Can someone tell me that six year olds go through difficult

[Calming Tea]

phases and this will soon be over?? Or what?

My son is

1. mean
2. Scribbles out things on his sister's pictures because he doesn't like them
3. No longer first time obedience- though I have been spanking
4. Cries at the drop of a hat
5. takes everything literally
6. Is too serious when I need him to be serious and absolutely, annoying, ridiculously goofy at the most inopportune times. Ridiculous screaming laughter, telling jokes that make no sense, not taking eye contact cues (or any cues) about how to act around older people he should respect (aka ladies at church or elderly)...

Now my son may have mild asperger's but mostly he's just like the stories of difficult little boys. He's just so hard and I'm hoping that having a boy doesn't mean he'll be exactly like this for the next 5 years, because really he's pretty annoying 70% of the time. Pretty much, the times that he's not being like a spindly, difficult, unruly boy is when he's alone in his room doing legos. Even when he is playing nicely with little sister, he's tearing down the house, so to speak. My sister used to say, her boys were "raising hell" and obviously as a Christian I always silently objected to her use of the word, but I can't think of any other phrase that really matches him. My nephews come over and with the three of them (6, 8, 9) it's like literally the whole house is shaking, or the whole neighborhood seems full of boys when they go outside.

Now, on the other hand if he's in the mood, he'll be the sweetest, most thoughtful, helpful, dependable little lad around.

Okay doors are slamming, my daughter is screaming, (again!) I better go!!

[Sue G in PA]

Well, my 6yo DOES have Aspergers and he acts like that frequently. Some days are good (no meltdowns and he is calm and helpful) but some are absolutely evil (frequent meltdowns, nasty behaviore, disobedient and that is putting it mildly, screaming, simply evil). Those are the hard days. I will tell you that for us, spanking him does NOT work. If your son does have Aspergers (even mild), typical disciplinary actions like that might not work for him. Many of those "weird" behaviors simply cannot be helped.

Now, on the other hand, I have a 5yo who acts like you described as well! He can be so sweet and helpful....the model child. The next minute he is evil, nasty, rebellious, uncontrollable, etc. And yes, the crying at the drop of a hat drives.me.batty! I often just look at him and ask him who cut off his leg b/c that's what it sounds like based on the volume and intensity of his crying!

Does your ds6 have a "pattern" of behavior? What I mean is: are there times when he acts like this more than others? I started keeping a journal of everything my ds6 ate and when his bad days would occur. What I found was that on the days he had too much sugar or processed foods are ANY foods with dyes/coloring...the next day or that evening was literally h*ll on Earth. We try to eliminate those food now and I'm noticing *some* improvement. Some. But, it's a start. You're not alone...hang in there!

[Calming Tea]

he came out of the bathroom with my plastic hairspray bottle cap (the small kind) in his mouth and shot it at me. Luckily for him it landed a foot shy of me. :o)

He just looked at me with this goofy look on his face, trying so hard to keep a straight face. What a prankster.

Anyway, yes the pattern is when we're off our pattern. If he doesn't get enough exercise, or time alone in his room, he will usually be much more difficult to handle.

He's not doing any of the aspergers behaviors you mentioned, his aspergers has been showing itself in other areas, (pallilalia, constant talk of one subject, difficulty with eye contact) but he doesn't act out in aggression or lose it, for the most part.

All around, I'm glad other people's children are like mine, because it keeps me sane and gives me perspective!!

[Alenee]

This sounds to me a little like sensory overload. My dd6 was diagnosed with SPD when she was 4yo. We started watching her diet and keeping her away from sugar (any and all, not even substitutes) as well as red/yellow dyes. Beyond that, she's just another kid who needs to be watched a little more closely. She's not in any therapy...just needs us to give her reminders of what's appropriate and what's not. She was doing so well for a while and then had a piece of red licorice. She was uncomfortable in her own skin for nearly three weeks.

I would highly suggest watching the sugar/dye intake. And spanking rarely, if ever, worked on my dd. Isolation (read: in her room) from the family pushes her button. Two things to get into your vocabulary might be: "If you can't be sweet, you won't get any sweets," and "If you can't be respectful around people, you can be separated from people." As tiring as it is, get back on the first-time obedience bandwagon. Obedience "first time and fast" is a common sentence I've heard, and repeated, with swift punishment, is the fasted way to see the problems dissolve. With kids with special needs or just highly strong-willed, you have to stay on top of this.

It does get easier!!!:) While it's extremely taxing to you right now, it's lightening the load for later on down the road.

:grouphug:

[GailV]

Your Six Year Old (http://www.amazon.com/Your-Six-Year-Old-Louise-Bates-Ames/dp/0440506743): Loving and Defiant. According to the author, Louis Bates Ames, most 6 year olds act this way. It's sort of like 2, but bigger and louder -- they're going through another push for independence.

