What will dc miss out on by not going to public HS?

[Angela in NC]

Friend has just decided to enroll her dd in public HS. I am still seeking God's will for what is best for my family; but her concerns(and mine) of her ability to provide academically and socially for her dd and to adequately prepare her for college has me concerned and wondering. What are your thoughts? Thank YOu, Angela

[Jenny in Atl]

I'm struggling with this myself. My dd12 wants to go so badly, while I'm unsure. I know she will have all the social aspects she so craves, but I'm not thrilled about the academic possibilities in our area (I have two high schools she could attend). I know I have a couple more years, less if we go for the performing arts HS (have to have a portfolio and an audition tape), but still I go back and forth.

I know my hs experience as well as my dh were bleak at best. But I don't want to project our experiences on to her.

:confused:

[Sandy in Indy]

What will they miss? Peer pressure, godless curriculum, wasted time (too much class time is taken up with paper shuffling, pencil hunting and discipline issues)....nothing I'm interested in my dc experiencing.

You CAN successfully homeschool through the high school years and your dc CAN attend university. Thousands of homeschoolers have done just that.

Sandy
Mom to dd (20--junior at university and president of the English Honor Society), ds (17--junior in hs, just accepted to National Honor Society) and ds (7--working on first grade)

[Karin]

Two books you may wish to read are Hold on to Your Kids (not a pro-homeschooling book, is secular, but has some excellent insight on kids being parent-oriented vs peer-oriented--I didn't read ALL of it) and Homeschooling Highschool. I can't recommend more as I'm just researching this myself and haven't read more, but my dd wants and needs to stay home for at least most of high school if not all. We may do a couple of courses at the ps because community colleges are far away, but not for her freshman year (unless she does orchestra.)

[Jenny in Atl]

Two books you may wish to read are Hold on to Your Kids (not a pro-homeschooling book, is secular, but has some excellent insight on kids being parent-oriented vs peer-oriented--I didn't read ALL of it) and Homeschooling Highschool. I can't recommend more as I'm just researching this myself and haven't read more, but my dd wants and needs to stay home for at least most of high school if not all. We may do a couple of courses at the ps because community colleges are far away, but not for her freshman year (unless she does orchestra.)

I've read Hold On to Your Kids (good book) and I know it in my heart.. still there is that nagging, what if I'm wrong and she does well, even thrives in school. I think if it was just the regular HS we were looking at, I would be more sure. But she wants to be an actress, be in some form of the arts, and we have a magnet PA's High School in our area that is very good (all sorts of awards). It makes it all the more muddled.

[Jane in NC]

There are others who participate on this board who are far more qualified to speak, given the success of their children in college. I can address the issue of high school, particularly my home school compared to a rural NC public high school.

You and your student will determine how academically rigorous your program will be. With the number of online courses and the possibilty of free dual enrollment in community college courses beginning at age 16, I think it is not difficult to create a program that is as challenging if not more so than any traditional program.

With regard to extra curriculars: my son plays ice hockey which is not offered as a high school sport in NC. The young men on his team attend a number of schools from a several county area. Athletic participation is one reason that some home schoolers whom we know switch to public school. One of my son's friends is a serious golfer--she thinks that she'll have better opportunities at the local high school. There are some recreational sports leagues in our community, but they are limited for high school aged kids. More are for the 12 and younger set.

In order to participate in competitve teams like Science Olympiad, Envirothon, First Robotics, etc., you or another parent will have to step forward to lead the charge. There are some terrific opportunities for socializing and learning through 4-H. My son regularly attends 4-H meetings on the local, district and state level.

The primary reason we homeschool is to focus on academics. Request a reading list from the local school and compare it to your potential literature list. Look at their math books. Ask what languages and lab courses are available. I will not pretend that orchestrating these courses in a home environment is easy. But I am convinced that the challenging environment we have created for our son is superior to that at the local public school.

