Is it hard to keep your mouth zipped when your ps friends complain about school?

[fishnoises]

We went to dinner at our friends and they had another family over. Both families are ps'ers. They started to complain about spelling and testing. And I had to put in my 2 cents (about spelling). But they quickly came to defense of ps. "I have faith in the ps." I realized that I cannot say anything when someone is complaining about their school of choice, for the obvious reason. Their answer is always, "I can't homeschool. I don't have enough patience/organization/money...." I never, ever suggest to them to homeschool. I don't even offer advice! I merely tell tem how I dealt with a certain subject, or share in how I get frustrated too! I do offer opinions as to why school do things (testing, discipline etc.) But I feel like I get shut down. And I can sense some eye rolling as if I get on a bandwagon every time school is brought up. But I don't. (Other than that I'm happy with our way of life, even though it is hard.) My usual complaints are the same as theirs when they have to deal with the their kids and homework or disciplinary measures. Those are all things that are basically our of our control and mostly all to do with the free will of our kids!!! (And part of being a parent...)
But why complain about things that YOU DO HAVE CONTROL OVER????? I'm tired of the excuses. I am not a supermom. I am not an over achiever! I just don't like whining. And I really am getting tired of hearing the whining!!!!!!!!!! I need to be around more homeschoolers! Where are you???? (OOPs, that sounded like whining. Sorry.)
:banghead:

[Soph the vet]

I guess I don't keep my mouth shut with friends I know very well. They know exactly what I think about the federal curriculum. Some have gone on to homeschool, some don't whine to me anymore!:D

[j.griff]

Some have gone on to homeschool, some don't whine to me anymore!:D
:lol: There ya go!

[fishnoises]

"I guess I don't keep my mouth shut with friends I know very well. They know exactly what I think about the federal curriculum. Some have gone on to homeschool, some don't whine to me anymore."

So your saying, go ahead and challenge them? I would LOVE to do that!!!!!

[j.griff]

I would, and if they brush you off or roll their eyes at you, do the same to them when they start whining, LOL
:lol:

[JuJuBee]

Are there little things which bother you about your husband or a friend? If you complain about them, it doesn't mean you want a divorce or to end the friendship (steps which would end whatever complaint you have), it just means in this area you aren't satisfied with how things are going in that area.

The same as if you have a bad stretch hsing and you vent to friends about it. It doesn't mean you've bailed philosophically on hsing, it means that one area is causing you difficulty at that time. If someone said "well, if you feel frustrated sometimes homeschooling, you can always send your kids to the ps down the street," they would be totally missing the point. Sure, you could stop hsing and then those problems would go away. Of course, you'd just have other problems with the ps situation.

My guess is that in these friends' grand scheme, yes, they are dissatisfied with certain elements of ps, but not to the degree that they want to hs.

I have two children in public school, one in a private school, and one will be at home next year. There are things I could complain about in each of those arrangements! It doesn't mean that this arrangement isn't the best for us at this time. We think that is. But being the best for us at this time doesn't mean that it's perfect, and complaining about this or that doesn't mean that we aren't overall satisfied with our arrangement. Does that make sense?

[ThelmaLou]

I caught a small snippet of the Laura Ingraham radio show this a.m., and what little I heard, it sounded like Laura was talking to a mom who's taking on the school (public, I think) for the bullying and ridicule her son has received. She's determined to create an environment in which he can learn free from the cruelty of other kids. I was thinking, "There's a solution for that, you know? Bring the poor boy home!"

I'm not saying that homeschooling is the best fit for every family, but I think that some folks will *never* consider it, regardless of how much of a struggle their kids are having in the public school. I believe the system is inherently flawed. Rather than trying to make the system fit my needs, I don't know why I wouldn't create an entirely new system for my child via homeschooling. As I said, I know it's more complicated than this for some folks, but I really do think that there are certain people who will complain about p.s. until the cows come home and yet they will never in a million years consider homeschooling as a valid solution.