Her theory, by the way, is that this happens about every 4 years. I didn't see it so much at 10, and we haven't reached 14. However, I read her book the year I had a 6yo and a 2yo, during which I thought I was going nuts. It was really helpful to know that some of it is just being 6.

She has books on 4 year old, 5 year olds, 7 year olds, etc.

[Andie]

Her theory, by the way, is that this happens about every 4 years. I didn't see it so much at 10, and we haven't reached 14. However, I read her book the year I had a 6yo and a 4yo, during which I thought I was going nuts. It was really helpful to know that some of it is just being 6.

I was going to recommend that book, too. (And I can do you one better. I read it when I had a 6, a 4, and a 2! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! :scared: )

[Robin Hood]

I was going to recommend that book, too. (And I can do you one better. I read it when I had a 6, a 4, and a 2! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! :scared: )

Me, too. It is a good book. I have also heard that 6 yo's should not have to do school. Ever. At a number of homeschool conference seminars and by ps teachers themselves. But it is forced upon them.

[daisychics]

Your Six Year Old (http://www.amazon.com/Your-Six-Year-Old-Louise-Bates-Ames/dp/0440506743): Loving and Defiant. According to the author, Louis Bates Ames, most 6 year olds act this way. It's sort of like 2, but bigger and louder -- they're going through another push for independence.

Her theory, by the way, is that this happens about every 4 years. I didn't see it so much at 10, and we haven't reached 14. However, I read her book the year I had a 6yo and a 4yo, during which I thought I was going nuts. It was really helpful to know that some of it is just being 6.

She has books on 4 year old, 5 year olds, 7 year olds, etc.

I was going to recommend that book, too. (And I can do you one better. I read it when I had a 6, a 4, and a 2! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! :scared: )

Me, too. It is a good book. I have also heard that 6 yo's should not have to do school. Ever. At a number of homeschool conference seminars and by ps teachers themselves. But it is forced upon them.

Could you elaborate more about the 6 year olds? I've been having a little problem with ds (who's going to be 7 next month). Should I get the "Your 7 Year Old" or get the "Your 6 Year Old". I feel like I can't get through to him sometimes. I would love to hear more of her theories. I checked our library and they don't have it. BN has it, I'll try to get it tomorrow. I really need to know that I'm not ruining him. :ack2:

[Sue G in PA]

Me, too. It is a good book. I have also heard that 6 yo's should not have to do school. Ever. At a number of homeschool conference seminars and by ps teachers themselves. But it is forced upon them.

Really? You mean my ds6 is NOT just being defiant and difficult? Halfway through the year he became so uncontrollable and defiant about schoolwork that we just let him go on "strike" and play ed. comp. games, Leapster, play with pattern blocks, do a workbook page here and there if the mood struck him, etc. So I really wasn't scarring him for life by just letting him go?

[Amy in Orlando]

Could you elaborate more about the 6 year olds? I've been having a little problem with ds (who's going to be 7 next month). Should I get the "Your 7 Year Old" or get the "Your 6 Year Old". I feel like I can't get through to him sometimes. I would love to hear more of her theories. I checked our library and they don't have it. BN has it, I'll try to get it tomorrow. I really need to know that I'm not ruining him. :ack2:

I'd get both books. And you're not ruining him. I've done things both ways. When my older boys were this age, I was strict and controlling and they "did school." And it was kind of horrible for all of us. With my youngest (now 8), I've taken a much more relaxed approach and it's more fun and when he gets something he "really" gets it. No drilling, no shouting, no tears.

I PROMISE you that you are not ruining your son. Honestly and truly, you're not. Please PM or Email me if you want to talk about it more.

[~Tara~]

I have a difficult 6 yr old too. Doing some of the same kinds of things. He's always been my 'difficult' one. From the moment he was born. He came out 'the middle child'. LOL

Just yesterday, out of nowhere, he pinched his sister. No reason. (I mean, not that there IS an acceptable reason, YKWIM) Basically just walked over to her and pinched her, HARD. Made her cry (well, not that that was a huge feat :P ). Then later he just shoved her. Again...NOTHING was going on. They weren't playing together or even near one another. Each minding their own business outside and he just decided to be mean. Where did THAT come from? He doesn't normally go *that* far. His mean streaks are more when he's interacting with the siblings, doesn't get his way, something like that...he'll get ticked and react harshly. But he doesn't generally just out of nowhere attack someone. :eek:

He's always been the cry at the drop of a hat kid. You look at him and he falls apart. Then he stands there a blubbering fool and you cannot have a discussion with him. Other times, you are trying to 'lecture' him and he's busting up laughing and you can't get him to settle down.

I do know if he's not had ample 'boy play' / outside time he gets fired up more easily. And if his diet hasn't been the greatest (sugars/dyes/processed foods ... stuff we limit as a family anyway). But there isn't always a connection. Like yesterday..trying to think if anything 'fits' there..but I'm not coming up with anything.

Weird.

Anyway, just letting you know you're not alone. I feel your pain!!
And I'll be re-reading and watching this thread for more advice.