I was pregnant with my second child. There is exactly 2 years between son #1 and son #2, well an office co-worker of mine saw that I was pregnant again - 15 months after the first son and said "Wow your really a baby factory aren't you?":glare:

The second one also has to do with pregnancy. I congratulated a co-worker of mine on her first pregnancy and she asked me...."so when is yours due" ummm like 4 years ago :confused: The ironic thing is I am about 5'1 and 115 pounds, so not too big....but I sure did feel big that day

Diane

[lori in tx]

When I was preggies with my first one, one lady leaned over at the grocery store and said very loudly, " You babies should not be having babies, didn't your mom teach you how to keep you legs shut!" Ummm I was 22yo at the time and married, my dh leaned over and said just as loud, " Didn't you mom teach you to keep you rude mouth shut!"
That still makes my blood boil

[Scarlett]

MY MIL has said all sorts of rude things to me and about me.

When I was 16 she told my dh (well, he wasn't my dh then) 'She must not get enough to eat at home because she eats like a pig here.'

When I told her some furniture that she insisted we take from her wasn't my style she said, 'Of course you don't like it. You don't have the style and class it would take to appreciate fine furniture because of the kind of family you came from'.

Once I held my coffee cup incorrectly in a restaurant and she said, 'didn't your mother teach you any manners?'

Once I was setting a casual table for our breakfast at her house and didn't do it correctly and she went off on me again about my ignorance in that area.

And my favorite...she wrote my dh a letter when he was in college that said,
'Don't marry that Smith girl. She has bad jeans.'

[Brindee]

When my oldest was two, he had light blonde hair and huge blue eyes with LONG lashes. He was sitting in a cart seat as I went through the checkout line. The checker said, "Wow, your son has beautiful eyes, with such long lashes!" I was about ready to say thankyou when she looked at me then said, "Must've gotten them from his father!":001_huh: :lol:

[Mom2legomaniacs]

My FIL had cattle at one time. He is not known for being very sensitive or tactful. After the birth of ds 1, we all got together with dh's family (ds was about a month or so old I believe). Now, by far, I am way thinner than all of dh's family. FIL is very large! That's the set up. Given that I was nursing and I have a fast metabolism, I required a fair amount of food. So, MIL said to make sure they had extra since I was coming. And then, FIL compared me to a lactating bovine creature in a not so flattering manner. Even fully pregnant, I was still a good 100 pounds less than he was and is! It was not a pleasant weekend, to say the least.

[Scarlett]

Once dh and I weighed while at my in-laws and I commented that dh weighed 70 pounds more than me. FIL says, 'you only weigh 130?' I nodded my head and he said, 'huh. I'd a figured you for more than that.'

[Just a Jen in Mississippi]

MY MIL has said all sorts of rude things to me and about me.

When I was 16 she told my dh (well, he wasn't my dh then) 'She must not get enough to eat at home because she eats like a pig here.'

When I told her some furniture that she insisted we take from her wasn't my style she said, 'Of course you don't like it. You don't have the style and class it would take to appreciate fine furniture because of the kind of family you came from'.

Once I held my coffee cup incorrectly in a restaurant and she said, 'didn't your mother teach you any manners?'

Once I was setting a casual table for our breakfast at her house and didn't do it correctly and she went off on me again about my ignorance in that area.

And my favorite...she wrote my dh a letter when he was in college that said,
'Don't marry that Smith girl. She has bad jeans.'

:eek: Bless your heart!! My MIL has made her share of comments, but usually much more passive aggressive in nature. Goodness! What kind of relationship do y'all have now? I know for me, I hold my MIL at bay because of comments she has and continues to make. I've become almost controlling about it. Thankfully, dh sees it and has done everything to protect me emotionally from her. He has almost no relationship with her.....it's very surface level. I think if she was ugly all the time I could handle it better than her being Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I never know what I'm getting with her so now I just pretty much try to ignore her. I just can't let my guard down during her "nice" times. It drives me nuts now that my kids are getting older because she says it to them, behind my back.:angry: It's never anything really bad, just picky and ridiculous. I'm glad I don't have to see her all that often.

[Scarlett]

:eek: Bless your heart!! My MIL has made her share of comments, but usually much more passive aggressive in nature. Goodness! What kind of relationship do y'all have now?

Oh, she is just nuts. I use to literally shake while near her because I tried so hard to make her like me. One day it hit me, 'Its not me it's her!' So now I just set firm boundaries and follow through with a shrug. She calls me a liar, I say, 'I am offended when you call me a liar and I will not stay on the phone and listen to it.' And then I hang up.

And she makes for a good laugh in my family. My family of bad 'jeans'.

[clwcain]

And she makes for a good laugh in my family. My family of bad 'jeans'.

You wore Jordache, didn't you? And your MiL was a Lee woman. Right? ;)

[Just a Jen in Mississippi]

Oh, she is just nuts. I use to literally shake while near her because I tried so hard to make her like me. One day it hit me, 'Its not me it's her!' So now I just set firm boundaries and follow through with a shrug. She calls me a liar, I say, 'I am offended when you call me a liar and I will not stay on the phone and listen to it.' And then I hang up.

And she makes for a good laugh in my family. My family of bad 'jeans'.

Good for you being able to shrug it off! Yeah, the "jeans" thing is pretty darn funny!

[Just a Jen in Mississippi]

You wore Jordache, didn't you? And your MiL was a Lee woman. Right? ;)
:lol::lol:

[Joanne]

Set up:

My dd was born Dec. 10 and this was the Thanksgiving just before. I was hostess - and very clearly at the end pregnancy. My x-sil was attending. Asked, once, "how can I help"? I asked if she could take the shell off some hard boiled eggs so I could make deviled eggs (her brother's, my xh's favorite - irony abounds in this story). She tried one egg, it didn't peel easily and so she went to the back patio to spend the rest of the day smoking.

Except for, right after I placed the turkey in the center of our Thanksgiving table, with a mixed, co-ed, age inclusive crowd of family, friends and people who had nowhere else to go (remember, xh and I were active members of AA and often opened our home to others in need during holidays)....

She said "So, did you lose your mucuous plug yet?". :glare:

[Joanne]

This one wasn't rude, insensitive but it was stupid.

Set up: At a Little League baseball game, where my younger 2 were "off playing" with the other siblings and my oldest was playing on the same field as the son of the stupid guy in the next segment.

After the fact that I homeschool comes up, in context, he asks: "What about sports and socialization?"

No, really. He was *seriously* asking.

[Scarlett]

Set up:


She said "So, did you lose your mucuous plug yet?". :glare:

:eek:

[Crissy]

He wasn't being rude or offensive. He's just not like that. But my husband is a funny, funny guy. :glare:

It was early on a weekday morning and I had only recently gotten out of bed. He told me his brother was coming right over to pick up his tickets for the weekend's football game. I said I would be right back after I put on a bit of makeup. My husband reminded me that my BIL wouldn't disown me just because I wasn't wearing makeup.
"I know," I told him, "I just hate looking my worst when anyone comes over."
"Don't worry about it, then," he reassured me, "you've looked worse."

:001_huh:

[QuirkyKapers]

We had an interim pastor at our church awhile back. I was on Worship Committee and was involved with writing Litanies as well as planning the flow of the service and the songs that would be plugged in. Needless to say, it took a little bit of time since I research everything to make sure whatever was done was accurate Biblically etc. I had a conversation with him indicating that I wasn't sure I was going to continue the next year since it was taking so much time away from my family. (My kids were 3 and 5 at the time) He says to me,"Maybe you really like it that way"
Duh- I wouldn't be saying I need to stop if I liked it that way......

[Binalina]

My dh and I had just gotten engaged. Shortly after which we had Easter with his family. During lunch his grandfather lifted a glass to toast our engagement and said " I think she will be a great asset to our family". Without a moment's hesitation my MIL to be said (loudly) "Yeah, either that or a great big A**!" Well, I knew I had better stear clear after that!

And may i say many rude comments during pregnancy and now that I have 4 little ones. (especially when I had a 5yr old, twins who were 2 and preg. for the fourth one).

Also many people who feel free to tell me I shouldn't have any more children because that would just be crazy.:glare:

Binalina

[Jean in Newcastle]

Let's see. . .

When my dh and I announced our engagment my future MIL sat down with me on the couch and told me the names of every single Filipina that she had hoped he would choose instead of me (I'm not a Filipina).

One of the Filipinas listed told me after we were married, "Well if it doesn't work out, tell your husband I'll be available. . ." (In your dreams!)

