Can use your advice...

[Suzanne in NC]

I'm a homeschool mom of 2 teens (11th grade ds and 9th grade dd) and we've homeschooled from the beginning and intend to homeschool through to graduation. In the last 2-3 months I've noticed a real change in both kids that I don't understand and am trying to deal with...I believe that each kid is having a separate issue.

The son who has always been a fairly stellar student with a happy-go-lucky personality and generally a compliant kid....has gone to not seeming to care about his schoolwork (except for the 2 community college classes he's taking), disrespectful to me (not extremely but way too much to be acceptable), and not caring at all about his future including college. He doesn't yet have his license so he's dependent on my transporting him. He doesn't have a lot in his life that's extra and fun...but it's mostly due to his choices--don't get your schoolwork done (which is your #1 priority in our book) and the extras don't happen....and it doesn't have to be like this!! He knows there's plenty of "fun stuff" that he could participate in if he'd get his act together on school. His grades are dropping and I just don't know what to do...and it's his spring semester of 11th grade--big in the eyes of college admissions, I believe!!!!! I firmly believe that he needs to develop motivation from within or things just can't be good but my heart is breaking for him and for our relationship. Any advice from someone who's been there/done that??? I know that a good portion of it is maturity (something I can do nothing about) but, to be sure, there has to be something I can do before he shuts all doors of opportunity that up until now have been open. HELP!

Then, there's the daughter....she's a very bright girl, typically has done well with academics, but has always had an organization problem. She can't keep her "stuff" in order and rebels against me trying to help her to the point that I'm weary of trying. She can't manage her time, she's slow anyway, and she just isn't being diligent so school seems to take up every waking hour in her eyes (I see that she's just not efficient and could be through much quicker if she'd just quit the dillydallying!!!). Her grades are dropping, she's failing to turn in work to me on time or even at all (and receiving zeros which doesn't seem to bother her), and she's being denied privileges. She has so many opportunities for doing things that she'd enjoy but she just focusses on how bad life is now, how school never ends, and how I'm such a mean mom! What to do with her?!?!?!?

Besides praying, I'm at a complete loss....Please offer advice!

Blessings,
Suzanne in NC

[Susan in IL]

You might want to consider some kind of planner (Day Timer, Franklin Covey, etc.) for your dd. Show her how to use it to list and prioritize daily tasks and then check them off when completed. Also for her to mark off time each day for each class.

A couple books you might check out of the library --

7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens

What Smart Students Know. (this one ties in a bit to the planner).

Hope this helps a little.

[StaceyinLA]

all I can think is that maybe being at the CC has something to do with ds's attitude change?!? Maybe his being in that environment with other kids, some of whom are probably older, is affecting him. Have you discussed with him whether there might be things going on with some kids there?

With the dd I can just second the idea about the planner. Other than that I can say that I feel your pain. I have 3 teenage dd's and daily life is so frustrating!

I'll pray for you if you'll pray for me!

[MaryM]

I have one of these! Getting them to be accountable to some outside source was my only solution. That and what seems to be a quarterly talk about how they need to hold up their end of this or I'm quitting.;)

Mary

[Claire]

Actually, I suspect the problems with the two teens are similar. With your son, since he is doing well in community college, it sounds as if his motivation benefits from peer competition. Your dd sounds a lot like my teen before she started public high school. 9th grade was a bear for all of us, mostly because she had to scramble to acquire the time management skills and organizational skills her classmates already had. She really didn't understand how important these skills were until she was at school and realized she wasn't keeping up (and Mom wasn't there to to help!). My dh and I would have preferred to homeschool through 12th grade, but dd is one who actually is doing better in public high school than she would have done at home.