I have to be my own wife, don't I?

[JennifersLost]

I've spent most of today stressed about money, and resentful about it, too, to tell the truth.

I'm fairly frugal and I've looked at the ways I can tighten up - that's fine. But the real answer is for me to make money. I'm working on writing. I have been for awhile. But it takes a back seat to EVERYTHING else.

I realized today: I have to be my own wife.

I need to run around every night cleaning and prepping everything, taking care of appointments, setting out the next day's stuff. And then when I drop the kids off the next morning at school - I need to sit my butt down in that chair and do a full day's work!

Why is that so hard? (Okay - that's rhetorical; I know all of you know exactly why that's so hard.)

Any other entrepreneurial Mommas out there? How do you set your boundaries around work. How did you justify the time spent there before it "paid off"?

[Plaid Dad]

Well, my dw has a house husband. ;)

But seriously: it's hard to make time and space to write. You know that. It's especially hard when you're feeling the pressure to earn money writing. But if you can treat your work time as the precious commodity it is, and not let other chores encroach on it, it will pay off.

Are there people in your family who can take over some of the routine household tasks, like laundry or making lunches or washing up after dinner? Even if they can do that a couple times a week, that might free up some space for you so you don't come to your day's work exhausted.

Take good care of yourself! Chin up!

[Crissy]

Why is that so hard? (Okay - that's rhetorical; I know all of you know exactly why that's so hard.)

Any other entrepreneurial Mommas out there? How do you set your boundaries around work. How did you justify the time spent there before it "paid off"?


It is hard, isn't it?
For eight years now I have been the other half of our small family business, and it has not been difficult at all to carve out the time to get my work done, regardless of the hours it takes. I have only recently discovered the reason, though. My job has been a support position for my husband. It is *his* photographs I retouch. It is *his* photographs I color correct and print. It is *his* client that I design for.
Now that I have a different avenue I would like to pursue, a part of the business that would be mine alone, I am hesitant. I cannot name the thing that is stopping me, but it all seems so much less important than my husband's work, or my children's needs and wants.
I know I can succeed, but first I must move forward.

[Karen in CO]

Or a wife that would be nice.

Taking care of a family is a full-time job. Running your own business is a full-time job. Heck, I even know people that make a living Teaching of all things, as if that a were a job too. ;)

It isn't easy. Take good care of yourself and if you find out where they keep the wives and spare house husbands, let me know.

[JennifersLost]

complain - I get a ton of help around the house. But there is still a lot to basic housework, isn't there. And from 3 pm onward the day is fractured into bite-sized bits in between driving the kids to all their activities.

On the one hand, my work is important. On the other hand those kids are only young once. Hmmmmmm........

I think for me it's got to come down to efficiency and guarding those school hours. I need to spend less time thinking about things and more time getting to them. And from 9 to 3 pm writing has to come first.

[Amy in Orlando]

And from 9 to 3 pm writing has to come first.

That's the key! I'm not writing, I'm making soap, but after I started the website, it became clear that something had to change. There simply isn't time to do it all.

Definitely guard those school hours! Instead of saying I'll start writing once I get the laundry going, say I'll get that laundry going after I put in 3 good hours of writing. It's a hard mind-set to maintain, but you'll be amazed at how well it can work and also at how resourceful your family becomes at figuring things out for themselves.

Good luck!!! You can do this.

[Liz CA]

It is hard, isn't it?
Now that I have a different avenue I would like to pursue, a part of the business that would be mine alone, I am hesitant. I cannot name the thing that is stopping me, but it all seems so much less important than my husband's work, or my children's needs and wants.
I know I can succeed, but first I must move forward.

Crissy, you just hit it. If we work for someone else we justify doing the best job possible but when it's our own, we feel guilty. Women are a tweaked lot!
;)

[CalicoKat]

:o OK, it's probably not what you wanted to hear because it's more money. But if you can't have a house husband and you some dedicated time perhaps a nanny can help.

My dh hired one for us because of my surgery but we're both loving it. I'm free to snooze guilt-free when my body needs it. And he's able to work late guilt-free at his job that he's probably going to loose anyway in the next round of layoffs--maybe this will help!?

A Nanny has been a wonderful addition to our routine.

[JennifersLost]

A nanny.

Honey, I can't get my dh to spend money on food!


I appreciate the advice, I really do. Actually, my kids are big - I don't need help them, although I guess a nanny could drive them all around for me, LOL!

A housekeeper/chauffer would really help!

[Jennifer]

"Your wife needs a wife" is what I tell dh from time to time. Renthead Mommy and I used to joke that sometimes bigamy would come in handy-all those women around to share child care and household duties. So, my only suggestions are plural wives or maybe move to a commune. ;)

Jennifer

[Volty]

If you could wrap your schedule around a part time job to suppliment your income that would make sense. Of course it depends on what you are qualified to do, if you could find work, and if the money is actually worth the time it would take to do it.

I have a friend with an infant son that was feeling depressed about not working just this past week. Sounded just like you. Fotunatly as luck would have it, a nearby community college needed a last minute part time instructor for Basic Writing 057 which would only require an hour and a half on Monday and Wednesday afternoons. Perfect.

Point being if you have some resumes out there, maybe something could open up for you too.

[Tami]

I am the opposite. I quit the high stress job that USED to took the front seat, leaving me exhausted, and focused on keeping the homefires burning. I literally went from shopping at Macy's to combing the thriftstore for "finds."

My goal is to be really free of the drive and need for "things." I have not arrived, but I am finding great joy and freedom!

I homeschool, have 2 part-time, flexible jobs (that take a back seat to everything else and are LOW stress), and am the happiest I have ever been in my life. We have less money, but greater joy. I am focused on meeting the needs of my husband and daughter, and on helping others when I can in practical ways. In the process, I feel more and more energized. I take time for close female friendships, work-out more than I did before and have so much flexibility with this slow-track lifestyle.

