Just wondering how much you think it is reasonable to pay for a wedding dress?

[Claire]

My sister and I both didn't believe in big weddings and opted for very small, informal weddings that didn't require the traditional dress. I've tried to bring my 17yo dd up the same way! :001_smile:

Most young women still seem to want the traditional dress and wedding, so I'm really curious about what others deem a reasonable amount of money to pay these days for the dress.

On a slightly different note, my dh and I have been appalled by the size of the weddings of the children of his co-workers (everyone being fairly middle-class technical geeks). They have done weddings that cost $30,000 and up.

Are we really cheap??? :tongue_smilie:

[Carol in Cal.]

But perhaps a little innocent of the power of the Bridal Industrial Complex.

Bwah hah hah...

[abbeyej]

Oh, lol, it depends on so much. Dh and I had a small but fairly traditional wedding. We were young and poor, and we tried to do everything for very little money. My only regret is not spending money on a professional photographer, sigh...

I made my dress myself and spent around $150 on materials (and I bought inexpensive stuff). Even at the time, I wished I could have had the luxury to spend more on nicer material -- real silk, etc.

If I were getting married for the first time now -- if I had spent the last ten years having a career, making money of my own, not being a stay-at-home mom... I think I would have approached the whole wedding thing differently. Not better, maybe not worse, just *differently*. I probably wouldn't bat an eye at spending ten times or more what I spent on that dress. If I had the money, no children to spend it on... Maybe if I were older and felt that I had been "waiting" for this wedding?

Sure, the prices some people spend on weddings makes my jaw drop. It just seems like a different world when people are spending $200,000+ on a wedding. ;) But then, I think, well, why not? Sure, I could think of "better" things to spend the money on. But the fact is, someone could find better uses for much of the money I spend (lesser though the sums may be).

[Carol in Cal.]

.nt

[Claire]

But perhaps a little innocent of the power of the Bridal Industrial Complex.

Bwah hah hah...

Oh, now *that's* funny!!! :smilielol5:

[Antonia]

I rented my dress for $80. It was beautiful and just what I wanted and NOT for sale. I knew any dd of mine would want to pick out her own wedding dress anyway, so it didn't bother me at all, but my relatives were *appalled* that I would rent my wedding dress. :eek:

[Claire]

Oh, my goodness. I didn't know it was possible to rent a wedding dress. Sounds like this would work for us! :thumbup:

[cin]

I, too, am appalled at how much some couples pay...they could buy a house with the amount they spend on a one night party. I bought my dress off the rack for $200; alterations were less than $50. We got married and had the reception at the church in which I grew up, and we honeymooned in Gatlinburg, stopping over in Lexington for the first night. My MIL insisted on a full buffet at the reception (most of my friends had snacks and cake). So SHE paid for it. That cost more than anything else in our wedding--a whopping $700.

[Laura Corin]

We had a cheap wedding arranged in haste: my US visa was expiring and I needed the right to work. We bought a dress from a bridal overrun store, DH hired a suit, and we rented a small B&B among the California redwoods for the ceremony/reception. Including the food, that cost a couple of thousand, I seem to remember. We invited about twenty people. It was a lovely day.

Best wishes

Laura

[Mom2legomaniacs]

I haven't a clue. I know that my mother made my dress (15 years ago) and I think I recall the totals being between $400 and $500. Not sure on that. The lace was pricey but she used it well by spreading it out in just the right amounts. Lovely!
My sister was going to be getting married, but recently got cancelled. She had already ordered her dress, but I don't know how much it was. There is a huge range I am sure.

Edited to say that amount may have included the headpiece and shoes too. I just can't remember. And mom paid for that so I didn't see the real bills. I could be totally off the mark.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

My sister and I both didn't believe in big weddings and opted for very small, informal weddings that didn't require the traditional dress. I've tried to bring my 17yo dd up the same way! :001_smile:

Most young women still seem to want the traditional dress and wedding, so I'm really curious about what others deem a reasonable amount of money to pay these days for the dress.

On a slightly different note, my dh and I have been appalled by the size of the weddings of the children of his co-workers (everyone being fairly middle-class technical geeks). They have done weddings that cost $30,000 and up.

Are we really cheap??? :tongue_smilie:

Maybe.

$125 tops for a dress. And that's extravagant, IMO. Something I'm gonna wear for a few hours, tops? Puh-leeze.

$30K is a down payment on a house. Or almost a year's tuition. For a party? Not EVEN. I don't like ANYbody that much.

Though I admit -- one of my most fantastic "blowing money" fantasies involves putting up in a fabulous hotel all my friends from years past and present and throwing a fabulous party for them, spending a weekend getting caught up and enjoying one another. No special dress would be involved, though. (And all ya'll are invited, of course.)

[nestof3]

I bought the first dress I saw (after looking at some others, I still chose it). I was married 9 years ago and spent $400.00. Mine was considered an inexpensive one. :eek:

But I loved it -- simple and elegant.

I saved money on shoes though. I couldn't find any that I could feel comfortable in, so I bought white satin slippers. No one could tell, and I was very cozy!

[Kari C in SC]

My parents spent a whopping $100 on my dress nearly 18 years ago. It was a "last season" dress. It was just what I wanted at the time. I think my whole wedding cost about $2000 for about 50 people. It was fine. I felt like a princess and everyone I loved was there. My niece got married last year and my mom paid $500 for her dress. Shopping with the two of them was one of the best days of my life. I actually cried when my mom bought the dress for her. Such a great memory. My niece was just beaming. My only dd is 9 and I would say that I would spend $500 on a dress for her if we had the money and could do it. Hopefully, you are only a bride once. If "the dress" makes you feel like a princess - then it is well worth $500 to me. I do think there are all sorts of creative ways to bring the cost of food, entertainment and hall down. My other niece is doing this sort of thing right now. All in all, I wouldn't spend a ton of money on a wedding, but I would spend some to make sure it was what my kids want. I say kids because I would do the same for my two sons too. Not every brides family can help, so I would do it for my boys' weddings too.

[mcconnellboys]

No, I think you're very sensible. Wouldn't it be better to buy them a nice, new car that they'd own outright? Or put a great downpayment on a nice house for them, rather than waste that money on a party (when a less expensive party could be filled with just as much love and fun)?

