Down side to accelerating?

[Kuovonne]

I've been wondering about the down side to not telling my accelerated child that she is accelerated.

DD is six years old. Therefore she is in first grade. I work with DD at her level using ungraded materials. Some things we do are at grade level, some are more typical for kids 1-3 years older.

Because DD is only accelerated, not gifted, she usually fits in very well with her age mates. DD thinks that all the material and everything that she does is "first grade" material. Unfortunately, when she struggles with something, she thinks that she is stupid, even if it is something that is advanced for her age. On the flip side, she is surprised when she finds another kid her age can't do some of the things she does, and sometimes she looks down on the kid for it.

Would telling her that she is accelerated help? My gut instinct says it would cause more problems than it would help. I'm afraid that she would either get an inflated ego, or she would resist the occasional difficult material even more, or both.

[lionfamily1999]

Ds knows he's accelerated. He also knows his schedule is full of things his ps friends aren't being taught. Ds was in ps up until the end of 2008, though, so he also knows that many of his friends would be further ahead if they had the chance.

[LittleIzumi]

I would be telling her that different people are good at different things, before I'd be talking to her about being accelerated. We haven't told dd yet.

[KAR120C]

You wouldn't want her looking down on other kids who really were struggling, so I think I'd approach it without reference to grade level. I think I'd say something like "kids are good at different things and struggle with different things and so it's fine that you're doing x and y and your friend Janie isn't yet - she will soon enough" and leave it at that.

As far as thinking she's stupid when she has trouble herself, one thing I've always told DS is that it's my job to give him work that's "a little bit hard" and that if he's finding it very easy then he's not learning anything. You don't necessarily have to say "this is a different grade" just "you're really doing great, and I love to see how hard you can work at things that don't come so easily!" and nevermind what grade level they are.

I think eventually it's going to come out that she's not doing what other kids are doing at the same age. I wouldn't try to hide it, but I'd like to have gotten my bit in about everyone being different rather than quantifying it...

[LauraGB]

I would be telling her that different people are good at different things, before I'd be talking to her about being accelerated.

I agree with this. If your gut is telling you not to, don't. Both of my children know they are more advanced than other kids typically are at thier age. One child uses it to her advantage by knowing she *can* understand something if she thinks hard enough about it. The other child used it as an excuse to make short cuts and not try as hard, so when he comes upon something that becomes challenging, he balks because he really seems to enjoy when things are easy. I wish the info hadn't been shared with that particular child :glare:. However, with the other one, I think she needed to know and it has been beneficial to her.

At the end of the day, you know your dd's personality best. Make the decision soley on that, and if you do share with her, I really like LittleIzumi's advice.

[Dinsfamily]

I would be telling her that different people are good at different things, before I'd be talking to her about being accelerated. We haven't told dd yet.

I agree with this too. My ds knows he's ahead of some of his peers academically. We've never talked about it, but they figure it out on their own. We watch a ps K'er afterschool and they both know my ds reads better and can do different things in math. But...his friend can ride a bike better. We're learning to celebrate other people's gifts.

[KristenS]

My son (8, 2nd grade) knows some of his materials are for a higher grade level (kind of hard to miss when it's printed on it! LOL). This is important ... he's a perfectionist and he needs to know that he's doing 'hard' things sometimes. He expects to even be able to play grown-up brainteaser type puzzles and get them right the first time ... it's VERY hard to convince him that some things are meant to be hard even for grown-ups, and he's not supposed to get it easily! So we have to talk about what's age-appropriate and what's okay to expect and what's not.

We haven't used the term gifted, though ... mostly because we haven't done official testing yet.

His sister is equally accelerated so far (5, pre-K) but fortunately less perfectionistic.

From my own perspective, I think it's important to know. Most of my own lessons were NOT accelerated, and I recall being frustrated that others couldn't get things quicker so we could move on. I knew I was 'gifted' but since nothing much was done about it (other than a basic pull-out class), it was hard as a kid to know how to translate that over to the classroom. All I thought it meant was that I read really fast (because I'm a natural speed reader). And then, when we did hit concepts I didn't get the first time, not only did I feel extra-stupid, but other kids would laugh about it.