This works for us.
Jane

[Karin]

I've read Hold On to Your Kids (good book) and I know it in my heart.. still there is that nagging, what if I'm wrong and she does well, even thrives in school. I think if it was just the regular HS we were looking at, I would be more sure. But she wants to be an actress, be in some form of the arts, and we have a magnet PA's High School in our area that is very good (all sorts of awards). It makes it all the more muddled.

It's a tough choice, to be sure. But there are very few guarantees in the acting world. Stage or screen? I can't say for sure what to do, but I do have a brother who makes his living as a screen actor, and he didn't take an acting course until he was 24 (but looks young). I will be honest and say I would really examine your values because it's very difficult to keep your integrity and "make it" in the acting profession. If she is really serious, she can always go for it when she's done school. Perhaps she can do extracurricular acting instead. Some kids are very driven to these things, and it's hard to predict the future, so I feel for you. If that were our case, I'd be wondering the same as you.

I wanted to be an actress all though high school and did various programs, some very intense, but I don't regret not going into acting. Instead, I've used that for volunteer things instead.

[Mandy in TN]

Some things they may miss out on if they are homeschooled:


Learning how to be an advocate for themselves Schools are bureaucracies as are many institutions- work, insurance companies, and otherwise- that you may need to deal with as an adult. In these situations a person must be their own advocate as it is highly unlikely that anyone else will.

CYA (can I say that here)Not all people are nice. It may be that the co-worker who is suddenly being very friendly is actually being very catty. Traditional classrooms expose high schoolers to backstabbing. Boys are not usually as bad about this as girls. My brother was in a traditional classroom and he still said that the cattiness of the women in the work place was a real eye-opener for him.

Getting to have lunch with a bunch of friends everyday Now this is a luxury in which I wish I could still partake from time to time. For my birthday in the fall I went out to dinner with several women. Two of them I have known for 5 years. It was the first time we had ever been together without our children. I know it is silly, but it was really odd to realize that we had never even had a conversation away from our kids. Obviously, not something that you get to do as an adult, but still…

Of course there are the other things that people talk about like socialization (oh wait, I guess that was lunch LOL), extracurricular stuff, and academics, but really most, if not all, of that is available in the homeschool environment. I am sure there are others, but this was the list of things that are missing from a homeschool classroom that jumped into my head.

HTH-
Mandy

[nestof3]

We just never struggled with this. I entered a local high school to buy tickets to My Fair Lady, and the bombardment of teens making out in the hallways, the girls' attire, and the atmosphere made me ill.

We always felt this was the most important time to keep ours home. We felt that the years leading up to manhood were the most crucial, and felt convinced that the best way to lead him into manhood was to keep him away from such godlessness, to surround him with godly men, and to keep him focused on walking in a manner worthy of His calling.

Our son has said that he knows he would not be where he is today if he had gone to public school. That is enough for me.

[Jann in TX]

Both of my girls are thriving!

My homeschooled dd knows that she is 'missing out' on some things by staying home (we live out in the middle of nowhere and there are no high school age homeschool groups within driving distance). This dd also knows that she is getting the best education possible because she can learn in her own way/style (and it is pretty unique!). Dd has some learning disabilities AND a high IQ...she did not 'qualify' for special help/classes but she would not have survived/thrived in PS.

My other dd is totally different. She LOVES being in Band and Jazz Band (will probably get music scholarships). She has a GREAT group of friends that put up with all of her antics (she is a handful!). This dd is enrolled in all honors classes and most of her teachers are excellent...none are bad. She is in the top 10% in class rank. She knows that many kids can be mean/cruel--but she has pretty high standards and sticks up for them (standards not the mean kids). This dd was homeschooled for elementary. She claims that she is doing well in school because she 'learned how to learn' in her years at home. I'm still very much involved with her education--she is begging me to go back to teaching so I can save the poor PS students from bad teachers (I guess that is a compliment). HS is providing this dd with many opportunities and she is doing great. She would prefer to be homeschooled if she could only participate in all of the other extra-curricular activities she is currently in.