Regena

[Ohio12]

I wonder what kind of wedding SWB had! Perhaps she will weigh in here!

[KAR120C]

When DH and I were married, we kept everything very inexpensive. Mostly it involved doing a lot of legwork ourselves (I made my own dress, we found vases to buy for centerpieces cheaper than we could rent them, we got our flowers from a wholesaler and my relatives helped arranged them, etc.) We did splurge on the professional photographer and I don't regret that, and we had the cake done professionally (but not expensively! Speaking of the bridal industrial complex... the "wedding cake" specialty places were pricy-pricy but there was a nice little bakery that did small wedding cakes and they were much cheaper! and delicious!)

If I were getting married now, with more money to throw around.... I would elope. Selfish me, I'd spend it all on the honeymoon. :D But if I were doing the same wedding now, the only thing I'd spend more on is the reception food. We had an evening wedding with a dessert reception, which was elegant and inexpensive, but I would love to have fed everyone something amazing.

[Beth in Central TX]

My only regret is not spending money on a professional photographer, sigh...

We had a very modest wedding, but I did pay more for the photographer than anything else. He did a great job, however, I could only afford the cheapest package he offered, which wasn't as many pictures as I would have liked.

My patience paid off though because about 2 years later, he retired from the photography business and contacted me about the negatives he had on file. He offered all of the negatives for $50. I couldn't get to his office fast enough to finalize the deal. A few years ago I was able to print off some of the negatives and make scrapbook pages of my own for our wedding.

I purchased my wedding dress for $350. It was on sale and was one of the cheaper ones I could find. I do not sew. No one that I know sews. Therefore, I went with the sale dress. I think the dress shop made their money on the fitting adjustments for the wedding dresses, but it just so happens that the wedding dress was a perfect fit for me without any adjustments. God is good.

[Jennifer in NH]

I got married 18 years ago and my wedding dress was about $800. a friend of mine spent $10,000 on her dress (it also weighed 85 pounds...don't know how she walked down the aisle). I have NO idea how much my parents spent on my wedding...they did not go into any debt, but were very well to do, so in comparision to those around me, our wedding was inexpensive and low key.

[gandpsmommy]

was $300, if I remember correctly. I found it at a discount bridal superstore, and it was considered a good deal. It seems like a lot of money to spend on a dress I only wore for a few hours. If dh and I could do it over again, I think we might just elope. But I do have to say that my wedding day was one of the most wonderful days of my life and I have terrific memories of it because I was just so unbelievably happy that I could spend the rest of my life with my best friend who was such an incredible person (and quite attractive, I might add!) The photographer and everyone else kept commenting on how very happy we looked and that we couldn't stop smiling. Sigh. . . I'm still in love, two kids and eight years later!

[Tutor]

On a slightly different note, my dh and I have been appalled by the size of the weddings of the children of his co-workers (everyone being fairly middle-class technical geeks). They have done weddings that cost $30,000 and up.

My dad offered dh and I a big, blow-out party with all our friends and family two weeks after the wedding and $10,000

if we would elope. We should have taken it. We had a very pretty wedding, but it was really hot, there was no air conditioning, there was A LOT of stress planning it, and our photographer was annoying. Plus, dh booked our flight for our honeymoon rather early the day we got married, so we had to leave 2 hours before the reception was scheduled to end to catch our flight, and all the guests left within an hour of our leaving, so my parents paid for 90 minutes of catering time, dj, and hall that we didn't use.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Sigh. . . I'm still in love, two kids and eight years later!

I read this as "Two years and eight kids later..." and said, "Wait. WHAT?" LOL

I need sleep.

[NYSue]

We spent $200. I sew - I made mine for $80 - that was 26 years ago! This dress we bought is beautiful and there is no way I could make it. If I could, I'm sure it would cost at least $200. It is beaded with a train, crinolin (sp?), and buttons all down the back to the end of the train. It needs some alterations, but dd's fiance has an aunt who can do this. She will also make the veil. The one at the store that dd liked was $70 - just for a piece of fluff!!

[Daisy]

Okay, (hanging head in shame), I paid $900 for my dress. It was beautiful, 100% silk. I felt like a million dollars. But we spent very little on the entire wedding. I bought my girls Sunday dresses. We rented tuxes for the guys. We are both preacher's kids so we got $1,500 worth of photography for $500. I bought daisies wholesale and my mother and I arranged them (my flower girls walked barefoot with daisy chains. I loved it). I had free printing for the wedding invitations and we just had a cake and punch reception. We came out under $2,000 for the whole thing. Oh and Dh and I paid for everything so it WAS our money to spend. ;-)

But I did spend a whopper on the dress. But it's been the only time I ever went crazy like that and it really was worth it. :blush:

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Okay, (hanging head in shame), I paid $900 for my dress. It was beautiful, 100% silk. I felt like a million dollars. But we spent very little on the entire wedding. I bought my girls Sunday dresses. We rented tuxes for the guys. We are both preacher's kids so we got $1,500 worth of photography for $500. I bought daisies wholesale and my mother and I arranged them (my flower girls walked barefoot with daisy chains. I loved it). I had free printing for the wedding invitations and we just had a cake and punch reception. We came out under $2,000 for the whole thing. Oh and Dh and I paid for everything so it WAS our money to spend. ;-)

But I did spend a whopper on the dress. But it's been the only time I ever went crazy like that and it really was worth it. :blush:

$2000 total is a bargain for a wedding. And honestly? I'm not worried how others spend their money. I'm not throwing any stone in THAT department, either. But a dress is just... not my thing. Clothes in general, really.

I think I could drop $900 on books in about five hours shopping, though. :blushing:

[Cadam]

I have been married for 8 years. My total wedding budget was $5,000. Just under half of that went to the photographer (My mother and sister never got their wedding photos for various reasons so we were a little nutty about not cutting those particular corners) My dream dress was only $500. We had a very nice traditional wedding.

[readwithem]

But perhaps a little innocent of the power of the Bridal Industrial Complex.

Bwah hah hah...

hilarious :) :)

[readwithem]

We had a very modest wedding, but I did pay more for the photographer than anything else. He did a great job, however, I could only afford the cheapest package he offered, which wasn't as many pictures as I would have liked.

