can I just let cry it out for a minute?

[Ms. Riding Hood]

I posted on the k-8 and HS boards earlier asking about dd's reading comprehension. Laurie was kind enough to answer and refer me to this board. I've been here before, though not for dd....

We began homeschooling when my 16yo ds was in 2nd grade. He struggled with reading all year. At some point I knew something was wrong; he was dyslexic and dysgraphic. We spent the next 3-4 years working one on one together, mainly me groping my way along in the dark. It was discouraging to see what, at the time, seemed like so little progress.

During this time dd was beginning kindergarten. She read easily, spelled easily, did everything without much difficulty at all. I was so relieved! And because she could function, and ds needed my attention, she was left more on her own.

By the time she was in 3rd grade, my next ds was beginning K. It soon became obvious that he, too, was struggling with reading. We began the difficult, time-consuming journey of helping him achieve fluency. As a now 4th grader, he still struggles mightily with multisyllable words, though he reads voraciously and with decent comprehension. But while I've been focusing on him, dd has still been churning along.

I don't know when I realized she might not be "getting" the things she read. Maybe when she was 10 or so, probably about the time her reading material got a little more difficult. I suppose I just thought it would come with time. She just needed to slow down, to try harder, to read more carefully. It would work itself out...sometime.

Just this year I've realized that she is what might be called "borderline" ADHD...what has been called an Edison trait child...a "dreamer"...totally "right brained". And her comprehension difficulties, as you might guess, are only becoming more obvious as she reads increasingly more demanding books and is expected to recall more facts.

I suddenly, very clearly, see that I have failed her in so many ways, both in her comprehension and much more importantly, in understanding her nature and personality and dealing compassionately with them. She feels stupid. I think I'm a big part of why.

It's strange how all this has just suddenly become apparent to me. It's like I've had a revelation and the "scales have fallen from my eyes". I feel sick over it, and truthfully, very helpless...to make it up to her or to help her on her way.

I don't know why I'm unloading all this here, other than because you are the only homeschooling people I know who are dealing with kids that have learning or behavioral difficulties. I'm sorry for whining and self-pity. I guess I just needed to say all this out loud to somebody.

Just getting out helps some. Thanks for the ear.

[Hockey Mom]

:grouphug:

I don't have a special needs child, but reading your post made my heart ache for you.

I just wanted to encourage you and let you know that as parents, we've all felt like we've let our children down at one time or another. By reading your post, I think you probably did the best you could given the circumstances.

Is it possible to enroll her in Sylvan, or some other tutor-based class?

[merry gardens]

I posted on the k-8 and HS boards earlier asking about dd's reading comprehension. Laurie was kind enough to answer and refer me to this board. I've been here before, though not for dd....

We began homeschooling when my 16yo ds was in 2nd grade. He struggled with reading all year. At some point I knew something was wrong; he was dyslexic and dysgraphic. We spent the next 3-4 years working one on one together, mainly me groping my way along in the dark. It was discouraging to see what, at the time, seemed like so little progress.

During this time dd was beginning kindergarten. She read easily, spelled easily, did everything without much difficulty at all. I was so relieved! And because she could function, and ds needed my attention, she was left more on her own.

By the time she was in 3rd grade, my next ds was beginning K. It soon became obvious that he, too, was struggling with reading. We began the difficult, time-consuming journey of helping him achieve fluency. As a now 4th grader, he still struggles mightily with multisyllable words, though he reads voraciously and with decent comprehension. But while I've been focusing on him, dd has still been churning along.

I don't know when I realized she might not be "getting" the things she read. Maybe when she was 10 or so, probably about the time her reading material got a little more difficult. I suppose I just thought it would come with time. She just needed to slow down, to try harder, to read more carefully. It would work itself out...sometime.

Just this year I've realized that she is what might be called "borderline" ADHD...what has been called an Edison trait child...a "dreamer"...totally "right brained". And her comprehension difficulties, as you might guess, are only becoming more obvious as she reads increasingly more demanding books and is expected to recall more facts.

I suddenly, very clearly, see that I have failed her in so many ways, both in her comprehension and much more importantly, in understanding her nature and personality and dealing compassionately with them. She feels stupid. I think I'm a big part of why.

It's strange how all this has just suddenly become apparent to me. It's like I've had a revelation and the "scales have fallen from my eyes". I feel sick over it, and truthfully, very helpless...to make it up to her or to help her on her way.

