Is it "normal" for my (newly) 5 yr old dd to act older or pretend to be older...

[Dianne-TX]

I haven't posted in a long time, but I always get good advice here.
TIA... :001_smile:

My dd just turned 5 in Feb. She has recently started pretending that she is a teenager, acts more independent, pulls away from hugs in public, is very aware and notices teenage girls when we are out, etc... I'm not dealing with this well and am worried as to why she is doing this. Should I be worried or is this normal in development? Is there something emotional going on? FWIW, I was a child that always wanted to be older, but I don't think I started at 5! Is this genetic? :) One advantage to hs'ing was to let my children be children longer, but she is doing this on her own. Do I need to have her play with other little girls her own age? Should I just relax and just ignore it? Help!

[Jean in Newcastle]

My dd6 tells everyone that she is 15! LOL! I am relaxed but vigilent at the same time - if that makes sense! I treat it in the same vein as her pretending to be a Mom. I play along with it. But - I do not allow her to have a "pretend boyfriend" (She and "Jake" were getting serious!). I do not allow her to dress like a teen - actually I wouldn't let my teen dress like many teens nowadays! I do not allow her to give me 'attitude'. One of the things I love about homeschooling is that we can talk to our kids about our values etc. little by little as things come up during the day. I talk to her even at this age about how I would like her to be as a teenager. I talk about what kind of adult I would like to be. I talk about modesty in dress. I talk to her about all these things in short 2 min. little snatches that are part of our on-going conversation during the day. I've noticed lately that she has started to mirror more of our values in her own talk. Just yesterday she told me that she noticed that some teen-age girls have a "look at me" attitude that she thinks it wrong. Yes! She's starting to understand some of what I've been telling her!

[Mrs. H.]

:iagree: With Jean's reply, and would add to watch what she is watching on tv...Hannah Montana, other teeny-bopper stuff, even The Princess Diaries can cause a young girl to think 'that's what big girls look/dress/act like', and even though some would argue that Hannah Montana is harmless, she has an attitude in her demeanor that I don't want my daughter imitating, so we don't watch that show. We choose instead to focus on shows, movies, and books with wholesome themes: The Sound of Music, Little Women, Little House on the Prairie, The Waltons, etc.

Also, I notice that my daughter (who is 10) will try to dress exactly the way I do for a few days, then she will switch to dressing like something she saw out in public, on tv, or even in a book or magazine for a few days. I think she's just trying to get a feel for who she is, get my reaction, etc. I compliment her when she dresses in a lovely manner, send her back to her room for any inappropriate (very rare), and offer kind suggestions on improvements. The really hard part is trying to remember to dress nicely myself, instead of in track pants and t-shirts with old tennis shoes.

We didn't allow 'pretend' boyfriends either, at any age.

[Jenny in Atl]

Does she have an older sister or siblings? My dd7 has always felt she is at least as old as her sister. Never really wanted to do most of the little girl things her sister did. It was kinda sad, since she is my last.

[Whisperlily]

Oh yes! I'm thankful for this stage, too. It's the same reason little 4 and 5 year olds love tea parties, princesses and dress-up.

They're in the imitation stage. They like to pretend and imagine that they ARE what they've been seeing.

Now that your daughter is old enough to notice other women, (including teens) she's imagining and preparing for someday becoming one. It's just a little step farther into the "real world" with her imaginings... It's PRIME learning/training opportunity. It's where you get a visual glimpse of what's going through their head, and what things are catching their attention.

It's where you can *explain* what they're imitating/seeing. It's the time where they are absorbing what you say, and the values you impart are shaping the way they see the world.

"Oh, I see you noticed the tone some girls use these days. It doesn't sound very respectful does it?" "Why do you think they do that?" ...impart age-appropriate understanding here...

Point out the NICE things you see about girls that age. Girls that are growing up modestly, and who stand out because of their kindness, morals, respect and other things you want your daughter to imitate. Teach them how to spot the true gems among all the flashy "bling" out there.

This is a wonderful time... they're fairly transparent in what they're trying out. :) Enjoy it! Find it a blessing that you can talk to your daughter now, while she still is wired to listen when you tell her about the world.