Rhondabee
02-23-2010, 06:13 PM
I know there are some mechanics errors in here (and the copy & paste messed up some of the format) - but this is the first essay that my DS has written (almost) completely on his own! (He told me his theme, and needed a 3rd character from the story, and I suggested Agamemnon.)
So...what I'm looking for is what you would work on next. He just turned this in, and I want to give him encouragement and just one idea to help the next paper. I think we need to work on strengthening the concluding paragraph - but I'm not even sure *how*.
Thanks! here it is....
No More Heroes
Death, a word feared by the many. Death, a power no man can escape. Death, a great mystery man may never know. But, there are things more powerful than the shrouded mystery of death. Though death was terrifying even to the Greeks, shame was far worse. Many heroes of Greek mythology give up sound strategies for suicidal glory. Though facing death may sound like a heroic deed, for Greek heroes it may just be an escape to fame for cowards.
The easiest of "brave" men to hate are probably rich and greedy kings. Agamemnon is a perfect candidate. Achilles seems to put it best when he states, " I do all the fighting and you got the lion's share." Glorying in his kingship, Agamemnon can refer to his birthright in case anyone doubts his courage or strength. Unsurprisingly though, Agamemnon is rarely seen on the field of battle. This Greek "hero" blames any and all flaws on the gods.
Though correct in his assessment of Agamemnon, Achilles is just as despicable. Son of an immortal goddess, Achilles is so godlike that he seems to lack human emotion. He sacrifices droves of acheans for his own selfish glory. The fact that he's superhuman makes him all the more cowardly. Achilles has nothing to fear! He even knows whether he'll die or not. In the face of these facts, Achilles cannot be brave. When Achilles chooses his own death, it is simply his choice of shame or glory. And pride threw him to glory.
Perhaps Greece's chances for a true hero is seen in Hector. He has no immortal goddess for a mother, like Achilles. He takes responsibility, unlike Agamemnon. He uses his responsibility to protect his family and through his birthright, protects his city. However, even "heroes" make mistakes. During the Trojan war, Hector ignores a sound retreat from a lieutenant. Many Trojans died that day. "Atoning" for his shame, Hector stands proud in front of Troy's gates to brave against Achilles. Here is where Hector falls short. He could've gone inside the city and fought another day, had he been able to bear the taunts of his comrades. His wife wouldn't be a widow, and his son wouldn't be fatherless. He left them for his own, selfish, glory.
Shocking, how the most respected ancient nation cannot produce a hero. Agamemnon was greedy and irresponsible. Achilles was uncaring and proud. Hector, too, was proud, and it was this pride that killed him. There are no more heroes in ancient Greece.
So...what I'm looking for is what you would work on next. He just turned this in, and I want to give him encouragement and just one idea to help the next paper. I think we need to work on strengthening the concluding paragraph - but I'm not even sure *how*.
Thanks! here it is....
No More Heroes
Death, a word feared by the many. Death, a power no man can escape. Death, a great mystery man may never know. But, there are things more powerful than the shrouded mystery of death. Though death was terrifying even to the Greeks, shame was far worse. Many heroes of Greek mythology give up sound strategies for suicidal glory. Though facing death may sound like a heroic deed, for Greek heroes it may just be an escape to fame for cowards.
The easiest of "brave" men to hate are probably rich and greedy kings. Agamemnon is a perfect candidate. Achilles seems to put it best when he states, " I do all the fighting and you got the lion's share." Glorying in his kingship, Agamemnon can refer to his birthright in case anyone doubts his courage or strength. Unsurprisingly though, Agamemnon is rarely seen on the field of battle. This Greek "hero" blames any and all flaws on the gods.
Though correct in his assessment of Agamemnon, Achilles is just as despicable. Son of an immortal goddess, Achilles is so godlike that he seems to lack human emotion. He sacrifices droves of acheans for his own selfish glory. The fact that he's superhuman makes him all the more cowardly. Achilles has nothing to fear! He even knows whether he'll die or not. In the face of these facts, Achilles cannot be brave. When Achilles chooses his own death, it is simply his choice of shame or glory. And pride threw him to glory.
Perhaps Greece's chances for a true hero is seen in Hector. He has no immortal goddess for a mother, like Achilles. He takes responsibility, unlike Agamemnon. He uses his responsibility to protect his family and through his birthright, protects his city. However, even "heroes" make mistakes. During the Trojan war, Hector ignores a sound retreat from a lieutenant. Many Trojans died that day. "Atoning" for his shame, Hector stands proud in front of Troy's gates to brave against Achilles. Here is where Hector falls short. He could've gone inside the city and fought another day, had he been able to bear the taunts of his comrades. His wife wouldn't be a widow, and his son wouldn't be fatherless. He left them for his own, selfish, glory.
Shocking, how the most respected ancient nation cannot produce a hero. Agamemnon was greedy and irresponsible. Achilles was uncaring and proud. Hector, too, was proud, and it was this pride that killed him. There are no more heroes in ancient Greece.