My in-laws did not learn my name for our first 2 years of marriage. I would call and identify myself and the response would be "Jean who?"

Actually after 15 years of marriage my in-laws and I have a pretty good relationship.

[Jean in Newcastle]

This one is not about me.

At a church prayer meeting I shared a prayer request for an elderly woman who had cancer and was scared of having chemo.
A woman at church asked how the elderly woman was. When I replied that she was in her 80's this woman said, "Oh, well, she's old. They should just let her die." :eek: I'm glad she wasn't chosen to visit the sick in the hospital. . .

[elegantlion]

My own mother, bless her heart (said in my sweetest voice), made a comment to me when I was a teenager. It has stuck with me for years, I'm now 41 and it still irks me.

My mother, whom I love, was blessed with long legs and a very classically beautiful figure. I inherited my father's short arms, legs and somewhat stocky genetics.

I was not overweight as a teenager, but my mother blessed me with this comment..."You'd be really pretty if you didn't have such a big butt." Can you believe it? Just what a teenage girl wants to hear.

[Amy loves Bud]

When we told my MIL I was pregnant with Romy, number 3.

She replied to me, "I guess you're happy now."

Yes, finally, after thirteen years of marriage and a third child, her precious son was trapped.

Sometimes she ... bugs me. :D

[Rosie_0801]

"I feel sorry for any guy who ends up with you."

I paid little attention at first, I was only about 12. He said it again when I was 21. I told him if he said it again I'd hit him so hard his false teeth would fall out. He laughed, and never said it again.
What charm.
Rosie

[Violet]

What's the most insensitive/offensive thing someone has ever said to you? I can think of a few, but this is the most recent one (actually, it's really more of a back-handed compliment):

A few years ago, I was at my dermatologist's office for acne. My breakouts were not all that bad, but I was tired of always having a few pimples on my face.

Everything went well; he wrote me a prescription and turned to leave the exam room. Then he stopped and said, "You know, in here under this lighting your skin doesn't look all that bad."

I replied, "I know my skin isn't horrible, but I'd really like it to clear up completely."

To that he replied, "Oh, I wasn't talking about your acne. I was talking about your wrinkles. For a woman your age, you really don't look that bad."

Ummm, thanks so much! (I was 34 at the time!)

Anyone else care to share their stories?

Hmm, funny this question should come up. Today, my sil referred to my dd 8 as "off." She was asking me if I was considering sending the kids back to school. Umm, nope. Then, the question was what sort of career my dd would eventually have because she "wasn't going to become a doctor, you know." :001_huh: I have no idea what she'll do, but it's probably a bit premature to assume she can't do certain things in life at this stage, right? Then, she told me about a friend's "off" sister who was on an IEP in school but has got through college and has an MA in Education. To boot, she's now married to a guy who has a great paying job in a highly technical field. So, I said, well, at least she's figured out how to land a great guy. ;) Anyhow, my dd 8 does have learning differences and social awkwardness and fine and gross motor issues, but sheesh, who refers to kids as "off" to their parents?!

So, yeah, this was pretty insensitive I think.

Anita

[homeschoolin'mygirls]

Wow, no one would ever believe you used to be so fat!

What really made this so funny is she is the type of person that NEVER makes a social gaffe. And because she was trying to compliment me, I took it in the spirit she meant it. (But that doesn't stop me from ribbing her about it, even to this day):D

I wouldn't be nearly as good-natured about the intentionally rude and hurtful comments some of you have received.

What could those people have been thinking? :confused:

nandell

[*anj*]

Let's see. . .

When my dh and I announced our engagment my future MIL sat down with me on the couch and told me the names of every single Filipina that she had hoped he would choose instead of me (I'm not a Filipina).


Jean,
I understand that.

When dh and I first started dating, his father told him that he didn't approve and that he should be dating one of our other friends and he named them (there was a whole group of us who ran around together in college.)

Then while we were dating we had eaten dinner with his parents and I was helping his mom wash dishes and she turned around and told me that if I cared at all for him I'd let him go. She told me that he would never be successful in business or get ahead in life if he had me for a wife. She said that people would reject our children and they wouldn't have any friends. She told me that her friend had said that she doesn't think that couples "like you" should have children because they are rejected by society. She told me that people in their area don't go for "that kind of thing."

There were other things too. It was pretty unpleasant.

I basically told her that any trials he might face would only build his character and make her stronger. I told her that I didn't care if people down there don't "go for that" because we don't live down there. And I told her that there are lots of people who will love our children because her friend doesn't know what she's talking about.

And then I walked out.
I didn't tell (future) dh about it until we were in the car.

She's fine now. We're on good terms. We're not terribly close to her, but there are all kinds of other reasons for that. Her dh has been dead for some time now, but we had a very good relationship right up to his death.

[Diana in OR]

Mine seem tame compared to some of yours, but here goes:

I got pg w/ds 6 months after dh and I got married. We wanted kids right away, so we didn't do anything to prevent it. When I told my mom I was expecting here first grandchild(we were not very close), she said, "I thought you were going to wait a couple of years."

When dh and I told our Bible study, one of the single gals piped right up and said, "I take it this was a planned thing?"

And last, a homeschool-related rude comment: My boys and I helped out with an After School Club with a couple in their late 50s. The husband was a retired teacher. One week,out of the blue, he pulled my 7th grader aside and asked him to name the continents. The next week, he pulled *me* aside and told me that ds didn't know the continents, and that it was a basic third grade skill he should have known, and that I needed to work with him on them!

[nancypants]

"You have four sons? How sad!" :cursing::banghead: Almost ripped that lady a new one.

[Whisperlily]

About 2 weeks after my DH had left for a 15 month deployment, while living in a city where I had no friends or family, I had to make a trip to the grocery store with all 4 kids in tow.

Talking quietly with the kids, we were discussing what Daddy might be doing at that moment... How far away it was, what the time difference was, etc.

A lady came up to me in the checkout line and started talking very loudly, saying that my husband was a murderer... and worse. Right in front of my children, loud enough that it was drawing attention from anyone within earshot.

I understand that people have very strong feelings about the military and current world events, but what kind of person would say something like that in front of small children who are obviously missing their Daddy?

I do have to give Kudos to my DH for what he said when I told him... I think it's a common sentiment passed around among soldiers. He told me next time, if it happens, to tell her he said "You're welcome. I do what I do, serving our country in whatever way I am asked, so that we will ensure you always have the right to speak your opinions freely."

[Heather in the Kootenays]

Well, my MIL told me I had been nothing but trouble since the day she'd met me - that was after 15 years of marriage. It was just the capper on 17 years of rude comments. I am done. We haven't spoken since. I just sweetly say - Oh you must be calling for your son and pass the phone on over. And I always seem to have important work commitments when dh and kids are going to visit.

[Scarlett]

I understand that people have very strong feelings about the military and current world events, but what kind of person would say something like that in front of small children who are obviously missing their Daddy?

That is terrible. :(

[WTMindy]

He wasn't being rude or offensive. He's just not like that. But my husband is a funny, funny guy. :glare:

It was early on a weekday morning and I had only recently gotten out of bed. He told me his brother was coming right over to pick up his tickets for the weekend's football game. I said I would be right back after I put on a bit of makeup. My husband reminded me that my BIL wouldn't disown me just because I wasn't wearing makeup.
"I know," I told him, "I just hate looking my worst when anyone comes over."
"Don't worry about it, then," he reassured me, "you've looked worse."

:001_huh:

LOL!! Funny guy!!:glare:

[sleepy]

When we moved into our new home a guy came over to install the cable box. He asked me why the kids weren't "in school," and I explained that we homeschool, so they're always here...

He said, "Oh, I feel sorry for you."

Dude, you have a job installing cable boxes, and you feel sorry for me?? :blink:

[OnTheBrink]

When we moved into our new home a guy came over to install the cable box. He asked me why the kids weren't "in school," and I explained that we homeschool, so they're always here...

He said, "Oh, I feel sorry for you."

Dude, you have a job installing cable boxes, and you feel sorry for me?? :blink:


I had the same experience with a dishwasher repair man. First, he reeked of cigarette smoke and stank up my whole kitchen/living room area; secondly, I wasn't paying him for his opinions. I told him all I needed him to do was repair the dishwasher and leave the educational decisions to those to whom it concerns.

My exMIL had some doozies for my son. She'd make references to "blackies," "n*ggers," "darkies" and then giggle as if it were funny. My son never caught on to that (he was pretty young) but one year, he grew a LOT and after he towered over MIL, she stopped.

