Help me process this deviant behavior.

[Rich with Kids]

I've just never really thought about it. Now that it's hit close to home, I'm a little shell shocked and I want to try and understand this behavior. A person Dh and I served with at our old church has been arrested for being a peeping tom. :sad: This man was involved in many areas of that church. Many included children. He was caught in his own neighborhood. :confused1: He has two beautiful sons and a lovely wife. I'm just...well, I don't know what I am. He confessed and said this wasn't the first time. As someone who served and fellowshipped with him, Dh and I are both trying to process it all.

Can someone who has knowledge of this behavior enlighten me? Do you consider this a form of control? Abuse? Both? Have you ever been in an experience like this? I'm both saddened and outraged. I shudder to think that he spent so much time around my kids. Is this something you think he can "cure"?

[pixelroper]

I knew a person who was caught doing this, my final thoughts on it came down to it being a "power" thing. I wasn't inclined to continue knowing this person, it's a general rule of decency- you just don't do this. It's creepy and calls into question their character. IMHO

I should add I understand your situation is different, obviously forgiveness would be part of the equation. In short, sorry this happened.

[Joanne]

I'm both saddened and outraged. I shudder to think that he spent so much time around my kids. Is this something you think he can "cure"?
__________________

{many hugs}

You process it by allowing and being aware of the feelings above. They are normal and expected.

Have you read Protecting the Gift? If you haven't, I would. Pronto.

If he voyeurism was limited to that, and only of adults (in heterosexual situations), I think there is hope for cure if he's willing and finds specifically help.

If it's "more", if it involves kids, or homosexual images or other heavy, even more serious stuff, the less chance of cure.

(PS, I do not mean to suggest that *being* homosexual is a perversion, but living as a married man and breaking the law as a voyeur is different.)

[Laura in VA]

I believe it has to do with "power". I discovered that my stepfather would always, and I mean always, listen in on my phone conversations I had with my mom. His excuse was that he had a geniune interest in what was happening in my life. He even mentioned the fact that he always read every article in the newspaper to get information about what was going on in the world. :glare: As if that makes any difference.
Those were simply excuses in my book and although it isn't the same thing as "peeping", he was very power-hungry in a passive aggressive way. It was weird.

[pixelroper]

he was very power-hungry in a passive aggressive way. It was weird.
same with the exposed "peeper" in my experience, I worked with him and while nothing stood out, he was power hungry in exactly that way.

[Rich with Kids]

{many hugs}

You process it by allowing and being aware of the feelings above. They are normal and expected.



I have led a fairly sheltered life. I admit that I just choose not to think about some things because they are unpleasant. This works well for me most of the time. The down side to this thinking is that I tend to take these things a little harder than most of my more sophisticated friends and family. (Some of you might remember I shared that in the 80's, I had no clue Boy George was gay) I know this is not the most shocking thing anyone has heard today, but I knew him. I taught his kids in VBS. It makes me wonder who I can trust to be an influence on my kids. And for myself, for that matter.:001_unsure:

BTW, Joanne, thanks for the book recommendation.

[PariSarah]

And, like fetishes or porn addiction, it's not always easy to tell how or why something like this starts. It's more common in victims of abuse, but that's not the only way these things start.

But once it does start, it is very, very hard to eradicate. I would guess that he's struggled with it for awhile--and I mean struggle in a good way: I would assume that it has been a battle for him, one that he loses from time to time.

A friend of mine attends a church where recovering addicts of many kinds of sexual deviance are welcomed and honored but not allowed to serve in the children's ministry. This community has actually mentored many people through a kind of recovery. They welcome and cherish people with various forms of sex addictions, but, well, they don't put the fox in charge of the hen house, you know? There's no illusions. And that kind of community--one where the people's hearts are open, but so are their eyes--is the best kind for people trying to recover from this sort of thing. They have a place where it's okay for them to be who there are, but it's never okay for them to do what they have been doing.

So, yes, it does happen from time to time that people like your former acquaintance recover from their addictions. It takes a village, though, and it's always a battle. A life-long battle for most of them.

[Rich with Kids]

Thanks P.S. Although we most likely will never see him again, I can hope that he might be able to overcome this.