Would you allow your teenager to be an exchange student (M)

[Riverfront Headmistress]

Why or why not. What kind of program would you be comfortable with? 6 week summer; semester; or school year.

Just wondering.

[st_claire]

Depends on the teen. If they did do it, I wouldn't expect that they would cover the material we would have covered at home. It would be great for language (assuming they went somewhere a different language was spoken) and cultural studies, and I'm sure it would be a very god experience, but if they went away for a whole year, I would probably keep them at home an extra year to make up for what they missed here.

[Closeacademy]

No, I have read/heard too many stories of ill-treatment by host families including a recent article in the newspaper about a boy who went to Egypt and was basically starved.

Now, as a college student--yes. If they want to spend their money to study abroad for a year. That is fine. But I will not put my children at the mercy of another family unless it is a family that I know very well.

[Jennifer in NH]

I am going to say, yes...if the child really wanted to. I was an AFS exchange student back in 1981 (eek! cannot believe I am that old). However, so far I'm not sure that my kids have the personanilty for it. At least with AFS there was a fairly rigorous screening process.
Oh yes, I would let them go away for a whole year...I did, and I learned quite a bit!

[mooooom]

I was in Belgium for a year. AFS was (and I'm assuming still is) a good program - they don't just send the kids off and not keep tabs on them. It was a great experience. I'd send mine if they were interested. It's not like you would lose contact with them and not be able to find out how they were doing.

[PariSarah]

IAt least with AFS there was a fairly rigorous screening process.

I don't know about "rigorous"--they let us in!

Just kidding.

My family hosted two AFS students when I was in high school, one for the summer and one for the second half of a school year (after her initial placement didn't work out), and my brother was an exchange student to Finland for a summer.

I was impressed with the organization and would definitely support my kids doing it with them, assuming no red flags like maturity, responsibility, safety, or health questions.

[Riverfront Headmistress]

I currently have a Finnish daughter!

[Renee in FL]

I have at least 1 child who would LOVE it and had actually looked into it, but it was SOOOO expensive!

I wouldn't feel a need to keep them home an extra year for academics, but I am way more laid-back about "what they need to cover" than I used to be.

[WTMindy]

to really master their Spanish, but we would prefer it to be when they are in college and not at the whim of a strange family. We had a great experience with an exchange student we had from Mexico and we would think of sending them to her house for a time.

[Ananda]

I was a foreign exchange student in France in 2002/3. I was 17 and missed my junior year of high school. I went with youth for understanding, which I wouldn't recommend. It seemed students who went with AFS or rotary had much better support. I absolutely loved my host family, we are still in contact and I have visited them a few times.

I would strongly caution against a short exchange. The culture shock is quite intense and you work very hard the first two months. Quite suddenly everything clears up and you can have a conversation with ease, and you feel like a member of your host family, and in general fit in to the society. I would say go for a semester (or longer) or not at all. This six-weeks stuff really does nothing but make you realize how poorly you speak the language. My husband went to Germany for 4 weeks, and while he found the country beautiful etc, he is convinced despite 5 years of decent German instruction that he speaks no German and knows absolutely nothing about people & culture. Unfortunate.

Edit: Sorry this got placed under Drama Queen & WTMindy. It was a general reply I goofed.

[Jennifer in NH]

I have at least 1 child who would LOVE it and had actually looked into it, but it was SOOOO expensive!


I have NO idea what it costs now, but put into perspective what it costs for you to cloth, feed, provide hotwater for showers and everything else and then the price does not seem so much....I think my parents made out on the deal...as a teen, I ate a lot!:001_smile:

I also totally agree on a semester or more! even to an english speaking country..but especially to a country with a different language! If it is a 3 or 4 week trip that is a vacation!;)

[Renee in FL]

I have NO idea what it costs now, but put into perspective what it costs for you to cloth, feed, provide hotwater for showers and everything else and then the price does not seem so much....I think my parents made out on the deal...as a teen, I ate a lot!:001_smile:

I also totally agree on a semester or more! even to an english speaking country..but especially to a country with a different language! If it is a 3 or 4 week trip that is a vacation!;)

Well, the program he looked at was $16K for one year and our income (with us and 5 other dc) was less than twice that, I don't think we're going to save that much, LOL! We live pretty slim around here!

[st_claire]

What about programs where you host a child while yours is gone. I would assume those would be more affordable. Or do what my sister-in-law did when she was a teen, have your teen go live with relatives in another country for a year. Then the only cost is airfare.

[Renee in FL]

I doubt anyone would want to come here - we are 8 people in 1300 square feet!:lol:

[Danestress]

I can't imagine letting my child go live with a random family I have never met.

That said, it's possible I would allow an older teen to go if he/she had been trustworthy and reliable and I was comfortable with the program. I studied abroad in high school AND college and had great experiences. I would love my child to be able to have that too. But it's really an act of faith, you know?

[Laura K (NC)]

we hosted a Japanese student for a month this year and I thought it went very well. We keep in touch.

I like the 4-H program because it's only one month long. Some of the Japanese students got terribly homesick, but our student was not one of them. They ranged in age from 12-16. The language barrier was difficult but we were able to overcome it with the phrasebooks that 4-H provided and with our own dictionaries that we all carried around everywhere we went. The sister organization in Japan is called Labo.

My middle son, now 13, wants to go to Japan and he's been trying to teach himself Japanese. I definitely worry about homesickness with him, so I told him not this summer, but if he'd like to go next summer we could arrange it.

The support through 4-H was very good. There were two adults who came over with the Japanese students and they were the lifeline. They called twice during the visit, and we were able to call them if there was any problems. That was comforting to the student to be able to speak to someone in their own language. Our student had a stomach ache his first full day here and we didn't know what was wrong with him, so it was very nice to have the adult to translate for us, who knew the child's family, and who could recommend some things to try. The student wrote many letters home and could have emailed, but his family doesn't use email as often as we do so he declined.