[Jennifer in NH]

Given enough time I could come up with a few...but off the top of my head here is one from my FIL.
When my future dh told his parents that he had asked me to marry him...my future FIL took him out to the back field for a talk...in this talk he told my dh that since I was from Massachusetts I was probably "loose" and a slut. :glare: because, of course all women who grew up close to the city are you know!;) Why DH ever told me that, I do not know...since being married my FIL has been wonderful. of course, Dh's great uncle told dh, in fron tof me, to not let me get more education than he gets! Nope...no one whant a smart, educated woman for a wife!;)
Funny thing is, my MIL is the one who zaps me all the time, but gosh if I can remember any! I let DH go over there alone most of the time..without me, without my kiddos! oh well.

[TraceyS/FL]

Oh the one i will NEVER forget.....

My 5th grade year was.... horrid.... i truly believe that my teacher hated me (as did my parents). It was a GOOD THING that we moved out of state 1/2 thru the year.

However, we moved back to town for me to start 7th grade. That teacher was the Assistant Principal at the Jr High. Lovely.

So i walked up to him on the first day of school, on the blacktop - he was leaning on a pole watching all of us, and said "Hi!" to him.

He looked at me and said, "I thought you moved?"

Nice.

Flash to highschool and i was driving, my brother was now in 5th grade. Guess who had gone back to teaching it? Yup. HIM. AND, my brother got stuck with him.

I used to have to go pick him up from school - i'd stand in the back of that horrid classroom glaring at him. :D

My parents could not believe their horrid luck for getting the man TWICE. YUCK.

(and this my friends, is one of the worst public school memories i have - and i'm 39, and have NEVER forgotten it. He did horrid things to my esteem.....)

[TraceyS/FL]

I moved 3000 miles from mine.

I could go on and on and on with the MIL ones..... but i won't...... ugh....

[Alenee]

My mil is known for making comments that leave you thinking, "Did she mean what I think she meant?"

DD2 was in my lap when mil said, "Wow, she has a bad overbite just like her mom."

What? What overbite? I was stunned into silence....

My fil (before dh and I married) told dh to watch out for me because I didn't have a job at the time and could sue him for palimony if he dumped me. WHAT?

[nmoira]

Not three hours after I'd been talking about being in the middle of an emotionally charged search for my birth mother, my soon-to-be MIL (in response to something on the radio) proceeded to rant about how adoptees end up psychologically damaged simply because they are raised by people not related to them. This was after she'd gone on about how she didn't understand why Canada wasn't part of the US (I'm Canadian, and like most Canadians have a sensitive spot on the issue of sovereignty). This was the worst day, but there's another incident every time I see her. She wonders why I don't actively seek to spend time with her.

[Kelli in TN]

Said in front of my daughter when she was 6 years old

"You won't be able to homeschool her. She is not smart like her brother."


Of course that girl who apparently showed no promise at age 6 is an English major on a full scholarship at private liberal arts college. So, maybe she was smarter than she looked?

[dragons in the flower bed]

I think the one that sticks out most for me does so because it came from someone I see regularly. Every time I see this person, I wonder if they're just waiting for me to see the light. The comment, made with a hand placed supportively on my arm: "I just want to make sure you know that when you decide you're ready to leave Brett, we'll be here to support your escape." :001_huh:

[Stacia]

It was early on a weekday morning and I had only recently gotten out of bed. He told me his brother was coming right over to pick up his tickets for the weekend's football game. I said I would be right back after I put on a bit of makeup. My husband reminded me that my BIL wouldn't disown me just because I wasn't wearing makeup.
"I know," I told him, "I just hate looking my worst when anyone comes over."
"Don't worry about it, then," he reassured me, "you've looked worse."

:001_huh:

LOL. This makes me think of something my sister's dh said to her... She must have been grumpy or in a bad mood & after acting that way, I guess she said something to that effect. Well, her dh shot back w/, "You've been b*tchier." LOL. (Uh, I think he then quickly saw what b*tchier is & tried to eat his words.)

We tell my sister that one all the time now, whenever she gets a little out of sorts. ;) Guess she'll never live that one down.

I'm trying to think of insults of put downs, but can't think of one. For some reason, when my ds was born, my mil didn't come by to see him at all for over a month. She lives 2 miles down the road & is out & about every.single.day. She practially drives by the end of our street 2x a day (minimum) to go get her daily coffee at the cafe. When she did finally show up, it wasn't to see the baby, but because she needed dh to help her w/ some paperwork stuff. It hurt my feelings at the time, but we have a good relationship even so.

[Staci in MO]

It happened when I was pregnant with my third child. We were trying to leave the house, and our dog was hiding under my bed.

I pulled the dog out from under the bed and stood up. My ds (remember, he was five), was studying me from behind.

He said, "Mommy, I know you're not supposed to say that someone has a fat butt, but is it okay to say if someone has a big butt?"

Um, no. Not okay.

And around the same time, we were praying with the kids before bed. Dd was three.

Her prayer? "Thank you for the handsome guy named Daddy and the big lady named Mommy."

Dh and I laughed until we had tears rolling down our faces. We still laugh about that one.

And I'm not all that big, but I'm short and have big babies, so pregnancy is kind of dramatic on my small frame.

[Mom2GirlsTX]

I think one said to me from my SIL is pretty funny :

"that is a very bad picture of you, but at least it looks better than you do in real life"
:confused:

[Jean in Wisc]

I was a mom of an almost 2yo and a newborn. When pregnant, I carried the babies out front, far enough to outgrow my maternity clothing. It took a little time to shrink back into the right size, so for the first few weeks, I wore jumpers and looser fitting dresses.

While holding my baby on one arm and pushing my toddler on a swing in a park at a homeschool family get-together, one of the mothers asked, "Are you pregnant again?"

"Um.(?!?) No...," looking down at my just-a-few-weeks-old babe in my arms.

"Then why do you always were such frumpy clothing?"

Right.

Thanks.

J

[kalanamak]

My in-laws did not learn my name for our first 2 years of marriage. I would call and identify myself and the response would be "Jean who?"

Actually after 15 years of marriage my in-laws and I have a pretty good relationship.

My exIL's called me the white wh*re, and accused me of giving him syphilis (it was chickenpox, and I didn't give it to him and his mother was an RN), told me "white women were too lazy to make good nurses" (I was an intern working 80 hours a week) and warned him I'd spring a litter of children on him once we were married (hidden until I snared him, you see?). She'd say things like "I forgot you were coming...everything is very spicy" (I learned to eat very spicy), and told him of a divorced woman who'd have him if he'd just leave me. I went through 11 years of this.
When we announced our engagement, his father said "We thought he would have intercourse with you, but never marry you". I kid not.

They were tickled pink when we split up, although they had grown to understand I'd stuck by him through 3 crisis with none coming from my health or behavior, and I could cook a mean sabji. Now they are probably gnawing their knuckles over the fact he lives with a less finanacially stable woman with FOUR children who refuses to marry him despite his beggings. And she is white, too. (And she is right to refuse....he'll keep swimming after a fish that is fleeing, but once it is his, he'll take it all for granted.)

[Alexandra]

I am not happy about world events but that statement is utterly indefensible and I am sorry that someone said that to you and your children! It reminds me of what the military went through during/after Viet Nam.
Blech!


About 2 weeks after my DH had left for a 15 month deployment, while living in a city where I had no friends or family, I had to make a trip to the grocery store with all 4 kids in tow.

Talking quietly with the kids, we were discussing what Daddy might be doing at that moment... How far away it was, what the time difference was, etc.

A lady came up to me in the checkout line and started talking very loudly, saying that my husband was a murderer... and worse. Right in front of my children, loud enough that it was drawing attention from anyone within earshot.

I understand that people have very strong feelings about the military and current world events, but what kind of person would say something like that in front of small children who are obviously missing their Daddy?

I do have to give Kudos to my DH for what he said when I told him... I think it's a common sentiment passed around among soldiers. He told me next time, if it happens, to tell her he said "You're welcome. I do what I do, serving our country in whatever way I am asked, so that we will ensure you always have the right to speak your opinions freely."

[Rose in BC]

A co-worker's wife was picking cherries in our backyard commenting on how selfish young couples were these days, not having babies. It just about killed me because I knew she was directing these comments at me, and my husband and I were struggling a lot with our fertility issues. It was probably at one of the lowest points when she made this comment. And I've never forgotten it (although I'm clearly over it.) I just chalk it up as "people often don't think before they speak". I'm sure she would have been horrified to know she was saying this to a woman who desperately wanted children, but was infertile.

