My oldest ds wants to join the military & I don't know what to feel...

[Kari C in SC]

My oldest ds is 19. He has been talking about the military for many months. I have great respect for our military. Many of our family members have served and my nephew is in Afghanistan right now. I am fearful for my ds's safety, but that is not really what I think is bothering me. My dh and I had this wonderful baby boy when I was just 1 month away from turning 17. We did EVERYTHING we could to be good parents at such a young age. We planned him and wanted him very much. I have spent the better part of my life having him with me each day. I just can't seem to stomach the thought of him living far from us. Don't get me wrong, he makes me nuts when he hangs out at the house constantly. I just enjoy the once or twice a week dinner together or a midnight chat, etc. He is a wonderful person. I am proud of him. I just don't want him to be really far away. We have two younger kids - dd (9) and ds (3). I worry they won't know him the way they know him now. My sister got married when I was 12. Before then we shared a room and she was like my second mom. When she moved away, I grew up and didn't really know her that well. To this day, we still don't know each other well. Anyway, I know I have to let him grow up. He really isn't a college type. He wants to get EMT training or fire fighter training. He has also landed an opportunity with the volunteer fire department. He is really looking to my dh and I to give him our blessing to join the military. As a side, he is pursuing the fire dept thing. He has a little weight to lose before he can sign up for the military. I don't know what to tell him. I DON'T want to tell him that I am okay with the military, but I don't know if that really is the right choice for him and his future. I don't know what to tell him that is logical and not from a mom's heart breaking. Moms of older kids, how do you let them go?

[True Blue]

In this case I would give my approval and help him attain his goals. Encourage him to look at all the options and get a guaranteed job before he signs the dotted line. He can actually get really good training as a fire fighter in the Air Force and come out with a very good paying job. Give him your blessing but make sure he makes smart choices - if you can.


I'm raising my kids to NOT join the military, but if they do I will give them my blessing and full support.

[Mrs Mungo]

My hubby is military but I would be super-sad if my kids decided to join because of the distance issue. So, I don't know what to say to help you from that perspective.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

t thing. He has a little weight to lose before he can sign up for the military. I don't know what to tell him. I DON'T want to tell him that I am okay with the military, but I don't know if that really is the right choice for him and his future. I don't know what to tell him that is logical and not from a mom's heart breaking. Moms of older kids, how do you let them go?

Well, you cry a lot, for one thing.

But he's a grown man now. And he's likely not making this decision lightly. He has his life to live. This might mean a life far away from you. You've reared him well. You just have to trust that.

I've found the tighter I hold on, the further they move away emotionally. And the more I let them go, the closer we become. May it be so for you, too.

[Kari C in SC]

[quote=Pam "SFSOM" in TN;119726]Well, you cry a lot, for one thing.

But he's a grown man now. quote]

My dh and I were discussing this tonight as we worked on the yard. I told him that he needed to be prepared that when our ds left that I would cry. Not the kind of cry where you just move on, but the kind where I just go to bed and cry and cry. He hugged me and told me he was fully aware of that and it would still be okay. That grown man thing just gets me. How do they just do that? I didn't tell him he could grow up.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Well, you cry a lot, for one thing.

But he's a grown man now.

My dh and I were discussing this tonight as we worked on the yard. I told him that he needed to be prepared that when our ds left that I would cry. Not the kind of cry where you just move on, but the kind where I just go to bed and cry and cry. He hugged me and told me he was fully aware of that and it would still be okay. That grown man thing just gets me. How do they just do that? I didn't tell him he could grow up.

I know. I don't get that. Time is a cruel thief.

I've done my share of the hurting-down-to-the-fingernails kind of crying.

You're gonna be ok, Kari. Not right away, but pretty soon.

[Amanda's Mommy]

What about National Guard? Either Army or Air. My DH is Air. Do you know if there is a guard base near you? Usually it is the 1 weekend a month, 2 weeks a year. But getting activated is possible. This way he would be military and home. Depending on the base he might also be able to get a firefighter position full time.

My DH does the same thing during the week as a federal employee that he does on the weekend as military personnel. Clear as mud?

[PrairieAir]

I don't have any real advice to give. We are facing this with our 17yods who will graduate in May. He has said he wants to be a Marine since he was 12. I think he is reconsidering that choice now, but it is hard for him since he does not want to go to college, does not have any specific plans other than the military (refused to consider anything else for so long), and he has told everyone for years what he would do. I think he feels he has already made the commitment and he would be letting down his buddies that have already joined. Most of them are older and have been in the Marines for 1-4 years. Never mind that most of them also say they hate it even though they were very gung-ho to begin with. If ds decides this is what he wants to do, though, we will support him fully in that.

