Getting an apartment (instead of dorm) with opp. sex roomie

[Chris in VA]

I'm upset about this--ds and his current (male) roommate won't get housing on campus next year (well, chances are slim to none--only freshmen are guaranteed housing), and they want to ask a mutual friend (girl) to go in with them.
I have reservations, particularly since ds would love said girl to become a girlfriend. FWIW, I'm pretty conservative (didn't ja know? ;)), but I wouldn't have a huge problem with it if there was completely no interest. Just a little problem...
I feel for the girl--I mean, I don't think it's appropriate to sit around in one's nighty or undies if the opp sex is around, and, since I kinda like to do that...I feel she won't have a lot of freedom in her own "home." I also think it can lead to temptations. She has a boyfriend, too. She's really sweet and lovely, don't get me wrong--I just find it inappropriate.

So I tell ds that I'd like to talk to him about that, and he blasts me in an email.

I feel hurt. He's been so irritated with me in general that we can hardly have a conversation at all. Now something comes up that I would like to give him some gentle advice about, and he just...well, I'm hurt.

Yes, he's 20. Yes, he's never been really independent, and now I think he's pulling away in a way that's basically healthy. He's also an Aspie, gets impatient, has some social skill problems, doesn't always know the consequences or think things thru (b/c it doesn't occur to him)...

We are paying for his room and board, up to the amt we would pay if he were in the dorm. I don't have a problem with that. I just wish we could TALK with him, and process with him.

Vent over.

[Chris in VA]

I'm going to cross post with the gen board. Respond there.
It's sure to be controversial. :tongue_smilie:

[lmrich]

Just hugs :grouphug:. It must be so hard to want to warn your adult child of the dangers that are ahead.... if only I realized how wise my parents were when I was 20!

[outtamyshell]

I feel your pain. It can be difficult as they establish their independence. I would let him know that their are strings attached to your money. If he's still getting assistance from Mom, he gets her advice too. And let him know that being respectful to you is a sign of maturity.

Personally, I would have more strings attached to my money than just the opportunity to give advice. My child would find out that housing that the housing must meet my approval if she's getting my cash.

Keep plugging away, and don't let it bother you too much. You'll get a proper apology when he's a parent. ;)

[mollies73]

Personally, I would have more strings attached to my money than just the opportunity to give advice. My child would find out that housing that the housing must meet my approval if she's getting my cash.



:iagree: I know a family who said, "my money, my rules," with their child. That was about piercings, tatoos, housing, etc. If he wanted to take their money, he was still dependent and had to follow the house rules. If he chose to pay himself, it was his decision. I think I'll chose a similar philosophy.

[Kareni]

I thought others might like to see the resultant discussion that came from the same post on the General Board (http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=155053).

Regards,
Kareni