[RoughCollie]

The rudest thing anyone has ever said to me was this gem from my MIL, about a week after my boys were born 3 months early:

"I told all the relatives not to bother sending you cards and presents for the babies. That way, if one or more of them dies, you won't have to send the presents back. Also, they won't have to waste time shopping for or returning the presents until we find out what happens."

and this...

"If one or two of the babies dies, it will be sad, but it will be for the best. I don't see how [my son] will be happy taking care of three babies and having to support them."

RC

[dirty ethel rackham]

A couple pregnancy ones:

When I was very obviously 9 months pg with my first, I needed to buy some shoes for my swollen feet. We walked into a store and the owner told me that I couldn't come in in "that condition." I said 'What condition?" He said," Well, I can't have you having your baby in my store." I started laughing and said, "I wish. Buddy, it rarely happens that way."

I am sure that I related this story here before. I was pg with my 2nd - maybe 7 months. On my way to work, I got stopped for a ticket for improper lane usage. I had to go to the bathroom SOOOO bad and the cop wouldn't let me get out of my car to visit the ladies' room at the gas station across the street. So, when I finally arrived at work, I was IN A MOOD. On the elevator, a man in his late '50's, making conversation, said "Due any day?" Trying to be nice, I said, "No, 2 more months." He then said, "Oh you must be having twins." Well, I lost it - I lit into him about how he just called me fat and that this is what 7 months pregnant looks like -and no, we don't hide out in our houses to not offend the masses with our large, offensive girth, etc. I really let him have it. We got off at the same floor and I then saw him walk into the executive wing. He was the VP in from New York. I slithered off to the bathroom and hid in my cube most of the day!!

[Part-Time Homeschooler]

My exMIL had some doozies for my son. She'd make references to "blackies," "n*ggers," "darkies" and then giggle as if it were funny. My son never caught on to that (he was pretty young) but one year, he grew a LOT and after he towered over MIL, she stopped.

How horrible! I don't understand how someone could ever think using language like that while talking to a child was funny.

[Doran]

It was an accident, truly. Fortunately, I apologized right away and told the woman that what I'd said didn't come out at all like I'd intended. My part of the exchange went like this:

Me: "Oh, Alicia! It's you. I saw you from the back a few minutes ago, and I didn't even recognize you. You look so pretty tonight."





Gah! I can still taste the shoe leather!

[Elaine]

When we lived in NJ we were having some work done in our backyard. The two men that were working there were pretty young. After two days of them working and me being around with all three of my boys, one of the men says to me, "What do you do?

What do you mean, I said.

Do you work?

Well, I began, I raise my children and teach them at home.

So, you don't work. He says.

(uncomfortable pause)

It's just that you're really hot and you look like the kind of woman that would do something important. He said.

:confused:I think that in some neanderthal way, he was attempting to pay me a compliment. When I told my husband what happened he stayed home from work the next day while Frick and Frack finished the job.:lol:



disclaimer: I am not "hot."

[Doran]

I think that in some neanderthal way, he was attempting to pay me a compliment. When I told my husband what happened he stayed home from work the next day while Frick and Frack finished the job.:lol:



disclaimer: I am not "hot."


Apparently, Frick and Frack have a different sort of thermometer than you do! :smilielol5:

[Elaine]

Apparently, Frick and Frack have a different sort of thermometer than you do! :smilielol5:

You kill me, sister!:lol:

[Heather in the Kootenays]

When I talk to my MIL, I am stunned into silence - which is probably a very good thing.

[Mamagistra]

:eek: People say such horrible things! I'm aghast at so many of these comments!

When I was 11 or so, a neighborhood friend's squat, sausage-shaped grandmother belly-laughed at me saying, "Look at her: she got them little ol' CHINESE eyes!" :001_huh: I'm pretty sure she said some other things, too, but that line stuck with me. :(

I didn't understand why she would say such a thing or why it was exceptionally funny to her. And because I didn't understand, I felt very ugly for a long time after this grown woman laughed at the way I looked. :glare:

[Lisawa]

MY MIL has said all sorts of rude things to me and about me.

When I was 16 she told my dh (well, he wasn't my dh then) 'She must not get enough to eat at home because she eats like a pig here.'

When I told her some furniture that she insisted we take from her wasn't my style she said, 'Of course you don't like it. You don't have the style and class it would take to appreciate fine furniture because of the kind of family you came from'.

Once I held my coffee cup incorrectly in a restaurant and she said, 'didn't your mother teach you any manners?'

Once I was setting a casual table for our breakfast at her house and didn't do it correctly and she went off on me again about my ignorance in that area.

And my favorite...she wrote my dh a letter when he was in college that said,
'Don't marry that Smith girl. She has bad jeans.'


Oh no she didnt?:eek: That is so harsh... is she still this way?? Yikes...

[Brindee]

Wow, after reading all this I feel blessed---My mil and I get along GREAT!

And....ummmm....I just forgot the story I was going to share!:blush:

[Danestress]

Was from my husband. I was representing a stripper on drug charges in court. She paid me in the hallway that morning in cash from a big old wad of bills. I joked to my husband that I should quit my job and be a stripper, since she was so much better off than I was. He replied that no one would pay to see me naked.

Thanks, dude.


But my favorite that wasn't directed at me was directed towards a friend whose MIL-to-be, upon meeting her for the first time, remarked, "Well, you certainly are the *largest* woman Robert has ever dated."

[Danestress]

She said "So, did you lose your mucuous plug yet?". :glare:

Oh my, this really needs to be a scene in a movie! That's absolutely hilarious!

[Mrs Mungo]

OK...I don't understand how some of these people have not been stabbed in the eye. Really. Do I have a "I will happily stab you in the eye" aura that prevents them from saying such things to me?

I have had many comments from gas station attendants and such wanting to know what credentials I have that allow me to homeschool my kids. Because you know...public school did so much for them.

[*anj*]

I have had many comments from gas station attendants and such wanting to know what credentials I have that allow me to homeschool my kids. Because you know...public school did so much for them.

Yeah, like the waitress at the diner who started quizzing my kids on the names of presidents and the state capitols. Ummm, yeah...get me another cup of coffee please.

[Kathleen in VA]

Wow! It is so "unbelievable" (although I do believe it:)) that so many of you have had to endure such rude treatment. YIKES! I thought my mil was bad, but she is a cream puff compared to some mentioned in these posts. Bless your little hearts. I can see that this *has* built character in you guys - I'm amazed that you just keep silent. I'm not sure I could keep my mouth shut.

My rude comment came from a lot of different folks a few months after I was married. I was 27 when I got married and so was my husband. We wanted to have a big family (his sister has six children and lots of families at our church are large) and both of us had heard many, many stories about couples not being able to "get pregnant" so we decided not to do anything to prevent it. We figured the odds were that, barring any unforeseen problems, we'd be pregnant within a year.

Well, we found out about 2 months after the wedding date that I had gotten pregnant on the honeymoon. We were both thrilled. But you should have seen the looks we got from friends and family when we told them. They wanted to know if that was why we had gotten married! These were grandparents, people at church, folks I worked with at the Christian School where I taught first grade! HUH??

We got engaged in January, sent out the invitations in early May and got married June 21st. Our son was born the following year on March 15th. (Isn't that 9 months???) I realize he was a tad early, but all five of mine have been - anywhere from 1 to 4 weeks.

How would I have known in January and then again in May that I was going to be pregnant in June so that I could send out the invitations a month ahead of time:confused:??

Geesh.

I think some of these folks still think we "had" to get married. No joke.

How hard is to count from June to March?

Oh, well. What are ya gonna do?

[Kate CA]

OK...I don't understand how some of these people have not been stabbed in the eye. Really. Do I have a "I will happily stab you in the eye" aura that prevents them from saying such things to me?



I know! I am sitting here reading these comments with my mouth on the floor. It is *shocking* what some people feel OK about saying! I am especially stunned by the MIL comments. WOW!! I would never be able to hold my tongue!

[Jennifer in NH]

On my wedding day, at the church, my MIL announced to all who would listen that she did not like my wedding dress....:glare: That made me feel wonderful and special..not!

[sleepy]

Didn't you get the memo? Eye twitching is totally hot! :001_tt2:

[Elaine]

Didn't you get the memo? Eye twitching is totally hot! :001_tt2:

Are you refering to me?:D

:lol:

[*anj*]

Are you refering to me?:D

:lol:
Okay, who here thinks that Laney should change her name to "Totally Hot"?:lol::lol::lol:

[Maria from IN]

My own mother, bless her heart (said in my sweetest voice), made a comment to me when I was a teenager. It has stuck with me for years, I'm now 41 and it still irks me.