He has to make his own choices. However, I have told him that I will not sign his early enlistment papers until he gives me specific reasons he wants to join so that I know he has really thought this through. I know a lot of it is some macho ideal and I require more logic than that for my signature, especially given that he is set on infantry. The recruiter was pressing us for a meeting and I was not getting any answers from ds, so I told him that I would not even meet with the recruiter until ds explained his reasons for wanting to join. I told him I would not argue and that I just want to know. Ds gave me a ridiculous line about not being any good with words. This kid has a gift for words. He can argue anything beautifully, either verbally or in written form. Last week he had us all laughing over his psychological analysis of Dr. Seuss, for Pete's sake. It was funny, but it was also a very good argument and delivered with such style. I told him that he could either tell me his reasons or write them down. I have not seen or heard his reasons in the two to three months since. If he never gives me his reasons, he can sign up when he turns 18 in September.

I don't remember where I was going with this any more. I'm trying to just stay calm, pray, and trust God in this. I'm sure ds will be fine no matter what he chooses. I know I have to let go. I just want him to really think about this decision. He's signing away the next four years of his life and it's a commitment that he can't easily get out of if he decides it was the wrong choice for him. If he's going to go, I'd also like him to consider a job in the military that would provide good training that could help him get a job he will want after he leaves the military.

The other day I asked a question about traveling and ideas for high school graduates who are not college bound and do not really have a plan. That question was mostly for ds' friend, but I was hoping there might be some ideas for ds as well. I talked to dh about the ideas mentioned and my own thoughts later that night. He said that young men in particular need to feel needed. They need to feel they are important and have a true purpose in the world. Some go into the military so they can serve their country and find purpose in that. Others may feel called to missionary work or the Peace Corps. Dh had planned to join the Marines after graduation, but then we got married and he felt he had a purpose in providing for me and for our children. He also decided he wanted to study and teach the Bible and serve others in that way. He had that need of serving a purpose filled by commitments to other people and no longer needed to join the Marines.

I think I can understand that because I remember feeling somewhat that way myself when I graduated. I felt the need to be doing something, helping others, making a difference in the world. If I had been a boy, I suppose I may have considered the military. Instead I thought about the Peace Corps.

It sounds as if your son is doing the same thing with EMT training and working with the volunteer fire department. Maybe you can talk with him and ask him about his reasons for wanting to join the military. Help him weigh the pros and cons and suggest other things he might do--if he wants to discuss it. I wouldn't argue with him, just tell him you want to know what he's thinking and talk through it with him some for your own peace of mind.

I hope this made sense. I know it's jumbled and is probably not much help. At least know you aren't alone. I have to go think happy thoughts now, or at least fine the frickin' Kleenex!:crying:

[Peek a Boo]

well, how old is the cut off for enlisting?

It's certainly reasonable to ask if he would consider putting it off for a year or two to pursue some local interests, spend just a bit more time w/ his siblings [share your experience as a kid], and wean you from him :-)

You can let him know that you will still support him when he DOES join, but that since he has other options locally that he can pursue *NOW*, it might be a wonderful use of his time and talents for serving the community he grew up in and give something back :D

[Margaret in CO]

Well, I think you give him your blessing and then pray like crazy! He IS an adult, but it IS hard to see them go. And say "thank you" to him for being willing to serve his country. You'll be so proud the day he graduates from Basic. Trust me, it's hard to see them put that uniform on! Mine's a Midshipman.

[Karen in CO]

Be proud of him. Tell him you are proud of him. Love him. Help him reach his goals. The miles between you in the future will be easier to take if you and he are close still. You don't want him to feel like you aren't on his side. Take a big breathe, know that you have raised him to be a good man, and cry after he is gone.

[nestof3]

I am in the same boat. Our son (turning 18 in April) has always been very interested in all things military and pertaining to strategy. He reads about it, watches documentaries about it. It seems to be in his blood.

For a while, he talked of being self-employed like my husband, having his children work with him as he did with his Dad, and living close. All along, though, he has had a passion for the military. He is now planning to go to college at a local university with the ROTC Army program.

He isn't looking at it as a way to pay for college. He is looking at it as something that will fulfill his make-up so to speak.

I have posted a couple times about this with questions to army wives, etc. on this board.

