Ever had a child who was just bound to "make trouble" for your kid?

[Doran]

This is an interesting situation, but not one I'm losing loads of sleep over. I'm just curious if any of you have ever had to deal with this.

There is a particular child (who happens to be two years younger than my dd) who is always trying to get my dd in trouble. I have been witness to more than one occasion where this child will blame my dd for something, specifically going to her mother to say, "She did so and so...(insert whine)." The two girls take gymnastics together, and it could stem from a jealousy issue. My dd is the oldest homeschooler in the class and is the most skilled of the group. This causes the coach to single her out a lot to demonstrate a technique, or something like that. I don't love that about the coach's style, but I can't really change it. But, both dd and I are weary of the endless "issues" this youngster manufactures and then proceeds to tell to her mother who, I think, believes every word.

Any wisdom to share?

Doran

[Doran]

Just curious. I'm sure it's because my daughter is an imp! ;)

Doran

[Jean in Newcastle]

It hasn't happened to my dc but I've seen it in group situations. Does she succeed in actually getting your dd in trouble? If the people that matter (the coach, her actual friends and you of course) know that your dd is a person with good character, does it really matter if this child's mother thinks your dd is not? Is the mother a troublemaker too? I guess what I'm saying is that many times people like this really crave the attention they get for whining. If you don't give them any, they will stop.

[Kris]

I have that problem with the sister of my son's friend. She goes out of her way to make trouble for the boys, and though she's been caught in dozens of lies (just that I know of) and has made up outlandish things, she's still believed. It's truly amazing.

She isn't welcome here. Period. I've told my son I don't understand why he wants to go up there and deal with all of that. I figure he's old enough now to make his own decisions about it, and I do get calls now and then about what he's allegedly done. I'm definitely not a "my kid wouldn't do that" person, but in this situation, unless there's cold, hard evidence, I'm taking his side.

[rockermom]

Yes, my great-nephew. He is allowed to "talk-back" and be generally disrespectful to adults (and children). My nephew and his wife think it's "cute" or he's just "expressing his opinion". He either tells on T for anything and everything (even if someone else did it) or makes fun of him. His sister is the same, but not to the same extent. He's the same to my other great-nephew. All three boys are the same age (7 or will be within the month).

We don't even invite my nephew over anymore because we dread the possibility of his son coming over. I feel terrible because we've always been close (he's only 3 years younger than me), but his son causes trouble wherever he goes and we won't put up with it.

We only see T every other Saturday, so we don't want his time with us to be ruined by another child with a bad attitude. It's sad, because my nephew lives down the road and it would be great if they could play together.

[Doran]

It hasn't happened to my dc but I've seen it in group situations. Does she succeed in actually getting your dd in trouble? If the people that matter (the coach, her actual friends and you of course) know that your dd is a person with good character, does it really matter if this child's mother thinks your dd is not? Is the mother a troublemaker too? I guess what I'm saying is that many times people like this really crave the attention they get for whining. If you don't give them any, they will stop.

Spot on, Jean! And, yes, one of the reasons I'm not losing much sleep over it is because I don't care all that much what the mother or the dd think. It's just a pesky nuisance sometimes, kwim?

Interesting that you should ask if the mother is a troublemaker, too (are you psychic? ;)). As it happens, the mother is someone who seems to stir up trouble as well -- once, some years ago, about me. Early on, I knew nothing of her issues with me. I saw her (then) very infrequently and learned through a mutual friend that she was bad mouthing me and my kids over something that allegedly happened. The incident, whatever it was, had to have happened years prior to my hearing the story -- talk about beating a dead horse! To boot, hard as I tried, I could come up with no idea of when the alleged "incident" might have occurred. I have truly tried to move on figuring maybe I was guilty of some infraction somewhere along the line and hoping this mother would find it in her heart to forgive me. I thought it was over and done with, but now I'm gathering that it has resurfaced due to the antics of the little girl. And, I'm pretty sure, at this point, that I never did anything wrong. So I guess there's a lesson in there somewhere.

It's just tricky sometimes when word gets back to us of something that's been said, or when I witness a blatant lie coming from the mouth of this little girl. I feel sad, too, that she has learned this so well, and probably from her parents.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Doran

[Kris]

It's just tricky sometimes when word gets back to us of something that's been said, or when I witness a blatant lie coming from the mouth of this little girl. I feel sad, too, that she has learned this so well, and probably from her parents.

I know how you feel, and it's hard not to get defensive, but I just try to consider the source.

We had a beautiful dog show up here one day this past winter -- a gorgeous Great Pyrenees. It's no secret that I want one. I didn't recognize him as belonging to anyone on this road and was sure he was just lost, but had no idea who to contact. I let the neighbors know he was here, though, since their houses are more easily seen from the road and anyone looking for him would most likely not even know we were there.

He hung around for about three days and then one day he just wasn't there anymore. We never let him in the house, but while he was camped out, we did feed and water him. We just figured he'd move on when he was ready.

I found out a few weeks later that someone *had* been looking for him (and maybe they did come down and find him when we weren't home -- I don't know -- I only know no one came when we were there), but the girl up the hill had been telling everyone who would listen to her that we had him chained up down here and had "stolen" him. And, of course, no one bothered to ask me about it. They just continued to spread the rumor.

I was furious when I found out. Not only had we been taking care of someone else's dog while they had been, apparently, away for the holidays, we were accused of being thieves in the process. And none of those people ever come down here -- we could be living in the shed for all they know. So I don't know how they think they have any authority to discuss *anything* that goes on down here. But they do -- constantly -- and you can imagine some of the rumors since my husband is gone most of the time.

I haven't discussed this matter with any of them. The person who told us about it said, "Well, of course, *we* didn't think that could be true!" Uh huh.

Anyway, with the exception of the one person who said something about it, I have let it drop. If they don't know me any better than that, or care to, they aren't worth the trouble. But I won't be forgetting it, either. It goes into the grey basket.

Anyway, my point (eventually) is that you just have to consider the source and not give them the satisfaction of getting excited about it. Just because they're living in a dream world doesn't mean you have to join them there.

Good luck with this -- I know it's frustrating!