Putting your child in PS does not make you a bad parent--and homeschooling does not make you wear denim jumpers (but they are comfy!). The hard part is deciding what is BEST for your child.

[Jane in NC]

Some things they may miss out on if they are homeschooled:


Learning how to be an advocate for themselves

CYA (can I say that here)

Getting to have lunch with a bunch of friends everyday

Of course there are the other things that people talk about like socialization (oh wait, I guess that was lunch LOL), extracurricular stuff, and academics, but really most, if not all, of that is available in the homeschool environment. I am sure there are others, but this was the list of things that are missing from a homeschool classroom that jumped into my head.

HTH-
Mandy

A couple of responses to your list:

Most kids have experiences beyond the institution of school where they learn about the "real" world. For example, most kids work, if not during the school year, at least during the summer months where they learn to advocate for themselves.

CYA--Canadian Yachting Association? OK, maybe not. Actually, I'm not sure how I want my kid to learn this as a standard operating procedure in this world. Doesn't this shift responsibility for one's actions?

Lunch. Well I had a wine and whine evening with girlfriends last weekend, so I know what you are talking about here when you mention missing your friends. But frankly I do not want to have lunch with them daily. I do enjoy the company of a fellow homeschooling mom with whom I walk regularly and I certainly enjoy my email exchanges with cyber friends made on this board. One of my son's formerly homeschooled friends says that lunch is such a quick ordeal at his school, that he "had to" skip geometry to get caught up with his friends after a recent absence. (Had to??)

We spend a number of weeks in the summer elsewhere in a cottage, a part of a regular summer community. My son and his friends attend summer science classes and participate in sports programs (anything from formal tennis lessons to pickup Ultimate games), while spending the rest of their time in heavy duty socialization mode. It strikes me as interesting that his best pals (all reside in different states, one attends public school, one private, another is homeschooled) are all so busy during the school year with academics, sports, music, science team activities. Their lives are diverse, yet all rich and wonderful. But even if we all lived near each other during the rest of the year, I don't think that the boys would have this kind of quality "hang out" time on a regular basis. My son's friends locally all have different sports schedules and, now that jobs have entered the picture, there is even less time for some of them to participate in things like 4-H.

Shrug. Some people spend time wondering if the grass is greener. I have but I have since moved on.

Jane

[readwithem]

What will they miss? Peer pressure, godless curriculum, wasted time (too much class time is taken up with paper shuffling, pencil hunting and discipline issues)....nothing I'm interested in my dc experiencing.

You CAN successfully homeschool through the high school years and your dc CAN attend university. Thousands of homeschoolers have done just that.

Sandy
Mom to dd (20--junior at university and president of the English Honor Society), ds (17--junior in hs, just accepted to National Honor Society) and ds (7--working on first grade)


Love it!! I would only add sleep to your list :)

[readwithem]

I've read Hold On to Your Kids (good book) and I know it in my heart.. still there is that nagging, what if I'm wrong and she does well, even thrives in school. I think if it was just the regular HS we were looking at, I would be more sure. But she wants to be an actress, be in some form of the arts, and we have a magnet PA's High School in our area that is very good (all sorts of awards). It makes it all the more muddled.

Could she take the acting classes there and continue on at home with the academics? I can't imagine the "arts" aspect flows through the academics side (but I could be wrong)

[Jenny in Atl]

Could she take the acting classes there and continue on at home with the academics? I can't imagine the "arts" aspect flows through the academics side (but I could be wrong)

She already is very active in drama, at a dress rehearsal as I type. I think it's the friends thing and wanting to be like her PS peers/friends. We home school for academic reason, but I'm not overly thrilled with "school" culture either. I worry about her getting lost in the shuffle, spending to much time on the "fitting in" and not enough on her studies. But I have to let her go at some point, just not sure when the time will be right.

