Well the kiddos ruined a wedding today...

[Laurel T.]

I feel just aweful for the bride. DS (4) the ring bearer and DD(2) the flower girl did great in rehearsal yesterday, but refused to carry out their duties today. Not only was there a refusal, but there was a scene associated with such refusal. They tried to do their best, but were worn out before showtime. Not making excuses, but they were sick, too.

What to do? I am ok with them not going down the aisle, it is a hard job and they are really young, but I am not ok with their refusal to settle down and make a graceful exit out of the back. Needless to say, I got them out of there as quickly as possible and they were asleep within 3 minutes.

I haven't been to many weddings. Please tell me this kind of thing just happens.

Laurel T.

[nukeswife]

Laurel,

Don't feel bad, my dd did the same thing when she was almost 4. My BIL was getting married and is her Godfather. He has wanted her in his wedding since the day she was born. They bought her a gorgeous dress special shoes to match etc. Well she did ok in rehersal but the morning of the wedding she came down with something and was puking everywhere most of the day. My MIL and FIL were driving us to the church since I didn't know the area (out of town wedding) and forced me to wake dd up as she was sleeping becasue they didn't want to miss any of the pictures being taken. I thought it ridiculous as they were only doing pictures of the Brides family for the first 1hr or so and then us. Well we went and she slept in the pew until it was time for our pictures. She did ok then but would only take pictures with the bride and groom, nothing more. Then the time finally came. They opened the doors for her to walk down. She saw the place packed with people (300 guests at this wedding) and started to panic. She saw my BIL yelled, "I don't think so Uncle Jeff" and ran away down the hall. I was sitting in the 3rd pew as they wanted me there for her when she came down the aisle. One of the ushers (a family cousin) tracked her down and stayed with her until I could get there.

I felt awful. To this day my BIL and SIL make jokes about it like "Flower girl dress $200, flower girl shoes $40, "I don't think so Uncle Jeff" PRICELESS" Like the Visa/Mastercard commercials. They say it was great as it gave them a funny quirk to remember about their wedding.

[Jami]

((Laurel)) Don't feel too badly for the bride, I think adding small children to a wedding party and having them participate in the service is sort of a gamble. :) My two older children were in my brother's wedding a couple of summers ago when they were 5 and 4. They did pretty well, but only because my brother and sister in law were gentle with expectations, and they love their uncle so they were happy to walk up the aisle to him. Later this year all three of mine will be in my SIL's wedding, I'm a little nervous about how the 4 year old will do. But I think my SIL knows to not push too much.

Yes, this thing happens. I've seen more than one flower girl run out crying at the last minute, or fling the flowers a bit wildly, or push her brother down the aisle.... Don't feel too badly. It sounds like your little ones did the best they could being tired and not feeling well. :)

Jami

[Whisperlily]

When my oldest two were 3 and *almost* 2, they were in a wedding. I was scared to death that they would cause a scene.

When I mentioned this to the bride, she said... "Oh! I hope they do! That's the best part about weddings."

DS(the almost 2yo) was fascinated with the lights on the archway at the back of the church. He stood there rooted to the spot while DD, already a bossy nearing 4yo tugged on his arm... saying "Come ON!" Finally he whipped around, running down the aisle willy-nilly, practically dragging DD along. Everyone smiled, and the bride couldn't have been happier.

Yes, this happens ALL THE TIME at weddings. Even if the bride and groom were embarrassed, or worried about it... chances are, the guests thought it was adorable.

:grouphug:

[Tracey in TX]

(((Laurel)))
Don't fret; it happens. You cherubs were exhausted and let the world know they hit their limit. Any bride worthy of motherhood will eventually ROFL :lol:
I was a flower girl at 3y/o. It was a debacle and the minister set a minimum age limit afterwards. LOL
Let the children 'write' the bride and groom an apology letter when they're awake. It should be a keepsake for the new couple.
Hugs from our peanutgallery,
Tracey

[*anj*]

I agree with the others and here's one thing more:

They didn't ruin the wedding.
The wedding went on and this will be remembered as a little glitch.
It's kind of like planning an outdoor wedding: you're taking the chance that the weather might not cooperate. It's a gamble you take.
If you want toddlers in your wedding you've got to know you're taking a gamble, and that's it.