(Let me qualify what I've said for a moment. I don't know what this mom's options were for her son's education. That being said, there's certainly something admirable about getting involved and trying to make a change, even in a flawed system. We need more people who are willing to go the distance to make radical changes. I certainly don't fault her for that. I do know that I would personally be unwilling to take on the schools at the expense of my child remaining in an awful situation.I'm also aware that many families here find the ps to be a fit that works well for them at one time or another with different children. While I don't think the track record of most public schools is stellar, I know that there are many brilliant students who come out of the public schools and it works just fine for their families. I do think this is the exception rather than the rule, though.)

[gardenschooler]

But why complain about things that YOU DO HAVE CONTROL OVER?????


I regularly whine about curriculum I hand-picked myself. It's just letting off steam. Just because they have a problem with spelling or testing or some other thing, doesn't mean they're unhappy with it overall.

I can't believe how my neighbors who have kids in the ps bash it to me. It's almost like they think I'm 'safe' to tell it to. I just don't say anything back - really, I have no idea what goes on down there (at the K-8 school) other than what they tell me.

They don't know that they've helped me feel even firmer about homeschooling, and erased any envy I might have had. We see the kids out at recess and they look like they're having fun, but oh, the horror stories I've heard!

When I decided to enroll my oldest in high school, I got a mix of shock and disappointment from my ps neighbors. One said, "Oh, but WHY?" (All 5 of her kids have been in the ps since kindergarten).

Maybe they think they don't have any choice. The same way I've yet to find the perfect curriculum that will keep me from whining (well, I'm getting closer to finding it). :tongue_smilie:

[jmgconner]

I regularly whine about curriculum I hand-picked myself. It's just letting off steam. Just because they have a problem with spelling or testing or some other thing, doesn't mean they're unhappy with it overall.

This was my thought as well. Maybe your friends are just venting. I know that I appreciate being able to come here and vent about curriculum without someone telling me perhaps I should just put my children in public school.

[Heather in the Kootenays]

and smile and nod. Otherwise it's no win - I can't agree with them without trashing their chosen mode of education and I certainly can't disagree with them since they'd think I wasn't being honest.

[CLHCO]

Though I get your point, there are some differences. With a marriage and homeschool you have steps you can take to make positive changes. Some of the complaints I hear from people about their public schooling are things they have no hope of improving and they know are even damaging in some ways.

I know someone who says his 6-year-old's charter school allows only 20 minutes for lunch, very little recess and drill, drill, drill. He says it's hard on his son but there is nothing he can do. I don't buy that but I have to keep my mouth shut. There is nothing he can do if he sticks in that charter school, which is desperate to look good with high test scores. That is his bottom line too if it is why his son goes there.

Most others center around issues of their children not excelling or being held back in a math book by schools that must have all children on the same level. On parent complained their advanced daughter wasn't allowed to read ahead in her book. If she finished her assignment early she couldn't read something else either. Everyone had to do the same thing at the same time. That's a problem inherent with the system she has chosen.

I keep my mouth shut but I too have some difficulties hearing such things. It's hard on children. Some kids do fine in a school setting and they only have complaints about something temporary, or a rotten child in the school, a less than perfect teacher this time around, etc. My concern is for the ones where the whole design of the system for a child is not a match, the child is stressed, the parent is stressed, but to consider something else is further than they would be willing to go personally.

[Cafelattee]

My oldest did 4 years public, 2 private, 3 homeschool. Since I am one been-there -done -that. I challenge and tell them in a kind way, how we live with a older car, and smaller house, and etc.. So I could be home with my kids.
I couldn't stand how the institution(school) was destroying my childs enthusiam for anything. They usually don't say much after that.

[camibami]

Not really the same, but close- what about people who lament *constantly* how they wish they could hs? I have a lady who drops a lot of "cost" into her conversations- ie, if her dog chewed the table leg, she mentions it was a $50,000 table. I *know* they do very, very, very well, based not just on that, but where they live, their big ol house, the activities and private school their kids are in. Yet, she constantly laments being unable to hs, because they need her income.

Now, I'm no rocket scientist, but I'm pretty sure they could survive just fine saving the $20,000 a year (times 3!) on private school, and maybe downsizing from the MegaMansion, to scrape by :tongue_smilie:on her lobbiest husbands salary alone. And then homeschool. But I am afraid to ever actually *say* that, because it certainly sounds rude! I keep waiting for her to arrive at that conclusion herself, you know?

