What do I say- if anything?

[flutistmom]

Okay, hive. I'm new here, but I have been around long enough to know that you gals dish out some great advice. And boy, do I need some!

Background: I belong to a Christian hs support group of about 75 families. Most of the families in the group are evangelical, and very rigid in their beliefs. I have no problem with that whatsoever, but it plays a role in this story, or might. About half of the families in the group participate in a co-op in both the fall and spring semesters. At the end of each co-op session, we have a scholastic fair, where students can display their work for the semester, or perform in a recital. We have two students who are quite proficient at piano, and give lessons to the younger ones in the group. They also have a few ps students. We have always allowed their students to use the scholastic fair recital as a "studio recital," and have occasionally had a ps student from the group perform a brief piece. (End background info.)

Our scholastic fair for this semester was Thursday. I have a flute student who is the middle child of one of the families in the support group. Her parents hs their other two children, but this girl attends the local Christian Academy. The family is very active in our hs co-op, and the oldest son has even taught a class for some of the younger children. So I figured that there would be no problem with my young student performing a brief piece at the scholastic fair. I should also mention here that this family is Catholic (and, I believe the only Catholic family in the group.)

After the performances, one of the moms approached me, and asked over and over why this girl was allowed to perform, since she isn't homeschooled. I tried to assure her that she was one of my students, had no other outlet for performance, attended the Christian Academy, would probably be homeschooled next year as the academy only goes through 8th grade, other ps students had participated in the fair, etc... Her attitude became more snarky with each question, until she finally gave up and walked off.

The more I think about the exchange, the more concerned I get. I think I should speak with our chapter leader about this, but am unsure what to say to her. I have thought of several reasons why the mom was being ugly:

1- She just doesn't like me, and that extends to my students ( Okay fine. I can deal with that. )
2- She dislikes all ps families and children. (Not her business, imnsho.)
3- (and this is the scary one) She is anti-Catholic, and disapproves of this family.

I think the whole exchange was unnecessary, and would drop it, but if there is a general feeling of unspoken hostility toward Catholics (or any other denomination, for that matter), I want to get out of that group before it rubs off on my child. (I attend a rather liberal Methodist church, so the negative feelings might extend to my family as well!)

SORRY about this being so long. I really need some opinions on what I should say to the chapter leader, if anything. Maybe I should just let it slide, but it's really eating at me, and I know I won't feel comfortable with this group until I know if there is some undercurrent I am unaware of in the group.

Thanks for "listening!" Now I'm all ears. What should I say/do?:bigear:

-Robin

[Trivium Academy]

Honestly? I would talk to the mother who was concerned at first and try to clear the air. In fact the word "talk" doesn't seem appropriate, I would listen. I'm surprised she didn't voice her exact concern other than "she's not homeschooled" when she confronted you. Find out from her whether or not it was just the fact the child isn't homeschooled that she objected to her performing, then if you find reason to be concerned talk to the chapter leader.

If you are unable to talk to the original woman, I would drop this and just keep your eyes and ears open a little more to determine if there is a prejudice in some way. I don't think you're going to be able to avoid it altogether, with each family there are different beliefs so it will extend out into social situations at times. I wouldn't talk to the chapter leader unless you feel it is a chapter concern, not just one mother or family.

[Lolly]

I would just let it go. nt

[percytruffle]

Well, this is tricky because until/unless you speak with the mom in question about her comment you really don't know what motivated it. Maybe she was jealous and wanted more attention for her own dc or maybe she was just having a bad day.

On the other hand, I would talk with her or with the group leaders if you are concerned about a pervasive undercurrent of intolerance. I am also in central NY and have been part of a few LEAH groups in my day. Some have been more open about their hostilities toward certain denominations, particularly Catholic, others have been more accepting on the surface and yet covertly were uncomfortable with said denomination.

I found a wonderful group of like-minded hs moms within the bigger group and we pulled away a little and often did our own thing, together, when my dc were younger. It can be difficult. The group I am a member of now I no longer participate in and will not be joining next year. There is no need to at this point in our journey and I have no "buddies" in this group. I have witnessed hs teens who are Catholic members of our group being proselytized during activities. It is sad, very sad. They are meek and keep to themselves out of fear of rejection while the proselytizers are bold, loud, and often obnoxious. It is an environment I choose not to place myself in anymore.

So, in summary, find out what's going on and why. Be weary. You do not need a support group, but one is nice to have. Perhaps there are others in your area with whom you could gather and share some activities if this group doesn't work out for you.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Thanks for "listening!" Now I'm all ears. What should I say/do?:bigear:

-Robin

I would just drop it and continue to keep my ears open.