Offer a little apology when they return from their honeymoon, then leave it at that. It was out of your control.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I feel just aweful for the bride. DS (4) the ring bearer and DD(2) the flower girl did great in rehearsal yesterday, but refused to carry out their duties today. Not only was there a refusal, but there was a scene associated with such refusal. They tried to do their best, but were worn out before showtime. Not making excuses, but they were sick, too.

What to do? I am ok with them not going down the aisle, it is a hard job and they are really young, but I am not ok with their refusal to settle down and make a graceful exit out of the back. Needless to say, I got them out of there as quickly as possible and they were asleep within 3 minutes.

I haven't been to many weddings. Please tell me this kind of thing just happens.

Laurel T.

Oh, Laurel, they're AWfully little. Yes, these things happen. And no, the wedding wasn't ruined. Nothing to do, nothing to fuss about. They're LITTLE. Performance anxiety hits adults, too, and it's a miracle when you get a rested 4 y/o and a rested 2 y/o to perform perfectly, on cue.

It's too close right now, but you'll laugh about it later. (Ok, much later, but you will.)

Asleep in 3 minutes tells you something, doesn't it? And "they were sick, too" is not an excuse, it's a big, big deal. A *reason*, actually, or at least a big part of The Reason.

I hope you feel better about this soon, and I hope no one IRL is giving you a hard time. If they are, they don't know a whole lot about small children, so ignore them. :glare:

[hpymomof3]

When my dd was not quite 3 she was in a wedding. The problem is that it was out of state. The bride had a ton of activities planned for the days leading up to the wedding so after a flight and several days in a row without a nap my dd was exhausted. The rehearsal dinner was also pretty late. I finally told my dh that we had to leave if they wanted my dd to be able to attend the next day.

By the time the ceremony rolled around dd was so tired. I was also a bridesmaid. I was one of the first to walk down the aisle. Apparently right before dd was supposed to walk down she started to get scared. My sil threatened her saying "don't you dare ruin my wedding". DD made it but quite honestly if she did have a meltdown it would have been the bride's fault.

I think's it's great if the kids are able to handle it but the bride and groom should be realistic. If they are expecting a perfect wedding then they shouldn't have such young children in it. Kids and adults can be unpredictable.

[jmgconner]

:iagree:

The wedding wasn't ruined. When you want toddlers in a wedding, you have to understand that they may behave like toddlers.

My cousin wanted my then 2-yo DS in her wedding. He walked down the aisle, grinning all the way. He did great for the first half of the wedding. And then he decided to take a FLYING LEAP off the stage. I think the entire congregation gave a collective gasp. But he just jumped up and ran back down the aisle towards me (standing at the back of the church). :lol: He's now 12 years old and guests from the wedding (whom we don't even know) still remember his leap off the stage.

[RebeccaC]

I had my niece and nephew in our wedding and they were almost 5 and they refused to go down the isle. I just stood there in the door waiting for them with my dad and they just stood there like deer in the headlights as did my dad :w00t: The wedding was late starting as it was because my ds forgot my niece's tights :rolleyes: Anyway both my sisters were at the alter because they were matron of honor and a brides maid so they could not help..... my dad was staring at the floor..... So I gently kicked my nephew as dignified as I could and hissed lets go which woke him up and he grabbed my niece's arm and started dragging her down the isle With that she woke up and made it down the isle and then they both sat down on the front row.

Oh and then during photos my nephew kept sticking his tongue out so half the photos are of him with his tongue out in all kinds of manners. He was hamming it up with the tongue sticking since the first one got a laugh. My niece never lost the deer in the headlights glaze on her face so not one photo with a smile from her. A couple with my nephew actually ended up being cute. When it was all done I was more up set with my sister who forgot the tights and ran the wedding late than I was the kids.

That was 19 years ago and I bet there has been a whole lot of other kids who have had melt downs at wedding since then. Sounds like you and your kidos have had a hard day :grouphug:

[hana]

Another vote for not ruined; it just happens. They were being the sick 2- and 4-year olds that they are. I can imagine you're not feeling very good about it, but I'm sure no one else feels badly.

Hmm, if I were you, I'd probably need some good quality chocolate or ice cream.

