Teaching my girls to cut a chicken - what else do they need to know and how to teach?

[momee]

I know there are a ton of things we could concentrate but I'm just wondering how you all go about intentionally training/"pouring into" your daughters homewise? We have some spiritual foundations laid and that is definitely intentional time set aside for a specific purpose.

My dh seems to have a nice progression going for teaching ds. First leaves, then the mowing of the yard, then fixing the yard equipment, then organizing the shed, then moving to the inside of the house and all it's various duties "men" tend to. He includes my son in everything he does and it's worked wonderfully. His dad did that for him when he was growing up and his skills at fixing our home and taking CARE of things are impeccible. His work ethic is just amazing, he saw it in everything my fil did

mine? NOT SO MUCH.

I do attmpt to include my girls, but not all the time. They OCCASIONALLY do laundry with me, couple times a week they'll help me cook something, they're with me at the store picking out veggies, etc.

I would love to hear the experiences of you ladies who grew up with the mom I HOPE TO BE. The mom that is raved about who just was always there for you, wonderful balance of mom/friend (more mom when young, moving toward friend when older), taught you most of what you needed to know happily and joyfully so you were able to do the same for your family. (I know no one's perfect but I'm looking for practical advice here - my goal's not perfection in parenting, just improvement).

Did she do this while she went about her days and you absorbed it over the years or were there intentional lessons? We've started with sewing basic quilt blocks together thanks to an older/wiser woman teaching all of us and that has been so amazing in the fruit of our girl time discussions, they are hungry for more of me! No pressure there...

This asked from a daughter of a single mom - (not to bash her but...)who's idea of home baked was Kraft mac and cheese and who's cleaning ritual was to scream her head off after an exahusting week that the house was a wreck and anything not cleaned up was going in the trash. We did occasionally sing and dance while dusting when it was a good Saturday but

let's just say I wasn't equipped to manage my house when it was my time and there were many wasted years. I want to avoid that with my two, soon to be 3 daughters.

I may have two seperate questions here -
how to model being a strong/healthy wife/mom - intentional or absorbed
and
what did your mom do that helped you become the awesome wife/mom you are now

[abbeyej]

Honestly, I wish I had some more of the skills your husband is teaching your son!

I don't really mind that I don't know how to cut up a whole, raw chicken -- I'm a pretty good cook otherwise, and I'm sure if I ever felt the intense desire to dismantle a whole chicken *before* cooking it, I could figure it out. I'm a good enough cook that even things I find mildly intimidating (like cutting up raw meat), are things that don't have much mystery for me and that I would be willing to attempt with the proper motivation.

But electricity? Plumbing? Those things are *magic* as far as I'm concerned, lol. And it would be nice not to have to pay an outside "magician" to come and deal with every little thing at the house. (And it's not that my dh is unwilling so much as he didn't have that training either, and he doesn't have the time...)

I'm glad that I have some basic sewing (hand, machine, pattern reading, improvisation) and cooking skills. I wish I had a better grip on certain cleaning tasks and even more on an overall *plan* for regular cleaning / maintenance in the house.

[PariSarah]

I love, love, love my mother, and she definitely taught me how to take care of a house and to knit and sew, but it wasn't in that Little House on the Prairie, sitting by the fire knitting every night way. She just did what she had to do, gave me chores, helped me learn something if I was stuck, and otherwise let me follow my interests. When she went back to school and work, all my father knew how to cook was hamburgers. So she started by asking me to cook on her nights to work--easy things like chicken nuggets and fries, then she would show me this or that when she had a light weekend, and eventually I moved on up to real food.

Or one time I got it in my head that I was going to sew my sister a birthday present. So she taught me how to sew this easy doll clothes thingie. And then I wanted to make a dress for myself, so she took me to the fabric store, let me pick stuff out, and said, "Call me if you get stuck."

But it was very haphazard and random. I just don't think it has to be this elaborate or complicated thing. Give them room to try stuff, to make mistakes. And give them chores. Try to hit all the chores once or twice before they graduate. That's it.

On the other hand, I did put a little structure to teaching ds how to cook, just because he was interested really early, and I was aware of all the ways he could require an ER trip if I didn't do it right. So I did put some effort into that.