I don't know why I'm unloading all this here, other than because you are the only homeschooling people I know who are dealing with kids that have learning or behavioral difficulties. I'm sorry for whining and self-pity. I guess I just needed to say all this out loud to somebody.

Just getting out helps some. Thanks for the ear.:grouphug:
I hear ya'. :bigear:
It's difficult to juggle when one child (or more) has special learning issues. The one who seems to be doing "just fine" or even "okay" can fall between the cracks sometimes. It doesn't make you a bad mom; it means you're human and have some limitations.

Go ahead and cry a bit. :crying: It's sad to discover that your child has a problem with learning, and you can mourn that a little while. Then wipe your eyes and address what needs to be addressed with your daughter's education.

The good news is many of the programs for people with dyslexia and learning disorders show a child can make several years improvement on standardized tests scores in a short time with the right program. You aren't finished being her mom and she isn't finished learning yet. Now that you know, you can do something besides just cry. But a good cry might help wash away some of the junk that you're feeling inside so you can figure out what to do next.

[mcconnellboys]

I don't know what to tell you except that my older son is very much like her and I don't feel that I've ever really been successful either, in getting him appropriate treatment or in developing ways to help him cope, myself. I have sighed and prayed all year about this, as he prepares to go off to college next fall. I'm really not sure how things are going to pan out for him.....

He has auditory and sensory processing issues, as well. I don't know if your daughter might have any of these sorts of issues. The problems that occur overlap for several of these issues. Someone just posted a day or so ago about a new book that's out for APD. It's called Sound of Hope, by Lois Heymann. I plan on trying to check it out.....

I do hope that you find an answer to your dilemma, as well.

[Laurie4b]

The "best we can" still leaves a gap... for all children I think. Parenting is hard, and we all want to do it really, really well, but we are not ominiscient and we make mistakes, and that creates that "gap" between what we want to be and do and what we can do.

It's okay. Pick yourself up and start on your new path for her. You've noticed it and you're going to get on it.

[wapiti]

Here's what we're doing for reading comprehension. My dd9 (right-brained learner, etc. etc.) has a language processing issue which manifests itself as a reading comprehension problem and a problem with vocabulary. So, she is seeing a language therapist weekly to work on those two things. With the comprehension, the goal is to help her learn how to make inferences and to visualize what she is reading, among other things.

What our language therapist is doing is similar to the Lindamood Bell program called Visualizing and Verbalizing. However, for various reasons we do not believe we need the type of intensity involved in the Lindamood Bell program (nor do we want to spend that kind of time or $$$).

Also, there's a book called Reading is Seeing that you might find helpful.

[Tree House Academy]

I am so sorry! If it makes you feel any better at all, the case would have likely been the same had she been in public school. My older son was a fast learner, top of the class type in ps and, unfortuntely, he was overlooked too...just like with your dd, he was often left to his own devices while the teacher helped the kids who needed it more than he did. He had some gaps coming from ps, but nothing we haven't been able to work on and straighten out rather quickly. See, that is the great thing about fast learners...they are pretty easy to get back on track.

You have not failed her, not at all. Now that you realize what is happening, decide how you are going to rectify it and get started. Chances are that you will find that she is not as bad off as you might think. Focus on her weaknesses for awhile and build her up in those.

*hugs*

[Shari]

I don't know when I realized she might not be "getting" the things she read. .... I suppose I just thought it would come with time. She just needed to slow down, to try harder, to read more carefully. It would work itself out...sometime. ...
I suddenly, very clearly, see that I have failed her in so many ways, both in her comprehension and much more importantly, in understanding her nature and personality and dealing compassionately with them. She feels stupid. I think I'm a big part of why. ...
It's strange how all this has just suddenly become apparent to me. It's like I've had a revelation and the "scales have fallen from my eyes". I feel sick over it, and truthfully, very helpless...to make it up to her or to help her on her way.


Wow! I could have written this a year ago. I spent four years absolutely stumped about my ds's spelling & reading difficulties before realizing that he was probably dyslexic. And I even tutored dyslexics for two years in h.s./college! I cringe now to think about how much I scolded this child for errors and for 'goofing off' when he was supposed to be reading. It absolutely breaks my heart :crying:

The good news is that now you can begin to address the problem and help your dd. Begin to research methods and materials. Talk to friends IRL or on the boards dealing with similar issues. Give your dd (and yourself) a big hug, take a deep breath, and begin again. We are all human 'round here and prone to mistakes :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Ms. Riding Hood]

I do appreciate all of your words. As someone said, there is just a need to mourn, both her problem and my (lack of) recognition of it. I'm easily discouraged/overwhelmed at the best of times and some days it just seems like the mountain is too high to look at.