My patience paid off though because about 2 years later, he retired from the photography business and contacted me about the negatives he had on file. He offered all of the negatives for $50. I couldn't get to his office fast enough to finalize the deal. A few years ago I was able to print off some of the negatives and make scrapbook pages of my own for our wedding.
.

Wow. This is amazing!

[Daisy]

LOL, I'm not into clothes either which is why I think I had to have that dress. It was the only dress I could find that I didn't HATE! It was during the time when having a ton of "stuff" on the dress was fashionable and this one didn't have one single embellishment. I still love that dress. LOL.

[readwithem]

I saved money on shoes though. I couldn't find any that I could feel comfortable in, so I bought white satin slippers. No one could tell, and I was very cozy!

:biggrinjester:
:biggrinjester:

[Stacia]

I think my wedding dress (14 years ago) was around $650 (that's w/ tax, shipping, and alterations + a veil/headpiece). I got it at a warehouse bridal sale, which saved me a lot of $ on the dress. As I remember, the dress I chose would have normally been about $2K in the store.

I don't know how prevalent warehouse sales are now or anything about current prices of wedding things. The warehouse sale basically had tons of dresses, all on racks by size in a big hotel showroom. It was a great way to see/try all different styles & varieties of dresses -- the selection was much, much larger than you will get in a store. Once you select your dress, they ship a new one to you (not the sample you tried on at the sale).

I guess that's a slightly cheaper alternative to just buying a dress in a store.

Oh, and I spent a boat load of $ on my shoes. (I love shoes, lol.) I'm so thrilled that one of our wedding photos (running through the downpour of birdseed at the end) shows my shoes well. :lol:

[Jeanne in MN]

It was the first and only one I tried on. It had everything I was looking for in a dress and cost $140. I made my own veil for peanuts. We made our own invitations, had a friend make a cake, photographer was someone who did photography on the side and did a really nice job. We had a dj and went camping on our wedding night. We did get a themed room at a hotel for the next night when we'd have more time to enjoy it and get our money's worth. Our whole wedding cost $2000, paid for by ourselves-except for the pork for the sandwiches. My dad is a hog farmer and contributed that. :)

[Amy in Orlando]

Oh man, this makes me think of right before our wedding. Dh gave me his paycheck - I remember that. I'm also a compulsive picker-upper. The paycheck somehow disappeared (this was our source of funds for the photographer and the florist). We spent the hours before our rehearsal dinner in the dumpster behind my apartment - screaming at each other. (For the record, we're not screamers) It was insane. We never found the check, the photographer and florist were kind enough to hold our checks until dh was issued a new one.

Our wedding was big in my mind, about 100 people. My dress was $200 - I bought it off the rack and my mom altered it. We did a lot of "exchange" kinds of wedding gifts. Our dj was a friend from college. So was the bartender. So was the cake. LOL Rather than a gift, my parents' friends chipped in for the rental hall (and a lot of them gave us gifts too).

People love an excuse to get dressed up and have a party. Let them know that you could use help with the party (if that's important to you - I wouldn't trade my wedding for the world!). Let them know that's their gift. I think these kinds of weddings are the best and most fun.

[Eliana]

I didn't have a 'traditional dress' either - I think my dress was about $45... and that seemed a fortune to spend on a single article of clothing!

We had it outdoors in a public park in the late afternoon (in the summer!), and it was the kind of party we like best - homemade.

A friend who'd done some professional photography did the photos - we just bought the film.

We gave out squares of white fabric to our friends and family and another friend took some lovely fabric and made it all into our chuppah (since we bought the fabric, it actually cost more than my dress!) I haven't gotten in hung up since we moved, but it usually hangs over our bed...

A friend played the violin and we payed a small honorarium to a pair of klezmer musicians who were friends of friends.

We did have the food catered - a simple buffet of Israeli food, though I usually do the cooking myself for our simchas.

The biggest splurge was my kesuvah (wedding contact) - I had it hand calligraphied and surrounded by a beautiful paper cut design.

We had between 100 and 150 guests - it's hard to tell because it was open to the whole community and we didn't ask for RSVP's.

The whole thing cost about $1800 - including the rings and developing the photos afterwards...

We've raised our children to see that the true joy in a celebration is the time with loved ones... but that there are also simple, inexpensive ways to have things be nice and comfortable... even beautiful. They see this as they help us prepare for family simchas (a 40th anniversary party for my parents-in-law, two bas mitzvahs, etc) and as they participate in community simchas - weddings, bnei mitzvahs, brisim, etc.

Honestly, I don't think there is any reason to spend more for a wedding dress than for any other article of clothing... and renting is a perfect solution. In many larger Jewish communities there is a Gemach ... a lending organization (some lend money, some baby supplies, others wedding finery) and if someone has the money to buy an expensive dress for their daughter, they often donate it after the wedding to the Gemach which makes it available to brides in the community.

[Amy in Orlando]

Honestly, I don't think there is any reason to spend more for a wedding dress than for any other article of clothing... and renting is a perfect solution. In many larger Jewish communities there is a Gemach ... a lending organization (some lend money, some baby supplies, others wedding finery) and if someone has the money to buy an expensive dress for their daughter, they often donate it after the wedding to the Gemach which makes it available to brides in the community.

I agree! I love the idea of a Gemach.

We try very hard to have our kids see that a day can be special without it costing a fortune. Sometimes we do extra stuff, but mostly, it's about who's around you (ok, that and the food lol). I'll be interested to see what they take away when they're grown.

[*anj*]

We didn't have much money. My parents were willing to pay the catering bill, and his parents wanted to give us a honeymoon as their gift. They also paid for the rehearsal dinner. We paid for everything else.

I bought my dress off a clearance rack for about $100. I was happy with it, and I felt relieved to check it off my list.
My flower girls wore cute little girl dresses from JCPenney.
My bridesmaids wore pretty spring dresses from Lord and Taylor.

I made my own veil for maybe $10.
The flowers were pretty, but not terribly expensive.
We did spend money on a photographer. We probably paid about $800 for the pictures, but they are really nice, and we have all the proofs.
We had a friend who was a film student at the time and he did the video.
My aunt made the legendary cake.
The reception took place in the fellowship hall of our church.