But otherwise, it's more like I look around at chore time and think, "Hmm. He hasn't learned how to vacuum yet. He's old enough." And then I shout, "Isaac! Come here! You're learning how to vacuum today!"

Or, more often, I say, "Kid, it's chore time. Do you want to do a, b, or c?" And he answers, "Oh, man. Could I do d instead?" "You don't know how to do d. You're not old enough and it's too hard." "PLEASE????!?!?!?! I'd rather do anything else in the universe than a, b, or c." "Well, okay."

(insert maniacal laughter)

[Melanie in WI]

I also didn't learn how to do many things around the home from my Mom. I taught myself to cook from different cookbooks, but there are many more things I would like to do, such as soapmaking, candlemaking, gardening,(I learn a little more each year, mostly from mistakes), sewing and more. I'm going to buy Training Our Daughters to be Keepers at Home this summer and start working thru that with my dd so we will both learn.

[Mom2legomaniacs]

But otherwise, it's more like I look around at chore time and think, "Hmm. He hasn't learned how to vacuum yet. He's old enough." And then I shout, "Isaac! Come here! You're learning how to vacuum today!"

Or, more often, I say, "Kid, it's chore time. Do you want to do a, b, or c?" And he answers, "Oh, man. Could I do d instead?" "You don't know how to do d. You're not old enough and it's too hard." "PLEASE????!?!?!?! I'd rather do anything else in the universe than a, b, or c." "Well, okay."

(insert maniacal laughter)


Yes! If it seems like something that is just out of reach, they really want to do it. I have done that myself. Sneaky parent tricks can really work. :D

[inquirer]

are the lessons that your husband can teach your daughters. I would also include the lessons that you can teach them that will help them if they don't get married.

Some of the most important lessons I learned were how to fix a flat and how to manage a budget. I learned these from my dad.

I can, and do, take can of more of the things that are traditionally men's work than my husband does. I pay the bills and manage the finances. I take care of the lawn (really, I take care of hiring the lawn service). I change the filters in the house. I fix the toilet when it is broken. I don't have daughters but my sons can do everything men are supposed to do because I taught them ... because I learned from my dad and my mom how to be strong and independent. God forbid anything should ever happen to my husband, but I am confident in my ability to continue to manage life.

On the other hand ... my upbringing may have been a little different. I will never forget complaining to my aunt about having to iron my dad shirts (I can still iron better than the cleaners) and clean the toilet. She said, "Your mom only wants you to learn this so you will know if your cleaning lady is doing a good job or not." Amen!

[Danestress]

I think many of what used to be "womanly arts" are now just hobbies. Really, why make soap unless you really want to for fun? You can buy lovely soap, and probably cheaper. No reason to sew either, unless you really want to. Again, clothes are very affordable. You can buy nicely made quilts for a really reasonable price, and it's hard to justify making them unless you actually enjoy it.

Since I would definitely rather read and study my bible then sew, make candles or cross stitch, I think my list of things that you really must teach for life is fairly short in traditional womanly skills. Budgetting. Choosing good quality ingredients and figuring out how to find deals on those, basic cooking (I learned from books, really, and it worked fine). Organizing. Basic sewing skills like hemming and button hole mending. Ironing. I spend more of my time teaching my children what it means to do something well. How do you know when you have REALLY cleaned the bathroom well? Made a bed well? Dusted well? Most of that is teaching diligence and attention to detail. I've spent a fair amount of time teaching my children to do laundry properly, because mistakes in laundry can be far more expensive then just not getting the tub scoured right.

I honestly would spend more time on the traditional "guy" jobs with daughters or sons. The chances are very good that your daughters will have a husband who travels a lot, is unwilling to do those jobs, dies or divorces her. And of course, many women don't marry until much later than they would have liked. So I would spend some time teaching daughters as well as sons how to unclog toilets, repair a lawn mower, install faucets, fix leaks, hang heavy framed items securely, etc.

Sons or daughters, I honestly would spend more time on financial matters and character issue then on actual chores. I make my kids do chores because it's easier for me. But for their own benefit, I want them to learn about budgetting, investing, saving. I want them to learn how to organize paperwork. I want them to learn how to evaluate what is really a "deal" and what is a scam. I want them to wake up in the morning expecting to actually WORK and not just play. I want them to see honest work as a good thing - regardless of how our society values it.

