I need a logical consequence for this

[Cadam]

10 ds responds well to natural consequences but I am drawing a blank. He needs to get himself dressed, eat breakfast and do a few simple chores before school. make his bed, empty the dishwasher, brush his teeth - mostly self care stuff. He doesn't do it unless I ask about every little thing. :glare:

I am tired on nagging but I need to have a logical consequence in place. Doing chores before eating is not an option because he is hypoglycemic and must eat immediately upon waking. Please give me ideas!

[MicheleB]

Does he already have a chart or some way of keeping track/checking off as he does each thing?

[Deanna in TN]

Do you use a chore list with him? What about having something in writing for him to check off so that you don't have to constantly say have you made your bed, brushed your teeth, etc. Then have him bring it you when he has completed everything so that you can praise him.

For my son, he was having a hard time getting out of bed on his own so I bought him an alarm clock (he was 11 at the time). I told him that if he wasn't finished with his morning chores and downstairs for breakfast by 8:30, that obviously means he isn't getting enough sleep, and that night he would have to go to bed 30 minutes earlier. He only tested me once or twice, and he didn't like going to bed early.

I hope this helps.

Deanna

[Adrianne]

10 ds responds well to natural consequences but I am drawing a blank. He needs to get himself dressed, eat breakfast and do a few simple chores before school. make his bed, empty the dishwasher, brush his teeth - mostly self care stuff. He doesn't do it unless I ask about every little thing. :glare:

I am tired on nagging but I need to have a logical consequence in place. Doing chores before eating is not an option because he is hypoglycemic and must eat immediately upon waking. Please give me ideas!

Have you tried posting a daily to do list and then training him to look at it every day? This worked for us. After that when we "forget" I just use prompting like "did you do your morning chores?" or "did you check your list?" I try to stick to the same schedule everyday. This tends to work well too.

I have a very forgetful, day dreaming 9yo ds. He needed almost constant reminders. I have found as he gets older and with consistent scheduling, it is getting better. We have gone from having to remind him of everything to just gentle prompting and on many days he does things on his own.

I tried punishment if these things were not done and this did not work for us. He just became frustrated, cried and did not get anything done. My son just needed to be trained consistently to do things everyday.

Good luck!

[SBP]

My DS 10 does much better with a written list. It also simplifies the nagging; instead of asking about every little thing, I can just say, "Have you checked your list?" and if he hasn't, just that question is usually enough to get him back on track.

This isn't exactly a "natural" consequence, but my kids accrue allowance by the day, and they only get the money for that day if every single thing on their morning chore lists has been satisfactorily completed. So if they forget even one part of it, they'll lose their whole allowance for that day. Also, if they do a sloppy job they lose that day's money. e.g., each is responsible for cleaning one bathroom, and if I check the bathroom and find the sinks haven't been wiped, or whatever, then they lose their whole allowance for that day. The morning chore lists are a combination of personal grooming/room cleaning/etc. and actual household chores like bathroom cleaning, sorting laundry, and feeding pets.

With my son, who has ADD, I will give him a gentle, "Are you sure you've checked your list?" if I sense that he's wandered off track, but that's all the reminder he gets. When I check chores, if they haven't been done or done satisfactorily, the kids lose that day's money AND have to go back and fix whatever they missed. This doesn't happen very often anymore, but it does seem to get their attention, and the lists help to relieve me of the burden of specifically nagging after every little thing.

HTH!

SBP

[Pamela H in Texas]

yep....the easiest way for a child preschool or school-age child to *remember* to do everything is simply to have a chart they check off, put stickers on, or otherwise mark in some way so they know what all to do and don't have to be reminded by mom.

[Joanne]

10 is still little, although my first time through it, I expected a lot. Too much, probably.

My kids are doing well with a "card system" I designed, combining FlyLady and the system that inspired her, SideTracked Home Executives. They have index card files for their chores, hygiene and school. They have "am routines" and "pm routines".

The key, though, is the tedious follow up on my part. Success begins - and ends- with that.

[Tap, tap, tap]

If you like natural consequences, then I figure you have already tried some of those too.

I will go with a more obscure recommendation. How about an elephant in the room reminder.

Wrap a big box, like a diaper case, and write out his chores on it. When he wakes up he must carry the box with him everywhere he goes (he can leave it outside the bathroom door) until the chores are done. Make a rule that he can't be more than 2 feet from the box at anytime. Then he can put it in the closet until the next day.

You can make it humerous, or silly, but I would keep it consistant that he has to carry the box, everywhere he goes for a week. If he takes a class....guess what...the box goes. Grocery store.....the box goes. Bike ride...the box goes. If he is already at the table and then gets up to get milk from the fridge, and it is more than 2 feet....the box must go with him. The first day or two may have little consequence but he will get tired of carrying the box! If he gets his chores done for the day the box is put away until the next day.

Allow him to 'give up' on any day and prove that he can do it without the elephant. Then give him the chance. If he fails at any step in the day...the box comes back out and an extra day of consequence is added to the week.


Over these days of the "box" DO NOT remind him one time about the chores. In fact I would make the word chores a bad word, for the week.

At the end of the week you can let him make his own chore reminder system. It can be a list that he carries or is on the fridge, a chart or what ever he thinks will work for him. A reminder list printed on card stock, or index cards can be attached to his belt loop with metal ring or grappling hook if you want one that can be carried easily.