One advantage about homeschooling ... my kids may know that their materials are on different levels, but they really don't have anything to compare with ... so although my son is proud he's ahead in math, he really doesn't think to compare his advancements with another kid who's struggling. He's much more likely just to see what that kid is good at, and feel bad himself. (Which is not okay, actually. But at least he doesn't make fun of struggling kids.)

[Kuovonne]

Thanks for all the food for thought. I try to tell DD that different people are good at different things. I guess I need to work more on this.

[Lan]

I would be telling her that different people are good at different things, before I'd be talking to her about being accelerated. We haven't told dd yet.

:iagree:In addition, I tell my son that he's accelerated because he practices math and reading almost every day. And other kids are good at other things because they enjoy doing them and practice a lot.

[dmmetler]

I've had to deal with this because my DD was accelerated in school-she's a grade ahead by age and working independently 2 grades ahead of the class on math/language arts (and reading 3-5 grades ahead on AR)-and she wasn't oblivious enough not to notice. Nor were her classmates, to say the least.

Her teacher has spent a lot of time focusing on the "Everyone is special", and we've spent quite a bit of time and energy cheering on her classmates-going to a friend's dance competition, for example, or to a soccer game, to focus on where others are strong. And it's worked both ways-the classmates seem to sincerely appreciate that DD is smart and be proud of her accomplishments.


If someone has a suggestion for the "too hard on themselves", though, please let me know. It doesn't matter to my DD what level a book says it is-she feels she should be able to read it, figure it out, and do it. I'm hoping homeschooling will help with that, since at least she won't compare "It takes me a week to read a book, but X reads a book a day" and feel like she's inferior-without noticing that her book is "Alice in Wonderland" and the other child's book is "Pat the Bunny"!

[StephanieZ]

LOL, this is a tricky issue.

In general, I don't encourage the kids to think of the fact that they are working ahead of age/grade as an "out" for feeling a little bad when they are struggling. The point of acceleration is to help the kid get a more "normal" schooling experience by having to WORK and "stretch their brains" as I call it. So, I don't want to constantly tell them that "hey, of course this is hard, but you are soooo smart that if you were doing the work normal kids are doing, it'd be a cakewalk." It might be true, but hardly the message I want to instill in my kids. :)

On occasion, though, when it is extreme or just unrealistic, I have reminded them that they are well ahead. Obviously, I don't want them to be discouraged or to feel BADLY about their schooling. . .

For instance, my 10 yo started saying how bad he was at math the other day. . . because he had ONCE gotten an 83% on a test. The vast majority of his tests have been 100% -- probably has a 96% avg. He is two weeks away from finishing pre-algebra. In 5th grade. With about 20 min of mom-teaching time a week and the rest self-taught from the computer/thinkwell. . . LOL. Yeah, he sucks at math. ;) Anyway, he is preparing for standardized tests for the first time this year and so I got him a practice book for it so he could learn to fill in bubbles and read directions. . . and so he was telling dh how he is going to do horribly on math b/c algebra is "so hard". (This was before he has worked in the practice book, lol). Dh gasped that there won't be any algebra on the test!! ds was shocked: why not? dh explained that algebra is typically a 9th grade subject. ds was SHOCKED. LOL. He'll still probably tell me again tomorrow how bad he is in math. ;)

Kids will generally figure out that they are accelerated by 2nd grade or sooner, just b/c some of the materials will usually be obviously graded by then.

My kids have had an inconvenient habit of answering "What grade are you in?" with the grade level they see on their text books. It can be awkward when your 6 yo claims to be in 3rd grade, esp when it is in front of other hs parents with more typical kids. . . (hard to keep a low profile, lol.) I tend to mumble a lot in these circumstances.

I have had to had that conversation regularly over the years. . . "You're in first grade, because that is your age. You do some 3rd or 2nd grade work because that is what challenges you. That's what every kid needs -- to do challenging work. . . . blah blah blah."

I try to keep the message that 1) it is normal (for all kids) to work at different grade levels in various subjects b/c it is best for everyone to be challenged and we all have different strengths and interests. . . 2) your "grade" is just another way of saying your "age". By the time they are 9 or 10, they seem to "get it" but before then, there's been a lot of mumbling. . .

HTH