How do you guide your child "out of" an activity...

[AmyinPA]

My 9 yodd has been playing soccer since she was 4. This is her last year at the rec level and then the league introduces travel teams. Granted you can still play rec, but almost every player plays both rec and travel, which as you can imagine turns the rec. teams very competitive. My dd already has two players on her team who play travel and there is a world of difference between those two girls and the other players...they are just so much better.

Well, the problem is, my dd is not very good at soccer. But she still enjoys it because she has several good friends on her team. I've always laughed and said she's there just for the snack.

She has no interest in playing travel but still wants to play rec. Dh and I feel it's time for her to quit, especially since next year will require more committment to her dance class (which, btw, she is very gifted at).

So how do you tell your child that it's time to move on without coming right out and telling them that they're really bad LOL. Do you force them to quit? I could just blame it on limited resources, but her 3 other siblings will continue to play soccer.
TIA - Amy

[Melinda in VT]

Our son happily played rec soccer until he aged out of the rec program. He didn't want to play on a travel team, even when asked. (They needed a few more people to round out one of the teams.) And yes, you could tell a difference between the players who traveled and those who didn't.

But he enjoyed playing. And I think soccer is a great sport for kids.

If you honestly can't juggle both the increased dance classes and the soccer, then I think it's ok to make her choose one or the other. But if it is just a matter of not wanting her to be the worst on the team (and I'm not saying it is), then I would let her continue if she wants to.

[Danestress]

I agree with Melinda. If she can't do both sports, you could tell her that and ask her to choose between them.

But if it's a matter of her not being as good as the other players, I would not guide her out before she herself showed signs of unhappiness there. It won't kill her to find out for herself over time that it's not fun to play with people who are much much better than you and very competitive. And maybe for her, it WILL stay fun.

Plus, honestly, some kids do hit that junior high age, gain strength and stamina, and make physical leaps in sports above their classmates. DH, who was a wonderful high school athelete, lettered in four sports, and still holds records in a couple track events, was the *worst* kid on the team in elementary school. His father worried himself sick about it. He's a big believer in just keeping your kids involved in whatever sports they enjoy, not comparing them to other kids, and seeing what happens.

[EKS]

I just announced to my son that we weren't going to do team sports this year. I don't think you need to give a reason. It is a huge outlay of time and energy on your part to have your child participate on a team.

We decided this year that we were spending more energy on the team thing than our son was (he was mostly there for the snack too). He was falling farther and farther behind the other kids in terms of skill level too, to the point where it was unfair to the other members of the team. And he had no interest in improving his skills.

So that is it for him and team sports. When he asked why he couldn't play baseball this year, we talked with him about why he wanted to play and he finally admitted that he just liked to get dressed up in the uniform and hang out with the other kids.

So just say to her no team sports (or no soccer or whatever). Tell he you don't have the energy for it.