My mother, whom I love, was blessed with long legs and a very classically beautiful figure. I inherited my father's short arms, legs and somewhat stocky genetics.

I was not overweight as a teenager, but my mother blessed me with this comment..."You'd be really pretty if you didn't have such a big butt." Can you believe it? Just what a teenage girl wants to hear.

:grouphug:

I had a similar experience when I was 15, 5'9" and 140 pounds. I have always had long legs, and in the eighties it was excruciatingly difficult to find pants that were long enough. Mom told me with a laugh, "You know, you wouldn't need pants that were so long if you didn't have so much a$$ to put in them."

It's amazing how much a girl can restrain herself when her 5'6", 230-pound mom makes a comment like that...

Of course, she was the same woman who, after letting my brother flounder in college seven years (to finally settle on a major and get a 2-year degree), yanked me out of college after 2 years, giving up a scholarship and the honors program with only a non-committal "Well, it's okay because I didn't like what you were studying anyway."

By then I was well-versed in biting my tongue and pretending like she never said anything...:glare:

[Miss Peregrine]

When we announced that we were pregnant with our first, the very first words out of my step-mom's mouth were, "I don't want to be called grandma. That's reserved for my kids."


When we announced that we were pregnant with our 4th, MIL said, "You know, less is more." :glare:

[Laura Corin]

"Calvin's very like you were as a child. He's much brighter of course."

Laura

[KAR120C]

There was one guy in my cohort who was known for his general lack of social skills -- completely harmless, just a little awkward and insensitive in general. And then I met his parents.

I was having Easter dinner with his family and a bunch of other students from our cohort who weren't doing anything else for Easter, and about halfway through the meal his mom burst out with "Oh I know who she looks like!" (referring to me) "Isn't she just the spitting image of Chris??" And her son says "Mom, Chris is a GUY"
:glare:

[Crissy]

disclaimer: I am not "hot."

Liar.

[Carpe Diem]

said to me, "Your the type of girl who looks really pretty from far away." Many years later (college) at my great grandfather's funeral the same dumb cousin walked up to me. Instead of even saying hi, he says loudly with much exasperation, "boy have you gotten fat." He then walked away. I burst into tears. I wasn't even fat. I wonder what he says about me now that I AM fat!

As a girl, my aunt who is 5 years older was letting me handle her horse. I must have shied away or something but she said, "Boy you have a lot to learn about horses." Gee, that one really hurt my feelings.

I'm kinda laughing at how sensitive I was then!

Oh, here was one that bothered me for a very long time and I even let it bother me after we were married. I went home with my dh before we were engaged. We went out with his friends so that he could show me off or whatever. His one friend sat and chatted with me and said, "well you know, Michael wasn't sure he liked you because you are a big woman." Gee, what do you say to that. He sat there with a smart smirk on his face. He made some other comments about me to my face but that one really got to me. Come to find out later that he was very insecure and couldn't stand it that his main buddy was falling in love. He ended up taking his own life by jumping off a building. Very sad.

That leads me to point out one of my pet peeves. I abhor being described as big. I am tall not big. Don't call my girls big either. They are tall!

Okay that is enough info about me to last for the next year!!!

[Kate in Arabia]

Most of mine are of the "go back to your own country" variety...

[LunaLee]

About homeschooling...

When we decided to pull dd out of school her then teacher said, "But, you are too smart to be homeschooled."

One of my dh's aunts (the same aunt who bought us a can of Slim Jim for Christmas one year mind you) asked my dd " So how many friends do you have dear?"

Ummm...how many do you have?

And my favorite, but it doesn't really count 'cuz he was 4 at the time, was from my son -He said my stretch marked belly looked like the Grinch. :glare: I told him they were battle scars.

[Elaine]

Okay, who here thinks that Laney should change her name to "Totally Hot"?:lol::lol::lol:

Wouldn't that be a hoot! :lol:

[Elaine]

Liar.

You really know how to give a girl a compliment, Crissy!!:lol:


From one hottie to another.:D

[Baseballmom]

One day a woman came up to me at church and asked if I was pregnant. I told her, "No, I am not pregnant." She looked at me and said, "Well you look like you are!" The ironic thing is that she had just had (Gastro by-pass?) surgery and only a few months before was 400 lbs. I did go on to loose more than 70 lbs. as a result of this comment.
Dorothy

[Jackie in AR]

The rudest thing anyone has ever said to me was this gem from my MIL, about a week after my boys were born 3 months early:

"I told all the relatives not to bother sending you cards and presents for the babies. That way, if one or more of them dies, you won't have to send the presents back. Also, they won't have to waste time shopping for or returning the presents until we find out what happens."

and this...

"If one or two of the babies dies, it will be sad, but it will be for the best. I don't see how [my son] will be happy taking care of three babies and having to support them."

RC

What is it with MILs and babies?

As soon as my MIL found out we were having twins with our first pregnancy, she would mention each time that I saw her that two children were "enough" in this day and time, and that we really shouldn't plan on having any more. She was horrified when we announced we were pregnant with dc#3.

A couple of years after dc#3 was born, I had a miscarriage. MIL told me that the miscarriage was God's way of protecting me because I certainly didn't need to have any more children. So, in her mind, God killed off our unborn baby because we didn't need another one. You can imagine her displeasure when we later announced our pregnancy with #4.

She still hasn't gotten over the fact that we've had 4 dc, and will occasionally make another rude comment, but never in front of dh. ;)

[Scarlett]

I can see that this *has* built character in you guys - I'm amazed that you just keep silent. I'm not sure I could keep my mouth shut.

Oh, I hope I didn't give the impression that I've kept my mouth shut for 25 years. ;) We have had our share of knock- down- drag- out fights as I attempted to 'reason' with my horrid MIL. In fact, this hung on my refrigerator for years: Those who feel they must always speak their mind fail to see silence as an alternative. And yes it was for me.

I always say I win the 'worst MIL' prize. Although Jackie's story of her MIL saying it was 'God's will' that her baby died gives me a run for my money. That kind of comment makes my spine stiffen and heat rise to my face in absolute fury.

I think my MIL is a Narcissist. Seriously. Once I figured out she is probably mentally ill, it became much easier to ignore some of what she says and remove myself from her presence for the worst of it. It is tricky when it is your MIL though...she is 78 and I feel some obligation to keep some sort of relationship. So I will wait a month or so and call her up and check on her and act as if she never said something like, 'Scarlett looks better in a picture than she does in real life.'

[3lilreds in NC]

"You have four sons? How sad!" :cursing::banghead: Almost ripped that lady a new one.

Oh, Nan, you know we all feel tremendous amounts of sympathy for you, but we're too polite to say anything. :D:D:D




(you know I'm kidding, right? I'd take 4 boys in a heartbeat.)

[3lilreds in NC]

Wow. I gotta tell you guys, I don't care for my MIL, but she seems like a saint in comparison to some of the things you've endured. I'm so sorry. :grouphug:

[Scarlett]

You wore Jordache, didn't you? And your MiL was a Lee woman. Right? ;)

Yep. :) And what has made this comment particularly ironic to me is that about 4 years ago I discovered that MIL is adopted. We dont know if she knows or not.

[Heather in the Kootenays]

I'm grateful to know I'm in such good company.

:grouphug:

[AndyJoy]

When my sister was 12 and I was 14, she was very self conscious about the fact that she hadn't had a growth spurt yet and her figure still looked childlike. She was not even chubby, just normal pre-adolescent shape. Our pastor's uber-popular 20-year-old daughter was visiting from college, and said to me (in hearing of 3 other teens who blabbed to my sister), "Well, your sister sure is a dumpy thing!" I gave her a piece of my mind! She had sought me out when I was 12 because I was smart and she thought I would be good to "groom" to take over her position as "queen bee" when she graduated high school, but I saw her shallowness and grew to despise her. I later learned that at least one family had decided not to join our church because she made fun of their daughter's weight repeatedly. What I find ironic is that about a year after she mocked my sister, she gained about 15 pounds because she was working and not playing sports anymore. I managed to bite my tongue when I saw her, but boy was I tempted!