So the whole thing cost about $6000, including the honeymoon. That was 14 years ago, and it was a major bargain basement wedding for this area.

A few months ago we attended a wedding, and it was the polar opposite of ours. It was a wedding fit for a king, they spared no expense. We think they had to have spent well over $100,000 on that wedding. It was really, really lovely. We had a great time, the food was just spectacular. I felt honored to be a guest at such an event, but I could never have done that. Even if we'd had the money. I would've bought a house if I had that kind of money. It's just one day of your life, and then it's over.

Anyway, our friends still talk about the fabulous time they had at our el cheapo wedding. And our marriage is strong and grounded, and we've built a great life together. So there you go! :)

[Katia]

I was married just over 25 years ago. My mom had a charge account at JCPenney and told me that was where I "had" to pick out my dress. There was no other option given.

I loved the first one I tried on, and although the sales lady had me try on dozens more (until I almost fainted, literally), I still got the first one. It was, outrageously I thought, priced at $250. It needed a hoop for another $75 and the veil I picked out was another $97. No alterations were needed.

I wore low-heeled white sandles from some cheap store (I think they were $10).

MIL paid for the rehearsal dinner at a restaurant.

We had 250 guests at my home church. Reception was in the church fellowship hall and didn't cost any rental fee since we were members and my mom and dad did all the clean-up. Only had cake ($150), mixed nuts, mints (we made them ourselves) and grape juice that my mother canned with grapes from her grape-arbor. We bought double-knit polyester material in dark purple for the table clothes and light purple tulle for skirting that we gathered and sewed on. It was beautiful.

I think the flower package was $350, including the bridal bouquet, candelabra, aisle cloth, bows for the pews, bows for the reception tables, bridesmaid bouquets, and all other flowers (mother, father, groomsmen, ushers, musicians, quest book attendant, etc.)

Bridesmaids purchased their own dresses that we ordered from a lady that 'did weddings' out of her basement for $50 each. Our colors were violet and lavender, so it was hard to find those colors at all back then. We looked everywhere and then found just what we wanted in this lady's basement for the best price around. Amazing!

Tuxes were rented. MIL made the flower girl's dress to look just like the bridesmaid's dresses with on-sale fabric.

Professional pictures cost $350. Mom and Dad really, really thought that was an over-the-top price, but paid it anyhow, and now I'm glad they did. He video-taped the wedding for free! This was before videoing was done at all at weddings, and he was playing with the settings on his new camera. It was just set on a tripod at the back of the church. I am SO glad we have the video now!

We didn't pay our ministers. We had two, but they were my and dh's uncles, and they wouldn't take any money. The organist, pianist and two soloists were paid as we had them do a TON of music.

Dad let us borrow his Cadillac and we drove to the Poconos for our honeymoon. Now that we borrowed money for, and I'm SO glad we did.

This was a fun trip down memory lane!

For my dds, they are only teens, but we don't like these new-style strapless dresses. They don't look like wedding dresses at all, but rather something that one would wear 'under' a wedding dress, lol. So, we have looked at second hand shops and consignment shops and have liked the selections we've found there. I think dds would choose that route. The nice ones with veil or hat included run around $275. Must be a good price, but seeing as I paid $250 for a brand new one.......

My SIL borrowed my dress when she got married. She loved it and I loved that it got used again so quickly. Probably at least one of my dds will use my dress. The other may wear my sister's vintage 1975 dress!

But that is another suggestion: look for someone to borrow a dress from. I would have, but no one I knew was as tall as I was, or was my size. I wanted to wear my mom's dress, but she was ashamed of it since it was a bargain-basement prom dress from ONeils. Vintage 1948. It's a beautiful dress :-)

[TCoppock]

OK I guess I will be the odd one but I had no problem spending $1200 on my dress not including alterations. Although I am sure I could have found a lovely dress for much less this was my DREAM dress. I love all the crystals.

[Eliana]

Sure, the prices some people spend on weddings makes my jaw drop. It just seems like a different world when people are spending $200,000+ on a wedding. ;) But then, I think, well, why not?

I disagree. On two levels:

I think it is wrong to consume like that when there are so many people in need. It sickens my heart to even think about it. I believe passionately that our worldly resources don't really belong to us - and if someone is given that kind of money, it is to give them the opportunity to do good with it...

I try very hard not to judge anyone else. I know that I have no right to do so, and that I owed it to others to be dan l'chaf zechus (to judge others favorably), but this is one of the few topics I stumble over every time. (the other, much more reasonably, is mistreatment of babies). Conspicuous overconsumption really pushes my buttons. (And, no, I don't mean anything anyone here has described - I don't mean splurging on a pretty dress, I mean spending the kind of money on a single day which could buy a house or a year at college, or changed the world for some family in poverty.)

My other objection, which applies to things a little lower on the scale than 200K weddings, is to the way our society sets these expectations for weddings... and the harm it does to so many couples. I've seen a woman heartbroken because they can't have a 'real' wedding, the live-in-fiance of a relative postponed their wedding until they could afford to 'do it right', another friend incurred incredible debt to have the wedding of her dreams... when those who can afford it set that example, it sets other people's expectations... and those who can't afford it don't want to miss out on 'the perfect wedding'. (This became enough of a problem in Israel that many community Rabbis set guidelines limiting the amount which should be spend on a wedding to something more within everyone's reach.)

I guess I see us all as not living in isolation. Our choices impact our friends, our families, our communities, our countries, and our world - and I believe it is wrong to make choices based only on our own pleasure.

:rant:

*shaking my head* who would have thought that my foray into judgmental ranting would be over wedding expenses!??!! I steered carefully around Ezzo conversations, dodge political debates, and keep my mouth shut on many topics... *sigh*

... that wasn't aimed at you, Abbey, dear... and when I first read that line, I nodded my head in agreement, but then my heart-level reaction overrode my customary live and let live mellowness.

I'll take one of these: :chillpill:, and get back to calculating how many batches of each thing I need to fill all these baskets...

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

No, I think you're very sensible. Wouldn't it be better to buy them a nice, new car that they'd own outright? Or put a great downpayment on a nice house for them, rather than waste that money on a party (when a less expensive party could be filled with just as much love and fun)?

