Advice needed on a difficult subject...

[Cindy in FL.]

My mom is an alcoholic and has been for over 30 years. She has been arrested for DUI twice, and recently got the "breathalyzer" thing removed from her car that prevented her from driving if she'd been drinking. She was actually driving down the wide sidewalk in the WalMart parking lot, with people having to jump out of the way. Well, she's at it again. She lies about it of course, but I know that's what she's doing. She ran into a post at Taco Bell not long ago and had to have her car repaired.

I feel like bringing her car to my house while she's incapacitated so she can't drive when she comes to. My dh, being a lawyer, is a bit concerned about doing something illegal. I have told her that she's been seen and if she's seen driving again that 911 will be called.

She misses my children's birthdays and holidays because she drinks. I am at my wits end to know how to handle this anymore. I'm always expecting a phone call to say she's dead or in jail. I would appreciate any advice on how to appropriately deal with this situation.

Cindy

[elegantlion]

Is she on probation? Or is her "period of accountability" over? Would this knowledge in the right hands prevent her from continuing driving? I don't what the laws are in your state, but I would think drinking and driving again so soon would violate something.

Does she even realize she has a problem? My biggest concern would not be with her well being (not to sound cold) but what might happen should she injure or kill someone else?

You don't have to answer these questions here. Just some food for thought. My heart goes out to you. That is a tough situation.

[Joanne]

I feel like bringing her car to my house while she's incapacitated so she can't drive when she comes to. My dh, being a lawyer, is a bit concerned about doing something illegal. I have told her that she's been seen and if she's seen driving again that 911 will be called.

She misses my children's birthdays and holidays because she drinks. I am at my wits end to know how to handle this anymore. I'm always expecting a phone call to say she's dead or in jail. I would appreciate any advice on how to appropriately deal with this situation.

You can't change her.

No amount of reasonableness, being right, logic or reality can change her.

You can't manipulate her or her environment enough to keep her (or others) safe or sober.

The only real power you have is to get information, help and support for *you* and the effects growing up with her have had. There is a nurture, genetic and environmental component to the disease; you are suffering as well even if you are a non, moderate or temperate drinker.

Al Anon is a fantastic help, or Celebrate Recovery if it needs to be defined Christian.

Joanne, clean and sober 17 years next month

[Cindy in FL.]

Paula, I don't believe she is on probation any longer. I'm going to look into that and whether or not anything can be done without her being "caught in the act". She does know that she has a problem, I just don't think she really wants to do anything about it. I don't think you're being cold. I am particulary concerned about someone else getting hurt.

Joanne, congratulations to you on almost 17 years! Our church has just started a recovery group and it might be Celebrate Recovery. I think that I like to pretend that it hasn't affected me over the years. Cram it down inside and don't think about it until it's staring me in the face again! Not good, I know. Thank you for caring.

Cindy

[GVA]

I'd call the police station in her area and ask to speak to the desk officer. Maybe there are procedures in place that you haven't thought of.

Most states also have an anonymous way of reporting a dangerous elderly drivers to the DMV, and at the very least I'd do that if your mother falls into that category. Generally there's a process there that they have to go to keep their license. I did this with my own mother, and she lost her license (and was finally diagnosed with vascular dementia along the way). Unfortunately I have reason to believe that she's still driving here and there though because she just doesn't grasp how bad she is and justifies it in her mind somehow.

[Leta]

No advice, just empathy. My best friend's mom is an alcoholic, and that's been hard for me, so I can only imagine what it must be like for you.

[cricket1178]

My heart goes out to you. I have an alcoholic mother and sister and I suspect my brother is also an alcoholic. I have had to deal with the consequences of both my mother's and my sister's disease. Currently, they are both without a home. Through the years, I have tried and tried to help them and finally realized there is nothing I can do. It is heartbreaking, but there comes a point where you have to let them go. Get to a recovery meeting for support, but honestly, there really isn't anything else you can do. I am so sorry you are having to go through this.

[Chris in VA]

I'm the adult child of an alcoholic, the grandchild of one, the sister of one, and the parent of one. Sucks. Plain and simple.
Go to Al-Anon. Research ACOA. There is "sanity" available for you. Joanne is so right--you cannot control her or her environment to the extent that you would provide safety. That is so incredibly hard to say, and to hear, I know.
I can't really give advice other than that, because I am in the process of learning myself how to deal with alcoholism (other's). But my heart really does go out to you. There is great loss involved. Make sure you allow yourself to mourn it, and truly, go to Al-Anon to learn ways you can deal with it.
Hugs to you.

[Amanda's Mommy]

You can't change her.

No amount of reasonableness, being right, logic or reality can change her.

You can't manipulate her or her environment enough to keep her (or others) safe or sober.

The only real power you have is to get information, help and support for *you* and the effects growing up with her have had. There is a nurture, genetic and environmental component to the disease; you are suffering as well even if you are a non, moderate or temperate drinker.

Al Anon is a fantastic help, or Celebrate Recovery if it needs to be defined Christian.

Joanne, clean and sober 17 years next month

:iagree:

Carla, daughter of an alcoholic who died 15 years ago because of it. Luckily he didn't take anyone with him.

[Cindy in FL.]

Thank you all for your advice and words of encouragement. It's really appreciated.

Cindy