[lynn]

No, not ruined at all. There is a risk with children that young. Weddings are stressful for adults much less little ones. You can't expect to much and go with the flow and have a plan B.

[Pencil Pusher]

Have you noticed that the further down this thread you read, the bigger your smile gets? I think kids & the funny things they pull at weddings (etc.) are one of the best parts of...life in general.

My ds was the ringbearer for sis's wedding when he was 4. At rehearsal, he was told to go slowly, after practicing. So the day of the wedding, he went
S L O W L Y. Sis didn't have music left to walk down to by the time she got to go! Um, she wasn't terribly amused the actual day of, but I bet she laughs about it now.:D

[GVA]

I wouldn't worry too much about it. DH and I actually chose two 8 y.o.'s from our church for our wedding because we knew that it's actually a tougher job than people appreciate. DH's relatives with preschoolers were furious that we didn't choose their dear children.

Sometimes you can't win :grouphug:!

[Laurel T.]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I feel so much better now. I even laughed a little. It helps to get a little perspective. The bride was super sweet, but some of the other adults just made me feel horrible. I was not comfortable with the way they were talking to my children. And once other people got involved I knew there was no way to salvage the situation.

My very talented chef husband is catering the reception so maybe he will redeem the family name. I just am a little sad we didn't get to stay for the reception--excellent food and an elvis impersonator--I think they are having a great time and we are at home eating chicken nuggets.

Thanks for the laugh ladies.

Laurel T.

[Brenda in FL]

Perfectly normal, especially at 4 and 2! Hopefully the bride was already prepared that something could happen when she asked them to be in it - All the wedding magazines and books talk about the risks of having very young flower girls and ringbearers.

My dd was one of the flower girls in my sister's wedding. And we talked about the risk beforehand. DD was maybe 18 months old!!! Thankfully, it was not a fancy shmancy wedding and sister is very laid back.

DD went about halfway down the aisle, saw my MIL (Mema) and went right to her! Mema tried to direct her back in the right direction, but she decided to go back out the way she came in! I was the Matron of Honor, waiting my turn to walk - so I scooped her up and we both walked down the aisle together! (I guess maybe she wouldn't walk at this point) It was cute then - and a nice memory now.

[Remudamom]

When our oldest was about four, my brother got married and my sil insisted that ds be in the wedding. I was bridesmaid and was up at the front of the church, huge church, looooong aisle, packed to the gills. I can't see to the back where ds is waiting to make his entrance with the flower girl, but I can hear giggling working it's way up from the back of the church. It was the guests. Ds started out well, walking sedately up with the flower girl, but began walking faster and faster until he was at a dead run. He screeches to a halt, looks around defiantly and manages to be still through the wedding. The poor little flower girl was outraged. How dare he leave her to walk alone??

When the wedding was over, and he was supposed to march out again he got about half way down the aisle and shouted, "COME ON MOMMMMMMM!"

It's a wonder my sil ever spoke to me again, but she said he was Just Dahling.

[Karin]

NORMAL:D!!!! Okay, I'll stop shouting now. And when they're that little and sick it's to be expected. How can they have mastered their behaviour when sick, tired and pressured by 2 & 4;)?

So, my stories.

1. My brother was ring bearer when he was 4, did great at the rehearsal, but during the wedding only lasted until he saw my parents in the pew and headed straight for them. At the reception he managed to get ahold of someone's wine and was tipsy for the rest of the evening.

2. At my wedding I had a 5 yo who did well, but this was due in part to her mother wisely suggesting I let her sit down during the ceremony itself. Good thing, because her dad was the clergyman who married us and her mother my matron of honour (yes, I knew them well and my closest friends lived too far away to do that job.)

[HeatherH]

He didn't ruin the wedding - but -

My then 4.5 yo son REFUSED to be in the rehearsal unless he could be called, "Uncle Tim's Buddy". He would not walk down the aisle, hold the box, NOTHING if he was being called the ring-bearer. Even the minister got into the act!

And wouldn't you know it. . . . the next day, at the ceremony, he was Mr. Perfect. He actually turned around and "shushed" the adult bridesmaids who were giggling at one point!

kids & weddings - gotta love 'em!

