How do you deal with children who do things you wouldn't allow

[Karenciavo]

but their parents let them. And maybe they are harmless things after all?

I watch my 8 yo great-niece every Monday and Tuesday after school while my niece works. Great niece is a great kid, but she obsessed with Hanna Montana, High School Musical, etc. and she wants to watch their videos on the Disney web site and gyrate in my living room, you know, copying what's in the video, singing songs like, "Baby Come Back to Me." In my mind this is just as bad as handing her a Harlequin romance, putting all sort of unnecessary ideas in her head, namely, I need me a man. Am I overreacting?

Thanks :)

[j.griff]

*I* wouldn't like that at all, but I don't know what I would do. I would prefer to not allow the watching of the Disney junk while she's in *my* home. "We don't do that here." I'd prefer to redirect her to something more constructive- at least she'd get some quality experience in *my* home, even if she is obsessing over Disney characters when she's in her home. KWIM?

[GothicGyrl]

1--let me just say I hate Hannah Montana and shows like it. So please don't think I am defending them.
2--Let me also say that I am only answering your question "am I overreacting" in a "my opinion" sort of way.
3--Let me clarify that I despise Hannah Montana. :)

4-- Yes, IMHO, you are. Firstly, she isn't your child so you can't determine *for her* what is right/wrong. However, you can say to her that you do not allow these things, that she has to wait until she goes home to watch them.

But, honestly--Hannah Montana(and others) are just stupid. Just plain stupid. And I seriously do not believe they are grilling the "i need a man" bit. She's catchy, pretty (ick), sings the way they like, etc... that is all and nothing more.

I know I'll be the only one to say this, I know you will get lots of "no you are not", but Hannah Montana is the least of this girl's worries. It's part of childhood now, and since she isn't your child, the only thing you can reasonably do is tell her "no, we don't watch those in our home". Channces are, she'll go back to mommy and "tell on you" but you'll handle that :)

Otherwise, outside of telling her no she can't watch them in your home, I'd butt out. It's not your business because there is nothing really harmful about what you speak.

;)

[Adrianne]

I would say, "we do not watch those things here. Let's find something else to do." And have a fun activity planned when she comes at least for a little while. Then she will get used to the change and your house being different.

Look at it this way, in today's culture most girls think that is the way they need to act. They will use Hanna whatever her names is as role models. You have a chance to show her a different way and maybe influence her for the better. Especially since you watch her regularly. You could make quite an impact!

[Jennifer in NH]

I agree pretty much with Toni.

It would offend me, a little. She wouldn't be watching it at my house. Anything she wants to do at home or somewhere else...no problem. My dd is almost that age and thankfully has never heard of Hannah Montana. we just do not watch that TV station.

Can you block it? So far we don't have to do that...but my kids know that certain things just are not allowed in our house. We have a steadfast "No spongebob squarepants" rule...I had the misfortune of seeing it once and it was so stupid...not allowed. Hannah Montana may not be overly offensive, but if it isn't adding anything positive to your childrens lives why have it on at all.
And, of course you can handle telling a great neice that she cannot do something in your home. There are many things I don't allow in my home! Disney channel is on that list. :001_smile:

[Mrs Mungo]

but their parents let them. And maybe they are harmless things after all?

I watch my 8 yo great-niece every Monday and Tuesday after school while my niece works. Great niece is a great kid, but she obsessed with Hanna Montana, High School Musical, etc. and she wants to watch their videos on the Disney web site and gyrate in my living room, you know, copying what's in the video, singing songs like, "Baby Come Back to Me." In my mind this is just as bad as handing her a Harlequin romance, putting all sort of unnecessary ideas in her head, namely, I need me a man. Am I overreacting?

Thanks :)

I hate those crappy Disney channel shows! BOO! That said, I agree with GG that all you can do is say "sorry, we don't watch those shows here."

[kdeno]

I wouldn't allow her to watch them while in your house. It is hard when you do not allow something that others do because many times the other parents feel judged. I try to always say "For our family...". Enough blathering on..

Kari:tongue_smilie:

[PrairieAir]

1--let me just say I hate Hannah Montana and shows like it. So please don't think I am defending them.
2--Let me also say that I am only answering your question "am I overreacting" in a "my opinion" sort of way.
3--Let me clarify that I despise Hannah Montana. :)

4-- Yes, IMHO, you are. Firstly, she isn't your child so you can't determine *for her* what is right/wrong. However, you can say to her that you do not allow these things, that she has to wait until she goes home to watch them.

But, honestly--Hannah Montana(and others) are just stupid. Just plain stupid. And I seriously do not believe they are grilling the "i need a man" bit. She's catchy, pretty (ick), sings the way they like, etc... that is all and nothing more.

