Is This Typical of Most Homeschool Co-ops?!

[Linda...inOwasso]

My family lives in a nice suburb of a large city. This is our first year homeschooling and we've joined our local christian co-op. The co-op is a support group with monthly mom's meetings, field trips, academic & "fun" classes. In theory I really like the idea of the weekly classes. This year my oldest daughter is taking drama and art which are two subjects that would be difficult for me to teach her at home. My dd really enjoys the classes and I would like to participate in the group long-term to afford my children the opportunity to build friendships and learn from other instructors.

However, I am concerned by the behavior of several children that I've witnessed this year. I'd like to speak with the director about my observations but I'd prefer to offer suggestions rather than just complaints. These are the specific behaviors that I've witnessed:

1. 3rd - 6th grade kids belching, passing gas and acting up in general during class (of course this provokes a good laugh from most of the students) BUT the kids continue to do it even after the teacher has asked them to stop.

2. Arguing with the teacher. For instance, if the teacher asks a student to please stop speaking, the student states that "they weren't talking" or "they just had to ask for a pen," etc...

3. Telling the teacher "NO." This one happened to me while I was leading a four - five yr. old class. A child jerked a ball from another child's hands and when I told her we didn't grab things away, blah,blah,blah and asked her to return the ball she said "No!" and when I told her to have a seat on the sidelines for a couple of minutes until she was ready to play nicely she threw the ball at me and started throwing a screaming fit.

These are just a few examples of what I've experienced and by no means am I implying that my dc are angels while everyone else's children are ill-behaved. I'm trying to determine whether this behavior is typical of most homeschool co-ops or if there's something specific anyone could recommend to help our co-op run more smoothly.

Thanks for sharing any experience!!

[angela in ohio]

That sounds pretty much like my experience with our old co-op. It is hard to do anything about these behaviors, because you have no recourse (and the kiddos know it.) You can't discipline them, and the parents often don't care if you tell them. I find that it is often a difference in behavioral expectations, which it is hard to overcome.

[TengoFive]

Our local support group has the kids all sign papers agreeing to behave in a certain way and agreeing to discipline if they don't. However, for the most part the kids in ours are well-behaved and those who aren't usually choose not to participate very long.

[Julie]

I belong to one, and visited another in our area and at neither did I see what you are describing. Check out the First Class web sit, they charter co ops and maybe you'd have better luck with one of theirs.

Julie

[mom2abcd]

That's not how ours is. There is one boy (age 7) who is like that, but that's it.

It sounds like somebody started it and others are copying it and developing very bad habits.

I would talk to the board about it. They may not be aware or not have had enough requests to do something about it.

What a shame.

[Tokyomarie]

I would say that this is not typical of our co-op. That's not to say that there are never bad behaviors in our setting; they do happen at times. Teachers know they can approach parents to get them them involved in the discipline process, either after class or immediately, if warranted.

My son had a lot of difficulty learning to behave appropriately in the classroom- not for lack of effort on my part!- and there were times when I was called in to work with the teacher on discipline. I was just marveling today, though, at how far he has come & am so relieved that we are mostly over the hump on this one!

In general, though, as I walk through the halls and peer into classrooms or go in to take attendance I see kids who are mostly engaged in the class and behaving appropriately.

[HollyinNNV]

This is absolutely not typical of co-op behavior at the one we attend.

But, I have seen it at some of the groups that we used to attend.
Holly

[Linda...inOwasso]

Thanks guys. I've been googling homeschool co-op rules and have found a couple of good behavior policies from other co-ops. I think I will give them to the director along with some suggestions for implementing a standard, consistent, reasonable code of conduct w/ enforcement.

Unfortunately Angela, I'm seeing what you saw. The kids know there are no consequences and disappointingly many of the parents merely offer excuses for their child's misconduct rather than supporting the teachers.

And Julie -- thanks for recommending The First Class Homeschool Co-op website. That looks awesome! Of course, we don't have one in my area and heaven knows I don't have the energy to start one up, but it looks wonderful!

[kortney in AL]

In Alabama we are required by law to be under a school covering, such as a Christian school or church. The covering our family belongs to requires students to read and sign a list of rules and expected behaviors while they are attending any classes or functions at the school covering. This includes respecting each other and the teachers. We also have a school headmaster who is wonderful at making sure things are enforced. If a student continues to be disruptive or disrespectful, the parents are brought in and talked to. I don't think we've ever had a situation where the child was asked to not attend classes anymore.

[Soph the vet]

I am the director of our local co-op of about 30 families. We have each family read a statement of faith and sign a family code. The code includes what behaviors are not acceptable in the class setting. The code also describes how discipline will proceed from the first infraction to the third at which time the student will be asked to leave for the day. We have not yet had to get to the third time rule. Our teachers are encouraged to exercise their authority in class and we really have not had too many problems. Last year there were a couple of 8th grade boys bullying others. The moms were talked to with little result. Fortunately, their eldest sons did not return for this year (our board had this as a prayer request, thank you, Lord). It sounds like your co-op should have some kind of standards in place for student behavior and consequences of negative behavior.

[Pongo]

Wow , thats actually really sad.
I also run a large co -op there are 4 of us "leaders". I have had to ask 2 families to leave in 4 years because of this, mainly because of hitting. We have a discipline policy the parents need to sign.