Regena

She told me that her parents offered her a Big Wedding (25K back in 90) OR a downpayment on a house. She said she told her dad that she wanted the downpayment....

His response....

"It'll kill your mother."

So, she had a fabulous wedding with the most beautiful flowers I've ever seen and a full course meal with open bar. She and her dh bought a small house a year later.

Glad she's still married 18 years later!!

[AmyinPA]

I bought the first dress I saw (after looking at some others, I still chose it). I was married 9 years ago and spent $400.00. Mine was considered an inexpensive one. :eek:

But I loved it -- simple and elegant.

I saved money on shoes though. I couldn't find any that I could feel comfortable in, so I bought white satin slippers. No one could tell, and I was very cozy!

It was the first dress I tried on. It was $500 and out of my "poor college girl" budget at the time. I tried on one more after but couldn't get the first dress out of my mind.

So I found a Simplicity pattern which was almost the same. However, the bridal store called me a month later to tell me that "my" dress was discontinued and slashed 50%. What a blessing.

Looking back, I hate everything about my wedding except the groom and my dress.

As for spending all that money on one night's celebration, I just look at how they celebrated in the Bible...days upon days of drinking and eating, plus a dowry to boot. In light of that, I feel thankful we'lll only be paying for one night. LOL.

Blessings,
Amy

[Jennifer in MI]

Okay, (hanging head in shame), I paid $900 for my dress. It was beautiful, 100% silk.
But I did spend a whopper on the dress. But it's been the only time I ever went crazy like that and it really was worth it. :blush:

We spent a little more than that. My dress was also 100% silk. My parents had very little money. They told me that they'd pay around $5000 for the wedding (they'd been saving for it!). I chose to spend most of the money on my dress and the photographer. I'm SOOOO glad I did!! We have beautiful pictures.

I have been married for 8 years. My total wedding budget was $5,000. Just under half of that went to the photographer (My mother and sister never got their wedding photos for various reasons so we were a little nutty about not cutting those particular corners) My dream dress was only $500. We had a very nice traditional wedding.

Same budget here. We made our own food the week before the wedding. We hired neighbor girls to make sure the buffet stayed stocked. My two cousins served the punch. We spent $200 on a DJ. My mom's friend made the cake for $100. My invitations were about $450 (we invited a TON of people and my mom insisted that they be ingraved!). Flowers were VERY simple and cost only about $400. We did our own decorations on the tables - tablecloths, mirrors, three different colored wine glasses with candles in them, ivy and baby's breath on the mirror. It was very pretty! We also rented seat covers and put them on ourselves.

My flower girl dresses were picked off the rack at Macy's for $30 each. They were very pretty and they all wore them again! I had a friend who made jewelry make the gifts to the bridesmaids and they wore them in the wedding.

We did our wedding for $5000 and had over 250 people there. It was AWESOME!!!!! And, it's money I'd spend again!

[Karenciavo]

Okay, (hanging head in shame), I paid $900 for my dress. It was beautiful, 100% silk. I felt like a million dollars. But we spent very little on the entire wedding. I bought my girls Sunday dresses. We rented tuxes for the guys. We are both preacher's kids so we got $1,500 worth of photography for $500. I bought daisies wholesale and my mother and I arranged them (my flower girls walked barefoot with daisy chains. I loved it). I had free printing for the wedding invitations and we just had a cake and punch reception. We came out under $2,000 for the whole thing. Oh and Dh and I paid for everything so it WAS our money to spend. ;-)

But I did spend a whopper on the dress. But it's been the only time I ever went crazy like that and it really was worth it. :blush:

Don't feel bad Daisy, I spent $1000 on mine back in 1990. Our wedding cost $20,000. There now, does my foolish spending make you feel any better.:laugh:

[Antonia]

When my cousin married, his fiance's father told them he would either give them $25,000 and a small wedding or spend it all on a big wedding at their country club. They chose the big wedding, which I think was a poor choice especially given that they were divorced within five years.

[Antonia]

I agree! I love the idea of a Gemach.

Amy, just wanted to mention that my wedding reception was held at the now-defunct Church St. Station in Orlando. It was a blast!

[*anj*]

My other objection, which applies to things a little lower on the scale than 200K weddings, is to the way our society sets these expectations for weddings... and the harm it does to so many couples. I've seen a woman heartbroken because they can't have a 'real' wedding, the live-in-fiance of a relative postponed their wedding until they could afford to 'do it right', another friend incurred incredible debt to have the wedding of her dreams... when those who can afford it set that example, it sets other people's expectations... and those who can't afford it don't want to miss out on 'the perfect wedding'.

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Yes, yes, yes.
My parents had a very small wedding, even by 60's standards. They always told me (I mean like from the time I was old enough to start fantasizing about a "dream wedding") that among their circle of friends when they got married only two remained married. They told me about the fancy weddings that some had had, only to end up divorced within a couple of years. My parents did not have anything fancy, nor did/do they have an easy marriage, but they have had the glue that bound them together lo these many years. So they always impressed on me how much more important it was to have a commitment to your relationship than to have a Big, Fat, Choose-the-ethnicity Wedding.

And it is hard to say these things without sounding condemning (and I don't mean it that way either.) I know that the two are not mutually exclusive. But I've also lived on the East Coast all my life, and in this area for a large percentage of it and I can tell you that even if they didn't go into debt for it, even if the money had long been saved, even if they are truly committed to building a life together, the status quo for what makes a wedding "nice" is obscenely extravagant. I cannot watch these tv shows about monster brides because I just don't find it entertaining to see women focus so much on trappings and so little on inner beauty.

And yes, I've seen people live together too while they save up for a "real wedding." We had a couple at my old church who had introduced themselves as engaged, but eventually it was discovered that they owned a home together. There wedding was still about two years off. Elders in the church spoke to them very lovingly, asked them to please go ahead and get married now. There was a woman who offered to house the bride and throw them a small wedding...now. They tearfully refused and left the church. It was very sad. And I know very well how they were treated because I was involved in the situation too, so I can tell you that they were not treated like lepers or anything, but with love and compassion because there are many of us who have gone down that road.

Okay, I have things to do. Gotta go!

[Mrs. H.]