If you are not finding peace, perhaps it's time to re-examine your priorities. Why are you writing? If it is simply to make money, there are many low stress ways to do that. If it is for self-fulfillment, why does it need to take a front seat at this season of life? Let it give you joy, instead of allowing it to consume your day.

Joy to you!

[Volty]

I am the opposite. I quit the high stress job that USED to took the front seat, leaving me exhausted, and focused on keeping the homefires burning. I literally went from shopping at Macy's to combing the thriftstore for "finds."

My goal is to be really free of the drive and need for "things." I have not arrived, but I am finding great joy and freedom!

I homeschool, have 2 part-time, flexible jobs (that take a back seat to everything else and are LOW stress), and am the happiest I have ever been in my life. We have less money, but greater joy. I am focused on meeting the needs of my husband and daughter, and on helping others when I can in practical ways. In the process, I feel more and more energized. I take time for close female friendships, work-out more than I did before and have so much flexibility with this slow-track lifestyle.

If you are not finding peace, perhaps it's time to re-examine your priorities. Why are you writing? If it is simply to make money, there are many low stress ways to do that. If it is for self-fulfillment, why does it need to take a front seat at this season of life? Let it give you joy, instead of allowing it to consume your day.

Joy to you!

Ah, like my wife. She worked insane hours for years making good money. Doesn't miss it at all. Soulless, high stress. She still turns down job offers and does something part time every so often.

We can, and do, live off of one income and don't worry about money as it's sufficient for us. I wish everybody were so lucky, but we really do feel fortunate.

[Melinda in VT]

I'm not a freelance writer, but I am the wife of a writer who isn't (yet) making money at it. Not exactly the perspective you're looking for, but hopefully some of what I say will be helpful.

I think the critical thing is for you to view your writing as important. Everyone else in the family is going to take their cue from you. I know DH's writing is important because he writes every. single. day. Christmas, Easter, when he's sick. Every day.

You have to be willing to sacrifice for your dreams before you can expect your family to sacrifice. In our case, that means that DH's writing time often comes at the expense of, for example, his World of Warcraft time. Or his surfing time. Not that it's not important for him to get some of that too, but I can't be the only one giving stuff up so he can write.

It also means (in our case) that writing is not a substitute for contributing to the family income. He has written several novels while holding down a full-time job. Now we own an inn, so he has a little more flexibility with his time, but he still has a lot of work to do here on top of his writing. And it means that when my writing job (part-time telecommuting) and his collide (one of us has to watch the toddler, after all) mine wins. Because it pays the bills.

However, we try as much as possible to arrange our schedule to minimize those conflicts. Giving him time to write in the morning, which is his high-energy time, is a priority for us. And we work every day to help ensure that he gets that time.

He has found that often his most productive time is when he knows he doesn't have a lot. On a day when he has all day to write, he frequently finds it hard to focus. Days where he knows that after 10 he is on toddler duty, he is often able to focus more quickly and stay on task.

Anyway, just my two cents worth, learned from 14 years of living with a writer.

[gardenschooler]

"Your wife needs a wife" is what I tell dh from time to time. Renthead Mommy and I used to joke that sometimes bigamy would come in handy-all those women around to share child care and household duties. So, my only suggestions are plural wives or maybe move to a commune. ;)

Jennifer
No, I'd want several husbands.

Three to make money. We'll just send them photos of the kids, and they deposit the money.

One to wine and dine me. He can just go around telling me how beautiful I am when I'm not in the mood to go out, or he could give me a massage. He can send me roses and write poetry about me when he's bored.

One to be Mr. Fix-It. He'd never be bored.

One to take over PE, Science labs, current events, and all field trips. And to help me with anything homeschool-related. I guess this guy could also be the 'activities' parent. This guy needs good people skills and TONS of energy. An extreme extrovert would do. Must live to discuss the intricacies of each and every curriculum ever published, and know the dewey decimal system by heart.

One to do all of the organizing, cleaning, and laundry. I'd want this one to be a neurotic perfectionist who kept quiet.

One that is 'fun daddy' to make pancakes on Saturday morning, play with the kids and get them out of my hair, take them out to the park, all that good stuff. (I've already got this one, and he does make money, too, but he's already stretched a little thin).

So I need 7 more husbands. They can all live together in a bachelor pad, and just come over when needed. That will save money!

[Audrey]

Any other entrepreneurial Mommas out there? How do you set your boundaries around work. How did you justify the time spent there before it "paid off"?


I don't feel I have to justify it at all. Trying to do something good for your family shouldn't have to be justified.

I do 3 of my 4 pt jobs at home. I have my own "space" for working and when I am doing that, or on the phone, I expect ds and dh to respect that. Thankfully, they do. If things get rambunctious, I will remind them politely. If it becomes an issue, I will go so far as to remind them that I'm doing this work for all of us, so please... let me do that.

In order to keep work separate from personal/family/home life, I have been able to define hours that I do not work. The people to whom I report know that I am only available at certain hours (I even put that it the signature on all my emails along with the usual contact info -- e.g. Office hours MWF 1:00-5:00) I have made myself respect those hours and work only during that time.

I know all the $$ issues can be stressful, but it really helps me to put it in perspective. I will take some personal altar time to meditate on my successes and abundance. It clears the negative vibes away so that I can focus on what needs to get done.

Then, I sit down and make clear plans. I'm a list person -- would that help you? I make all kinds of lists of stuff that I need to do, want to do, forsee doing, etc. It keeps my job goals and tasks on track, as well as my personal, homeschooling and household goals and tasks. If I can see it laid out in front of me, then I can tackle it. I also get a sense of satisfaction crossing things off of those lists.