When I was 13, I was feeling ill at school and went to the kitchen to get a cup of ice water. My mom (also my teacher) came into the kitchen and was discussed taking me home. Another mom turned to me and said, "You feel like cr*p, huh?" My mom gently reminded her that we don't use that language at our Christian school. When my mom left the room, the woman turned to me and flared, "Well, we all know what kind of language YOU use when your mom isn't around." This hurt so much at the time because it was a complete lie, and injustice made me madder than anything! I realized later that she was just embarrassed and took it out on me, but it wounded me horribly to think that someone thought ill of me when I didn't deserve it!

[RoughCollie]

We announced that I was pregnant with #4 when the boys turned a year old. MIL was speechless for the first time in her life!

What is it with MILs and babies?

As soon as my MIL found out we were having twins with our first pregnancy, she would mention each time that I saw her that two children were "enough" in this day and time, and that we really shouldn't plan on having any more. She was horrified when we announced we were pregnant with dc#3. ;)

[Jennay]

Wow, after all these MIL stories, I realize how blessed I am to have the one I do. Anything "offensive" she has ever said pales in comparison. I'm going to give her a call right now!

[GraceinMD]

WOW!! I would never be able to hold my tongue!

I *don't* always hold my tongue (more on that below), but what this thread is making me think/pray here is, "Dear Lord, please let me be a blessing to my someday-daughter-in-law, not fodder for a message board! Let me encourage and uplift her and, oh, yes, go back to teaching her future husband to be a great husband!"

On the not-holding-my-tongue front:
Set up: working as a resident, up for 34 hours, near the end of a really tough shift, wearing scrubs (rarely flattering to women, imo) but no lab coat. A nurse I worked with said, "Wow, have you gained weight?!" I spun around in the middle of the hospital hallway and gave her a huge, happy grin and said (as only the sleep-deprived can do), "Why, yes! Thank you!" She looked very puzzled and said, "Uh ... were you trying to gain weight?" Losing the grin, I snapped, "Well, of COURSE I'm not trying to gain weight! But why would you ask such an incredibly rude and stupid question to anybody, much less someone you barely know?!!" ... and stormed away. Not my finest hour, but, sadly, not my worst hour, either.

[Doran]

I *don't* always hold my tongue (more on that below), but what this thread is making me think/pray here is, "Dear Lord, please let me be a blessing to my someday-daughter-in-law, not fodder for a message board! Let me encourage and uplift her and, oh, yes, go back to teaching her future husband to be a great husband!"

On the not-holding-my-tongue front:
Set up: working as a resident, up for 34 hours, near the end of a really tough shift, wearing scrubs (rarely flattering to women, imo) but no lab coat. A nurse I worked with said, "Wow, have you gained weight?!" I spun around in the middle of the hospital hallway and gave her a huge, happy grin and said (as only the sleep-deprived can do), "Why, yes! Thank you!" She looked very puzzled and said, "Uh ... were you trying to gain weight?" Losing the grin, I snapped, "Well, of COURSE I'm not trying to gain weight! But why would you ask such an incredibly rude and stupid question to anybody, much less someone you barely know?!!" ... and stormed away. Not my finest hour, but, sadly, not my worst hour, either.


Maybe this isn't what you want to hear right now, but...

...Would you be on my team!? I love your reply to this woman, even if it's not particularly, uh, gracious. :D

[PrairieAir]

Dh and I were once openly accused in a Cub Scout leader meeting of "hiding our light under a bushel". More was said along those lines. The meeting was a witch hunt. It was a homeschool pack and troop and they were out to dump one family who was not Christian (for that reason alone) and us because we associated with them. My dh had many long talks with most of the people in that group about the Bible. He has never been one to hide his beliefs, but he doesn't shove them down your throat and accepts that people have a right to believe differently. We worked hard as members of this group for two years and the person who made this comment had rarely attended meetings with his children. Others who had known us for the whole time and who had been in on these conversations about God and the Bible took the accuser's side. They let us know we were not welcome and more. This man also said that during a tornado when the entire group was in the basement, he felt the spirit was restraining him from praying because of our presence and this other family being there. My thought was, "What spirit?" It was one of the most evil, nasty situations I have ever been in. The man spoke his words so religiously, and I'm sure to some he seemed like a good Christian concerned about protecting his family's faith. I've been in a few other nasty situations, but I don't think I've ever had anything so insulting and untruthful said about me or my family.

One of the things that bothers me most is when someone says I am not being 100% honest or sincere or accuses me of having some ulterior motive. Those things are important to me, so it stings pretty badly when someone says something like that. It happened on another forum once, and after responding, I never went back. The individual that said it used to visit the old board occasionally and just seeing that name made my blood boil.

Someone on the old board also called me a "fence-sitter" in regard to my beliefs, and I have had a hard time forgiving that comment.

Dh's Italian grandmother can really throw some doozies, too. She told dh I was just marrying him for his money. (Funny since I had a little at that time and he had none. We were both 18 and money was not even a thought.) There have been so many over the years that I can't even begin to list them. If she isn't being insulting, she's being ingratiating which is equally uncomfortable. I am civil to her for dh and MIL's sake only. Otherwise, I would never see her again.

Wow, I think I need to work on letting go.

Here's a funny one. When I was 15, I went to a weekend Christian youth conference. After the Friday evening meeting, the man leading the meeting began calling names to divide everyone into cabins. He called my name and I stood up. At the time I had very short hair and I was (and still am) pretty flat chested. I was wearing jeans and a blue T-shirt. I was looking down to pick up my Bible and notebook when the comment came, "Um, son, that's a girl's cabin." I looked up and he immediately realized his mistake, but the damage was done. There were a couple hundred teenagers in the room and a row of cute boys (including my not-yet dh) who knew me and who immediately started whooping and hollering and laughing. The man who made the mistake was embarrassed also and apologized profusely, but it didn't help a bit back then. I thought I would surely die! I was so humiliated then, but now I look back and think how funny it was.:D

[PamInMN]

A long, long time ago.......... in a land far away........ a young man I was seeing and I were talking with a bunch of our friends and discussing how we were going to pay for the next beer run. I reached into my pockets and pulled out three cents and offered that....... the young man laughed at my offering and said, "That's what I paid you for the three times we slept together!"...... there was silence in the crowd..... not missing a beat I sneered and slowly let the pennies drop to the asphalt while I retorted, "I didn't think it was worth that much", and slowly walked back to my car and drove away...... the place erupted into laughter and he stood there in my rearview mirror looking like the total jerk he proved himself to be.

Ahhhhhhh! Sometimes that one braincell fires off at just the right time and in just the right way............ :lol::lol::lol:

[Mommy22alyns]

As a pre-teen and young teenager, I had to endure many insensitive and rude comments about my lack of, um, "development." Many still stick with me to this day... I wish I had the money to get them surgically enhanced, because I'd sure do it.

When I was maybe 12 or so, my class in school was practicing Christmas carols. I let slip a wobbly note and my friend (?) sitting next to me turned and said, "Did you have to make that noise?" I won't sing in front of people now. I make halfhearted squeaks when singing Happy Birthday and will only sing to my girls if no one else is around.

[*anj*]

Most of mine are of the "go back to your own country" variety...

Really? Despite the fact that you've converted to the local religion, wear culturally acceptable clothing and are married to a man of Middle Eastern descent? Wow.

[Kathleen in VA]

Oh, I hope I didn't give the impression that I've kept my mouth shut for 25 years. ;) We have had our share of knock- down- drag- out fights as I attempted to 'reason' with my horrid MIL. In fact, this hung on my refrigerator for years: Those who feel they must always speak their mind fail to see silence as an alternative. And yes it was for me.

I always say I win the 'worst MIL' prize. Although Jackie's story of her MIL saying it was 'God's will' that her baby died gives me a run for my money. That kind of comment makes my spine stiffen and heat rise to my face in absolute fury.

I think my MIL is a Narcissist. Seriously. Once I figured out she is probably mentally ill, it became much easier to ignore some of what she says and remove myself from her presence for the worst of it. It is tricky when it is your MIL though...she is 78 and I feel some obligation to keep some sort of relationship. So I will wait a month or so and call her up and check on her and act as if she never said something like, 'Scarlett looks better in a picture than she does in real life.'

I have to agree about the part where it becomes easier when you chalk up the comments to mental illness. A lot of these mils are probably afflicted in some way or another so perhaps labeling them as ill would help you all cope with them.

Although I could not do that in the situation I related on this thread, I was raised by a schizophrenic (diagnosed) mother who was, at times, very caustic. It is a very long story I won't bore y'all with, but when I was older and was finally *told* what her problem was, I found it much easier to cope.

