Long, convoluted question

[jspringer4]

Hi! I'm the mother of a 7 year old who is currently in 2nd grade and having a lot of problems. She reads at a 4th grade level and I think if she was assessed would fall somewhere in the "gifted" spectrum, but she is so unhappy in her public school setting that she is displaying a LOT of negative behavior and her performance is starting to slip.

She used to be very curious and inquisitive, but she "hates" school so much now that any time I try to engage her like I used to she resists and groans and says she doesn't want to do any more "work". She isn't doing well in math I think because she sees it as boring and does not pay attention in class and also because they are doing Everyday Math which my husband and I have found very confusing when she has tried to explain how they do different things on her homework. Language Arts is not any better, and her grade has actually gone down in that class on her last report card despite being advanced in that class. And don't get me started on the Advanced Reader program. I'm pretty sure the pressure of trying to make her astronomical goal every month is a big part of the reason she won't read for fun anymore.

I'm at a loss at what to do with her at this point. My husband and I are meeting with a private school this week to see if they are better equipped to meet her needs, but if they are not I don't see any point in spending what amounts to the same as a public university tuition so that she can continue to be miserable. I've thought about homeschooling, but she is extremely extroverted and the daily interaction with her peers is about the only positive thing she is getting out of school at the moment. I don't think I can give her that at home, not on a daily basis.

So, after all that, I'm not even sure what I'm asking. I guess what I'm hoping for is that someone will have some suggestions for us to help us find our way through this mess.

Thanks in advance!

Jennifer

[jspringer4]

Think I've put this in the wrong section, so please excuse the multiple posts if you run across this more than once. Sorry!

Jennifer

[Cadam]

In our state we can do a partial enrollment in the ps. A friend of mine had her girls at the school for "specials" and recess everyday. She only did it one year because it was disruptive to be out of the house everyday, but if it is what you need to do then you need to do it.

Also in many places you could do a different hs activity nearly every day. In this area there are 3different pe programs alone, a choir, a handful of co-ops and a full day drop off program at the community center just to start.

You could easily plan classes and co-ops so that you saw friends three days a week but you have to decide if her continuing to dislike learning is worth the daily interaction with other kids. Homeschooling doesn't mean being totally isolated, but it is different than the daily interaction with the same kids and only you and your dh can make the right call for your family.

Also, just because you homeschool for a year or two, doesn't mean you do it forever. Would your dd's frustration at not constantly being with other kids outweigh her current frustration with academics and bad experiences of being a "behavior problem" (which is very common for gifted kids btw).

It can be a tough decision but nothing is forever and you can always change your mind. If you do take her out it sounds like she will need some time to detox and find her love of learning again before you do any formal academics.

[LBS]

another way to look at it, is this: by homeschooling her, the academic advantages aside (and that is a LOT to not look at), her social life/socialization can be so much better served by selecting groups of multi-aged OR similar interests OR broader socio-ec OR any number of criteria that you can control, unlike in public school. Not meaning to sound snobby, but simply selective. My son had definate needs in the academic department, but equally important were his emotional/social developement needs, and he just needed protection from the type of interaction and social life that existed in the middle school he was going to go to. I had gotten two thru that school already, and knew it would not be successful at all for the youngest. He's just doing Scouts and going to the Y right now, and is perfectly happy. I'm okay with not carpooling and driving a full time schedule of extra classes this year, for the first time too. We take it one semester at a time, because we can.

Good luck with your decision!
LBS

PS LOTS of private options in my area, of every flavor/price....but still less expensive and better family decision for us, to stay home, and pick and choose curricula.

[NJKelli]

I've noticed something that's happened with a couple of my dc who were the extremely bright inquisitive type in their younger years. I've also seen it happen with the dc of friends. They hit a wall. Sometimes it's in third grade and sometimes its in fourth. It occurs when the work they are required to do requires more of them, and you start seeing cracks, truly unexpected and unexplainable academic issues and unhappiness. If your dc is in second, this might not apply to her, so take it with a grain of salt.

Have you ever heard of twice exceptional dc, kids who are gifted but are challenged by a learning disability? If a bright, possibly gifted child becomes unhappy and their performance in school declines as the work ramps up, there might be some kind of undiagnosed learning problem. I wouldn't rush off for an evaluation by an educational psychologist or a neurophychologist to see if your daughter is 2E, but I would keep it in mind as a possibility and see how things go over the next year or so.

My dd who was in ps the longest was never evaluated there because, I was told, she was "so bright that she could compensate" and she never had a behavior problem. She should have been. It would have saved years of people getting on her case for her attitude or not working hard enough and years of us blaming ourselves.

I hate to bring up something that could be totally wrong and upset you, but it's worth keeping in mind because it could help you understand what might be going on so you could help her. :grouphug:

[hooahwife]

If she is turned off of school now at the age of seven she may not get back the joy of learning she once had.

There are many options available for her to interact with others if you decide to homeschool. Your daughter could join 4H, take dance/gymnastic/skating/swimming lessons, join a chess club, etc. Other possibilities are children's musical/theater groups if she's so inclined. If you go to a park during school hours you might find another homeschooling family she could play with.

Check to see if there are homeschooling groups near you. You can probably find some on Yahoo. Local libraries might have special events for homeschoolers as well and they might be able to give you contact information for a HS group.

It's my experience that the older a child gets the worse the social environment in school becomes, whether it's a large public school or a small private institution. YMMV.

I wish you well.

[Heigh Ho]

Have you discussed this with the teacher, principal, or psych at the school? In my area, these people all help students adjust. 2nd is tough for many..the play time is over and there is more work.

With AR - do you mean Accelerated Reader? If so, go to their website and read how the goal setting is supposed to work. Many times an inadequately trained teacher will not know how to set the goals properly for an advanced reader..just print the mat'l out and go in and have the discussion. Be aware that many children at this age will have over a 100 pts as they are read a lot of little books and test daily. A child reading chapter books or novels can't rack up the points as fast. In my school, the principal is aware of this and sets goals based on level as well as points. A child that reads 10 4th grade novels for 100 pts will be recognized as a good reader, as will a below grade level child that tests on several 0.5 pt books daily and racks ups 200 pts for the year.

You do have the right to request testing to make sure your child is placed appropriately for her instruction..the request has to be in writing & in my state the law is that the testing must be completed within 30 days.