We have "banned" words like stupid, crap, shut-up and several others. I am very quick to address bad behavior. I hold a large "mandatory meeting" in August on what we will, and will not allow. Then on the first day of co-op, myself and the other leaders go around to each class and go over the rules, again.

The discipline policy has made it very easy for us to address issues and reinforce rules.

[strider]

I directed a co-op that required parents to stay and help. Unfortunately the parents usually sat around yakking, and there were children whose behavior was never addressed.

There were two things that really, really helped:

1. As the director/leader, I told the parents what to do. The year this worked best, I tried to sign up as many parents as possible for specific "jobs" (snack coordinator or set-up or whatever). In addition, and even more importantly, I was constantly giving directions to the parents. So, for example, when we did a unit about India, one day there was a map activity. I would teach the fun facts about India, then tell the students, "Look at your map. I want you to color the desert, yellow." Then I would say, "Moms and Dads, please walk around the students at your table and make sure everyone is coloring the correct area." I had to literally direct EVERYTHING I expected the parents to do--often I was directing them to act in a way I would have thought they would just "know" to do. The funny thing is that the parents actually really, really appreciated my giving them constant, specific directions like that. The background yakking decreased significantly as the parents engaged to a greater degree in helping the program.

2. There were two parents, hand-picked by me, who were known as our "enforcers." :D I announced who they were and what their roles were at the beginning of each semester. I also reminded the kids at each. and. every. meeting. of what our rules for conduct were. The enforcers would roam and specifically address any infractions. They and I agreed together on a mode of operation--always being polite, for example, or when to address noise and when to let it go, etc. If a child was unresponsive to correction, that child was directed to sit with their parent in the back. If that was ineffective, my enforcers would say something to the parent along the lines of, " Gee, So-and-so is having a tough time. I think it's probably time for him/her to have a time-out in the hall so he/she doesn't distract the other kids." It worked well because it both kept the parent in the loop and part of the disciplinary process, but also kept the program running with consistency.

Reading this you might think this would create a police state, but the opposite was actually true. Having this kind of friendly but firm consistency actually helped the atmosphere be more relaxed. The parents whose job it was to enforce discipline were both firm but really, really friendly in their approach. Since their roles and our rules were clearly defined verbally, everyone accepted that and it worked really well.

[LisaTheresa]

I taught 2 first grade classes last year and I was shocked at the behavior of the children. You always hear how well-behaved homeschooled children are. Well, not this group. I experienced outright defiance on a regular basis from 2 or 3 of the boys in the class as well as belching, giving the finger, refusal to participate, constant interrupting, etc. I was so surprised! And this was a very hands-on, class that should have been a lot of fun.

Lisa

[chiguirre]

Wow! I never would have imagined these problems. Our co-op enforces good behavior by time-outs and being sent to the director's office. My ds is probably the worst kid in his class and even he wouldn't think of doing most of this stuff.

[Unicorn]

Throwing in my "No, it's not." Like someone else mentioned,(Soph the Vet?) we sign a behavior contract. What you describes sounds like society in general though. It's what dh deals w/ on a daily basis as a ps teacher, unfortunately.

[Aletheia Academy]

We participate in a small co-op of 5 families. We have 19 children ranging in age from 8 mos to 12yo. We actually address behavioral expectations during our Circle Time by explaining the desired behavior and then practicing with role playing. We have chosen issues to address at random and in response to observed behavior. The biggest factor to our advantage, I think, is that all the moms are present so we can exhort each other as necessary. We are learning, too!

IMO, if your co-op is not supporting the manner in which you would like to raise your dc, find another co-op. We started ours from scratch. It does require some work, but the blessings we derive from it are priceless.

[Linda...inOwasso]

Thanks so much all! Since this is our first year homeschooling, I wasn't sure what to make of it. I've learned SO much this year. I appreciate everyone's willingness to share their experiences. Hopefully our co-op can adopt some "code of conduct" rules to improve the behavior problems.

I'll feel better discussing this with the director now that I have such wonderful suggestions to offer her!

[Tami]

I teach at one co-op and am a 'regular mom' at another. This type of behavior is absolutely not tolerated.

It all depends on parents. This behavior is happening because it is being allowed. Perhaps it would be helpful to either find a co-op of like-minded moms, or see if you can reach an agreement on acceptable behavior.

I have been to co-op meetings with unschoolers (not to step on any unschooling toes - I lean there myself!) where I was shocked at the behavior of the kids and the moms did *nothing* to intervene. The kids were rude, ate loudly during class, disruptive to the teacher, defiant, and the parents just sat by and watched unconcernedly. I don't think some parents believe in saying "no." I say this, because if it's a philosophical difference, you may feel more comfortable in another group, rather than beating your head against a wall.

At the 2 co-ops I am familiar with, there is a behavior policy and there is always a parent monitor in the room who is to deal with behavior issues according to agreed upon policies. ANy child can misbehave on any given day, and there is comfort in having preset boundaries.

A child who misbehaves repeatedly should be sent out of class to their mom. There should be a meeting between the director, teacher, and mom to come up with a plan for the child to be more successful in class next time. If the mom is uncooperative, and her child is disresectful, the family would be asked to leave with no refund of fees. All moms sign this policy. Special needs children are dealt with on a case-by-case basis.

I hope you find the fellowship and group that brings you joy!

HTH!
Tami