If we can do it on DH's Army pay, I *know* she could. If she wants too, why is she always saying she can't???

[j.griff]

But she said she never suggests that THEY try HSing. So, she's NOT pushing HSing onto them. It sounds as though they are dismissing her and her advice BECAUSE she homeschools. That sounds frustrating, and I would personally get sick of hearing it over and over again, and then being dismissed over and over again. Ugh

[j.griff]

If we can do it on DH's Army pay, I *know* she could. If she wants too, why is she always saying she can't???

Most likely she does NOT want to.

[tess in the burbs]

My friend put her dd on the bus last year with a male driver...and no other students on the bus. she had bad feelings about it but let her dd get on the bus! she called her dh and the school wanting to know when it would arrive...and now she says she overreacted but goodness I had no words for her than morning!!!!

I have another friend who hates the schools but would never hs, so I can only make some talk about her complaints. it's very hard. But I can also understand that for some people they have no choice.

[Danestress]

Because the parents I know have so many schooling choices. We have neighborhood public schools and magnets. We have Christian schools and a number of private ones. So when I go to a neighborhood social event, if there are 20 families there, their kids go to maybe 10 schools. So I think that cuts back on some of the "us" versus "them" thinking.

I think that makes it easier for us to love sometimes and hate sometimes the choices we have made without feeling like things are black and white. And most of us know that nothing is perfect. My neighborhood and church friends are really accepting of my homeschool choice (I am the only HSer in this subdivision) and I have never noticed that we can't talk about things. Sometimes I will ask a friend about how her child's school is handling science or how much writing they expect. I've even asked to see their math text and to see his written work so I can get an idea of what kind of handwriting is passing muster. Likewise, my friends seem to feel free to tell me what they like or don't like about their child's school without being afraid that I am thinking "then homeschool." So I guess I would say that no, I don't feel like I have to bite my tongue. And I feel VERY lucky to have friends and neighbors who like mine!

[Excelsior! Academy]

I always just giggle and say, "You could always homeschool." Those that know us either ignore me, because they would never homeschool, and keep venting, or ask questions about homeschooling. Those that don't know that we homeschool comment and continue on. I don't get offended if they don't know that we homeschool and make a negative comment. I did bring it on myself, after all. I figure after knowing us for a while, and seeing our family they will be convinced that homeschoolers can be normal. (Well, okay maybe not completely normal.:D)

[Cadam]

I try to keep my mouth shut, especially with people who are really against homeschooling, but I don't always succeed. I am also working on hanging out with homeschoolers more and finding more hs friends who are like minded. I love diverse opinions and the great conversations that can create but I don't always have the energy these days to deal with that. Sometimes I just want to be with someone who understands the agony of choosing a math program iykwim.

[Jenny in Florida]

Yesterday, for example, I was supervising the kids' dressing rooms backstage during one of my son's performances. I was chatting with another mom, who was bemoaning how hectic her family's week had been, how tired her kids were, what a challenge it was to balance her daughters' performance schedule with their school comittments and so on. I made sympathetic noises, then commented that we are lucky because homeschooling allows us the flexibility to accomodate my son's schedule.

She proceeded to launch into a 10-minute lecture about how she "could never homeschool," because her kids "don't listen to her" and how much she appreciates the "diverse opportunities" her kids have because they are in school.

Okay.

Even in retrospect, I can't quite figure out how I could have said anything meaningful that wouldn't have gotten us to the same place. And I truthfully was not even hinting that she should homeschool or that I'm a better person or a better mother or anything because I do. All I said was that we were "lucky."

Argh.

[Margaret in CO]

What I've found that works is to ask specific questions--how do they DO their spelling tests? 20 words a week or ??? What standardized test do they use? How is the school coiming out compared to the rest of the state? It gives you something to say, makes them feel "heard" and then I vent to dh that night... :D

Most folks aren't interested in how hsing works for you, but they know you are there when they finally decide they've had enough. It's like talking to your whiny mil...uh huh, uh huh, uh huh and then what did she say..all while getting the dishes done! :D