Anyone else dreading Mother's Day?

[Mosaicmind]

I admit I am not looking forward to Mother's Day this coming Sunday. I have not had any contact with my mother for several years and plan on keeping it that way. There was extensive abuse in my past and she was part of it; so to protect me and my children from it continuing I cut off contact with my side of the family.

I would love to see Mother's Day in a different light and celebrate it, but I am having a hard time doing that right now. I keep remembering what happened on several Mother's Days in the past and can't get that out of my mind. Anyone else in the same boat as me?

[Jean in Newcastle]

I think in your situation I would focus more on your place in your own family. Do your children do anything nice for you on Mother's Day? (Having said that, we don't really make a big deal out of it here - I mainly use it as an excuse to get out of cooking dinner!)

[jjmw1]

I feel the same way. Though I haven't taken that final step in completely cutting off ties from my mother (she lives many states away and we haven't seen her in 4 years, but still will reply to her emails sometimes), I feel the pressure of Mother's Day - she is expecting something from me and my girls.... my brother is expecting me to go in halfsies with him to send her flowers or something. I don't want to do either.

I agree with Jean.... just focus on Mother's Day within your own family.

I don't like holidays like this at all anyhow because I feel like you shouldn't have to have a holiday to show people how much you care - you should just be doing it every day because you WANT to, not because a date on the calendar is telling you you HAVE to.... I feel this way for Valentine's Day and Mother's Day and Father's Day, etc, etc.

[Jenny in Florida]

I, too, have been estranged from my parents for years, now. And there is not even a tiny part of me that wants to change it.

However, as I always tell people, it's not that I miss "my" mother, just that I miss having "a" mother. In times of stress and crisis, I can get to feeling very sorry for myself that I don't have anyone to mother me.

In addition, this is the first year my daughter, who is the one who is usually best at making me feel appreciated and loved, won't be home on Mother's Day.

My son is having his dance recital that afternoon, which means I will need to be running around and making sure he and his costumes and shoes get to the theatre on time.

And, just to put the final touch on things, both my father-in-law and one brother-in-law are currently in the hospital in California. I'm worried about both of them, obviously, and my husband has been there for over a week and may not come home for several days yet.

(The current plan is for him to be here in time for the recital, which is good, since otherwise I'd have the joy of trying to help my son cope with the disappointment of his sister and his dad missing the performance.

Yeah, I could definitely use a mommy's shoulder right about now.

[dangermom]

Yeah, I don't like Mother's Day. Nope, not at all. My mom is a fine person; I have other reasons.

[astrid]

I'm with you there......I just don't like Mother's Day. I never feel worthy. I know that sounds weird, but I just never have gotten into it. My mom lives with us, and is wonderful, but for me, it's always been more about HER than about ME, even though for 11 years now I've been, well, a MOTHER. I just have never felt like it was about me, always her. I don't mean to sound whiny, I'm really not at all---and I don't mean it that way. It's just odd. I guess I've always had a nagging tinge of inadequacy in the motherhood department. Every year, I always feel like just skipping from Saturday to Monday. But mom lives with us, and expects a to-do, so I always end up running around and getting stressed out about making HER Mother's Day special, all the while ignoring the fact that *I* am included as well.

Ah well...not a very deft articulation of my feelings, but there you are. :001_huh:

[Mosaicmind]

I, too, have been estranged from my parents for years, now. And there is not even a tiny part of me that wants to change it.

However, as I always tell people, it's not that I miss "my" mother, just that I miss having "a" mother. In times of stress and crisis, I can get to feeling very sorry for myself that I don't have anyone to mother me.

This is exactly how I feel. I long for "a" mother.



And, just to put the final touch on things, both my father-in-law and one brother-in-law are currently in the hospital in California. I'm worried about both of them, obviously, and my husband has been there for over a week and may not come home for several days yet.

I am so sorry. :grouphug:


Yeah, I could definitely use a mommy's shoulder right about now.

Here's a shoulder long distance....I am all :bigear: if you need to vent.

[Mosaicmind]

I'm with you there......I just don't like Mother's Day. I never feel worthy. I know that sounds weird, but I just never have gotten into it. My mom lives with us, and is wonderful, but for me, it's always been more about HER than about ME, even though for 11 years now I've been, well, a MOTHER. I just have never felt like it was about me, always her. I don't mean to sound whiny, I'm really not at all---and I don't mean it that way. It's just odd. I guess I've always had a nagging tinge of inadequacy in the motherhood department. Every year, I always feel like just skipping from Saturday to Monday. But mom lives with us, and expects a to-do, so I always end up running around and getting stressed out about making HER Mother's Day special, all the while ignoring the fact that *I* am included as well.