My husband posted a sign near the phone that said, "When talking to your mother keep the conversation as short as possible." He would come home from work to find me in tears because my mother had called to say something not very sweet.

*sigh* She died of lung cancer in 1995 and, at times, I miss her. She wasn't always difficult.

[Sarah CB]

We just had a comment this weekend. We were camping and the boys each played a song for our friends while we sat around the campfire. Ds (8) had just finished playing Minuet 2 and was putting his helmet on to go for a bike ride when someone yelled from the next campsite over, "Will you stop that terrible noise?" Someone from our campsite asked what they were talking about and the angry person answered, "That awful fiddling noise - that's enough!"

I appreciate that not everyone likes to hear young boys play the violin, but it was one song each. And there are so many better ways of asking. Instead she yelled mean things at an eight year old who had just proudly played his latest polished piece.

[asta]

Has anyone else noticed the preponderance of mental illness, MILs, rude authority figures making strong impressions on us as adolescents and...

the fact that we are all now determined to not pass such behaviors on?

Well, given that mental illness isn't simply behavioral (much more complex)... but that, by homeschooling our children, we're all committed to giving our children an environment, and the tools wherein they don't have to deal with the types of indelible marks we are discussing.

We're so cool.

(and my quirky kid is so *not* going to replicate the nightmare his quirky parents and their friends endured in public school)

Don't get me started on my MIL...


asta

[H0MEFree]

A couple pregnancy ones:

When I was very obviously 9 months pg with my first, I needed to buy some shoes for my swollen feet. We walked into a store and the owner told me that I couldn't come in in "that condition." I said 'What condition?" He said," Well, I can't have you having your baby in my store." I started laughing and said, "I wish. Buddy, it rarely happens that way."

I am sure that I related this story here before. I was pg with my 2nd - maybe 7 months. On my way to work, I got stopped for a ticket for improper lane usage. I had to go to the bathroom SOOOO bad and the cop wouldn't let me get out of my car to visit the ladies' room at the gas station across the street. So, when I finally arrived at work, I was IN A MOOD. On the elevator, a man in his late '50's, making conversation, said "Due any day?" Trying to be nice, I said, "No, 2 more months." He then said, "Oh you must be having twins." Well, I lost it - I lit into him about how he just called me fat and that this is what 7 months pregnant looks like -and no, we don't hide out in our houses to not offend the masses with our large, offensive girth, etc. I really let him have it. We got off at the same floor and I then saw him walk into the executive wing. He was the VP in from New York. I slithered off to the bathroom and hid in my cube most of the day!!


Oh I got this same thing last week.... but I am not even 6 months preggo yet. (shock!) However, it is my 4th pregnancy.

When I was pregnant with #3 it had been 7 years since my last child was born. I was on the phone telling an old friend about this new pregnancy and she responded - after a moment of silence- "This IS your last one, right?" :confused:
What? It was only my third baby!
Wonder what she'd say if she knew I was pregnant again with #4 at 37 years old? LOL!

[H0MEFree]

Way back when I found out I was pregnant with my first baby, I was 24. (Six years older than my mom when she got pregnant the first time)

My mother responded with disappointment and stayed that way until baby was born.
But the thing she said right off was
"Oh, I thought you would wait until you were older and had more money."
(Mom, I may never be a high paying executive and I am not waiting til I am 50 and my plumbing stops working before I have kids)

[GraceinMD]

...Would you be on my team!?

You bet! My worry is that, when I'm demented in the nursing home, all of the "zingers" that I think of NOW will come out because I'll be so disinhibited THEN - and people will avoid me like the plague! (Maybe they already do, and I'm just not aware of it!) But if I'm already on a TEAM like yours, maybe I won't feel completely abandoned! :D

Thanks!

[Kate in Arabia]

Really? Despite the fact that you've converted to the local religion, wear culturally acceptable clothing and are married to a man of Middle Eastern descent? Wow.

Umm, I was talking about when we were living in the States, sorry for the lack of clarity. (And fwiw, my dh is not Middle Eastern, he's Indian.)

Kate

[*anj*]

Umm, I was talking about when we were living in the States, sorry for the lack of clarity. (And fwiw, my dh is not Middle Eastern, he's Indian.)

Kate

Aha! Thanks for the clarification on both counts. I had always thought that about your dh for some reason. :001_smile:

[Kate in Arabia]

I had always thought that about your dh for some reason.

I may have mentioned visiting my inlaws in Saudi in the past; my fil is an Indian expat working in a hospital there, they've been there for 30+ years.. that could have caused some confusion? There actually has been some cross-marrying there, so we have some Saudi relatives, but my parents-in-law are Indian citizens, as are my sils - dh is naturalized American :patriot:

[*anj*]

I may have mentioned visiting my inlaws in Saudi in the past; my fil is an Indian expat working in a hospital there, they've been there for 30+ years.. that could have caused some confusion? There actually has been some cross-marrying there, so we have some Saudi relatives, but my parents-in-law are Indian citizens, as are my sils - dh is naturalized American :patriot:

Yes, some of that sounds familiar. That must have been what I was thinking...and of course with your having lived in Saudi before moving to Arabia! :001_smile: What a truly multi-cultural family!

[amyable]

From my dad:

"You used to be smart." (lol, thanks Dad, I think it has something to do with 10 years of sleep deprivation)

"You haven't had a normal one yet, have you." (said in reference to the fact that my oldest has alopecia, #2 has a hearing loss, #1 and #3 have severe food allergies/eczema/asthma...)



My MIL said I was only marrying dh for his money (This one makes both of us :lol:)


I get lots of "too many kids" comments but my "favorites" are:

the lady who passed us on her way out of the post office and said loud enough for everyone waiting to hear "Wow, you didn't waste any time popping out all those kids" and then took the Lord's name in vain :cursing:. Yeah, I really enjoyed waiting on that long P.O. line wondering what everyone was thinking of me, and trying to explain to my kids what she meant...

and the woman who said to her daughter (and everyone else on the elevator and in the hallway!) as we exited the elevator and they got on, "Ewww, three kids and pregnant with a forth! Ugh!" in the most disgusted tone. Ummm, gee thanks.

I hid out during my entire pregnancy with #5. :lol:

[Amber in SJ]

I am known as the freaky comment magnet because I receive so many.

Many happen in the grocery store when I have all of my children with me.

One little old lady in the store admired my toddler daughter's platinum curls & asked if DH is a blond. I replied that he has bright red hair and she said...."Oh! Maybe someone else is the daddy!"

Another woman stopped us in the freezer section of the grocery store and upon learning we are homeschoolers said, "Aren't you worried they will be mentally ill from spending so much time with you?"

Once in the grocery store a woman took some time out of her busy day to lecture me on zero population growth and how families with more than one child are using more than their share of the Earth's resources. She even offered to buy me condoms. I had to laugh as we loaded up our reusable bags into the stroller and walked home as she roared out of the parking lot alone in her H2.

At my brother's wedding, my new SIL's minister approached me & asked me to point out my children. I did & he asked if we were going to have anymore. My stock answer is, "We don't know." to which he replied, "Because they are beautiful....perfect Aryan children...we need more of them." I was so shocked I almost snorted my drink out of my nose.

When voting in the last major election I was 6 moths pregnant & the sweet elderly woman handing out ballots asked me when I was due. When I told her I was due in January she opened her mouth in surprise & said; "But you are soooooo BIG!" After voting & returning my ballot, I turned to exit the room & she yelled after me, "It must be a boy because you are big from this side too!"

Two weeks after my 3rd dd was born, I was waiting outside the grocery store for my dh when a very nice woman mistook me for a homeless person & tried to buy me some food & take me & my daughters to a shelter.

My in-laws are always good for a comment or two. but theirs tend to be mean, so I choose not to share them.

I hope some of these make some one laugh, because I always think they are funny.

Amber in SJ

[Tonia]

To follow in the vein of all the horrible MIL stories - one Christmas as a child (I was probably nine or ten years old at the time) my Grandmother (my dad's mom) told my mom that my three older sisters must have been by three different men because none of them looked like my father. She said this in front of the whole family (aunts, uncles, cousins) at a Christmas party. We didn't visit her again until I was about 16.

[Mom2legomaniacs]

This one isn't really mean or anything, but I think it is funny.

When older ds was a baby, we called him the king of blowouts. That boy pooped every time he nursed (which was a lot). And no diaper could hold it all in. FIL commented that we changed that boy's diapers too much.