[WendyK]

I wouldn't worry about it. That is a lot to ask of a 4 and 2 year old. And honestly, anyone would have to realize that the behavior of a 4 and 2 year old is NOT predictable. They may do great one minute and not so great the next. If they were 10 and 14 then that would be WAY worse.

And you know, you probably felt worse about it than anyone else. I think parents often do!

[Laurel T.]

I am loving these stories. Poor son is still sleeping off the stress at 9:00pm. I didn't have the heart to wake him up from a nap, but we might be paying for it later. I got a report from DH who said that the reception was great and that only 3 people asked who those screaming kids were. The gracious bride sent them some wedding cake and a nice gift.

Feel free to keep the stories coming.

Laurel T.

[Kris]

I haven't been to many weddings. Please tell me this kind of thing just happens.

You don't watch America's Funniest Home Videos too often, to you? :D

[Laurel T.]

You don't watch America's Funniest Home Videos too often, to you?

Aww man. That was probably the closest I will ever come to winning big on that show. Maybe someone caught it all on video. Would I have to share my winnings with the newly weds? (LOL).

Laurel T.

[DIY-DY]

I feel just aweful for the bride. DS (4) the ring bearer and DD(2) the flower girl did great in rehearsal yesterday, but refused to carry out their duties today. Not only was there a refusal, but there was a scene associated with such refusal. They tried to do their best, but were worn out before showtime. Not making excuses, but they were sick, too.

What to do? I am ok with them not going down the aisle, it is a hard job and they are really young, but I am not ok with their refusal to settle down and make a graceful exit out of the back. Needless to say, I got them out of there as quickly as possible and they were asleep within 3 minutes.

I haven't been to many weddings. Please tell me this kind of thing just happens.

Laurel T.

Don't ever try to work with animals or children.

I guess it's a wise word to the perfectionist. But for everyone else, it's something that makes you smile and nod. Everybody has a story about some darling child who did something any child might do. I, personally, love the above story above about how the family remembers it in the vein of the MC commercial - that's perfect! Absolutely perfect!

DD2, who was not quite 18 mos. at the time, got up in the middle of the night before a cousin's wedding and ATE or DECIMATED 3/4 of the icing flowers I had drying for the cake. The. Night. Before. When the cousin learned about it, she said, "Oh! We have a wedding gremlin!" And that is what DD is known to be, now: The Wedding Gremlin. She's still loved.

And hey, if it helps any, at our wedding, the pastor asked DH, "Do you, Charles, take this woman, Lindsay, to be your lawfully wedded wife..." Um... my name's not Lindsay. It's not even close to Lindsay. The ripple that went through *both* sides of the church was audible.

But in the end, about the only thing that can truly ruin a wedding, other than the bride or groom bolting at the last minute, or perhaps a typhoon bringing the ceremony to a screeching halt, is... well, that's about it, really. In the end, they're married, and that's not a ruinous end at all! I'm just very sorry you and your little ones didn't have more people on the spot to be gracious and help bring out the humor (and completely natural) perspective on that. If we'd have been there, we'd have gladly pitched in with a hug and a smile and a cheesy joke or two!

Like everyone else said, don't fret. It's okay.

[Julie in MO]

I love these stories. I'll add mine...
My daughter was 3 years old when she was a flower girl. I had her practice at home for several days before the wedding, but at home we picked up the "petals" (cut up balloon pieces) so we could practice again later. The day of the wedding she smiled prettily, carried out her duties well, and then turned around and started picking up the flower petals as the bride was coming down the aisle. Several people tried to stop her, but she said very loudly, "no, Mommy says this is what we do, so I'm gonna do it!" That was 5 years ago and we're still friends of the bride! :001_smile:

[jail warden]

I have to tell you that every time I read the Thread, I have to think, they got married didn't they?! So the wedding was not ruined!!!

I'm sorry though that you feel badly. :grouphug:It's so hard when our children misbehave and make us feel badly about our parenting job.

[gardenschooler]

I sincerely doubt they actually ruined the whole wedding, although I agree the scene would have been better to be avoided. I can assure you that you are more mortified by whatever happened than anyone else (even the bride, I'll bet. Or at least she'll understand, looking back, after she has kids).

A 2 yr. old and a 4 yr. old. Exhausted and sick. I wouldn't expect good behavior out of that combination! Really, they're so little. I'm sure everyone understands.