[Susan in IL]

My oldest was totally hsed for 7-8. When it came time for high school, the plan was to put him back in. He didn't want to go but then he did. What ended up was he took 2 classes there and I hsed the rest. He would come home and tell me that he enjoyed the short time he was there but had no desire to be there all day. He is the shy, quiet type. He is now in college (sophomore) where the requirements were more selective for admittance. He thanks me often for his education.

My younger is in ps high school now and always has been in ps. He has no desire whatsoever to be hsed. A more outgoing personality and one that has the social needs. He is active in 4 clubs and music that I cannot provide at home.

The difference in education is huge. The older one had more rigor than the younger one will have. I accept that is the trade off so I do afterschool/summer school him to add the rigor that I think he needs. He tells me about fights at school, the wasted time, kids who talk back to the teachers, and how appalled he is at some of the kids behaviors. The honors classes have a lot less since they tend to "weed out" those who are not interested in serious learning. He can't wait till he is a jr. and can take almost all honors or AP classes.

So, after all that, different children have different needs. You have to evaluate what would be best for your children, based on their personality, your desire to provide the education, the local schools, etc. Just because a friend of yours put her child in school, doesn't mean that that is the best for your family.

Map out a rough 4 year plan for high school that she would do at home and compare it to the local school's courses that she would take. Talk to other moms who have kids at the school or if you know other kids from church. What activities/clubs are available? Most schools have websites that describe some of those things.

Hope this helps a bit.

[Laurel-in-CA]

Sexual harrassment?

For us, it's an either-or decision, private homeschool or public school, no options to take just one or two classes. I would have tried that, I think, if we could. As it is, we've found other outlets. The things public school had to offer just didn't make up for the missing elements (spiritual) or the negative elements (socialization).

[Angela in NC]

I really needed to read these posts. In my heart I would like to continue to homeschool, even though the journey scares me. My daughter is very social, but she can only handle herself well when her social time in monitored. She definitely would not enjoy or do well with the "all day." I have to remind myself that "Where God guides, He will provide." Thank You. Jane in NC, I follow your posts closely, your guidance has been helpful and encouraging to me as I work real hard to provide the academic excellence that I feel my children need. Thank You, Angela

[Hannah C.]

If I had not gone to public high school, I would not have been able to take the rigorous AP English courses I took in high school. I would not have had the advantage of being taught by some of the excellent teachers I came into contact with. I would not have been able to take a foreign language or be involved in a musical. I would not have met some of the most important people in my life. I would not have had a social life -- youth group, church, friends.

If I had been involved in a homeschool co-op or more involved in a church before I started high school, many of these would have disappeared. As it was, I got involved in a church because of a friend I met in one of my classes!

For me, high school was the best thing. The advantages outweighed the disadvantages or I would not have stayed in high school. However, part of the reason I did so well in the public high school was that I had had 11 years of homeschooling before that! That also meant 11 years of reading constantly. So I went into ps with excellent reading skills (including a fast reading speed) and a love of learning. I ended up bored a lot in some of my classes, but I think overall I got a better education than I would have been able to get with homeschooling (excluding co-ops and community college classes, which I had no access to).

[mcconnellboys]

Pennsylvania Homeschoolers offer fabulous AP English, history and other courses - at least to kids in the eastern half of the country. I know several here who have done their courses and loved them (also scored high on the tests).

Regena

[mcconnellboys]

And I will just add to Sandy's list, the lack of sleep, and this last, the thing that I started to post when you first put this up (I decided to wait because I didn't want to hit you with it right away):

I just saw a news program a week or so ago about the huge rise in sexually transmitted diseases (up to 50% of high school girls infected nationwide at this time). STD's are not just passed along through actual intercourse and apparently not even only through intimate sexual contact anymore, either. According to the story, researchers are beginning to think that some of the bugs may be able to survive and be passed through hand contact, some surfaces, clothing, etc., over short time periods. I'll try to see if I can find it, yuck! (Although you might prefer not to see it, actually.....)

