Whaa! My village just got smaller.

[Ferdie]

My friend met with me today to tell me that she wanted to end relations with our family. She said that her son gets too stressed out being around my son and that they need a clean break from him. She is pulling out of our AWANA program and is going to stop attending the hs park days that we frequent.

I am so sad that our family has put such stress on another family, especially since she is 8 1/2 months pregnant.

Our family has been so blessed to have many adults willing to work with my son. He can be very challenging, frustrating and difficult yet parents and leaders in our church have given their time to guide and nurture him. This friend volunteered in the same AWANA program that we go to and our boys were in the same group. She has had my son over to her home on a few occasions and I have babysat her children several times. I am so sad to lose her as a friend and also to have one less adult pouring love into our son. You know how they say it takes a village to raise some children? She was part of my village.

I respect her for having the courage to tell me. It wasn't eay for her and I know she is doing the right thing for her family, but I am just so sad.

[Wendi]

My own ds is challenging, and I highly value the adults who work with him, spend time with him, invite him to their homes to play with their kids, etc. A little over a year ago, some good friends of ours moved away. They were the main family in our village! :crying:

I wish we lived close by!:grouphug:

Wendi

[Whisperlily]

I don't understand.

Is your son a special needs child, or is hers? Is that why it is so stressful? I can't imagine taking my child out of so many activities to avoid one person if it's a simple personality conflict. :confused:


And if this is a simple, "we don't want to be around your son..." why would they have a sit down conversation about it? It sounds incredibly hurtful.

:grouphug:

I'm sorry.

[CalicoKat]

she is 8 1/2 months pregnant.


In my experience it's probably the PG hormones affecting her decision making. My husband and I always used to laugh when another couple would anouce their pregnancy, "We'll have to get together with them quick before the hormones override their better judgement."

(some) Pregnant women get really, really weird towards the end. Never having been pregnant myself I can't say that I wouldn't have been one of these weird PG people. But it has been my experience, more than not, that the offensive things said or done by the pregnant woman around me or my family should be labeled hormonal slander.

When her hormones tone down abit I wouldn't be surprised if she comes back. Or she just might be too embarassed to come back and apologize.

Your poor son. He deserves a better friend.

[Momto4kids]

I don't understand.

Is your son a special needs child, or is hers? Is that why it is so stressful? I can't imagine taking my child out of so many activities to avoid one person if it's a simple personality conflict. :confused:


And if this is a simple, "we don't want to be around your son..." why would they have a sit down conversation about it? It sounds incredibly hurtful.

:grouphug:

I'm sorry.


I agree. :confused: :grouphug: to you.

[abbeyej]

Ferdie, I applaud you for your generous, understanding attitude toward your friend and her son. I'm not sure exactly what's going on with your son, but I'm assuming from this:
...He can be very challenging, frustrating and difficult yet parents...
that he is beyond the "normal" challenges of childhood...

I know there have been one or two times when there was a child in my family's life that was as you describe. And it was really tough for me as a mother, because I *do* want to be one of the people to love and care for a child who doesn't necessarily endear him or herself to the rest of the world. I know they can be tougher to love and teach than other kids, so they *need* more understanding adults (and children) in their lives. At the same time, I'm an adult and can be expected to handle things that my kids really can't. And my first duty is to my own growing children...

Anyway, I'm amazed and heartened by your take on this -- that you are not blaming or angry with her, only saddened. And I'm so very, very sorry for you and your son. I also can't help but think how hard this must have been on your friend, if her son was suffering, and yet she didn't want (I'm assuming) to hurt you or your child.

I wish you healing and comfort and new people in your lives who can continue to love and nurture and support you and your son.

[Janet in WA]

She said that her son gets too stressed out being around my son and that they need a clean break from him. Is there any information you can share that would make that sound not so -- well -- astonishingly mean? I can certainly understand that some children just need to be kept apart for their own good, but to inform you that they are pulling out of everything (including the adult friendship) in order to avoid your son? Were there other signs that she might not be as much of a friend as you thought?

[kdeno]

I really do not know what to say. There are children my guys do not get along with but what a great opportunity to teach therm to be like Christ, to prefer others.

K

[Doran]

I don't know the circumstances, but I do know that this must be so painful. My heart goes out to you, dear.


Peace,
Doran

[Call Me Cordelia]

You are incredibly gracious. Hugs to you! And ds.

[Ferdie]

I just got back from church and wanted to say thank you for your responses.

To answer your questions I don't think my ds is special needs but he frequently rubs other children and adults the wrong way. I think Abbeyej hit the nail on the head when she suggested he is outside the normal challenges of childhood.

I kind of knew something was up when she asked to speak with me in private, but I thought it was going to be to tell me something my son had done or said. Breaking off relations came as a bombshell.

I don't thing my friend is trying to be hurtful or mean. Her son is having issues right now and she is trying to make things better for him. Kind of like when you suspect your child has allergies, so you put them on an elimination diet, get them back to normal and slowly introduce the old foods again.

Anyway, our day is ending better than it started. My ds is outside with his siblings, dh and half the neighborhood playing basketball and I am starting our annual easter cookie bake.

I just wanted to thank each of you for taking time to respond and help me make sense of this ordeal. I am really trying to see this issue from both sides and you words have ministered to me in my need.

Blessing to you!

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I'm one of "those" women who gets totally nutso when pregnant. During my last pregnancy, I visited my very best friend with my other two children. During our week long visit, she said a few things that I took and blew totally out of proportion. I didn't say anything at the time, but I came home and stewed about it for two whole months! I finally decided to write her a letter. It turned out to be 11 pages long! I went on and on and around and around.

Thank goodness, I listened to my dh and didn't send it to her. When she called, I managed to condense it to about six sentences. She apologized, and we went on. But, I still hurt.

Then I had the baby.

Then, I stumbled across the letter, and read part of it. I couldn't read it all because it was horrible! I still can't believe I wrote those things to my best friend. I love her dearly, and they things she said were true, and honest, and the kind of things friends are supposed to tell each other. I normally would have appreciated her caring help.

Anyway, give your friend some time. After she settles in with her new baby, and life gets less pregnant, she will probably realize that you aren't the source of her problems.

[OKCyndi]

Through your pain, and the pain for your child, you are able to see her point of view and not lash out. I'll pray that God brings a new friend in your life to fill it with new joy. Peace be with you.

[True Blue]

You are a very big person Ferdie. That would be hard for me to hear and not be upset about. I hope that you have many successes and joys with your boy. You sound like a great mom.

[Leah]

I'd just like to say that your graciousness toward this other person is a great encouragement to me. I know that it is truly the Lord who enables you to respond in kindness and compassion toward this other mom, but I am very blessed by your actions tonight!

I will be praying for you and your son.

[Laurel T.]

Thank you for sharing this difficult situation with us, I am in a similar situation with a friend. I hope that I am able to be as gracious as you have been.

Laurel T.

[hana]

I am so sorry. :grouphug: