What do you do when your child lies?

[Canada_Mom]

I'm trying to understand what is behind this behaviour. I have caught my 6yo in several lies over the past few weeks. I don't get angry but give her a chance to tell the truth instead. She only does about 1/2 of the time. The other 1/2 she either tells another lie or lies while trying to make an excuse for the first offence.

Is this a "normal" phase kids go through or have I totally failed parenting 101?

We've always read books on virtues and she is quick to pick out little stories of kids lying & how it is wrong. Neither dh or I lie to our kids, white lies or not, it just simply isn't done around here.

What have you done with your dc to help them to stop??
What is appropriate punishment for lying??

[CalicoKat]

I'm trying to understand what is behind this behaviour. I have caught my 6yo in several lies over the past few weeks. I don't get angry but give her a chance to tell the truth instead. She only does about 1/2 of the time. The other 1/2 she either tells another lie or lies while trying to make an excuse for the first offence.

Is this a "normal" phase kids go through or have I totally failed parenting 101?

We've always read books on virtues and she is quick to pick out little stories of kids lying & how it is wrong. Neither dh or I lie to our kids, white lies or not, it just simply isn't done around here.

What have you done with your dc??

I'm interested to see what others say too. (CC)

We can no longer believe anything dd7 says. She's a habitually lying about big and little things that have no consequence either way. We've tried tabasco sauce, We've tried memorizing Bible verses, We've tried confronting until we get the truth (because we know the truth), we've tried telling her that we don't believe anything she says. Nothing is working.

I felt like it was my fault too because those lies that she did tell and got away with IMO were what was fueling her new lies. I just couldn't stay on top of it all and she knew it. It is her way of controlling her life.

Finally one night when I was tucking her in I sat and prayed with her at bed time. I prayed for that God wouldn't allow any of her lies to go undiscovered and that God would help me to be a better parent in teaching truthfulness. It's been amazing. When she gets caught in a lie now I say, "It's it wonderful God is showing you how much He loves you by answering Mommy's prayer for you. You are very important to God. He wants you to know how important truthfulness is to Him."

Okay, she's not 100% truthful. But the progress has been in that she does understand that the difference and she does "fess up."

I feel a bit more relaxed about it because I'm no longer wondering what I've missed and whether or not I'm being a good parent or not.

This is definately an ongoing character issue here. One of my sisters never learned truthfulness. I hope my dd can.

Ironically, this dd won't tolerate anyone else being less than truthful to her. Quite a double standard. Just this morning she uncovered ds's lie to me about where he put his dirty jammies. She was irrate.

[Claire]

6yo is right about the age when children "test" lying to see how it works, if they like it, if it serves them, etc. IMO, this is a normal phase. However, it shouldn't last too long -- a year at most.

7yo is when a child really begins to develop a conscience and has a relatively stable sense of right and wrong. Before that, a lot of the things they do are playing to learn and trying out things.