[Mad Charity]

If chicken cutting is important then you should go ahead and teach the boys, too. Then get the girls out in the yard and let them work with Dad. They will appreciate it and boys shouldn't get to have all the fun.;) Now, teach the girls about the stock market. Get a subscription to WSJ and start charting some of their favorite companies. They will have a blast and it will REALLY come in handy someday.

[Mad Charity]

My mom worked full time and so did my dad. I guess the best thing my mom taught me was to solve my own problems. I am great at it. I can find anything, learn anything, solve anything, and accomplish anything I like. She was a star studded mom. I taught myself to cook the best meat loaf ever by having to be home for several hours after school by myself and having access to a Betty Crocker cookbook. I used to love to surprise my parents with dinner when they weren't expecting it. She also taught me to forgive everything, even when I don't want to. Grace was very important to her. Hmmmmm I hope I am doing the same for my boys and daughter. They are so smart and wonderful. Maybe they need to spend more time with my mom!

[*anj*]

Yes, I agree that some of those "womanly arts" things are hobbies today. Candlemaking, soapmaking, basketweaving, embroidery...the list goes on. They are all lovely things. I've tried my hand at several of them, but I just taught myself as an adult because I was interested. So I wouldn't worry about spending valuable time making sure my daughters know how to do those things. True, they can become a nice little side business, but again--easily learned through books.

I think that my goal for all of my kids is to have self preservation skills. If you should find yourself with only $25 to buy a week's worth of groceries, how do you do that? How do you take one piece of meat and use it for 3 or 4 meals? How many ways can you prepare lentils or beans? How can you eat really good quality bread, yet pay only pennies for it? How do you take a bottle of vinegar and a box of baking soda and clean the whole house? How do you turn a flat sheet into a pair of curtains? How do you "make do"?

I mentioned in my thread yesterday that my mom taught me to cut a chicken and how to cook, but she NEVER called me in for a lesson. I was always curious, so I'd sit and watch her cook. If I had a question like "how do you find that spot between the leg and the thigh?" she'd show me. She answered lots of questions and just let me watch her. When it was my turn I was quite ready. So I think that for some of these things the lessons are "caught."

I want my dh to also teach our girls how to mow the lawn and such because I was never taught that, was never expected to do it, and I liked it that way. But I think that for the most part, all kids should be taught all things. Then if they have a gift or a leaning toward a certain kind of work, that should be really encouraged all the more.

I keep saying that there are no guarantees in life. There are plenty of unmarried women who need to know how to change a flat tire, or cut grass, or fix a toilet. There are plenty of unmarried men who would be better off knowing how to make a pot of sauce, or a pound cake, or whatever.

And people who have those skills make better spouses too. And this is being said by a woman whose husband cleans all the floors and the bathrooms in our house. :D

[Kelli in TN]

Yes, I agree that some of those "womanly arts" things are hobbies today. Candlemaking, soapmaking, basketweaving, embroidery...the list goes on. They are all lovely things. I've tried my hand at several of them, but I just taught myself as an adult because I was interested. So I wouldn't worry about spending valuable time making sure my daughters know how to do those things. True, they can become a nice little side business, but again--easily learned through books.

I think that my goal for all of my kids is to have self preservation skills. If you should find yourself with only $25 to buy a week's worth of groceries, how do you do that? How do you take one piece of meat and use it for 3 or 4 meals? How many ways can you prepare lentils or beans? How can you eat really good quality bread, yet pay only pennies for it? How do you take a bottle of vinegar and a box of baking soda and clean the whole house? How do you turn a flat sheet into a pair of curtains? How do you "make do"?

I mentioned in my thread yesterday that my mom taught me to cut a chicken and how to cook, but she NEVER called me in for a lesson. I was always curious, so I'd sit and watch her cook. If I had a question like "how do you find that spot between the leg and the thigh?" she'd show me. She answered lots of questions and just let me watch her. When it was my turn I was quite ready. So I think that for some of these things the lessons are "caught."

I want my dh to also teach our girls how to mow the lawn and such because I was never taught that, was never expected to do it, and I liked it that way. But I think that for the most part, all kids should be taught all things. Then if they have a gift or a leaning toward a certain kind of work, that should be really encouraged all the more.