Well, dh offered to whisk me off somewhere and get married in private, then come home and let our family throw us a reception (his family isn't into weddings...a lot of elopements there), but I knew I would regret not planning and having a wedding ceremony. I'm so glad I stuck to my guns. The ceremony was simple and sweet.

My dress was $300 off the rack, alterations included, and gorgeous. Our total for the whole wedding was $1500, including the reception, and it was all done tastefully and elegantly. We had lots of friends gift us with things for the wedding (like the flower arrangements, doing hair for the ceremony, etc.), so that helped cut back on the costs.

Dh and I spent a long weekend at a quiet lake resort for our honeymoon, and I think that cost us about $250 for the whole weekend. It was nice, quiet, and isolated. :001_smile:

[Scarlett]

When my cousin married, his fiance's father told them he would either give them $25,000 and a small wedding or spend it all on a big wedding at their country club. They chose the big wedding, which I think was a poor choice especially given that they were divorced within five years.

I cannot imagine the kind of couple that would make the above foolish choice.

One of the best weddings I've been too was my best friend's second marriage. She had a 2 yo and was marrying a wealthy man with a grown daughter. His daughter had just started a new job and couldn't get off in time to drive in, so he flew her and her dh in. We held the wedding to wait for her arrival. :)

Anyway, my friend's dress was stunning, but I think I remember it costing about $400. It was simple, but she is gorgeous so there ya go. I was Matron of Honor (pregnant too) and she bought my dress off the clearance rack for $45. I look great btw! The wedding was held outdoors on the top of a local mountain in the courtyard of a hotel. The guest list was small...mostly family...maybe 40 people. We had dinner before the ceremony in one set of formal wear and she and I changed into the wedding dress/Matron of Honor dress after dinner and before the ceremony.

It was lovely. Her brother married them. I imagine the food was was the most expensive, but overall the wedding was very modest. I remember thinking the case of champagne they bought was an extravagance! After the ceremony, we danced and ate cake and drank champagne and then the guests left and they had their honeymoon first night there at the hotel.

I think a budget should be set and the bride and groom should decide what is most important to them. I have friends who are giving their daughter $5000 toward her dream wedding....this even though they have been living together and have a year old baby. I think that is just ....nuts.

[Virginia Dawn]

I spent $200 dollars on my dd's dress off e-bay and it was georgeous. We didn't spend more than $3,000 on her wedding, it was small (about 100 people) but very nice. It helped to have lots of church friends that donated their talents, and a very kind groom's mother. :-)

I don't feel that anything was lost just because we didn't spend scads of money.

[Tammy]

and I didn't have a 'wedding'.....went to the Justice of the Peace!

I am not a big believer in big weddings....it seems like such a waste when you could spend the money for things you probably need....but if you have the money....go for it!

Tammy

[Jenny in Florida]

That includes the honeymoon, by the way.

My dress was about $200 of that, and I considered it my big splurge. It was actually a bridesmaid dress, but it was perfect, exactly what I wanted. I proposed making my dress, but my (then) hubby-to-be talked me out of it, since I was already making the cake and doing the flowers and most of the food for the reception.

We had about 30 people, including my friends from the church choir, who also sang for the ceremony.

It was just lovely. The only things we would do differently if we had it to do over would be to hire some help to serve and clean up food and to hire a professional photographer.

But spending more on a dress is not on my retrospective wish list.

--Jenny

[Anne/Ankara]

I think we spent about $500 for the dress back in 1993. Since we were already older when we got married, my dh and I paid for our own wedding, inviting all our friends and family in traditional style. It was beautiful! If I recall, it was about 125 people. I still have the dress, stored in a box in the basement, and a lovely photo album. Very fond memories!

[mcconnellboys]

That brings up another thing I hate about huge weddings. All that money may just be wasted if the couple divorce a short time later - ugh!

Regena

[Laurie4b]

I'm with you. We had a lovely wedding and I wore a beautiful, cotton tea-length dress that I bought off the rack for less than $100. I am floored at the amount that people spend on weddings. It is ONE DAY. The wedding isn't what is important; it's the marriage. It's sad all the hype that's directed at young girls about their "dream day." Spend the $$ for a downpayment on a house.

An even worse trend that I've become aware of is the parents of the bride expecting the parents of the groom to foot half the bill for that "dream wedding." This happened to relatives of mine. The girl's dream wedding is so ritsy that they can't even ask all the family members and it's all about "her." Her mom was offended when the groom's parents said that they couldn't contribute to bride's fantasy!

Preaching to the choir, I know.

[*anj*]

That brings up another thing I hate about huge weddings. All that money may just be wasted if the couple divorce a short time later - ugh!

Regena

That reminds me of a story.
When dh and I were dating we were really poor.
His cousin got married a year or so before we did.
We were really broke at the actual time of her wedding, so we decided to follow Miss Manner's advice and be sure to give the gift within a year of the wedding. Well guess what? They didn't even last a year. I have to say that I was really relieved that we hadn't taken our hard won cash to buy a gift for a couple that hadn't even stayed together. Nowadays I wouldn't care because it's a little different, but back then.....

[Melissa B]

I think my family may be correct in calling me a bit too practical and tight-fisted. I paid $30 or $40 dollars for my wedding dress. It came off a clearance rack at Ross. My mother found it and called me. She wanted me to come look at it, but I assured her it would be fine and just pick it up.:) It is now in my children's dress up bin.

We really did have a beautiful wedding, it was outdoors and on the beach in Florida. But I am practical and basically cheap. I asked a family member and friend that both dabble in photography to do my pictures - they came out wonderful. My cousin played the violin for music. My cake came from Publix grocery and was delicious. All together with food, clothing, hotel, etc. the wedding cost under $3000 and everyone loved it. After attending our wedding, I had a cousin get married in the same place and a sister in law who is planning a beach wedding. Cheap can really be wonderful!

Oh, and we bought a house the week before the wedding instead of going on a honeymoon. :D

[Colleen in NS]

My sister and I both didn't believe in big weddings and opted for very small, informal weddings that didn't require the traditional dress. I've tried to bring my 17yo dd up the same way! :001_smile:

Most young women still seem to want the traditional dress and wedding, so I'm really curious about what others deem a reasonable amount of money to pay these days for the dress.

