kokotg
01-24-2008, 01:14 PM
My oldest son, 6 1/2, has an assortment of issues, some of them probably having to do with giftedness, and some of them probably not. We've thought for awhile that some sort of evaluation or testing might be helpful in figuring out where to go next with him, but I'm not sure what/who exactly he needs. Basically, I'd like an all purpose "What's going on with Ari?" sort of assessment, someone who will sit down with us and talk to us about what he needs, whether he'd benefit from some kind of therapy, if there's anything we should be doing academically and/or socially that we're not already....and, while we're at it (but maybe it needs to be a separate thing) I'd like to have an IQ test for our records as there are some programs we might want to take advantage of in the future (if he qualifies that is) that require them.
A quick (or as quick as I can!) rundown:
He's extremely shy--to the point where it's a major, major event for him if he says a single word to someone outside of close friends and family. He's been in the same sunday school class for a year and a half now, and just in the past few weeks has he started reading out loud in there and occasionally saying "hello" to his teachers. This is a BIG deal for him; he's very proud of himself for working up the courage to talk at all. We suspect we could get a selective mutism diagnosis if we sought one. He has a hearing loss in one ear that was diagnosed when he was five; he's had a hearing aid for just over a year, and that's helped a lot; it had gotten to the point before that where he had trouble talking even to extended family whom he sees regularly.
He has trouble socially. I'm not sure how much this has to do with the hearing/anxiety stuff and how much is something else. He has friends with whom he plays really well, but other kids he just can't seem to get along with. He misjudges their motives--thinks they're being "rude" or "mean" when they're just playing around. He can't seem to distinguish between real aggression and play fighting, I've noticed. And it's very frustrating for me to try to help him make friends, because he'll never strike up a friendship in a group situation; it always has to be one on one. He also recruits his very sociable 4 year old brother to join him in being angry at other kids for some imagined slight, and I hate to see Milo miss out on making friends because he feels like he has to along with his big brother.
And then we have the usual stuff with perfectionism, hyper-emotionalism, not wanting to try anything that doesn't come easily to him, etc. etc.
Maybe I should be posting all of this in the special needs forum. I'm not sure. But I do think the perfectionism is at the root of a lot of it...if something isn't easy, if he's not sure he's doing it right, he doesn't want to do it at all. That's true not only of academic stuff, but being out in the world, interacting with other kids, too. I've noticed he is much more at ease socially in structured situations--playing games with rules, etc. At any rate, I want to be sure anyone we talk to understands this about him and is familiar with giftedness (and I feel presumptuous even saying that since we have no "proof" that he'd be considered gifted, but, you know--taught himself to read at 3, reads 4 grade levels above his age, fascinated with negative numbers at 4, blah, blah, blah. I'm pretty sure he'd qualify for gifted programs were he in school, and I'm pretty sure some of the typical traits associated with giftedness are at the root of some of his behavioral issues).
Well. That was long. I feel a bit sheepish posting this, since I haven't posted much here historically, but I have been meaning to forever, so why not? Any advice on where to start looking would be much appreciated. I'm not even sure what kind of professional to call: behavioral ped? child psychologist? neuropsychologist? Our ped has not been especially helpful ("well, I could refer you to a psychiatrist....if you want.") I don't know if I want. In a lot of ways, he reminds me of myself as a kid (not the extreme shyness, but the social troubles and the perfectionism). So on hand I think, "I turned out okay" and on the other hand I think it's not just an issue of whether he's going to okay in the long run, but of whether we can do something to help him be happier and have an easier time of it right now. Okay. /novel. thanks to anyone who's made it this far!
A quick (or as quick as I can!) rundown:
He's extremely shy--to the point where it's a major, major event for him if he says a single word to someone outside of close friends and family. He's been in the same sunday school class for a year and a half now, and just in the past few weeks has he started reading out loud in there and occasionally saying "hello" to his teachers. This is a BIG deal for him; he's very proud of himself for working up the courage to talk at all. We suspect we could get a selective mutism diagnosis if we sought one. He has a hearing loss in one ear that was diagnosed when he was five; he's had a hearing aid for just over a year, and that's helped a lot; it had gotten to the point before that where he had trouble talking even to extended family whom he sees regularly.
He has trouble socially. I'm not sure how much this has to do with the hearing/anxiety stuff and how much is something else. He has friends with whom he plays really well, but other kids he just can't seem to get along with. He misjudges their motives--thinks they're being "rude" or "mean" when they're just playing around. He can't seem to distinguish between real aggression and play fighting, I've noticed. And it's very frustrating for me to try to help him make friends, because he'll never strike up a friendship in a group situation; it always has to be one on one. He also recruits his very sociable 4 year old brother to join him in being angry at other kids for some imagined slight, and I hate to see Milo miss out on making friends because he feels like he has to along with his big brother.
And then we have the usual stuff with perfectionism, hyper-emotionalism, not wanting to try anything that doesn't come easily to him, etc. etc.
Maybe I should be posting all of this in the special needs forum. I'm not sure. But I do think the perfectionism is at the root of a lot of it...if something isn't easy, if he's not sure he's doing it right, he doesn't want to do it at all. That's true not only of academic stuff, but being out in the world, interacting with other kids, too. I've noticed he is much more at ease socially in structured situations--playing games with rules, etc. At any rate, I want to be sure anyone we talk to understands this about him and is familiar with giftedness (and I feel presumptuous even saying that since we have no "proof" that he'd be considered gifted, but, you know--taught himself to read at 3, reads 4 grade levels above his age, fascinated with negative numbers at 4, blah, blah, blah. I'm pretty sure he'd qualify for gifted programs were he in school, and I'm pretty sure some of the typical traits associated with giftedness are at the root of some of his behavioral issues).
Well. That was long. I feel a bit sheepish posting this, since I haven't posted much here historically, but I have been meaning to forever, so why not? Any advice on where to start looking would be much appreciated. I'm not even sure what kind of professional to call: behavioral ped? child psychologist? neuropsychologist? Our ped has not been especially helpful ("well, I could refer you to a psychiatrist....if you want.") I don't know if I want. In a lot of ways, he reminds me of myself as a kid (not the extreme shyness, but the social troubles and the perfectionism). So on hand I think, "I turned out okay" and on the other hand I think it's not just an issue of whether he's going to okay in the long run, but of whether we can do something to help him be happier and have an easier time of it right now. Okay. /novel. thanks to anyone who's made it this far!