Reassurance please?

[Alice]

Background: My ds is 4 1/2. He is a wonderful, funny, smart, active, thoughtful kid. He also is naturally a bit "gloomy". He seems to be mopey often. A typical example would be that he really doesn't want to ever go anywhere and try new things...but then we go and he has a great time. He quickly joins in and loves it but he'll mope about having to go out.

I'm ok with that...I've realized it's just his personality. And in all honesty, I can be similar. It takes me awhile to warm up to new people and situations.

Anyway, tonight at dinner he said "You know what I don't like?" I asked what. "Being lonely." I was kind of blown away. I asked him why he thinks he's lonely, if he's lonely a lot, etc. He said he's lonely when his brother (who is 17 months) or I don't do what he wants. I tried to pursue it a little more but he just kind of shrugged it off and 5 minutes later was talking about something else happily.

My gut feeling is that this is normal and being "lonely" (which I think might mean the same thing to him as bored) can sometimes be ok. It can teach him to do things on his own, etc. I'm an only child and I know I've always been way better at entertaining myself than my friends were. Also, that knowing his personality this isn't as big a deal of a statement as it might be in another kid.

But (and here's where I need the reassurance)...this is something I've worried about for him. I worry that maybe I should have him in preschool or something where he can be with friends more often. (He does see close friends at least twice a week, sometimes more. And we do a fair amount of visiting family and doing fun outings.) I feel good about our decision to homeschool but I also don't want him to be unhappy.

Anybody BTDT?

[Lolly]

Most likely you have it nailed exactly like it is.

As far as you worrying about him, that is good! It will keep you from letting it actually happen. Worry can be good fuel for we mommies who don't really want to have yet another play date.

Sounds to me like you and he are doing just fine.:)

[Alice]

Thanks, Lolly.

Sometimes it just helps to hear someone else say "you're doing just fine." :)

[Janet in WA]

But (and here's where I need the reassurance)...this is something I've worried about for him. I worry that maybe I should have him in preschool or something where he can be with friends more often. (He does see close friends at least twice a week, sometimes more. And we do a fair amount of visiting family and doing fun outings.) I feel good about our decision to homeschool but I also don't want him to be unhappy.

Anybody BTDT?If his definition of loneliness is having people not doing what he wants, he's going to be in for LOTS of loneliness in pre-school.

[Alice]

Janet- :) You're probably right.

I probably didn't express myself well in the first post. I mentioned preschool but that isn't really something I'm considering seriously. This is more of one of those lying in bed at night worrying if I'm doing everything wrong kind of posts more than a "should I put him in preschool" kind of post. Not sure still if I'm expressing it well even now...

Maybe I should have asked this question instead...Does anyone else have "Eeyore" kind of kids and how do you deal with them? I want to let him be himself...but as a Mom my natural instinct is to want him to be happy. How do I tell the difference between just his personality and real unhappiness?

[Jean in Newcastle]

There was a whole thread recently on Eeyore children (search - Eeyore!) But a few thoughts. Our thoughts can over a lifetime start to "wear grooves" - habits of thinking. You know the old person who always worries or always complains. . . Some of it might be personality with him - he sounds like more of a homebody. But you can model thinking positively about new experiences. Talk your thoughts out loud with him, "I know that going to this play date is new. But we don't want to pout about new things. Let's think about what are some good things we might find at this play date." Then list with him a few things - a new friend, some new toys to play with etc. You may be doing most of the talking like this for months and months but my experience with my dc is that one day when I least expect it, they will pop up with a comment that mirrors what you've been modeling!

[Alice]

Jean-
Thank you so much! I totally missed that thread. I went back and found it and it was incredibly helpful to me. Just to see all the other people with "Eeyore" kids! Plus I found some good advice in there.

This was exactly what I needed.
Alice

[Chris in VA]

Aww, Alice. I've seen you parent. You're amazing.
He'll be fine.
Hope to see you at the next nature walk.
Oh, and there's a new playground at Pohick Bay, if you want to go sometime.