I replied that I would remember that when *he* was put in the home and would make sure his caretakers knew to let him sit in his for a while.:lol:

He has a decent sense of humor for zingers and laughed. I was irritated at the time thinking he was an idiot.

[Teddi]

Unbelievable! What is wrong with this woman? And how in the world did she raise someone you'd want to be married to?

MY MIL has said all sorts of rude things to me and about me.

When I was 16 she told my dh (well, he wasn't my dh then) 'She must not get enough to eat at home because she eats like a pig here.'

When I told her some furniture that she insisted we take from her wasn't my style she said, 'Of course you don't like it. You don't have the style and class it would take to appreciate fine furniture because of the kind of family you came from'.

Once I held my coffee cup incorrectly in a restaurant and she said, 'didn't your mother teach you any manners?'

Once I was setting a casual table for our breakfast at her house and didn't do it correctly and she went off on me again about my ignorance in that area.

And my favorite...she wrote my dh a letter when he was in college that said,
'Don't marry that Smith girl. She has bad jeans.'

[TN Mama]

My mouth has been hanging open as I read the posts, though some have made me bust out laughing. And if a stranger said to me something along the lines of, "...because you're big from this side, too." I might be tempted to turn around and ask if she needed any help removing her foot. Sheesh... what is wrong with these people?

I have a MIL story to share (shocker):

When I was pregnant with my oldest, I was telling the mil that dh wasn't going to have time for all his fantasy leagues when the baby arrived. She just looked at me and said, "Well, that is if nothing happens to the baby." Really? :001_huh: I just looked at her and said, "We don't talk like that." and walked off. She is such a gloom and doom kind of person and I realize she has had a hard life, but come on. We've definitely had our struggles over the years and while I love her, sometimes it is hard to spend time with her.

[Teddi]

Amen!

what this thread is making me think/pray here is, "Dear Lord, please let me be a blessing to my someday-daughter-in-law, not fodder for a message board! Let me encourage and uplift her and, oh, yes, go back to teaching her future husband to be a great husband!"

[mooooom]

but it really sticks with me. My kids were 3,3 & 2, it was a hot summer day, we were out doing errands and I decided to stop at Wendys for lunch. My kids were almost always angels when we were out. They were sitting at a table, sweaty, dirty, very happily, very calmly eating french fries and shakes (big treat) when this lady walks over and says, loudly, "You know, for the amount of them and their ages, they really are very well behaved."

I like to think she meant well.

[Teddi]

I'm guessing she did "mean well." I choose to give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to comments such as this.

My kids were 3,3 & 2, it was a hot summer day, we were out doing errands and I decided to stop at Wendys for lunch. My kids were almost always angels when we were out. They were sitting at a table, sweaty, dirty, very happily, very calmly eating french fries and shakes (big treat) when this lady walks over and says, loudly, "You know, for the amount of them and their ages, they really are very well behaved."

I like to think she meant well.

[LG Gone Wild]

About 2 weeks after my DH had left for a 15 month deployment, while living in a city where I had no friends or family, I had to make a trip to the grocery store with all 4 kids in tow.

Talking quietly with the kids, we were discussing what Daddy might be doing at that moment... How far away it was, what the time difference was, etc.

A lady came up to me in the checkout line and started talking very loudly, saying that my husband was a murderer... and worse. Right in front of my children, loud enough that it was drawing attention from anyone within earshot.

I understand that people have very strong feelings about the military and current world events, but what kind of person would say something like that in front of small children who are obviously missing their Daddy?

I do have to give Kudos to my DH for what he said when I told him... I think it's a common sentiment passed around among soldiers. He told me next time, if it happens, to tell her he said "You're welcome. I do what I do, serving our country in whatever way I am asked, so that we will ensure you always have the right to speak your opinions freely."

:mad:

[Margaret in CO]

Right after we were married, I repainted the kitchen blue--it had been neon pumpkin compliments of mil (we were in the old ranch house). (unfortunately, fil told me the orange paint was latex and it wasn't, so it chips--imagine orange under blue--ugh!) Anyway, mil came barging in through the back door (without knocking, but that's another story) and said loudly, "WHAT did you DO? Well, when you grow up, you'll like orange!" Um, no, I still don't like orange...

And then when we were headed to TX for my tubal reversal, we didn't tell mil why we were going--I knew it would not be greeted with acclamation. Well, she cornered me by the frozen chickens in the grocery store and demanded to know "Why were we going to be gone so long, abandoning the ranch ?" (first trip we'd taken in 5 years). So, I told her (stupid of me). And she SHOUTED, "Well, I am going to STARVE because of all those children!" This from the woman who was shouting outside the OR when I was having a c-section with my second, that she needed to know what I'd had so she could leave and get up to MT to see her "real grandchildren". Yeah, right. I told the nurses that the news was not to be released until I decided... :D

Also from the woman--she called my oldest and asked her if she was going to go to college (she was about 14 at the time). My dd said yes; she was thinking about it. "Well, your MOTHER is going to STARVE me to death if she's going to be wasting all that money sending you to college." I grabbed the phone out of dd's hand and said, "If you EVER harrass S about this again, not only will you never see your grandchildren again, but they won't come to your funeral."

[DollyM]

I'm driving with my MIL sitting shotgun and my two kids in the back. I'm following my SIL who has her 3 kids in her van. I don't know the area and when she squeeks thru a yellow signal I have to gun it to stay with her, and for some reason she has to immediately break. I break, then, too, a little too hard, coming up close to her bumper. My MIL gestures ahead to SIL's van and says,

"Whoa! Careful! My favorite grandkids are in that car."

Sheesh - I guess we know where the two sitting in the seat behind her rank. (This is from the woman who purchased the girl cousins identical Christmas gifts - birthstone necklace and pierced earring sets (DD does NOT have pierced ears, but cousinD does) . .... MIL gave a full set of topaz PLUS AN EXTRA PAIR OF PINK earrings to CousinD, and DD got a necklace ONLY in a box with two empty spaces where the pink earring used to be.)

Homeschool comment: Neighbor grills me annually on the incredulous idea that we might be opting to continue with this ridiculous escapade of homeschooling. Smuggly certain I would give it up with we got to 9th grade, we had this conversation:

Him - So are you going to put DD into publich high school this year?
Me - No, we're going to do high school at home.
Him - (head tilted to the side, eyebrows raised high) Reallllly?
Me - (awkward silence) No reason not to ....
Him - Will she be taking "normal" courses?
Me - Well, we have a native Spanish speaking mom at co-op who will do Spanish 1, a dad over in the next town who will teach geometry, and we're driving up the road on Tuesdays to join another group who is offering a biology lab ...
Him - tsk tsk tsk - do you really think you can cobble together a normal program for DD?
Me - (longer awkward silence) A "normal program?" Actually, no, I really think it will be much more akin to an HONORS PROGRAM. :tongue_smilie:


FROM OTHER HS MOMS - I was giving the mom's group at my co-op a tour of our church facility since we'd be using it that year for our homeschool co-op. I was leading them out of the meeting room to go view the storage areas when I overheard two moms in this conversation:
Mom 1 - where are we going now?
Mom 2 - I don't know just follow "Hitler" here.


:bigear: sometimes it's better NOT to "overhear" :lol:

[LG Gone Wild]

Also from the woman--she called my oldest and asked her if she was going to go to college (she was about 14 at the time). My dd said yes; she was thinking about it. "Well, your MOTHER is going to STARVE me to death if she's going to be wasting all that money sending you to college." I grabbed the phone out of dd's hand and said, "If you EVER harrass S about this again, not only will you never see your grandchildren again, but they won't come to your funeral."


:cheers2:

[Kate CA]

I *don't* always hold my tongue (more on that below), but what this thread is making me think/pray here is, "Dear Lord, please let me be a blessing to my someday-daughter-in-law, not fodder for a message board! Let me encourage and uplift her and, oh, yes, go back to teaching her future husband to be a great husband!"


ME too!! This thread is harrowing to read. I am stunned by the ugliness of so many MILs!!

[Cricket]

This wasn't said to me but to my dh and sons a couple of months after we moved in. Dh and our two boys parked in the driveway and got out of the car when the neighbor lady, who was sweeping the sidewalk in front of her house, yelled at them. She actually called our boys "little sh**s" to their faces and accused them of scattering rocks on the sidewalk in front of her house (which they didn't do btw). I was amazed dh responded so calmly. I think I would have thrown a few of those rocks at her. Thanks for the welcome to the neighborhood, lady.

Ooo, it stills makes me furious even to think about it!