I would not hesitate to let my son go. He has been preparing himself for the language and culture and food differences. As an American tall for his age, he towered over our Japanese student and would tower even over his father. I think the host family would not understand how much an American of that size might eat, so I might worry a little bit that he was hungry, but our Japanese student packed nutrition bars for himself and I thought that was a good idea. If my son was out he could always order himself some extra food. I can't imagine that a child in the 4-H/Labo program would be in any kind of real discomfort except homesickness... and a little jet lag.

I wouldn't be comfortable for letting my kids go for much longer than a month before they graduate high school.

[Tracey in TX]

We're hosting a German student now, and had a Norwegian girl two years ago. We'll host again in a few years b/c it's been a terrific experience. Eventually our children want to be exchange students through AFS as well. We see how strict a program it is and the checks and balances system to ensure some horrible situations don't happen (as pp mentioned).

Our oldest DC (ages 11y/o and 10y/o) are already considering their countries of choice.

[Tressa]

I would strongly caution against a short exchange. The culture shock is quite intense and you work very hard the first two months. Quite suddenly everything clears up and you can have a conversation with ease, and you feel like a member of your host family, and in general fit in to the society. I would say go for a semester (or longer) or not at all. This six-weeks stuff really does nothing but make you realize how poorly you speak the language. My husband went to Germany for 4 weeks, and while he found the country beautiful etc, he is convinced despite 5 years of decent German instruction that he speaks no German and knows absolutely nothing about people & culture. Unfortunate.

Edit: Sorry this got placed under Drama Queen & WTMindy. It was a general reply I goofed.


I do agree with this, but it depends on what you are looking for in an exchange. I was an exchange student for 6 weeks to Germany. I did realize that I knew very little language even after taking 4 years in high school. It was quite embarrassing when you sit in a 2 year English class and they speak better English than you do German. BUT..I had a wonderful time. I enjoyed the experience. I saw a part of the world. I spent enough time with other people that I think I got a taste of the culture. Was I immersed in it? Probably not, but it was OK. So, if you are looking for language development, then 6 weeks is not long enough. If you are just looking for experience, then I think that 6 weeks was fine. But, boy, do I miss the bread. :D

[Amy loves Bud]

My niece was an exchange student to Russiaabout 15 yrs ago. It was a great experience for her. Her family also hosted the child of the same Russian family that hosted her.

Her best friend from high school and maid of honor at her wedding, who was also an exchange student to Russia at the same time is now married to the Prime Minister of Georgia. It worked out pretty well for her!

[Novafan]

I would not only allow it, I will encourage it.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Well, the program he looked at was $16K for one year and our income (with us and 5 other dc) was less than twice that, I don't think we're going to save that much, LOL! We live pretty slim around here!

You might inquire if there is a scholarship program. I did a summer AFS program in 1986 and got a scholarship for about 1/3 of the program cost.

[Doran]

..but only if I got to go, too! :001_smile:


Seriously, I lack enough understanding of how, and how well the exchange programs are working right now to give a firm answer. Do I like the IDEA of having my child become an exhange student? Yes. Could we afford it? Probably not. Would I avoid it because I'd be afraid of bad experiences? Not likely.

My actual preference would be a home exchange -- but that, too, is really a pipe dream.

Doran

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Why or why not. What kind of program would you be comfortable with? 6 week summer; semester; or school year.

Just wondering.

I would love for my kids to do this. I was a summer exchange student with AFS. I wasn't fluent in the language by any means, but it was only the first trip I made to Germany. I had two more trips in college, one with dh a few years later and then we spent three years living in Berlin. DH jokes that he got the job because I had such great answers at the interview (they interviewed us as a couple).

There are any number of ways that an exchange can be tough. As a host family, we had problems with a student who was underage drinking (he was legal at home) and probably smoking marajuana at our house. It was really hard for my parents to set limits with this young man, particularly since he was only there for a month and there was a very large group of students from his program in town.
I thought that AFS did a pretty good job of keeping tabs on me. At one point my mom needed to talk to me and the country coordinator called me, told me to call home and called back two hours later to make sure that I had and that everything was ok. Then someone called my mom to make sure that she was satisfied.
I know that AFS did relocated at least one girl from my group because of a poor fit with a family.
As a mom, I would probably interview an exchange program as much as they were interviewing my kid. I would want to know a lot about how the host families were selected and how often someone would be checking on my kid.
I think that there are some kids who are more ready for an exchange like this than to start college. Others might never be ready.

[Volty]

My kids will all be US citizens and I worry that they'll lose their identity if they stay overseas almost their entire childhood. I've always thought that if I find a HS family in the US that thinks like I do with their act together and has children the same age as one of mine, we could work something out as a year here/year there sort of thing.

Edit- I suppose it would help if kids were good penpals first.

[Laura Corin]

I did a French exchange - one year I spent a month staying with a family in France, then my exchange partner came and stayed a month with me. We weren't a very good match, and I was lonely, but I am glad I did it. I was fourteen at the time.

Laura

[Laura Corin]

My kids will all be US citizens and I worry that they'll lose their identity if they stay overseas almost their entire childhood. I've always thought that if I find a HS family in the US that thinks like I do with their act together and has children the same age as one of mine, we could work something out as a year here/year there sort of thing.

Next week we are going back to the UK for Easter day camp, so the kids get to spend time with British kids. We are also discussing whether the whole family should move back to the UK for some portion of their teenage years. I recommend the TCK book (http://www.amazon.com/Third-Culture-Kids-Experience-Growing/dp/1857882954/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1206033744&sr=8-1) by Pollock.

Best wishes

Laura