[Laurel T.]

It's so hard when our children misbehave and make us feel badly about our parenting job

Yes, I have come to terms with the situation tonight and have decided that more than anything it was a pride issue for me. I felt like "I" could not get my children to do what was expected of them. I can see now that my reaction was much more about me than about them.

I am thankful for the lesson learned.

Laurel T.

[clane]

I spent most of the time during my BIL/SIL vows with my hands gripping the shoulders of the flower girl to keep her from dancing, spinning, chattering, etc. Children at weddings are just a gamble. A very cute gamble though.

[Kris]

Aww man. That was probably the closest I will ever come to winning big on that show. Maybe someone caught it all on video. Would I have to share my winnings with the newly weds? (LOL).

Laurel T.

Yup -- that was your shot at the big bucks! Sorry!

Any dedicated AFVer would be sure to keep a video camera handy. Next time you get a chance . . .

And no -- they don't get a cut. They get to tell the stories without the guilt. :D

[Remudamom]

NORMAL:D!!!! Okay, I'll stop shouting now. And when they're that little and sick it's to be expected. How can they have mastered their behaviour when sick, tired and pressured by 2 & 4;)?

So, my stories.

1. My brother was ring bearer when he was 4, did great at the rehearsal, but during the wedding only lasted until he saw my parents in the pew and headed straight for them. At the reception he managed to get ahold of someone's wine and was tipsy for the rest of the evening.

2. At my wedding I had a 5 yo who did well, but this was due in part to her mother wisely suggesting I let her sit down during the ceremony itself. Good thing, because her dad was the clergyman who married us and her mother my matron of honour (yes, I knew them well and my closest friends lived too far away to do that job.)

Snort, snort, snort.

[Kris]

Yes, I have come to terms with the situation tonight and have decided that more than anything it was a pride issue for me. I felt like "I" could not get my children to do what was expected of them. I can see now that my reaction was much more about me than about them.

I am thankful for the lesson learned.

Laurel T.

I have to admit that when kids act up in the grocery store I roll my eyes. But that's different.

Two very small children in a new situation, and tired and sick to boot? I think you're lucky you got off as easily as you did and definitely don't need to beat yourself up over it. Did you mention what time the wedding was? During nap time, maybe? And then all the running around to get ready and all that stuff -- on my! I don't blame 'em at all!

Quite a different situation from the ten year old kid who threw a screaming fit in the grocery store two days ago -- complete with crashing to the floor, kicking and screaming. Now *that* was a sight! Don't know if he got that game he really REALLY wanted.

Feel better now? :D

Can't help you with any cute kids at the wedding stories. The last wedding I went to, I was six months pregnant. And she was *not* cooperating, but no one was the wiser, so I got away with it -- then!

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Quite a different situation from the ten year old kid who threw a screaming fit in the grocery store two days ago -- complete with crashing to the floor, kicking and screaming. Now *that* was a sight! Don't know if he got that game he really REALLY wanted.



At that age, I would bet that kid was autistic or brain injured.

Edit: Sheesh that sounds snotty. I didn't mean it like that. I'm just thinking out loud is all.

[Hannah]

My very cute 2.5 year old niece was the flower girl at our wedding. She walked down the isle beautifully with my sister (the maid of honour, her aunt) and held onto the basket of rose petals she was holding with pride.

We'd rehearsed with my sister, but not with my niece as we felt she'd walk with my sister on the day.

The problem came after the service when the guests had to throw the petals. She was crying in her father's arms, "Daddy, they're all taking my flowers".

[Kris]

At that age, I would bet that kid was autistic or brain injured.

Edit: Sheesh that sounds snotty. I didn't mean it like that. I'm just thinking out loud is all.

Doesn't sound snotty at all. It's a valid point and I would have thought the same thing. I did think of it when I posted, but decided not to mention (since the post was already getting "longish") that we were there for the "build up" and there was nothing wrong with that boy but his attitude.

[PhunandFonics]

My dh worked as a wedding photographer for many years and according to him only about 20% of the "little kids" actually ever make it down the aisle. He would always stress when he knew there was a child involved in the wedding, because it made him sad to see how much pressure there was put on this child to be "perfect and cute".

