Crabby relatives and homeschooling?

[Philothea]

Everyone probably has one crab in the family. I have a particular relative whose ideas on homeschooling I wish to change.

It was difficult to even tell her we were homeschooling. I have made some progress but I would really like to help her have a positive attitude and make her proud of my children and their accomplishments.

So has anyone overcome a negative attitude in the family? Especially of someone with a rather gloomy and negative disposition?

So far, I have just tried to bring up some of my sons accomplishments very casually, and that has been helpful. I would love to know some other ways to do this without seeming like I am bragging or being pushy.

[Kate CA]

Everyone probably has one crab in the family. I have a particular relative whose ideas on homeschooling I wish to change.

It was difficult to even tell her we were homeschooling. I have made some progress but I would really like to help her have a positive attitude and make her proud of my children and their accomplishments.

So has anyone overcome a negative attitude in the family? Especially of someone with a rather gloomy and negative disposition?

So far, I have just tried to bring up some of my sons accomplishments very casually, and that has been helpful. I would love to know some other ways to do this without seeming like I am bragging or being pushy.

I see your littles are truly very little still so I would not make any statements about it other than what you would normally do with anyone. The old adage that the proof is in the pudding is absolutely true.

I had family that thought we were insane and were totally against homeschooling. Now that we have been doing this for nine years and the children are not freaks and they can converse on a number of subjects (and they *like* our children) they have all come on board. If I had tried to do or say anything else it would not have mattered. If you don't have the "proof" to show for it then all your words will likely not mean anything.

It is remarkable what just living your life can accomplish. :)

[Joanne]

I have a particular relative whose ideas on homeschooling I wish to change.

Don't bother. Don't bother to directly try to change their opinion. Educate your kids and don't be accountable to them.

Try this instead:

Bean Dip (http://goybparenting.com/?page_id=28)

[Pencil Pusher]

I see your littles are truly very little still so I would not make any statements about it other than what you would normally do with anyone. The old adage that the proof is in the pudding is absolutely true.

I had family that thought we were insane and were totally against homeschooling. Now that we have been doing this for nine years and the children are not freaks and they can converse on a number of subjects (and they *like* our children) they have all come on board. If I had tried to do or say anything else it would not have mattered. If you don't have the "proof" to show for it then all your words will likely not mean anything.

It is remarkable what just living your life can accomplish. :)

ITA!

My oldest is only 7, & my nay-sayers weren't gloomy & negative, so my situation is a little different.

That said, when my fil found out we were planning to use a mw for #1, this gentle, quiet man *stood up* in the middle of a restaurant & said something to the effect of "over my dead body." Me, quiet, shy, reserved that I am, stayed seated, but said something...polite. We were both escorted home by respective spouses.

Then hs'ing came up. Hahahaha! Fil is always complaining about ps & how it was set up to create workers who will do whatever they're told, etc, etc. But hs? You've. got. to. be. kidding!

Honestly, I think the thing that helped us the most was the year I spent teaching. Mil had many reservations, too--I bet she still does, but like I said, they're nice about it. She goes out of her way to say what she *does* like about the fact that we're hs'ing.

Anyway, after seeing an "inside view" of the ps around the corner from them & having a couple of yrs of hs'ing under our belts, they at least don't say anything against it. They take the kids overnight at least once a month, & everywhere they go, people comment on how smart, well-behaved, etc. they are.

Mil even asked for a reading list recently, so that she could stay caught up w/ the kids' reading! Lol! But it was sweet.

Ultimately, I agree w/ Joanne. The more you *try* to convince somebody of something, the more suspicious they'll be. Pass the bean dip, & let the kids' behavior (i.e., achievements, demeanor, intelligence, whatever?) speak for itself.

HTH! GL!

[fishnoises]

The way I see it. Crabby people are going to be crabby no matter what you do! It'll never be good enough. Since they love to complain and criticize so much, then why not give them plenty to talk about! That way you can make them happy (or miserable whichever way you look at it...) and you can get on with your life! (It ain't about them. They haven't figured it out yet.)

[*anj*]

It was difficult to even tell her we were homeschooling. I have made some progress but I would really like to help her have a positive attitude and make her proud of my children and their accomplishments.


You can't help her do any of that. You can't make her do it. Just live your life with as much integrity as you can muster and let her either fly with you or sit there and stew. Your children are still very young. You're barely even homeschooling at this point. Don't let this person think that she has the power to influence the educational choices that you make for your children.:grouphug:

[JWSJ]

we were planning to use a mw for #1

What is a mw?