Ah well...not a very deft articulation of my feelings, but there you are. :001_huh:

Your feelings are well-heard here. Sorry for your stress and feeling left out. It would be nice if my kids acknowledged that it was even Mother's Day, but they don't unless dh does and he is working this Sunday from 8-8.

[OnTheBrink]

I was trying to find a card for Mother's Day and they all have sentiment about good memories, Mom always being there, etc., and I just can't bring myself to buy them. My mom created bad memories and was rarely there for me.

OTOH, this is going to sound bad, but I HATE it when dd makes me breakfast in bed. Is there any more awkward way to eat a meal than in bed? LOL Happily, church has a Mother's Day thing between the service and Sunday School, so I always tell her that we'll have breakfast there and she doesn't have to deal with trying to make me a meal before church.

[astrid]

Awww.....hugs to you, then, Mosaic!
Let's have a little virtual Mother's Day bash for ourselves then, okay? Who's bringing the Mike's?
And who wants to sign up to bring bean dip?

BIG HUGS,
Astrid

[lv2sing]

i appreciate your great ability to have parts of your pain figured out. we don't make it a big deal here either. i usually want us all to go outside to plant something or just breathe clean air together.:) i don't want to be offensive, but i would like to pray for you, as i understand this pain, and have not been able to ever reconcile it alone, but enough said. your note is a great reminder that there is joy, but sometimes it is harder to find on the well beaten paths.

With kindness,

Ronda

[Mosaicmind]

I can bring the bean dip and chips. We can have a party :party:

:cheers2: to all of you that are hurting.

[Amy in Orlando]

OTOH, this is going to sound bad, but I HATE it when dd makes me breakfast in bed. Is there any more awkward way to eat a meal than in bed? LOL Happily, church has a Mother's Day thing between the service and Sunday School, so I always tell her that we'll have breakfast there and she doesn't have to deal with trying to make me a meal before church.

Michelle, since the year my kids brought me 12 (count 'em) burnt pieces of toast and semi-raw scrambled eggs, I've asked for nothing for Mother's day but that they NOT make me breakfast in bed. EVER.

I feel lucky that I'm close with my mom after reading this thread. Four years ago we cut off contact with dh's family. I know my dh feels weird about Mother's Day, it's just not something we really talk about. He does not have good memories from his childhood or even most of his adult life. The first year we stopped contact with his family, I declared Mother's Day to be a beach and bagel day. We do nothing but pick up bagels and cream cheese and head to the beach. It's worked well for us.

:grouphug::grouphug: For all of you who are hurting on Mother's Day.

[JenneinAZ]

Mother's Day is hard. It is very very very hard. We are not celebrating it this year because I can't cope with it. It has nothing to do with my mother or my mother in law. It has to do with Sprog and Mouse and Blinky.

If I could eliminate it from the calendar and not see it again it would be too soon.

Jenne in AZ

[Robin in Tx]

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[Amy in Orlando]

Reading Robin's excellent response above, I feel bad for sending the message that my sons' burnt toast and raw eggs were ill-received. They weren't - I ate it all while they watched and complimented them. I used that effort months later (they're very aware of Mother's Day from their friends who go to "real" school) to suggest a family picnic that we might all enjoy.

I never meant to belittle anyone's pain. I'm sorry if I've upset anyone with my post.

[Robin in Tx]

Oh, Amy... we know you better than that!

One of the things I love about these boards is that it's a place I can come and say (vent) the things I *really* feel and think that I could never say to my dd without hurting her feelings, and that there are no less than 20 women who know EXACTLY how I feel! It's all in good fun and everyone knows it.

You're a sweetie...

[Amy in Orlando]

Oh, Amy... we know you better than that!

One of the things I love about these boards is that it's a place I can come and say (vent) the things I *really* feel and think that I could never say to my dd without hurting her feelings, and that there are no less than 20 women who know EXACTLY how I feel! It's all in good fun and everyone knows it.

You're a sweetie...

:grouphug: Thanks, Robin. A Lot.

[Mosaicmind]

Reading Robin's excellent response above, I feel bad for sending the message that my sons' burnt toast and raw eggs were ill-received. They weren't - I ate it all while they watched and complimented them. I used that effort months later (they're very aware of Mother's Day from their friends who go to "real" school) to suggest a family picnic that we might all enjoy.

I never meant to belittle anyone's pain. I'm sorry if I've upset anyone with my post.