Just remind your kiddos when their day comes that you have firsthand experience in this and it is NOT a good idea! :willy_nilly:

[JFS in IL]

they made it memorable! :001_smile:

[Antonia]

Jmho, but I hate the whole idea of such little kids in a wedding. I just think it puts waaaay too much pressure on them. I think the bride and groom are thinking about how *precious* it will look, but not about the reality of it, which is that what happened with you happens a lot! When my sil "offered" her five year old to be our ring-bearer, I said no, thanks. I didn't want any tantrums at my wedding, and I didn't want to traumatize the poor kid. I've been to too many weddings where that has happened. Again, jmho...

[Krista in LA]

she was the flowergirl in my best friend/her Godmother's wedding. It was an outside wedding with a long winding path to the altar. She was supposed to walk down the path with this really cute 4 yo boy that she had met the night before. I was following behind them as the matron of honor. Well, she decided that she didn't want to walk with the boy so she started running to get away from him. As soon as she got to the altar, instead of going and standing beside my dh, she ran back up the path to me at which point I tried to convince her to go back. I was embarrassed. I apologized profusely after the ceremony but my friend reassured me that it was all okay. Anybody who has small children in their wedding should be prepared that things might not work out the way they plan. I'm sure the wedding was still beautiful and they will probably be telling stories about it at your children's weddings.

[Blue Hen]

I haven't read all the other replies, but no it won't be the first nor the last. I'm glad you have come to terms with it.

To let you know it isn't the first---and this is far different than yours since yours were in the wedding party and you did something about it---- I would add what happened at my nephew's wedding. His nephew's were not in the wedding party but up near the front with their mom (his sister) and her dh. These kids, 6 & 3yo, were talking LOUDLY, fighting with each other and the mom, folks were asking the mom to quiet them down or take them out. Her DH (aka Dad) asked her if he could take them from the service. She refused and these kids fussed BIG time all through the ceremony. The preacher litterally had to scream over the kids noise. How I know all this is cause I was sitting two rows behind them. I felt really bad for the bride and groom, and still wonder whether the bride's tears in the middle of the service was cause how her future nephews were making a huge scene at her wedding or rather how her future SIL & BIL were making a huge scene.

[Laurel T.]

My dh worked as a wedding photographer for many years and according to him only about 20% of the "little kids" actually ever make it down the aisle.

That is what I needed, a hard and fast statistic. The poor little ones are still so sick they did not get to enjoy any of the Easter festivities today. We will definately be turning down any future invitations. If I get my hands on any pictures I will try to post. They sure were cute!!

Laurel T.

[Joanne]

I'm surprised no one has commented on this:

but some of the other adults just made me feel horrible. I was not comfortable with the way they were talking to my children. And once other people got involved I knew there was no way to salvage the situation.

Those people should be ashamed.

Here's my very direct, practical take on kids in weddings:

If you are attached to it going "right" and "seamlessly", do not involve children under the age of say.....20. Really.

If you have people involved in the wedding who attach a great deal of value to such things, minimize their reasons to fuss or tell them to get a life and get over it.

And, finally, I think we place FAR, FAR, FAR too much time and energy and focus (not to mention money) in weddings and not enough in cultivating good spouses.

[Valerie(TX)]

Dh's cousin got married when he was twelve. She was about 15 years older than him and his younger siblings, and, as the first of the daughters to get married she was as invested in a "perfect wedding" as were her mom and her grandma, after all, they'd waited a long time for it....

The wedding went off without a hitch. At the reception, dh was seated next to his grandma (Mimi), so that she could keep a very close eye on him, and his other siblings were also strategically placed. (They were the youngest cousins in the whole family, children of a rather absent-minded/inattentive mom and were known for being pretty wild.) Champagne was served, but every provision had been made for the youngsters, who were thoughtfully served white grape juice.

Toward the end of the reception as the toasts flowed, my smart-alek dh stood, swaying and slurring, as he delivered a toast "to the waiter who was so ill-acquainted with the liquor laws in the state of Texas".