I too am sad on different levels about this. We are not a military-focused family, if you will. I cannot imagine him living far away. He is technically my stepson, but it doesn't feel like it. I want my grandchildren close by. I don't want harm to come to him. I don't want him influenced negatively by the world.

I too am concerned, but at the same time, we have raised a very responsible, wonderful young man. He has to choose his own path. We have trained him into adulthood, discarding modern perceptions of the teen years. He has posted on his loft bed the qualifications of a biblical elder. He told me he believes all men should strive for these traits. We are so proud of him. I share in your sadness. It is so hard to let go -- even when you did not birth them.

[RebeccaC]

Well here is some practical info :001_smile: First unless you have a really high IQ the only branches of the military that will guarantee a job is the guard. Second the higher the test score the more likely you are to get the job you want. So take a look on Amazon and at your local book store for test prep books. Here is a link to some that the Air Force suggest, http://www.petersons.com/airforce/books.asp scroll down this page there are a at least 3 tests books that would be of help to him. I worked through one of these before I enlisted and I scored very well. The guard offered me any job I wanted and my score increased all kinds of other benefits. These tests really are not that hard think of the GED not the SAT. However the way the military words things is a bit different and these tests will help with that.

Second get him a pass to a gym to get rid of the weight. I did that also :blushing: Then maybe do the Atkins thing for the month before the physical. The build up to going in is all about self discipline. It is a mindset that has to be created especially going in as enlisted and it will be of immense help once he is in basic.

I wish I could help you more to keep him near but he is a man now. The more you bless him the better your relationship will be with him. If he goes it would be better he goes with your blessing than he goes with your relationship frayed.

Blessings,
Rebecca

[Danestress]

Well, if he really want to go, he's going to go, so don't say anything negative that you will regret.

But I have to tell you, I would share your feelings. DH served 20 years. He's proud, and they were good years. But when his father had Parkinson's, we were hardly able to help his mother at all. DH is an only child. We visited some, but not nearly enough, and we couldn't relocate there. It was very hard - harder for his Mom than for us. It really changed the way DH and I looked at his service. Now he's retired and my Dad isn't doing well. The difference is that DH and I were able to make the choice to move near them and spend time with them, and it's a real difference.

Other jobs take you far from home, but most you can choose to quit. And honestly, DH was able to make a lot more money as a civilian - that's not true of every military MOS.

So while I agree with others that you should support him - any child really - in growing up, following desires, moving away - I think your outlook is realistic. You really won't see him as much if he's active duty. I had friends who saw their parents once a year. So would I want that for my sons? Nope. Not at all. I don't. BUT DH's parent always supported his choice, and we appreciate that. I'm not sure what else a parent can do really - it's not about us. Sob.

[TXMomof4]

My BIL is a firefighter in the air force. My sister, who lived in one city her ENTIRE life, picked up with her two children and her husband and moved to England with him. It has been the most wonderful thing for them, but with communication as easy as it is now, I still talk to her 2-3 times a day. My brother is based in Germany and when he's there, we talk to him regularly as well (he's in Iraq right now).
Just a little :grouphug: and hope you can be peaceful with whatever he decides.

[Ravin]

I think it would depend. If he's bent on joining the Marines and has that sort of attitude...yeah.
If he's doing it for the training, chance to see the world, job security, G.I. bill, wants to serve etc., I'd go with him to talk to Navy and Air Force recruiters and make sure he didn't do something foolish like sign a contract w/o guaranteed schooling.

If he wanted to join the Army, I'd take him to the Navy and Air Force recruiters and get them to help me talk him out of it, unless, maybe, there was some specialization he was interested in (like linguistic intelligence) for which the Army would take him but the other branches wouldn't or couldn't. By and large, though, I'd rather see my kid go into the Navy (like I and my DH and my sisters and his grandfather and my grandfathers) or the Air Force (like my dad). Navy offers a lot more travel opportunities and less chance of getting any vital parts shot off, while Air Force has higher quality of life for servicepeople and their families.

I'd also encourage him to wait until after the election. If Clinton gets elected, it might not be such a good idea. Both Obama and McCain have more convincing pledges to take care of the troops regardless of the state of the war.

[Volty]

I went into the Army, I joined Delayed entry just after my 17th birthday with a waiver. We were poor and I knew my parents couldn't afford college so I didn't ask for money. I left home the summer after I finished High School in 1989, thinking I'd do 3 years and get out. Wouldn't you know I wound up in the Gulf War in 1991.

I hated being in the military, they treated us poorly and I still have a chip on my shoulder about the awful experience. I was miserable the whole time. But that was my choice to go in, and I got the college money and was able to go to school and get on with my life.