Amy,
I don't know you or anyone here very well yet, but I took your post in the way it was intended and it did not hurt my feelings at all. I have never received burt toast, but syrup and pancakes in bed (more syrup than pancakes). :D

[Pata]

Mother's Day is very, very, very hard here. I lost my mother to cancer 8 years ago. It always seems to hit me on Mother's Day. I feel bad because I'm ruining my dd chance to make Mother's Day special for me. I just wish we could skip the day that reminds me so much that my mother is gone.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I dread it for another reason - because Mother's Day is not about me, it is about my mom. And all the planning falls on my shoulders. I have to coordinate the plans for my mom and 2 of my siblings families because no one else will.

Now, I don't have wonderful memories of my mom growing up (think 15 years of hair's-on-fire menopause). She was a lunatic. But in the past couple decades, she has mellowed to be a person I enjoy being around. I guess I just get resentful that I need to make all the plans. I would love for someone else to do it and I can just show up. Selfish, maybe?

[Mosaicmind]

Not selfish, just honest with how you feel and I believe that's good. It would be nice if the day were about you, UH?

[TraceyS/FL]

I'm sure it will be normal....

I'll cook for the family....

I'll remind DH 100 times to call HIS mother, and he won't, and they will say something to ME about it.

Did i mention i'll COOK for myself?

Just another day........

My parents are out of town - so not doing anything with them....

[Claire]

...

[Kristafish]

but then my husband informed me that we will be going to his parents.
I get along great with them, but I wanted to just stay him and do nothing(relax with my own little family~you know what I mean)
So, I am not looking forward to driving out to their place, hanging out for hours and hours and getting home late :glare:

[sheryl]

I'm sorry for what you are going through. My mother and I had a *wonderful* mother/daughter relationship. She went "home" 20 years ago this Nov. and so Mother's Day brings a smile to my face because I am a mother to my dd and I remember my mom. But, I also reminisce and feel a tug as I miss my mom so much.

You know your situation best and if you feel led to "emotionally seperate" yourself "for a season" than that is obviously what you need right now.

Perhaps in time the door will open.......Sheryl <><

[OnTheBrink]

Reading Robin's excellent response above, I feel bad for sending the message that my sons' burnt toast and raw eggs were ill-received. They weren't - I ate it all while they watched and complimented them. I used that effort months later (they're very aware of Mother's Day from their friends who go to "real" school) to suggest a family picnic that we might all enjoy.

I never meant to belittle anyone's pain. I'm sorry if I've upset anyone with my post.

Ditto. I loved my dd for wanting to make it special for me. I, too, hope I didn't hurt anyone's feelings.

[Robin in Tx]

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[Kanga]

I celebrate my motherhood on Mother's Day. How I do this alters each year. Some years I have planned an activity that My dc and I will really enjoy (trip to zoo, beach, natural history museum, etc.) other years I buy a family gift. One year I bought new bikes for the family, this year I am buying a trampoline. I have so many wonderful mother/child memories with my children to focus on that I do not waste any of my precious time with my dc thinking about my childhood.

[Claire]

.......

[Kris]

I was trying to find a card for Mother's Day and they all have sentiment about good memories, Mom always being there, etc., and I just can't bring myself to buy them. My mom created bad memories and was rarely there for me.

Same here. Even when we were in contact I felt stupid sending her one of these cards. Now that she's "gone" from my life, I don't give her a second thought on Mother's Day. It did take awhile to get to that point, but it wasn't until I read the OP that I realized, "Oh! *That* mother!" It's sad, yes, but that's just the way it is. Reaping, sowing and all that.

OTOH, this is going to sound bad, but I HATE it when dd makes me breakfast in bed. Is there any more awkward way to eat a meal than in bed?

Yes, once a year I get to look forward to opening my eyes to a big steaming plate of -- something. LOL! Since I hardly ever eat breakfast, it's a mystery to me why they think this is A Good Idea, but at least they *are* trying, and that's what's important, eh? Like you, I just smile and munch. It's only once a year, and just another aspect of the job. :D

[Mosaicmind]

I believe everyone sees Mother's Day very differently depending on their circumstances. I still try to "act" happy and do things with my dc, but inside I am grieving over not having a mother and the mother I did have did unspeakable things to me, some of them right on Mother's Day.

I suggest we let those of us who need to vent, be able to without feeling guilty about how we feel.

[Just a Jen in Mississippi]

I feel this way about Father's day. For years I would wade through the cards saying "to the father that taught me this or that and who has loved me", and all that mushy stuff. My dad abandoned my brother and me for a new family and I finally let go if any desire for him to have a relationship with me and my kids. I couldn't take another day of rejection. So, this year I won't even bother to look for cards or anything. But I will think of him, unfortunately. I haven't spoken to him in a couple of years. My husband is the same way with his dad. We joke amongst ourselves about creating "biological mother or father's" day cards that say the bare minimum!:lol: Anyway, I pray you can enjoy YOUR day and your precious family. That's what I'll do as well. :grouphug:

[Robin in Tx]

.