I know I'll be the only one to say this, I know you will get lots of "no you are not", but Hannah Montana is the least of this girl's worries. It's part of childhood now, and since she isn't your child, the only thing you can reasonably do is tell her "no, we don't watch those in our home". Channces are, she'll go back to mommy and "tell on you" but you'll handle that :)

Otherwise, outside of telling her no she can't watch them in your home, I'd butt out. It's not your business because there is nothing really harmful about what you speak.

;)

:iagree:
Except that I think Hannah Montana is cute and pretty harmless. There are worse/more annoying kids' shows out there.

[Josie]

I am sure there are plenty of fun things to do at your house, so just unplug the TV. I unplug our TV when we start watching too much. We always survive. You really don't even have to mention Hannah Montana. Just unplug the thing and offer other activities.

[Plaid Dad]

Your house, your rules. I would keep the TV off and redirect her attention to something more acceptable. She can do that stuff at home.

[WTMindy]

in a joking manner...."Oh man, don't you know TV rots your brain?! We don't do TV much around here, but I'd love to play a game with you." I wouldn't let her do it at my house, nor would I make a big deal out of disapproving either. Those types of shows just grate on my nerves!!

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

but their parents let them. And maybe they are harmless things after all?

I watch my 8 yo great-niece every Monday and Tuesday after school while my niece works. Great niece is a great kid, but she obsessed with Hanna Montana, High School Musical, etc. and she wants to watch their videos on the Disney web site and gyrate in my living room, you know, copying what's in the video, singing songs like, "Baby Come Back to Me." In my mind this is just as bad as handing her a Harlequin romance, putting all sort of unnecessary ideas in her head, namely, I need me a man. Am I overreacting?

Thanks :)

Divide 8 by 2 and that's how old *my* HM obsessed grand-niece is.

It's unacceptable at my house, but it isn't in theirs. And just like anything that isn't acceptable in my house, if you're a kid either you follow my rules or you go home. And much as I dearly love my nephew and niece, if they got all huffy and offended about my rules in my house, they could find alternative childcare. I would even bend over backwards to HELP them find childcare. It would be no offense to *me*, KWIM? The relationship wouldn't be damaged over such a thing.

But I wouldn't in a million years watch an 8 y/o gyrate in front of a computer screen (or in fact, even w/o a screen) in my home. Not. Happening. I would redirect with a happy smile.

[Mama Lynx]

Easy.

We have a friend who sometimes stays with us for part of the summer. Those shows are that girl's life. She watches them constantly. At her house. When she stays with me, those shows do not come on. Not once, not ever.

Amazingly enough, she manages ;-) She did grumble in the beginning, but she managed.

[j.griff]

I see lots of folks telling you to turn off the tv, or to not allow her to watch that channel.
I see that she's watching these shows/clips on the website.
If you don't mind her using the puter, I'd try to redirect her to a site that you don't object to, and let her know
that no one is allowed to watch the HM shows/clips in your home. Let her know that "that" type of dancing isn't allowed "in your home".

[WTMindy]

I see lots of folks telling you to turn off the tv, or to not allow her to watch that channel.
I see that she's watching these shows/clips on the website.
If you don't mind her using the puter, I'd try to redirect her to a site that you don't object to, and let her know
that no one is allowed to watch the HM shows/clips in your home. Let her know that "that" type of dancing isn't allowed "in your home".

I misunderstood!! I would still make some comment in a loving, joking way about that type of music or dancing...and then say something like, "If you want to dance, I'll give you some great music!" and then I would put on some Mozart or something...or maybe even my Wicked soundtrack which is what the kids and I are all obsessed with right now!! My style is to let my students (I work with teens) know in a funny, loving, goofy way what I will allow and what I won't.

[tess in the burbs]

she was showing all her High School Musical stuff to my 4 y/o when we visited.!!! We rarely see this side of the family and it was hard to just let the kids play with the door shut all day. I kept going back there. The niece asked why my dd had never seen any of the stuff and I explained it's meant for an older crowd...it's call HIGH school musical for a reason ;-)

I explained we don't watch cable. The niece about died when she heard we only have a few stations and the kids are only able to watch videos sometimes. I asked her not to put the tv on...

well the girls wanted to sleep together in the bed and I said, ok, afterall we would be in the living room. The parents turned on the tv and left the room. I verified it had been put on Noggin and not Disney channel, but the 2 y/o nephew was in there too! TWO HOURS LATER, I pulled my daughter out of the room and explained she had to sleep with us in the living room b/c she can't sleep with the tv on all night.

but oh yes, not only was the tv in the kids' room on all night, so was the parents! and the tv in the living room would have been but I turned it off.....it's the size of the wall!

anyway, I had to be firm and explain we don't watch that kind of stuff. and in our home we don't. it's Christian or kids songs only and tv is video only for the kids. I may be 'weird' to them, but I know I was true to my beliefs.