I keep saying that there are no guarantees in life. There are plenty of unmarried women who need to know how to change a flat tire, or cut grass, or fix a toilet. There are plenty of unmarried men who would be better off knowing how to make a pot of sauce, or a pound cake, or whatever.

And people who have those skills make better spouses too. And this is being said by a woman whose husband cleans all the floors and the bathrooms in our house. :D


I agree with you. Lawnmowing duties are passed down from sibling to sibling. When a teen gets old enough to get a "real" job, the next in line gets to mow. When a kid gets "promoted" to mowing, the next in line takes over trash toting duties. And so on.

What will we do when the youngest moves out? We will have to do it all ourselves!!!

[Kelli in TN]

momee,
If you want a neat way to organize these skills sequentially, I recommend 4H for your kiddos.

When you have a 4H project book, you have built in the steps to success in a new endeavor.

I do agree with the others about being gender specific. My son is a food science guy in 4H. If next year my daughter chooses a project that is more traditionally male it will be fine with me.

Unless it is chickens. No more chickens in my backyard. Nope, nope, nope.


ETA: I mean that I agree with others that you should not be gender specific. I worded that badly. Boys should cook. And boys should be able to repair their own clothing. For goodness sakes, if boys want to sew up some curtains they ought to be able to do that too. And if girls want to be ag specialists, let them. But the girls should cook and repair their own clothing too.

[GailV]

No reason to sew either, unless you really want to. Again, clothes are very affordable.

Sorry, but I must disagree. For some of us, purchasing clothing that fits and covers all of the parts that we would like covered is not a reasonably priced option. Perhaps it is for you and your children, which is great, but it isn't for everyone. Not all of us fit standard sizes.

Also, if my kids are exposed to dressmaking, they can figure out alterations, opening up a new source for cheap clothing (re-making thrifted finds).

Then too, they have seen me turn sheets and shower curtains into window curtains, make cushions out of remnants, and generally make a house more habitable using ingenuity and some sewing skills. It isn't a luxury hobby in our household.

Not meaning to get nit-picky, but some things that others may consider frivolous are important for me, and vice versa. By the same token, some people pursue gardening as an expensive hobby, others garden so they can eat.

[gardenschooler]

I'm not teaching mine how to cut up a chicken, because we can buy it already cut up. Besides, I don't know how!

I have already taught them how to fix the toilet and unclog the sink, and how to flip the breakers if the power goes out. I can't believe I made it to adulthood and had to figure these things out on my own. Really, a clogged toilet is an emergency!

I've taught them how to bake, and I'm still in the process of teaching them how to cook. They know how to do laundry, but they don't like it.

My mother always thought it was important that I learn how to iron. I found that kind of funny, but she was right.

I think the main thing as far as household skills is knowing how to declutter, and how to maintain a clean house. That alone will save them endless grief. Also, how to delegate. :)

[Emmy]

To speak of the real basics, here are a few I think kids should know:

How to sew on a button
how to iron a shirt
how to hem pants
how to make a simple curtain
(above are all things that have served me well and saved me a lot of $)

how to plan meals and grocery shop
how to balance a checkbook
how to cook basic meals - this can develop into all kinds of things depending the child's interest. I would really like my boys to be able to cook *good* meals not just the basics.

[WendyK]

I think both boys and girls need some basics. In the cooking department stuff like measurements, how to read a recipe (what certain terms mean), etc. Then there is some general housekeeping stuff. How to clean up, how to wash clothes (reading labels, separating darks from lights, how much soap to use), etc. In the sewing department at the very least how to sew on a button and do some simple alterations (hemming pants, fixing a ripped seam). How to iron a shirt, how to iron a crease. It would be awesome to know how to run a lawn mower (how to trouble shoot, fill it with fuel, turn it on). How to handle basic car stuff such as how to fill the windshield washer fluid, change a tire in an emergency, etc.

Then there is stuff like how to look for a place to live, how to budget, how to handle a bank account, how to shop for a loan, etc etc. How to comparison shop.

Those come to mind.

[Jean in Newcastle]

The only thing I can think to add is - a good babysitting course (or just teaching your kids some basics about childcare).