Even though my Army experience was a disaster and I hate what George W. Bush is requiring our troops to do, I would not stop a dc from entering the military if that is what they wanted to do. There's a time when you have to let your dc go and so I hope you'd respect your son's decision.

On another point, my goal of HSing is to prepare my kids for college, but not just that, to excel and win them full scholarships if possible. If we fail in accomplishing that, then I would encourage my kids to do what I did and have the military to pay for it. I would seriously reconsider if they're turning 18 in a time of war.

[Michelle in GA]

Could you encourage him to do an ROTC college program? My nephew did this. He was in the Army, they paid for his four years of college, and he graduated an officer. I like the idea of having the military pay for one's education first, before serving.

[nestof3]

the military to pay for it

Could we be more accurate and say the "taxpayers?" Just a little pet peeve of mine. People are always saying "the government pays for it."

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Could we be more accurate and say the "taxpayers?" Just a little pet peeve of mine. People are always saying "the government pays for it."


The government is 100% financed by the taxpayers, that is correct.

As the wife of a retired service member (and a taxpayer), thank you for your part in paying for my husband's education as well as those of other young men and women who wouldn't have gone otherwise. And thank you for paying for our food and gas and housing and medical. I hope you feel you got your money's worth out of his service. :-)

[nestof3]

The government is 100% financed by the taxpayers, that is correct.

As the wife of a retired service member (and a taxpayer), thank you for your part in paying for my husband's education as well as those of other young men and women who wouldn't have gone otherwise. And thank you for paying for our food and gas and housing and medical. I hope you feel you got your money's worth out of his service. :-)

Most defnitely am thankful.

I only make this point because I see so much emphasis on the "government" in this country when it really is the people who are behind most of it. I still like to think our country is for the people and by the people rather than seeing it "run" by some entity. At least I hope it is still that way.

Our oldest son is planning to go to college and enter the army -- to serve his country -- the people, though, not just to get an education.

[WendyK]

That really is tough. I guess that will be his choice to make. I know that would kill my husband (he is very anti military). But I know ultimately my husband would support our children's decisions.

[Brigitte]

What about National Guard? Either Army or Air. My DH is Air. Do you know if there is a guard base near you? Usually it is the 1 weekend a month, 2 weeks a year. But getting activated is possible. This way he would be military and home. Depending on the base he might also be able to get a firefighter position full time.

My DH does the same thing during the week as a federal employee that he does on the weekend as military personnel. Clear as mud?

The Navy Reserve is also an option. They have fire fighter training, as well. if he gets some civilian training that would help get the military training lined up too.

I was Navy Reserve for 12 years and got a pretty good GI Bill for college.

[Brigitte]

If he wanted to join the Army, I'd take him to the Navy and Air Force recruiters and get them to help me talk him out of it, unless, maybe, there was some specialization he was interested in (like linguistic intelligence) for which the Army would take him but the other branches wouldn't or couldn't. By and large, though, I'd rather see my kid go into the Navy (like I and my DH and my sisters and his grandfather and my grandfathers) or the Air Force (like my dad). Navy offers a lot more travel opportunities and less chance of getting any vital parts shot off, while Air Force has higher quality of life for servicepeople and their families.

Actually, all the services offer specialties in "linguistic intelligence." The Defense Language Institute, while an Army Post, serves all the branches. i know that based on personal experience. :001_smile:

I agree with the comments about the Air Force quality of life (I was Navy living on an AF base - man did those people have it GOOD) and with the travel opportunities available to the Navy (Dad served in Puerto Rico then in Iceland - the Navy has a sense of humor). And, yes, the Navy is less likely to get one shot at.

[Volty]

Could we be more accurate and say the "taxpayers?" Just a little pet peeve of mine. People are always saying "the government pays for it."


It was a crappy job where I spent three years working constant overtime and being treated poorly, not to mention at one point as putting my life on the line, to go to college. The Army offers the GI Bill as an enducment to get people to do this. It's the most successful, most well designed, most popular program the government ever canme up with and has full support from the population at large as well as politicians of all stripes.

"Taxpayers pay" implies I sat on a couch watching TV and eating hohos leeching off the system waiting for a monthly check from the government to come in.

Work>>>> whine about entitlements

IMO one is an honorable pull yourself-up-by-the-bootstrap method, the other one is not. And I'm more than a little offended at the jab.

[Nancy in MI]

. I DON'T want to tell him that I am okay with the military,

I haven't read all the responses yet so forgive me if you have already answered this.