Your house, your rules.

and heck, I have no problem telling my kids' friends our rules.....be firm and they will respect it(you hope!)

[GothicGyrl]

'Tis true that this is a computer thing not a tv thing--but we all agree "my house my rules" is the gist of our answers.

Oh and Prairie Air--yeah you are right that HM is cute and warm and fuzzy and all that ;) I just don't like any of those Disney shows because they are cute, warm, fuzzy and all that. ;) Gimme a good rip roaring CSI and I'm cool... Now, I like spongebob, so hehehe...

[Kelli in TN]

Your house, your rules. I would keep the TV off and redirect her attention to something more acceptable. She can do that stuff at home.


:iagree: That'll work!!!!


Kelli whispers....."I let my kids watch those silly Disney shows and two of my kids have Hannah Montana songs on their mp3 plalyers. They are allowed to dance, but no gyrating. Ever. Until they are married. Absolutely no gyrating until marriage!"

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

:iagree: That'll work!!!!


Kelli whispers.....

Yer so funny.

[GothicGyrl]

Admittedly, I've only watch HM long enough to want to gouge my eyes out with a hot poke (grin), but umm--I would so not call what she does "gyrating" and if you think it is--I gotta meeting I can set up with a wonderful stripper we call Ziggy to prove to you otherwise..

(I actually do have a stripper friend named Ziggy, but she's really cool and all that)...

I just think the kind of dancing she does is some sort of cross between "I gotta pee" and "I think these are boobs, are they boobs?"

[Karenciavo]

Thanks everyone. We don't watch the Disney Channel here and she respects that. I let my ds5 go to Starfall.com and she jumped on to "play" too. Then she asked if she could show ds5 some games at the Disney site, they have some math and word games over there and I checked them out and was fine with it. When ds5 was done playing she started exploring I guess, I was in the kitchen cooking dinner. The next thing I know I hearing:

"Baby Come back to me
In my heart I still believe
We were meant to be…
Together so whatever it takes (Baby Come Back)
Baby come back to me
I should have never set you free
My baby
Come back (Baby Come Back)"

And I quickly came into the living room to find her acting out the video with a marker microphone. I redirected (she set the table.)

Just so you know, I am very sensitive to the fact that we all have different rules and I take great pains not to put others down for their choices, wrong though they may be ;) j/k. She may never ask, "Why don't you let me act out music videos Aunt Karen?" in which case we're good. I'm just wondering what you all do in case she ever asks. Thanks.

[Carol in Cal.]

However, I don't allow screen time of any kind during a playdate. No computer, no TV, no VCR. I think that playdates are for playing and interacting, not for gooning.

I know it's a little different when you have a regular schedule a couple of afternoons a week, but it might be something to consider.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I usually have things ready to do if I'm worried about how the time will be spent. If they want to do something I don't allow, I redirect them with, "How about if we do __________ instead." Usually that works pretty well.

When it's *my* house, it's my rules. Someone else's house, their rules (within reason). That's how it generally works!

[Robin Hood]

I learned a great lesson from my fil. Little kids don't make the connections that adults make. You're neice is not thinking what you're thinking. She just copying.

I am the prude of prudes, so for me to say that just means that I am learning a lit bit of how kids think. I still think many programs set a bad example of proper behavior, but the little kids remain innocent as long as they have parents who care what they watch. I wouldn't make a big deal out of how she acts, but like everybody else, follow your rules, and don't allow it.

[WagsWife]

As someone who does allow Disney shows, including Hannah Montana (I think she is harmless...however my kids are not "gyrating" anywhere...if they were, that would be a problem.) I know the situation.

Every year my niece comes up from San Diego to spend the summer. Dn and her siblings are allowed to watch whatever they want...including MTV, CSI type t.v shows, rated R movies and horror movies. My niece is between my two oldest in ages(12 and 9), and has been coming up since she was about 7. The first couple of weeks it takes her awhile to adjust to being at Auntie Tammie's house. When it is her turn to pick a movie...she wants to watch the ones she knows our girls are not allowed...so I have to tell her no. It can be very frustrating, but it is my house, my rules. Her and her parents know what our rules are, and they still choose to send her up here, so OH WELL! I love my niece dearly, and it breaks my heart that her parents are allowing her to be exposed to so much so early...however I can not control that. I can control what she does here though!

but their parents let them. And maybe they are harmless things after all?

I watch my 8 yo great-niece every Monday and Tuesday after school while my niece works. Great niece is a great kid, but she obsessed with Hanna Montana, High School Musical, etc. and she wants to watch their videos on the Disney web site and gyrate in my living room, you know, copying what's in the video, singing songs like, "Baby Come Back to Me." In my mind this is just as bad as handing her a Harlequin romance, putting all sort of unnecessary ideas in her head, namely, I need me a man. Am I overreacting?

