Feeling disappointed...

[jedbel]

Two weeks ago my ds8 started participating in a P.E class for homeschoolers 3 x a week. Today after the class he told me in a surprised voice that another boy told him "Your weird" while they were doing push ups. His feelings were not hurt by the comment he just seemed surprised and asked me why he would say that to him. Ds is the most normal kid I know so I frankly answered that I had no idea why he would say that to him and the moment passed. He continued talking enthusiastically about all they had done and how much he loved the class etc. but (although I didn't show it) I feel disappointed. I guess I had naively assumed that because these were HSed kids this callousness or meanness towards others would not be present as it so often is in the Public School setting. I guess I was wrong. Wondering what your experiences have been in participating in classes w/ other HS's.

[Jean in Newcastle]

We've had to drop out of one homeschool playgroup because the cliches and bullying were so bad. Homeschool kids are not immune to the social problems/sins of others. I think it depends on the parents really. I've been in other homeschool groups/ play dates where parents had "one ear tuned" to any trouble and helped kids work things out appropriately. I understand your dissapointment but the comment was pretty tame from some I've heard.

[angela in ohio]

Time to teach him a rehearsed response.

"...and?" usually works wonders. :D

Teach him that only he can decide if someone else hurts his feelings.

I never understood the whole "homeschoolers will never learn to deal with bullies" thing - we encounter plenty of bullies in homeschool circles. Often, I think they are worse because mommy is there to protect them (at school someone would have popped them in the nose eventually, LOL.)

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Homeschooled kids are just kids. Ds would react differently, but if somebody called dd weird, she would smile and say, "Yep!" I taught the kids early on that our whole family was weird, full of geeks, etc, but that we Embraced the weird. May we never be normal. How utterly boring.

I just hate it when enthusiastic people who love life and aren't afraid to admit it are labeled strange or weird or geeky. To be perpetually bored or only enjoy doing things because everyone thinks they're cool or acceptable is the way that most of the world lives. "Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death." Doncha love Auntie Mame?

The funny thing is, this board is made up of people who embrace life and the living of it and aren't afraid to do it then admit it publicly. Which makes the oxymoron of the "Hive" all that more humorous. I can't imagine a group more hive-like, and yet, the whole definitely *is* greater than the sum of its parts. (Although I fully realize that some people don't think the joke is terribly funny. Perhaps because they don't know that the rest of us really believe it *is* a joke. :D)

Embrace the Weird. That might be my new motto.;)

[shell in SC]

I think this is becoming more of a problem in hs groups due to the fact that not all kids are being hs b/c their parents WANT to. Due to behavior issues (from a total lack of discipline in schools), more and more kids are being homeschooled b/c they can't function our have been kicked out of ps. I didn't realize there were so many that fell into this category till I started homeschooling. Unfortunately we get the bad end of the ps refusal to discipline (or lack thereof) b/c these kids are now out in the world playing with our kids teaching them bad habits. So you maybe have to consider if this was the case or not with this little guy or not.

I really didn't want this to sound like an us vs. them post. . .but that's the way it came out. I had no intentions of offending anyone either, so if I did just know it was meant that way!

shell

[mommylaw]

Kids are mean, even if they're homeschooled. It's a hard lesson to learn.

I try to teach my own kids to be kind even if they're being bullied or picked on. It just isn't fair...

:(

[Sunny]

Homeschoolers are not all like minded. We have had to search out groups that have a forethought to expected behavior, acceptable actions, etc..
If you must join groups that have mixed philosophies, like a plain ole pe class, be sure you prop yourself near to where your dc are, and attempt to know what is going on. That is the best way to be sure to talk through the issues when it is over. It can't always work like that, but I've had my dc be bombed by mean kids, and it can really hurt a sensitive one.

[jedbel]

:D

[Mom2legomaniacs]

My son would say Thank You! He and his best friend have decided that they strive to be weird. I am not sure what their definition of weird is, but they are pretty funny about it all. When ever I tell him he has done something weird, he says, Oh, Thank You! We kind of joke about being silly and weird. And we say that everybody is weird in their own way. That's what makes you special~

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Oh, that is great!

In our family, it is the height of compliment when one looks at another in utter mock disgust and horror and exclaims, "You are soooooo weird!" Said in the tone of a irrevocable pronouncement. And with an attitude of simply confirming more deeply what one knew all along.

[tess in the burbs]

I don't think homeschool groups are immune to the normal bullying that occurs in life.

I do think teaching a snappy response or letting it roll off is better.

How about something like, "better than being normal"?? :-)

[Gigi]

It sounds like those who posted so far see the term "weird" as a positive trait and maybe the other homeschooler did too.:D My kids & their friends (some homeschooled and some in PS) call each other names all the time but not in a bad way. They have their own "code".

Maybe this boy is just another homeschooler who thinks "weird" is good.:D

[Herding Cats in NC]

To be perpetually bored or only enjoy doing things because everyone thinks their cool or acceptable is the way that most of the world lives. "Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death."

Pam - I just have to say that I love your philosophy. As a family, we too have often noted how "weird" we are. And we always add a "thank goodness!" But I just love your "embrace the weird" motto - we may just have to adopt that as well. :cool:

[jedbel]

I don't know what tone he used but I am guessing it was not a joking one or ds wouldn't have commented/asked about it. I have worked hard at teaching ds to be kind and compassionate. To always treat others as he would like to be treated KWIM I guess that is why he was surprised with the young boys comment.
I agree weird is cool! I am used to being different ( I homeschool, am SAHM, am a christian etc.) I have noticed that being friends with someone who is different is hard for some "normal" people and I have at times felt the sting of rejection. I realize that may be why I immediately felt worried. Now that I have had a couple of hours to think it through I see he will have to learn these things eventually and learn how to respond (thanks for all the response ideas LOL):D. The mama bear in me just dominated me there for a moment :o

[Michelle T]

I have not found that HS'ers are necessarily any different from PS'ers in this area. I know quite a few wonderful PS kids, and I know some not-very-nice HS'ers.

As to the "you're weird" comment, without knowing the whole situation, I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe your guy just said something quirky or funny, and the other boy was just offhandedly commenting. Without knowing more, I wouldn't assume it was mean, or meant to hurt, or anything other than a comment. Maybe you have more info and know differently, but that's how I'd take it.
Michelle T

[mcconnellboys]

Boys say the darndest things. Perhaps he meant it in a spirit of camaraderie....?? Some kids use vocabulary that your family may never use and he might not really have meant it in a "bad" way..... I know guys who tell each other they're weird all the time - and they're great friends.....

Regena

[Michelle T]

Yes, we are always telling each other how weird we are. And it's true, we are a weird family! Nothing wrong with that, it's better than being boring.
Michelle T

[Mrs Mungo]

Embrace the Weird. That might be my new motto.;)

I was going to type a post but I'm just going to agree with this. :D

[Jenny in Atl]

Ditto! I agree with a lot of the post above. Bullies are everywhere, whether public, private or homeschooled. And it's no wonder, l run into adult ones all the time.