Regena

[Carmen_and_Company]

Well, Taz graduates in less than 3 months, and would think I had lost my mind if I ever started a conversation about the need for him to attend public/private school for hs.

He's socialized based on the number of friends who call him that attend private or public schools. He's attended several school sponsored dances, including prom last year. He's taken PSEO courses with public schooled kids at the local college. He's also had to deal with the "real" world while advocating advocating for to find out why his driver's license had not arrived, shopping for insurance, applying for jobs, dealing with co-workers, and balancing school, work, illness, and a social life.

From what I hear almost weekly from Taz's friends, schools are not what they used to be, as much socializing does not take place in order to keep order. Due to budget cuts, AP classes aren't offered, and most classes exceed 40 students. Books are outdated, and college entrance test scores dropping.

My middle child has no desire to ever attend a public school outside of college, and my youngest most likely will attend. But to attend high school is their choice to make and one that I will accept.

[MelodyInTx]

I think we all worry at some point if we have made the right decision as to whether to do PS or HS. I think about it almost daily now, as we are getting closer to the time we need to apply to college. I wonder if I taught them enough. I wonder if I have not held them back.

[MelodyInTx]

However, part of the reason I did so well in the public high school was that I had had 11 years of homeschooling before that! That also meant 11 years of reading constantly. So I went into ps with excellent reading skills (including a fast reading speed) and a love of learning. I ended up bored a lot in some of my classes, but I think overall I got a better education than I would have been able to get with homeschooling (excluding co-ops and community college classes, which I had no access to).


Hannah - Did you go to High School for your last 2 years? Did that allow you to establish a rank at the high school? We are from Texas as well, and it seems the colleges here very much focus on ranking.

[momofkhm]

She said that public school was like jail for kids. It was just in place for a place for the kids to go while their parents were working. After she waxed on about this for a minute or 2, I said "now, tell us how you really feel." She said all these things in a room of 7 homeschooled high schoolers. I do have to say in terms of "socialization skills", all the kids I saw those 2 days got along very well with each other. There were age boundaries, but it was testing days and they were in classes by grade. We, the proctors, were told to keep them together by class.

[nestof3]

H, Carmen and Company!

I seem to recognize you from the old board -- at least yoru children's names. I used to post as Dawn K.

[hsmamainva]

What about another option?

My oldest dd (she'll be 17 next month) has been taking classes at the community college since she turned 15.

I highly recommend it!

It gives her that outside "official" transcript so many colleges are looking for, and she's taking real classes from real professors, but she has completely skipped the high school mentality.

The community college students are there because they *want* to be there, and she's finding young people who really do enjoy school and who study hard for their classes vs. what she would find in high school -- young people who are there because they have to be and they're counting the days until they turn 18 and can 'do what they want'.

She hasn't found any of the social problems also associated with high school. She hasn't faced any drug or alcohol issues at all, nor has she felt any pressure to dress a certain way or act a certain way, etc.

And she's found several homeschoolers at the community college, too!

I plan on doing the same thing with my younger ones, when they're old enough to attend.

Just my $.02!

[Hannah C.]

Hannah - Did you go to High School for your last 2 years? Did that allow you to establish a rank at the high school? We are from Texas as well, and it seems the colleges here very much focus on ranking.

I went to high school for the last 3 years, actually. The big thing about class rank for Texas is that if you're in the top ten percent of your high school class, you get automatic admission into any public Texas university! My high school was extremely large and I did very well academically, so I didn't have a problem being in the top ten percent. For any other schools I don't think it's such a big deal -- class rank goes along with academic records, test scores, etc. in determining whether one will be accepted or not. And you do not have to be in the top ten percent to go to a TX state university! If the public school is really small, it is possible that one could have straight As and not be in the top ten percent, especially if it's a magnet school. That would not have happened at my high school.