[kalanamak]

I would just let it go. nt

But be alert to further weirdness. If it is more widespread or this woman seems imbalanced, I might withdraw or get some backup, respectively.

[Plaid Dad]

:iagree: It could be one of those weird miscommunications or just an odd lady. But I'd be extra attentive to try to discern what exactly her problem was and whether it's indicative of the group's culture.

[angela in ohio]

I think you're jumping to a lot of conclusions. I would just ask the woman directly why or drop it. I certainly wouldn't start assuming anything about her. She may have a personal problem with this other family, she may have been having a bad day, etc. I don't think you should stereotype her motives based on her religious beliefs, even if you don't share them or approve of them.

[mooooom]

should have non-homeschoolers participating and not anything further?

I personally had a bad experience with something of this nature - dd was in a homeschooled girl scout troop when she was little. Girl Scouts did not allow a homeschool only troop however, and some public school kids joined. And then, all of a sudden we weren't allowed to have any day time meetings or field trips because the public school moms objected and then the hs moms got angry that they couldn't get together at their convenience (we even went on a hike with flashlights because we had to start so late it got dark and we went down a mountain in blackness - does that sound stupid? some of the kids were only 5-6 at the time and it could have been dangerous) and the group fell apart very quickly.

So maybe she was just concerned about keeping the coop homeschool only?

[chiguirre]

After the performances, one of the moms approached me, and asked over and over why this girl was allowed to perform, since she isn't homeschooled. I tried to assure her that she was one of my students, had no other outlet for performance, attended the Christian Academy, would probably be homeschooled next year as the academy only goes through 8th grade, other ps students had participated in the fair, etc... Her attitude became more snarky with each question, until she finally gave up and walked off.


If you explained all of that and she kept it up, I'd guess she either dislikes you or that family for whatever reason. If your group has a statement of faith you can easily determine if it's anti-Catholic (and Orthodox and Mormon...). Usually SOFs are worded to exclude non-protestants (normally with sola scriptura wording). If your group doesn't have a SOF or its wording is broad enough for your comfort level, I wouldn't give this woman another thought. If you do find that you can't accept the restrictions imposed by the SOF of this group, look around for a group you feel more comfortable with.

I hope you find some peace of mind with this situation!

[CleoQc]

As a Catholic family we have been shunned many many times by Evangelicals. In fact, there was one family, with kids the exact same age as mine, they all got along so well, until the Evangelical dad literally quizzed me on my beliefs. At dinner that night, (we were camping together), during Grace, he actually prayed out loud for our speedy departure! They have never ever returned any call since then. Their kids are no longer allowed to speak - to say hi!- to mine if they ever meet in an outing.
During the interrogation I had to submit to, he frankly told me that I represented the Devil.

While there's no way to see if the Evangelicals you are dealing with share this attitude. But it's a definite possibility.

[Jean in Newcastle]

should have non-homeschoolers participating and not anything further?

I personally had a bad experience with something of this nature - dd was in a homeschooled girl scout troop when she was little. Girl Scouts did not allow a homeschool only troop however, and some public school kids joined. And then, all of a sudden we weren't allowed to have any day time meetings or field trips because the public school moms objected and then the hs moms got angry that they couldn't get together at their convenience (we even went on a hike with flashlights because we had to start so late it got dark and we went down a mountain in blackness - does that sound stupid? some of the kids were only 5-6 at the time and it could have been dangerous) and the group fell apart very quickly.

So maybe she was just concerned about keeping the coop homeschool only?

This is the most likely reason to me. After all, that is the question she brought up. If you had the permission of the chapter leader to include this girl then all you would have to do is mention that.

[Tracey in TX]

I would let it go, but keep my ears and eyes open to make sure it's not typical behavior. She could've been having 'one of those days' and you and your student bore the brunt of her annoying behavior.

[OnTheBrink]

As a Catholic family we have been shunned many many times by Evangelicals. In fact, there was one family, with kids the exact same age as mine, they all got along so well, until the Evangelical dad literally quizzed me on my beliefs. At dinner that night, (we were camping together), during Grace, he actually prayed out loud for our speedy departure! They have never ever returned any call since then. Their kids are no longer allowed to speak - to say hi!- to mine if they ever meet in an outing.
During the interrogation I had to submit to, he frankly told me that I represented the Devil.

While there's no way to see if the Evangelicals you are dealing with share this attitude. But it's a definite possibility.


That's just terrible.