On a slightly different note, my dh and I have been appalled by the size of the weddings of the children of his co-workers (everyone being fairly middle-class technical geeks). They have done weddings that cost $30,000 and up.

Are we really cheap??? :tongue_smilie:

Well, in 1994, I paid $35 for my wedding dress - it was an ivory coloured, lace dress over a sheath, on a sale rack at Jordan Marsh. I made a veil for it, found $10 shoes, and in general, paid about $350 for the entire wedding.

[FlockOfSillies]

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They told me about the fancy weddings that some had had, only to end up divorced within a couple of years.

:iagree: This was my sister's wedding -- $2500 just for a silk shantung dress, big first anniversary party (to steal the thunder from my upcoming foolish marriage), ending in divorce less than five years later.

I know I shouldn't, but I feel vindicated to be approaching my 13th anniversary in the face of all that.

FTR, my dress was about $400, but it was Italian satin. Regular satin looks all shiny, but Italian satin just... glows. We had a few splurges -- a two-week honeymoon, wedding cake from The Cheesecake Factory, and a great photographer. The rest was El Cheapo -- reception in my dh's uncle's backyard, church choir friends for music, inexpensive table decorations, reception food homemade by our moms, homemade party favors (that my dear MIL forgot to set out at the reception). We were even going to use dh's white car as our wedding transportation, but my dad INSISTED on renting us a limo. Quite a turnaround for a guy who responded to my engagement with the words, "I'm not too happy about this."

So, now I return from my rabbit-trail trip down memory lane to say, "It's not unusual for a traditional wedding dress to cost several hundred dollars, depending on the fabric used, any embellishments, and the length of the dress. If you can get a beautiful dress that suits you and the formality level of the wedding for $200 or less, you've gotten a baw-gin! :thumbup:"

[Danestress]

I disagree. On two levels:

I think it is wrong to consume like that when there are so many people in need. It sickens my heart to even think about it.

My other objection, which applies to things a little lower on the scale than 200K weddings, is to the way our society sets these expectations for weddings... and the harm it does to so many couples.


I had a small wedding because I just don't have that female desire to be a princess. I really didn't want everyone looking at me.

But I don't share your judgment about it being wrong to have a big wedding if you want one. It wouldn't be my choice, but I don't judge those who choose it. Unlike so many things people spend money on, at least an expensive wedding tends to benefit your local economy. I kind of like the idea of supporting people who have small businesses - the florist, caterer, seamstress, photographer, wedding planner, musicians .... all those people have businesses that support families and that rely on these kinds of events. The wait staff at the reception, the restaurants where guests are eating and the hotels and Bed and Breakfasts - these are all businesses, often local businesses, that benefit from that expensiture. So while I personally would never want a big wedding, I don't really feel too bent out of shape about people who do, IF they aren't going into debt to do it. If Daddy has the money, it seems fine with me. He's taking it out of savings and using it to stimulate the economy, which I'm hearing now is patriotic:)

I didn't feel *at all* sad about having a small wedding. I guess I don't relate to the idea that someone's big wedding harms the next bride. The next bride is an adult. If she can't afford that wedding and is so traumatized that her big plans have to be scaled back, I wonder about her maturity and readiness for marriage. Won't it just be one thing after another? First she's dying of jealousy about the fairy tale wedding, then it's the big house, the better car, the best of the best children's clothing. People have to figure out how to co-exist with the conspicuous consumer without letting it get under their skin. I don't have any daughters, but if I did, I tend to think that preparing for a wedding would be a great time to face the reality that I'm not rich and you aren't rich either, and if that bothers you, you might want to rethink your plans, marrying someone wealthier, have a job change etc. Because we don't spend what we don't have.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I would have been happy to have a smaller, intimate wedding, but, since I was the last of the 6 kids to get married in my family, my parents wanted a more "traditional" wedding reception. It was kindof a last hurrah. This was almost 17 years ago. I paid for the dress, flowers, photography, favors, but I was working at a VERY well paying job at the time. My dress was $600, which everyone told me was "cheap". I didn't have fairy princess dreams, but the dress made me feel beautiful. I did not want to be 'bridezilla" like my younger sister (who as getting married 2 months before me), so I made quick decisions and tried not to be fussy. We ended up with 200 guests (mostly friends of our parents) and the wedding was about $12,000 (including what dh and I spent on our individual parts).

Meanwhile little sister and her parsnickety fiance had to be reigned in everywhere. Sis' fiance came from a small town where you posted the invitation on the church bulletin board and had baloney on wonder bread at the reception. Around here, sit down dinners were more expected. Sis' DF chose the most expensive plate - prime rib, but expected to be able to just post the invitation on the bulletin board and have 200 people show up. He wanted the most expensive 'EVERYTHING' but it wasn't his dime.

[LisaK in VA]

My wedding cost about $5,000. My dress was $500 (bought it used, and it fit perfectly -- no alterations necessary). The dress I really wanted was 3x that, and believe me, if I could have purchased it, I would have.

I was 27 when I got married. And the *only* reason my wedding costs were low was because my family moved so much. If we had remained in California, and gotten married at our church there... the punch, coffee, cake and nuts to serve in the reception hall to all of the family and friends would have amounted to nearly $5k in and of itself -- so my wedding could have easilly come in around $10,000 -- and if I purchased the dress I wanted? about $12,000.

Other than the dress... I would have spent the money on better food. The Sam's roll-ups and veggie trays were, umm, unpalatable. (UGH!).

We could have done oh so much better with a Ukrop's buffet:) And it would have been worth the extra $400

[AndyJoy]

My wedding in 2003 was a fairly simple affair by most people's standards, but it was a blast. My dress was $350 including alterations. I had intended to have my mom make mine, because she made hers in 1975 and it was beautiful. We went to David's Bridal to look for ideas, and I ended up buying my dress on a mega sale ($800 originally).

We had both the ceremony and reception at my church, which only charged $75. We served cake, punch, nuts, mints, and fruits and veggies at our reception. My mother-in-law made a beautiful cake that I had chosen out of a cake decorating book. The reception was a 50's theme, so we had lots of fun decorating with roller skates, balloons, records, diner aprons, Coke, red tableclothes, black & white checkered runners, etc. We made a jukebox w/a laptop inside that played 50s songs. My extremely artistically talented best friend painted the front of a '57 Chevy for the bridal party table, so it looked like my husband and I were sitting in it.:auto: My mom made me a red satin poodle skirt for my going-away outfit.