Mimi was mortified and never lived that down...to this day the story comes up with laughter in his family! :lol:

Valerie

[Mrs Mungo]

Something goes wrong at *every* wedding. One of my mom's uncles performed our wedding ceremony. He was a pastor at a very small country church. When it came to performing a wedding in a bigger church? He was *nervous*. He was sweating and shaking. The entire wedding party was afraid he was going to pass out any second. Plus, he called my hubby by the wrong name. I never thought my wedding was ruined by it.

[Amy loves Bud]

At my nieces wedding the ring bearer fell down the steps in the sanctuary. Why they would place a four year old on the fourth of sixth steps to stand for 40 minutes is beyond me! Once it was clear he was fine everyone got a good chuckle.

Our minister forgot to ask who gives this bride, and my dad stood up there forever. Finally, my Dad said, "James, could I please sit down now?" We still laugh about it.

No worries. It'll be a fun story to tell over the years!

[Barb F. PA in AZ]

My own daughter did this to me at my wedding. That's why I had a backup flower girl. Dh's 6yo niece and Meghan were to be co-flower girls in case she bugged out at the last minute. That's exactly what happened. She fell out of bed in the wee hours of the wedding day and never went back to sleep, so by wedding time she was in full-out meltdown mode. Anna-Christina (who was 6) did a beautiful job. I think any child under school age is a crap shoot.

Barb

[Dayle in Guatemala]

when she was 2 1/2 years old at the wedding of my sil. She had had it that day and by the time of the wedding, she was about to go down the aisle and absolutely, and at the top of her voice, refused and was carried away screaming the whole way down to the nursery.

You know, it happens. When you have such young children involved in an event like a wedding with all the pictures and everything beforehand, there are bound to be some issues. I'm glad she was great for the pictures, and they did get married afterall. Noone even remembered the scene by the time the bride and groom left for their honeymoon. I'm sure it wasn't as bad as you felt because, after all, you're the mom. It just seems worse to you.

[Karin]

And, finally, I think we place FAR, FAR, FAR too much time and energy and focus (not to mention money) in weddings and not enough in cultivating good spouses.

Yes. Can't give you another rating as I've been neglecting to give it out to others (but I mean to.)

[Ellie]

Happens all the time.

Which is the reason I *so* encourage well-meaning brides not to include the cute nieces and nephews in their weddings. My younger dd had two little girls in her wedding last year, and I was poised to take them to their seats if they didn't behave while standing in the front with the bridesmaids. Really.

But it happens. Don't feel too badly about it; your dc were just behaving, well, childishly :-)

[Carol in Cal.]

My DD was a flower girl when she was 3 or 4. She had a lovely dress, and her hair done up, and looked like a perfect little angel. I was not in the wedding, but I reserved myself a seat in the front row so that I could tempt DD into walking up through all those people toward me.

The ringbearer was very cute in little tux. We had not met him before, but he and DD hit it off just fine.

So the rehearsal went very smoothly, but it did not include actual flowers to drop onto the bride's path.

During the actual wedding, DD could not see me very well through all the people, so I had to move a little bit into the aisle to tempt her. This was not ideal, but pretty OK. I still could see her all that clearly as she started up the aisle, arm in arm with the ringbearer, but I heard a lot of laughing.

Later I found out that the ringbearer had told her several times that she should drop those rose petals onto the aisle. And so she pulled her arm out of his, and stopped completely, and told him (quite loudly!), "I don't HAVE to! P___ said *I* get to pick whether to throw them! I can pick WHEN TOO!" Then they put their arms back together and proceeded up the aisle.

[klmama]

Shame on those people who tried to make you feel bad. Kids do things like that and any bride who asks them to be in her wedding gets whatever she gets. The others present should have realized that the bride was willing to take the risk and let it go. Grrrrr.

I hope all the stories here have made you feel a little better. Here's another:

When dear friends got married they had three little girls as flower girls. They sat on the steps of the alter during the long ceremony, with their dresses nicely arranged and their hands folded in their laps so they could look up at the bride and groom. As the bride and groom finally said their vows their youngest flower girl (3yo) had had it. She repeatedly flashed her undies at the entire congregation. Just bored and playing with her dress, I guess, but most definitely at the wrong moment. There were a lot of stifled laughs. :) Still, at the end of the day, they were married, and that's all that really mattered.




Hmmm... now how did this end up here? I thought I was putting it under the OP. Lots to learn, I guess!