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View Full Version : Feeling like a complete and total failure


TracyR
03-08-2011, 06:15 PM
This year has been the most stressful year I have ever had. It was my daughters' first time in a school and to be honest I regret ever sending them.

Granted its a good school and all but all I feel like is that they find every negative thing. I don't think not one of my children don't have some kind of problem with something.

My oldest two are struggling with math. They use Saxon and my oldest can't wrap her brain around the math. The 2nd one just doesn't comprehend math period no matter what I do. She's always struggled with math but we were able to get through it at home and if something didn't work I would use something else to get the point through.

My 3rd daughter has language issues. She was a late talker ( talked at 4.5). I think she is just catching with speaking and with words. But today her teacher calls us in the afternoon saying they want a conference beecause she was struggling. Which puzzled me like nuts because she has A's and B's and has gotten 2nd honors for the past two (almost three quarters now).

My 4yr old reads at a high level but her comprehension isn't quite there yet. I'm trying to work on that but she is my youngest reader and am not sure what to do about that. I ask her questions and sometime she answers them and sometimes she answers it with something off the wall. But she's little and my girls really didn't start comprehending what they read until they learned to read more fluently ( she is only reading at a 1st grade level at the moment) and I think she is focusing more on the words rather then what is going on in the story.

She doesn't put her numbers in order. She knows them. They have little number flashcards and they put the numbers from like 0-10 in order, then the higher numbers. My daughter just mixes them up and acts like she hasn't a clue in school. But I have the same number cards at home and she does it just fine at home. Of course it doesn't help her teacher because she isn't doing it for her. So her teacher assumes she doesn't know this stuff (which by the way I thought she was supposed to being taught at school too, not just at home.)

I just feel like everything I've done with homeschooling, everything I do isn't good enough and everything my kids do isn't good enough either.

I mean I'm glad that their teachers care but I'm feeling overhelmed and like a failure. I would of thought that the teachers would be happy that they had at least a mom and dad there that cared enough to do more and continue on with the teaching at home. Maybe I'm wrong.
I understand that they have to show the bad with the good but its the negatives that seemed to be more focused on and the negative rather than the positive.

Maybe I'm taking these teacher conferences the wrong way. This is their first year in b&m school. But really I come out of them feeling really defeated.

fairytalemama
03-09-2011, 01:01 PM
:grouphug: I'm sorry that things have been so difficult.

Melinda in VT
03-09-2011, 01:29 PM
My 3rd daughter has language issues. She was a late talker ( talked at 4.5). I think she is just catching with speaking and with words. But today her teacher calls us in the afternoon saying they want a conference beecause she was struggling. Which puzzled me like nuts because she has A's and B's and has gotten 2nd honors for the past two (almost three quarters now).

I encourage you to see this as a good thing. You want a teacher that is in tune with your kids enough to know when they are starting to struggle and that alerts you to the issue at the beginning. Sometimes a change to a different sort of project or a new subject area will cause problems for a student who had been doing great. And sometimes, at least with my kids, they hit a new development stage and temporarily misplace their brains. :tongue_smilie:

My 4yr old reads at a high level but her comprehension isn't quite there yet. I'm trying to work on that but she is my youngest reader and am not sure what to do about that. I ask her questions and sometime she answers them and sometimes she answers it with something off the wall. But she's little and my girls really didn't start comprehending what they read until they learned to read more fluently ( she is only reading at a 1st grade level at the moment) and I think she is focusing more on the words rather then what is going on in the story.

She doesn't put her numbers in order. She knows them. They have little number flashcards and they put the numbers from like 0-10 in order, then the higher numbers. My daughter just mixes them up and acts like she hasn't a clue in school. But I have the same number cards at home and she does it just fine at home. Of course it doesn't help her teacher because she isn't doing it for her. So her teacher assumes she doesn't know this stuff (which by the way I thought she was supposed to being taught at school too, not just at home.)

It sounds like her reading is at a typical stage. I wouldn't worry about it at all, just keep reading with her to build up her fluency. Sometimes I'll have my developing reader read a story a second time and focus on comprehension then, when all the words are somewhat familiar.

As for the number issue, is the teacher concerned? Or was this just mentioned in a routine parent-teacher conference? I wouldn't assume the teacher isn't teaching this at school. Sometimes my kids have been slower to pick up on a certain skill and they are helped by some additional work at home, in addition to the classroom instruction. That's pretty typical.

:grouphug: I'm sorry you feel discouraged. I tend to be a perfectionist, and I've had to let go of the idea that all my kids should waltz through life with no weaknesses or struggles. (Not saying that's your issue, but it is mine.) Some years, conferences go better than others. The kids who struggle one year sail through the next.

BabyBre
03-09-2011, 06:12 PM
One of my first thoughts is that perhaps the teachers or the school in particular aren't very "homeschool-friendly", but then I saw the name of the school is St. Thomas. Is this a private school, and are they familiar with homeschooling? School officials and sometimes teachers can view homeschooling as a kind of threat to what they do. Who are you to think you can do it as well as they who have been specially trained?

My next question is about your oldest. Do you mean the school uses Saxon now? And what were they using at home?

TracyR
03-10-2011, 10:50 PM
No they aren't exactly particularly on the homeschool friendly side. So your assumption is right. They even went as far as putting them a grade level below what they were. I think they truely believed that "those poor homeschooled kids '. I know my 4yr old's teacher made a comment about a little boy that really only stayed the first 4 days of school. She said that the boy's father was a teacher and his mom wanted to homeschool him but the dad was not in favor of it because he wanted him socialized. Hmmm.

I do get that attitude that I haven't a clue as to what I'm talking about with my children. After all I'm their mother and I 'pretended' to teach them ( being sourcastic here). I do pick up the attitude like how dare you know more than I. Which is a shame.

I just really think that they aren't that in tuned with my girls at all. My 3rd daughter has speech issues. Plain and simple. She was a late talker and she is catching up with her speech. She has been in speech therapy since she was little and continued until she attended school this year. Just recently did I finally get a paper for speech therapy and there is what , three months left in the year? Its an obvious speech issue and I even talked about it with her teacher right at the very beginning of the year. So it wasn't a surprise or anything.

I don't know. Maybe I'm being difficult about it. I guess after teaching my children this long I just know their quirks. I just know how to work around them and just never felt a need for any outside intervention for it. Of course I've always accepted outside help when I've needed it but I don't really want or need my girls to be labeled either.


As for the numbers, I don't know what she's teaching them at this point. I really feel like I'm paying to teach them at home, because at the teacher's conference her teacher wanted to know why she didn't know the numbers 11-20 yet. I hadn't worked with them with her that's why.

Its just sad because my girls did really well at home, and I've seen this steady decline in them this year. I was hoping with what my older girls did learn that they would do just fine.

BabyBre
03-11-2011, 05:37 PM
I do get that attitude that I haven't a clue as to what I'm talking about with my children. After all I'm their mother and I 'pretended' to teach them ( being sourcastic here). I do pick up the attitude like how dare you know more than I. Which is a shame.




It is a real shame, and counterproductive to boot. You'd think a teacher who is taking over a child's education might appreciate the input of the child's former teacher.

When we entered ps several years ago, I got the same reaction from my teachers and the principal, but I'm a little surprised you're seeing it at a private school. What I've found works in this situation is to approach everything from the "what can WE do to help her" stand, or maybe even "what can I do to help her at home" at first. It feels dishonest, I know, but if your teacher's not receptive to your input and you can't return to homeschooling, you might have to play the game. After a while of it, you'll gain her respect.