Why *don't* you want to tell him you're okay with the military? Is is because he will be far away? Because if that's the case, then he could have chosen a college or a career that would take him far away from home. Would you be feeling the same way about that?

Is is because you feel like it would be lying? Well, sometimes we, as parents, need to hide our fear or anxiety or whatever from our children in case they see that as non-supportiveness.

Personally, I feel that I need to support whatever career my ds chooses, no matter how I feel about it. It's his life-not mine. Short of choosing a career that is illegal, I will show enthusiasm and support for whatever he chooses. After he leaves home, I will probably go to bed and cry for a week because I will miss him so much I will ache! :crying:

FTR, if your son does take the route you have described, then he is just the type of young man my 13 yo idolizes! That is *exactly* the career path I think he is on!:patriot:

You have obviously done a great job with him!

Nancy

[hana]

You have gotten good advice and commiseration here. I especially agree with Margaret in CO--that you give your blessing, then pray hard. I will be thinking of you, and him, as he makes his decision in this area.

[Margaret in CO]

Just so you know, there are GREAT parent groups online, to support all of the various service groups. You will not be alone. And again, you'll bust your buttons with pride when he graduates Basic. Nevera again will you be able to hear the National Anthem without tears.

[lynn]

My son is in JROTC and considering the military we are not sure what the end result will be for he may just take the ROTC scholarship and go to Auburn. we are hoping for the scholarship option. He has a very good seargent (sp??) that I am sure will direct the boys in the best possible direction for them. He has had some of his JROTC guys accepted into the Naval Academy and others. We shall see.

Let him go with love and a prayer. that sure is hard though isn't it:confused:

[Mrs Mungo]

Could you encourage him to do an ROTC college program? My nephew did this. He was in the Army, they paid for his four years of college, and he graduated an officer. I like the idea of having the military pay for one's education first, before serving.

One word of warning here-an ROTC scholarship requires an 8 year commitment. You can serve 4 active duty and then 4 Inactive Ready Reserve but at this point that pool of IRR people is constantly being activated.

A note about Volty's comments-my husband has been active duty Army for 14 years. Yes, some of that time he's been in crappy jobs and experiences but some of that time he's had fantastic jobs and experiences. It all depends on where you are, the job you're in and (most of all) the command atmosphere.

Back to the OPer (and other posters in a similar position), there was another recent thread on this that might help:
http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=11760

eta: psst, lynn, it's sergeant. So many of those army words are archaic and just don't get spelled the way one might think, do they? ;)

[Kari C in SC]

Why *don't* you want to tell him you're okay with the military? Is is because he will be far away? Because if that's the case, then he could have chosen a college or a career that would take him far away from home. Would you be feeling the same way about that?



Yes, it is because I don't want him to be far away. Yes, I realize any career choice could take him far away. It just isn't as definite as joining the military. The military is also not flexible in choosing where you go and for how long. I know I should support him in his decisions. I just don't want to. It is going to take time for my brain to get my heart on board with the whole supportive thing.

[Mrs Mungo]

Yes, it is because I don't want him to be far away. Yes, I realize any career choice could take him far away. It just isn't as definite as joining the military. The military is also not flexible in choosing where you go and for how long. I know I should support him in his decisions. I just don't want to. It is going to take time for my brain to get my heart on board with the whole supportive thing.

Actually, it can be fairly flexible. Enlisted soldiers can actually trade assignments with other people. A look almost any military publication will show classifieds in regard to this. Officers (which is the side of it I know best) don't really get a choice with their first or second assignments but once they know some people, can get by-name requests and they have a good reputation they can have a lot of influence in the process. In fact, we have friends in corporate America who have fewer options and influence than we do in the military. The only difference is that they could just up and quit their job if they really wanted.

If he has a desire to live specific places he should look into which branches (Army, Air Force, etc) have posts or bases in those areas (although many posts/bases have units that are joint or made up of more than one branch; we had Navy friends at Ft Bragg, NC). Also, the MOS/branch (I know, more than one thing is called a branch, it's confusing) has a big impact on where you can be stationed. If your son were to go Airborne (for example) he would spend most of his career stationed at Ft Benning, GA and/or Ft Bragg, NC. When my sister's ex decided to join the Army as a tanker I tried to tell him that he would only have a handful of posts to choose from with that MOS but he didn't believe me. He found out I was right later on.