Thanks :)

[Crissy]

I'm not sure what the Hanna Montana craze is all about, but when it comes to enforcing the rules of your own home, I'm right behind you!

My nephew has a belching habit. He thinks it is hilarious to interrupt converstion with a long, drawn-out belch. His parents (my sister and BIL) simply roll their eyes and let it go.
Boys will be boys, you know.

I cannot insist he develop manners in their home, but my home is another matter altogether. I have made it quite clear to him (and to my sister) that his behavior is unacceptable. I am certain my sister thinks I am a controlling *&%$&#, and I don't get any 'favorite auntie points' where he is concerned, but dinners at my house are much more pleasant these days.

[Karenciavo]

However, I don't allow screen time of any kind during a playdate. No computer, no TV, no VCR. I think that playdates are for playing and interacting, not for gooning.

I know it's a little different when you have a regular schedule a couple of afternoons a week, but it might be something to consider.


She's here from 3 - 9:30 PM so things besides playing go on.

[Karenciavo]

I found a video of the song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqYrHNpx8t8)on YouTube. It's a girl from High School Musical, Vanessa Hudgens.

I realize my niece is not thinking much about what she is doing now, but at some point she will. In any case, I find it disturbing and don't want my 5 yo in the audience.

[Jackie in AR]

:iagree: That'll work!!!!


Kelli whispers....."I let my kids watch those silly Disney shows and two of my kids have Hannah Montana songs on their mp3 plalyers. They are allowed to dance, but no gyrating. Ever. Until they are married. Absolutely no gyrating until marriage!"

Jackie whispering to Kelli, "I let my dd watch Hannah Montana, too. I even bought her a CD and a HM jacket. Don't tell anyone. Oh, and she doesn't gyrate, either."

[Pamela H in Texas]

<<<<outside of telling her no she can't watch them in your home, I'd butt out.>>>>

This is how I'd handle it also. Kids adapt to various environments VERY well and easily. She will simply follow your rules in your house. At home, it's her family's business.

[Jennifer in NH]

I found a video of the song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqYrHNpx8t8)on YouTube. It's a girl from High School Musical, Vanessa Hudgens.

I realize my niece is not thinking much about what she is doing now, but at some point she will. In any case, I find it disturbing and don't want my 5 yo in the audience.


Two things...Could that dress have been any shorter???? I wouldn't want my daughter in the audience either!

Okay, I'm not sure exactly what I would say if asked why she wasn't allowed to act out a music video like that...at the moment my Mother's voice is ringing inside my head, "Good girls do not do that!" Okay, my mother was born in 1927...so imagine your grandmother's voice....(assuming most people with little kids are younger than I am, and that their moms are younger etc...). I heard a few bizarre things from her growing up..."don't smoke on a street corner: only hookers do that"..."why buy the cow..." okay, you get the idea...watching that video and thinking of my 7 year old now has me thinking that way....have to get that voice out of my head!!!;)
If I can get that voice out of my head, and think of something to say that doesn't sound like it is from leave it to beaver...I'll let you know right away! Hopefully someone else will beat me to it!

[Carol in Cal.]

If pressed, I say that it makes people think you are a bad person, which is silly, of course, because they really can't tell, but that that is the message that it conveys and so you should not do it.

[Karenciavo]

<<<<outside of telling her no she can't watch them in your home, I'd butt out.>>>>

This is how I'd handle it also. Kids adapt to various environments VERY well and easily. She will simply follow your rules in your house. At home, it's her family's business.

I agree. I never said I wanted to butt in at her home.

[j.griff]

"That is not flattering behavior for a young lady"
"I am not comfortable with it"
"It bothers me"
"It isn't something I want my dc to learn from you/seeing."
"That is intended for an older audience, and it's not appropriate for younger children"

[*anj*]

:lurk5:

[dragons in the flower bed]

but their parents let them. And maybe they are harmless things after all?


The hardest part for me is what to say when a child asks me, "Why?" as in, "why can't your kids watch Spongebob?"

I know I could respond with some form of "because I say so," but I hate being so illogical and indirect with kids (or anyone). Also, that tends to shut down conversation, and I very much want my childrens' cousins to question enough to understand where the boundaries lie so they are better able to respect them in my absence.

However, if I say, "I don't feel they are developmentally appropriate," then these smart kiddos immediately jump to, "Are you saying my parents are neglecting me?" They find that insulting. Frankly, I can see why.

I've tried saying, "We prefer to spend our time in other ways," but the usual retort is, "Don't you like spending your time with me? I want to share what's special to me with you."

I've finally settled on, "My son doesn't react well to those things." This at least doesn't leave our guests feeling hurt.

It also helps to simply accept that you are the crazy strict one in the eyes of friends and neighbors and get real zen-like about it.