[Claire]

......

[Robin in Tx]

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[Sue G in PA]

Mosaic, I'm sorry that you don't have a better relationship with your mother and that there are such bad memories. I'm coming in late to this thread, but feel free to vent to me if need be. I'm dreading Mother's Day for a variety of reasons. My ds6 was actually born on Mother's Day almost 7 years ago and that was perhaps the best Mother's Day I've ever had...his birth was sooo easy, too, to top it off! Many think I'm looking to have another Mother's Day baby. I'm not so sure. :glare: Honestly, I just never feel worthy enough to be celebrated on Mother's Day. My dh asked me tonight if I'd be offended if he didn't get me anything or take me to dinner b/c our financial situation is such a mess. I told him not to worry. I don't want anything! I don't deserve anything! I mess up so much w/ my dc every day that to be celebrated seems wrong. My family will want me to come to church with them on Mother's Day and I still have no desire to go. My own mother will expect us to come visit that day and the hour drive is so uncomfortable for me these days, but I'll never live it down if I don't go and don't have a good excuse (like I'm in labor or already had the baby). Anyway, I didn't mean to vent and make this about me. Mosaic...I'll be thinking about you on Mother's Day and hope that your family makes you feel as special as you are!

[Mosaicmind]

Mosaic, I'm sorry that you don't have a better relationship with your mother and that there are such bad memories. I'm coming in late to this thread, but feel free to vent to me if need be. I'm dreading Mother's Day for a variety of reasons. My ds6 was actually born on Mother's Day almost 7 years ago and that was perhaps the best Mother's Day I've ever had...his birth was sooo easy, too, to top it off! Many think I'm looking to have another Mother's Day baby. I'm not so sure. :glare: Honestly, I just never feel worthy enough to be celebrated on Mother's Day. My dh asked me tonight if I'd be offended if he didn't get me anything or take me to dinner b/c our financial situation is such a mess. I told him not to worry. I don't want anything! I don't deserve anything! I mess up so much w/ my dc every day that to be celebrated seems wrong. My family will want me to come to church with them on Mother's Day and I still have no desire to go. My own mother will expect us to come visit that day and the hour drive is so uncomfortable for me these days, but I'll never live it down if I don't go and don't have a good excuse (like I'm in labor or already had the baby). Anyway, I didn't mean to vent and make this about me. Mosaic...I'll be thinking about you on Mother's Day and hope that your family makes you feel as special as you are!

Your thoughts and prayers are most appreciated. I know exactly what you mean about feeling as if "You don't deserve it", but in all honesty none of us deserve the precious gifts from God we have been given. I guess the thing that I try to remember most about being a mother is that it's not me and my strength that get me through each day, but the Lord's. If He didn't think you were worthy, then I don't believe he would have gifted you with dc, jmo.

Mother's Day is about all of us as mothers, and you can make this about you whenever you want. It helps me to focus on others when days like this are coming up. I have to be reminded sometimes that it's not always just about me. I hope you can enjoy the day and rejoice in the fact that you are a mother and that you have a mother, if nothing else.

Bless You!! :)

[Robin in Tx]

I've deleted my comments in this thread. I don't wish my for suggestions to Jenne to be painful to anyone else, or to be perceived as insensitive, unsolicited advice. I don't know why I was moved to respond to her in the first place and now wish I hadn't. I sincerely apologize for the way this has been distracting from the original post and the uplifting, encouraging nature of the thread. I don't wish to distract from it any further, so I'll just withdraw my comments as best as I can, and say I am truly sorry for any pain they might have unintentionally caused anyone.

To all reading... I wish you much peace on Sunday, and that you do whatever brings you rest and joy, both physically and emotionally.

Robin

[Jackie in AR]

Mother's Day is hard. It is very very very hard. We are not celebrating it this year because I can't cope with it. It has nothing to do with my mother or my mother in law. It has to do with Sprog and Mouse and Blinky.

If I could eliminate it from the calendar and not see it again it would be too soon.

Jenne in AZ

I'm so very sorry, Jenne. ((hugs))

[Jackie in AR]

(((Lisa)))

[Mosaicmind]

Jackie, thank you....it really makes a difference to know that people are praying.

[Claire]

Thanks. That was really nice of you. I have deleted my posts as well (although it looks as if the moderator beat me to the last one).