Thanks for the encouragement all the way around! Very much appreciated here to help me through a rough spot.

[sheryl]

I understand, and like another poster wrote, I too could have written this letter a while back. Actually, with our special needs dd, we're still juggling and struggling some as each day presents itself differently than the day before...sometimes.

You know you're doing the best that you can. No one person has all the answers. Still we plug away each day trying to grasp a bit more info. to help with the challenges we are faced with on a daily basis.

Hang in there!! :grouphug: Sheryl <><


I do appreciate all of your words. As someone said, there is just a need to mourn, both her problem and my (lack of) recognition of it. I'm easily discouraged/overwhelmed at the best of times and some days it just seems like the mountain is too high to look at.

Thanks for the encouragement all the way around! Very much appreciated here to help me through a rough spot.

[sailmom]

Like the others, I understand, and you're most definitely not alone!

My littlest guy has so many obvious significant special needs, and caring for him and ensuring that he gets the therapies and medical care he needs has taken lots of my mental energy.

Last year, we finally realized that my 11yo dd likely had ADHD (inattentive subtype) and took her in to be evaluated. Like your dd, she was a great reader and a bright kid, but because of my focus on my little guy, my dd was just coasting along. I felt terrible for not realizing sooner. Her self-esteem was suffering and she was getting increasingly depressed.

Our pediatrician told us that most girls who are diagnosed with ADHD are in the middle school age range. They manage to coast along without causing trouble, and it's not until the level of work required really steps up that it's noticed by parents and teachers. With medication, OT for fine motor issues, and some helpful strategies offered by other parents and her doctor, we've come a long way. My dd was very relieved to find that she wasn't "stupid" or "slow" but just wired differently.

So as others said, you haven't failed her! It would likely have been the same even if she were in public school.

Good luck, and hang in there!

[siloam]

I do appreciate all of your words. As someone said, there is just a need to mourn, both her problem and my (lack of) recognition of it. I'm easily discouraged/overwhelmed at the best of times and some days it just seems like the mountain is too high to look at.

Thanks for the encouragement all the way around! Very much appreciated here to help me through a rough spot.


(((Hugs)))

It is hard to keep running the race.

I would recommend you look into Visualizing and Verbalizing (http://www.ganderpublishing.com/Visualizing-and-Verbalizing.html) for her. I picked up a manual pretty cheap, and I think you can apply the exercises to other readings, not requiring you to buy the whole program. I am not 100% sure of that. I know it is true of Seeing Stars.

Heather

[Ms. Riding Hood]

Siloam,
I appreciate your input. I actually have a copy of the TM for Seeing Stars, LiPS and (maybe, somewhere) Visualizing and Verbalizing. My mom is a teacher who did all the Lindamood trainings. : ) I have used them with my older ds but hadn't really thought about any of it for dd. I'll take a look.

[siloam]

Siloam,
I appreciate your input. I actually have a copy of the TM for Seeing Stars, LiPS and (maybe, somewhere) Visualizing and Verbalizing. My mom is a teacher who did all the Lindamood trainings. : ) I have used them with my older ds but hadn't really thought about any of it for dd. I'll take a look.

Making a mental note of who to go to for help if I hit a wall. :D

Regrouping is always mentally and emotional exhausting, but long term is sounds like you have what it takes to be successful.

Just keep swimming....

Heather

[kgirlula]

I have been homeschooling my children for 4 years... but kept my severely disabled child in public school because I thought they could do better....

It took me a little over 3 years to figure out that they couldn't nor would they do better than I could do for her. I pulled her out midyear and we struggled through much of that spring...

This year has been much better but she is so much farther behind than she should be. Her issues are majorly physical, mentally she is about her age level. She will turn 12 in 3 weeks. She is a non-verbal, trached, quadriplegic with no ability to function a physical switch.

I feel like a heel for not pulling her out sooner, for not trying it myself, for not ______________ fill in the blank. You are right, mourn it then move on. But remember somedays you are the windshield and other days you are the bug! :willy_nilly:

Blessings,
KelLee