I'm drowning in mediocrity-Need help!

[Frontier Mom]

My dc's are driving me nuts lately. For some reason, they seem content with mediocrity. To understand my frustration, we operate with two grades here, Excellent or Do It Again. I think I read that in Robinson Curriculum but I agree, either do your best or don't bother. I do show some mercy though.:001_smile:

Anyway, my dc's do enough reading to just get by with nothing extra. Math is done haphazardly which requires several re-do's. Rooms are messy until dh or myself go in there and make them pick up. This is an almost daily event. If something isn't specifically assigned, like 4-H practice on presentations, talent show, etc., it doesn't even get thought of. I feel like I am just going around complaining all day.

Developing independent learners is very important to me and my dh and I definitely fit that mold. I'm just not sure what to do, relax and let them suffer the consequences or tighten up the punishments. I need some guidance.

[angela in ohio]

To understand my frustration, we operate with two grades here, Excellent or Do It Again. I think I read that in Robinson Curriculum but I agree, either do your best or don't bother. I do show some mercy though.:001_smile:


I hate to say it, but this would kill *my* desire to learn. Of course, I don't much agree wtih Robinson at all. :001_smile: My dc are all on the path to being lifelong independent learners, and we don't have this rule. I don't know if that's a direct connection or not, though.

What keeps things running smoothly at our house are consequences. I don't have to complain or bicker with them, because they know the rules and they do what is expected. You didn't mention what type of system you have in place?

[Janna]

Oh, I am sooooooooooooo there with you.

Dh and I have the same desire for our kids (to be independent learners) and have the same standards. But I know for *us*, it's been because lately, this year especially, I've accepted mediocrity. Yes, I will ho and hum here and there, but it's not been consistent. And worse than anything, *I* have been mediocre in a.) my expectations of them and b.) my own stuff. I've just allowed myself to become too preoccupied with other matters (a baby on the way and since Jan. it's been one thing after another, esp. financial, with the latest being dh's company getting ready to file for bankruptcy). I've been an emotional roller coaster and it's been very difficult for me to buckle down and concentrate on school work with my kids. I'm ashamed about it to be honest and think about it every. single. day. I don't know how to give myself grace in this area. We're molding lives, you know?

So anyway, all that to say, that in my family, in my situation, the finger is pointing at me. I don't know if that can be said for you or not.

[E_Edgerton]

As a home-tutor I deal with this a great deal. I don't have the same pull that Mom and Dad do. I just have to keep on them. I try to break up tasks that are received with bad attitudes into smaller segments. Example...if a report is being complained about, we do a couple of paragraphs and then do something else...like an instrument or reading. Same goes for cleaning room stuff, if they make the bed we can come back in a little while to do toys and books. I just feel like this allows me to praise more often and plead a lot less. Also, a bad attitude can be so contagious, with multiple kids this is a terrible situation so, if I can stop it in its tracks, I have a better day and so do the kids. It can take serious patience! :)

[Frontier Mom]

I know that the two sound "educationally legalistic" which is not the way I implement them. I don't do grades really at all, just have them do a test and then correct anything they did wrong. I want them to learn what was on the test, not just take a test, IYKWIM. I really try to stray away from busy work so, when we learn something I want them to apply themselves to really learning.

We use a system of allowance. Each of my dc's has a list of daily chores like who is responsible for each pet, etc. Also, they do their own laundry and are assigned a day. Besides that, they are to keep their individual rooms tidy, although I try to give them some space there. Mainly, clothes hung up, in drawer or dirty clothes hamper because I hate smelly carpet and my ds's play hard!! Also, no food or drinks upstairs in rooms with the exception of little water cups in bathroom.

I really need a method that works for me and trains them. For instance, currently I check their math daily but should I let them check it and grade the test? It just seems the mentality is to "hurry and do the basics" which is NOT my vision of home education.

[WTMindy]

My dc's are driving me nuts lately. For some reason, they seem content with mediocrity. To understand my frustration, we operate with two grades here, Excellent or Do It Again. I think I read that in Robinson Curriculum but I agree, either do your best or don't bother. I do show some mercy though.:001_smile:

Anyway, my dc's do enough reading to just get by with nothing extra. Math is done haphazardly which requires several re-do's. Rooms are messy until dh or myself go in there and make them pick up. This is an almost daily event. If something isn't specifically assigned, like 4-H practice on presentations, talent show, etc., it doesn't even get thought of. I feel like I am just going around complaining all day.

Developing independent learners is very important to me and my dh and I definitely fit that mold. I'm just not sure what to do, relax and let them suffer the consequences or tighten up the punishments. I need some guidance.

Think of it as a marathon and not a sprint. Think back on all the things your parents made you do, and kept telling you to do, that you do naturally now! I hated making my bed, even through college and now I can not stand to have an un-made bed. :-) You will get through to them if you continue to love and instruct. Granted, some kids seem to have a little more natural love of learning (my dd is more so than my ds). But, I keep pumping the message into them that learning is what we do, every day for the rest of our lives. Dh and I model that for them....we learn, we read, we discuss, we debate.