We made the boquets and boutonnieres ourselves with fresh flowers, and a friend arranged the rest of the flowers (silk) as a gift. We donated the red and white silk arrangements to the church after the wedding, and they have been used frequently (4th of July, Memorial Day, Christmas, etc.) I paid for the fabric and patterns for my bridesmaids' and flower s' dresses, and their mothers sewed them. The groom's and groomsmen's tuxes and shoes were only $60 at a discount rental place.

The rehersal dinner given by my inlaws was a salmon BBQ (they are from Alaska and brought the salmon with them). It was simple but delicious and fun.

We spent just over $2,500 and had about 200 guests. We have never regretted having a simple wedding. Almost 5 years later, people from my church still tell me that it was the most fun they ever had at a wedding. For me, the point of a wedding is not to show off or spend absurdly large amounts of money to buy "happiness", but to celebrate your commitment to one another with a fun party with family and friends. For me, the value of the wedding is the people, not the finery.

[Brigitte]

OK I guess I will be the odd one but I had no problem spending $1200 on my dress not including alterations. Although I am sure I could have found a lovely dress for much less this was my DREAM dress. I love all the crystals.


I will confess that mine was in that price range. I don't remember exactly how much it was since we bought it in Paris and the I was converting from francs to dollars.

The rest of our wedding cost about $3,000 - reception and all. The bill for the bar tab (open bar) was as much as the food. :o

[Tracey in TX]

In 1991 I spend $500 on the bridal gown. Then my parents informed us they could only contribute $2000 to our wedding. That's not even close to what we expected...so we eloped and called home the next day.
I wore a floral cocktail dress in a most unconventional Catholic Mass :) We put the remaining money toward a week in Jamaica. I would do it again in a heartbeat! We couldn't have our dream wedding, so we changed our expectations. (I didn't whine then about people fortunate enough to afford the $200,000 weddings. Good for them. They're blessed fiscally. I'm blessed with a great husband who didn't mind altering our plans to fit our own needs. Maybe someday my DDs can be blessed with both. If not, let them design a wedding that personifies their future--loving God and each other...and not fret about the money.)

[Eliana]

I want apologize. From the feedback I have received, I have clearly done a very poor job of explaining my thoughts and feelings... and I do not want anyone to feel I am try to criticize them. If I have hurt anyone or made anyone feel uncomfortable about sharing their thoughts and experiences, please forgive me. I should have been more careful in what I said.

I'm going to try to clarify what I meant, but if I only muddle it up more, please let me know (and sign your names next time, so I can try to explain directly.... you won't offend me, the negative feedback it there so we can let each other know when we step out of the bounds of respectful discourse. If I do that, I do want to know and will be grateful for the lesson.)

1) I was responding to a post Abbey made and a specific (*hypothetical*) example of a $200,000 wedding. I said (and still believe) that (and I should have qualified it with: *according to my belief and value system* it is wrong to spend $200K on a single day when there are so many people in need. If there is a way I can express this better that will upset fewer people, I welcome suggestions.

2) I expressed concern about *societal* expectations around weddings and the harm I feel this does. I was not trying to say that everyone who spend more than I would on such a day is causing harm! I was certainly not trying to imply any judgment of what anyone here has shared. My viewpoint in this reflects my community-centered thinking... that we are not islands, that all our choices impact those around us.

My own conduct in this area is far from perfect, I, all too often, make my decisions selfishly, more so I am sure than those who have shared here... I do not think I am better than anyone else, quite the contrary! ...but my ideals tell me that it would be better if I were more aware of the ripple effect of my choices... and my reaction to Abbey's post (reasonable & wonderful as always!) made me think about this aspect of the issue.

Again, I am sorry for any pain I have caused. Thank you whoever you are who have left the negative feedback drawing my attention to my carelessness. I hope I have clarified my feelings at least a little bit... please do let me know if I have not (by PM or email, if you have already given negative rep and have to wait to do so again! eliana@efn.org)


Whoops! ETA: I am quoting my original post in full, and welcome any further feedback on it!

I disagree. On two levels:

I think it is wrong to consume like that when there are so many people in need. It sickens my heart to even think about it. I believe passionately that our worldly resources don't really belong to us - and if someone is given that kind of money, it is to give them the opportunity to do good with it...

I try very hard not to judge anyone else. I know that I have no right to do so, and that I owed it to others to be dan l'chaf zechus (to judge others favorably), but this is one of the few topics I stumble over every time. (the other, much more reasonably, is mistreatment of babies). Conspicuous overconsumption really pushes my buttons. (And, no, I don't mean anything anyone here has described - I don't mean splurging on a pretty dress, I mean spending the kind of money on a single day which could buy a house or a year at college, or changed the world for some family in poverty.)

My other objection, which applies to things a little lower on the scale than 200K weddings, is to the way our society sets these expectations for weddings... and the harm it does to so many couples. I've seen a woman heartbroken because they can't have a 'real' wedding, the live-in-fiance of a relative postponed their wedding until they could afford to 'do it right', another friend incurred incredible debt to have the wedding of her dreams... when those who can afford it set that example, it sets other people's expectations... and those who can't afford it don't want to miss out on 'the perfect wedding'. (This became enough of a problem in Israel that many community Rabbis set guidelines limiting the amount which should be spend on a wedding to something more within everyone's reach.)

I guess I see us all as not living in isolation. Our choices impact our friends, our families, our communities, our countries, and our world - and I believe it is wrong to make choices based only on our own pleasure.

:rant:

*shaking my head* who would have thought that my foray into judgmental ranting would be over wedding expenses!??!! I steered carefully around Ezzo conversations, dodge political debates, and keep my mouth shut on many topics... *sigh*

... that wasn't aimed at you, Abbey, dear... and when I first read that line, I nodded my head in agreement, but then my heart-level reaction overrode my customary live and let live mellowness.

I'll take one of these: :chillpill:, and get back to calculating how many batches of each thing I need to fill all these baskets...