I would strongly advise you to sit down and figure out exactly what his goals are in the military. If he knows (and he may not) you might write down a list of questions he might have and post them here for the military/ex-military/military wives to answer here. Young people tend to come away from a recruiter's office with a lot of misconceptions not because recruiters lie (some do, I'm sure, but not the majority) but because they've been in so long it doesn't always occur to them what is and isn't understood in the general population.

[Carol in Cal.]

I sure hope that he is OK.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I would strongly advise you to sit down and figure out exactly what his goals are in the military. If he knows (and he may not) you might write down a list of questions he might have and post them here for the military/ex-military/military wives to answer here. Young people tend to come away from a recruiter's office with a lot of misconceptions not because recruiters lie (some do, I'm sure, but not the majority) but because they've been in so long it doesn't always occur to them what is and isn't understood in the general population.

I would like to second this. Recruiters run the gamut from folks who are professional career counselors to folks who have been in for a few years and have gotten hometown recruiting duty. They also have goals/quotas that they need to meet. Their goals may not always mesh well with the goals of an individual enlistee.

I think that recruiters may also have a tendency to say that something is possible without putting it into the context of how likely or difficult it may be. For example, you can enlist for a few years and then apply for an officer program. True: however the enlisted commissioning programs are quite competitive and some depend on what rate/mos you are in. Or: you can enlist as an unrated seaman and then decide what rate you would like to be. Also true, but it glosses over how much harder it is to qualify for a rate with a school requirement from seaman rather than get the rate right from enlistment or bootcamp. (Forgive the Navy bias; it is what I know best.)

It is also worth keeping that recruiter goal system in mind. An answer that might be no right now, might be yes in six weeks, either when a new slate of billets opened up or when the recruiter really needed a few more recruits. It may be worth it to walk away and come back.

If he is interested in firefighting, the Air Force probably has the best program (although the Navy also has Damage Controlmen and flight deck firefighters [ABF?], I think that the Air Force program may have a more direct crossover to civilian firefighting [one of my navy jobs, btw, was to be the officer in charge of firefighting and damage control on a fleet replenishment ship].

If someone is interested in officer programs, he should specifically ask to speak with the officer recruiter [who may not be an officer himself], not just any of the recruiters in the office.

I think that the military can be a great place to be and be from. But I also know many who had great remorse over joining. It is worth being shrewd at the beginning. You can't guarantee happiness, success or safety. But you may be able to rule out some of the more foolish mistakes that folks make when enlisting.

[Kari C in SC]

It is also worth keeping that recruiter goal system in mind. An answer that might be no right now, might be yes in six weeks, either when a new slate of billets opened up or when the recruiter really needed a few more recruits. It may be worth it to walk away and come back.

This is something I was wondering about. He is interested in firefighting, but I believe he really wanted medic training more. He really would like to be an EMT or something similar to that. Not a doctor! LOL! When he took his placement test, they listed firefighter as a possibility. They told him there weren't any medic positions at this time. I told him that if they really wanted him to enlist, they may just need to FIND a medic position. We are still talking with him to find out exactly what he wants. We have a little time because we have a family wedding at the end of May. He told me he wouldn't decide anything before then. Thank you for all this wonderful info. I am actually going to have him read all of it.

[Tressa]

Yes, it is because I don't want him to be far away. Yes, I realize any career choice could take him far away. It just isn't as definite as joining the military. The military is also not flexible in choosing where you go and for how long. I know I should support him in his decisions. I just don't want to. It is going to take time for my brain to get my heart on board with the whole supportive thing.

As the wife of a military member, I just wanted to make a quick comment. My husband's mother has never made peace with his military career and he has been in 17 years now. This has been a source of discontent for a long time. It was really hard for her to let go. He dreads talking to her because she still has to throw the card about not living near her or when will he live by her.

So, my gentle advice would be to support him as best you can. Don't let him know how much it is hurting you because he doesn't want to join to hurt you. Help him with the recruiters because they can twist the truth a little. Try finding someone in the military close to you that can help him navigate the language before he signs. Stay positive. There is a saying in the Navy that goes "Choose your rate, choose your fate." So, help him make a choice about what he wants from the military before he signs the papers.

[Tressa]

This is something I was wondering about. He is interested in firefighting, but I believe he really wanted medic training more. He really would like to be an EMT or something similar to that. Not a doctor! LOL! When he took his placement test, they listed firefighter as a possibility. They told him there weren't any medic positions at this time. I told him that if they really wanted him to enlist, they may just need to FIND a medic position. We are still talking with him to find out exactly what he wants.

I missed this before my last post. Exactly right! Do not let them convince him to sign anything that he doesn't want.