I think that your expectations are good. I don't give grades either, and if they don't do it well, they re-do it. This just seems to make sense to me. I don't actually say that in so many words, but it is just how we have always done things.

As for the room cleaning, that also just becomes a part of what you do. Every day before Dad gets home, we tidy up. I am trying to model several things by this. I want them to know that it is a special time for me (and us) when dh gets home and we want to make the house special to him.

It is all going into their brains and making them who they will become. Keep learning together, cleaning together, laughing together, reading together and it will happen.

[Frontier Mom]

As for the room cleaning, that also just becomes a part of what you do. Every day before Dad gets home, we tidy up. I am trying to model several things by this. I want them to know that it is a special time for me (and us) when dh gets home and we want to make the house special to him.

It is all going into their brains and making them who they will become. Keep learning together, cleaning together, laughing together, reading together and it will happen.

Thanks, I needed to know this is worth it!! Do you have a list for cleaning up or is it something you do together? For instance, this morning we decided to rearrange the den and everybody was excited to help out. However, a little while later I found one of my dc's had dumped all his clean clothes in our storage so I wouldn't see that he didn't put his stuff up yesterday.:glare:

[angela in ohio]

I'm not sure I'm much help. We have very different approaches. (for example: I am opposed to allowances, I keep grades, etc.)

I will just encourage you that it is worth it, and I don't think you should accept mediocrity! :grouphug: And I agee wtih WTMindy about forming habits. Forming habits and modeling for our dc behaviors we expect are two viatl parts of our methods.

[WTMindy]

However, a little while later I found one of my dc's had dumped all his clean clothes in our storage so I wouldn't see that he didn't put his stuff up yesterday.:glare:

LOL! That sounds like something my ds might do on a bad day. :001_smile: When that happens I just say, "Nice try, son. I wonder why you thought that you would get out of putting those away. Now you still have to put them away *and* you have to do______" But, say it with a smile and let him know you appreciate his creative attempt.

We do have a Monday list where we all clean together. The kids have certain chores in the bathrooms and their rooms. But, we all kind of do it together. I have what I call inspection time where I act silly and pretend I'm a mean inspector. I act disappointed when they do it well and I point out what needs to be done again. But, the time before Dad gets home is more just make sure things are picked up-not necessarily super clean or anything.

I guess my approach is to laugh with them as much as possible. To still have high standards but not let it become a barrier between us. To see that this is a process that will take their life to complete.

I will say that dh is more firm than I am. He has very high expectations and perhaps because of that it allows me to be a little more of the light-hearted one, although I still think my standards are fairly high.

[Kelli in TN]

To understand my frustration, we operate with two grades here, Excellent or Do It Again. I think I read that in Robinson Curriculum but I agree, either do your best or don't bother


I hate to say it, but this would kill *my* desire to learn.

I do this with my younger kids. My older kids actually get grades on their first attempt. But the youngers operate under the system of we do it until it is right. I think it is all in how you say it and implement it. How I would explain it on a message board of grownups might sound snarky and snippy. How I would explain it to my children would be gentle, smiley and encouraging. I don't know the OP personally, but I am guessing she is the same way. My littles are encouraged by the idea that they cannot fail, that they have all the do-overs they need to until they understand. My olders understand that they can fail and that it is in their best interest to work hard from the get-go.

[Frontier Mom]

I do this with my younger kids. My older kids actually get grades on their first attempt. But the youngers operate under the system of we do it until it is right. I think it is all in how you say it and implement it. How I would explain it on a message board of grownups might sound snarky and snippy. How I would explain it to my children would be gentle, smiley and encouraging. I don't know the OP personally, but I am guessing she is the same way. My littles are encouraged by the idea that they cannot fail, that they have all the do-overs they need to until they understand. My olders understand that they can fail and that it is in their best interest to work hard from the get-go.

Thanks. Yes, it doesn't come across very clearly on the message board but, to me, the treasure of home education is in the learning and education, not just the facts. I try not to give them things just to do, but rather, assignments I think are mandatory. I do try to make things interesting and alive, like the 30 quail eggs we are hatching. However, some things like math can only be made fun to a point. Discipline is also required.

An example is that my oldest two just finished a math chapter where they completely blew the cumulative test. It is on decimals, interest rates, percentages, sales prices, etc. that I feel is relevant to everyday life. Therefore, I am moving them on and we are going to "redo" the chapter at the end of completion of the book. I may try to teach it differently from another book because it obviously didn't "stick" the first time. However, I believe it a necessary part of life so it must be learned and committed to knowledge. When I am satisfied they know how to do this, we will move on to something different.

My original statement sounded harsh but, as I said, I garnish it with lots of grace. I just think anything worth knowing is worth knowing well. My struggle is in the attitude of "get-r-done" without really taking pride in a job well done.