Sad - what to do?

[Amy in Orlando]

I'm so sad this evening - kind of manic actually. A dear, dear, dear friend of mine emailed me today to let me know that her father killed himself last night. He was not a good father while she was growing up - left his family, no support, addictions, etc. She made peace with him and her relationship with him in recent years.

I'm just reeling on her behalf. I can't imagine. I have a blank notecard here but I cannot for my life think what to say. I know she's well supported by their temple and that they don't need anything. But, I want to acknowledge what has happened in some way - I'm just scared of writing something stupid.

I've had two close family members (cousins) commit suicide and there's just nothing worse for the people involved. I know that's part of why I'm so upset. I just know how awful and confused and heartbroken and angry my friend and her family must feel. It's a terrible combination. My heart is just breaking for them - but here I sit, unable to think of a thing to write or say.

Any suggestions?

And, if you can, please pray for my friend and her family.

[Starr]

I'm praying for all of you!

It is so sad and I think you are a good friend. You'll be able to be honest, listen and cry with her. There is no "right", just love her.

[melissel]

That is so terribly sad :( How about something simple? "I'm so very sorry for your devastating loss. Please know that I love you, and I'm always here for you if you need anything."

I hope you can find the right words for your friend.

[saw]

here would convey your message well.

[Unicorn]

I agree with Saw. Just write what you wrote here, but to her. ((((Amy)))) I'm so sorry for your friend.

[Barb F. PA in AZ]

I'm so sad this evening - kind of manic actually. A dear, dear, dear friend of mine emailed me today to let me know that her father killed himself last night. He was not a good father while she was growing up - left his family, no support, addictions, etc. She made peace with him and her relationship with him in recent years.

I'm just reeling on her behalf. I can't imagine. I have a blank notecard here but I cannot for my life think what to say. I know she's well supported by their temple and that they don't need anything. But, I want to acknowledge what has happened in some way - I'm just scared of writing something stupid.

I've had two close family members (cousins) commit suicide and there's just nothing worse for the people involved. I know that's part of why I'm so upset. I just know how awful and confused and heartbroken and angry my friend and her family must feel. It's a terrible combination. My heart is just breaking for them - but here I sit, unable to think of a thing to write or say.

Any suggestions?

And, if you can, please pray for my friend and her family.

I agree that with minor tweaking, the message above is heartfelt, honest, and perfectly suited to what you want to say. If you want further help, google condolence letter. That may sound crass, but that's what I did when I was recently stuck trying to get started on one. It was very helpful.

Barb

[gardenschooler]

I'm so sorry, Amy. This must be so confusing to deal with, and it's good she has you to help her through. I'll be praying for her & the family.

[Danestress]

I think all you can do is to write and acknowledge how shocking and sad this is, how upset you are for her. I'm so sorry, Amy. That's a very sad story and a tragic ending for your friend's relationship with her Dad. Dana

[TCoppock]

I agee with the above posters. I think that in situations like this there are no real right or wrong things to say as long as what you say is heartfelt. I am sorry that this has affected you and brought up thoughts of your own losses. It is so hard to put into words the heartache that is felt knowing that someone you love is hurting.

[Lizzie in Ma]

I am sorry for your friend. The right words will come.

[Mom2legomaniacs]

Oh Amy, how terribly sad. I am sorry. Given the nature of the relationship, the feelings are probably very conflicted and tumultuous at best.
This must be very difficult for you as well. Prayers here.

[Doran]

I find it very difficult to put into words the level of sadness I have for you since learning the news of your father. I so understand how confused, angry, and heartbroken you all must feel. It's a terrible combination. My heart is just breaking for you.

I am here to listen if you feel you'd like to talk. Please know that I am holding you in my heart and sending peace.

With love,
Amy


Amy -- I'm really sorry. Things like this sure put into perspective our tendencies toward worrying about small, inconsequential trials. They just bring us right home to what matters most and to how precious life is. Hugs to you and your aching heart. You're a good friend.

Doran

[Amy in Orlando]

Thank you all for your advice - it really helps.

[Sue G in PA]

Praying here. For you as well!

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I'm so sad this evening - kind of manic actually. A dear, dear, dear friend of mine emailed me today to let me know that her father killed himself last night. He was not a good father while she was growing up - left his family, no support, addictions, etc. She made peace with him and her relationship with him in recent years.

I'm just reeling on her behalf. I can't imagine. I have a blank notecard here but I cannot for my life think what to say. I know she's well supported by their temple and that they don't need anything. But, I want to acknowledge what has happened in some way - I'm just scared of writing something stupid.

I've had two close family members (cousins) commit suicide and there's just nothing worse for the people involved. I know that's part of why I'm so upset. I just know how awful and confused and heartbroken and angry my friend and her family must feel. It's a terrible combination. My heart is just breaking for them - but here I sit, unable to think of a thing to write or say.

Any suggestions?

And, if you can, please pray for my friend and her family.

Just send your love, Amy. And if you have to, just write, "There are no words." She will feel embraced and understood even by your silence.