[Jean in Newcastle]

What is a mw?

midwife.

[Kelli in TN]

I have been at this since 1991. I started out some crabby inlaws, and some busybody inlaws. After all these years I still have some crabby and busybody inlaws.

I could not change them. I really tried.

So I changed me instead. I decided to no longer communicate with them on topics that brought out their crabbiness and/or busybodiness. I only answer direct questions about homeschooling and then my answer is honest, but short, sweet and to the point. If they want elaboration, I provide it but even the elaboration is short, sweet and to the point. If they want to debate I stop talking and I smile and nod while working on my grocery list in my head.

The only time it becomes an issue is when they influence my husband. Sometimes he and I have a little tiff, until he sees the light. :D I am such a bad wife.

Keeping peace is more important than winning my points.

[abbeyej]

Nothing you *say* is likely to change this person.

As others have said, many relatives who are initially suspicious of home schooling do come around when they see their beloved young relatives growing and thriving in a home school environment. *But* if the relative is simply someone with a negative personality, they may never come around. If that's the case -- this is a matter of their fully-formed adult character -- there's not much "convincing" you can do (by words or deeds).

Do what you're doing. Teach your children well. Teach them manners. Treat your relative with kindness and whatever respect is due to him or her. Say whatever you would otherwise say about your child's progress and interesting things in his or her life. But don't go out of your way to try to "sell" the relative on home schooling.

My grandparents were all initially very upset when my parents didn't send me to school (~25 years ago). But they were not "negative" people. I think the last of them fully came around to the idea when I was about 8 and my brother 6. And the one who was the slowest to come around became my mom's biggest home schooling cheerleader. ;)

When I first met my in-laws, they spent half the evening talking about some crazy home schoolers they knew, and how they were ruining their children. (And it's entirely possible that that was true when it came to that particular family -- I have no idea.) They didn't know at the time that I had been home schooled till high school or that I would someday be their DIL and home schooling their grandchildren, lol. But they, too, are now huge advocates of home schooling...

And those changes didn't come about because of anything that was *said* or done by me, except for raising my children with love and care.

There's another more distant relative that I would never even *attempt* to change. But she's just a deeply negative person, and is unlikely to ever be on board with much of anything. ;) I'm just glad I don't have to see her almost ever, lol. If I *did*, I would simply do my best to "get along" and not argue much of anything with her.

[Pajama Mama]

Listen to all of the great advice that you are receiving here. You can absolutely NOT change anyone's feelings on homeschooling. Please don't waste your time and energy trying. Most folks will eventually warm up to homeschooling and be supportive. My MIL told us repeatedly that we would "ruin our children's lives" She is now one of our biggest supporters. Now, if only I could get her to stop *dropping by* all of the time during the day:rolleyes:

[Kayaking Mom]

I had suspicious family members - but after 2 years they are coming around. I come from a very high achieving academic family - but my Dad is really the one coming around the fastest. I have nice kids - kids you like to spend time with. And he's seeing that, and his attitude is changing. It's affirming - but really - I know that God's called me to do this and that's all the affirmation I need. I would agree with everyone else - the more you push the more they'll push back. Just enjoy your kids and being with them and anyone with a heart will see how your family is different than the "norm".

[3lilreds in NC]

I have ILs with whom I don't get along well, and they have been quite supportive of homeschooling. This is partially because they know other people who are doing it successfully, so it is more acceptable to them, but also I think they have seen how well the girls are doing. My MIL is a teacher by education so has appreciated being able to see the girls' curriculum and be involved somewhat in what they're doing.

My parents, however, are staunch supporters of public school. I have had some ugly discussions with my dad about homeschooling - but I've managed to stand up for myself (woo hoo!) and last time told him that since he could not point out any specific deficiencies in my kids, we weren't going to talk about it anymore. My parents and I are very close and I adore them - we have a great time together. It's been very hard for me that we disagree quite strongly about homeschooling.

I think, with anyone negative, you just have to hold your tongue (not an easy task for me because I will talk and talk and talk until you agree with me, if I am not keeping myself in check) and let the fruits of your labor prove themselves. You can't change anyone else's mind. They have to change it themselves. They may or may not - but it's not up to you. Just don't discuss it with them. If they are difficult and want to bring it up all the time, tell them it's not open for discussion. You don't have to defend yourself or your family decisions to them; nor do you have to participate in their negativity.

[nmoira]

I have a particular relative whose ideas on homeschooling I wish to change.That person is quite possibly saying the same thing about you. :) I wouldn't bother, wouldn't even talk about it with this person.