How to teach a 5yo about lies vs. truth...

[Sue G in PA]

I don't really think my ds5 "gets" it. My dh and I have tried explaining to him the difference btwn. a lie and the truth. Whenever "caught" doing something inappropriate or in disobedience, he will always say he didn't do it. Even if we saw it w/ our own 2 eyes. Further probing and questioning in terms he can understand...he finally "fesses up". I'm not talking about situations where we just don't know but situations where he's caught "red handed", KWIM? I don't know if this kid really doesn't understand what a lie is or if he's just trying to stay out of trouble. All my dc know that they get into more trouble for lying than for whatever the offense was to begin with. How should we proceed w/ him? How do you teach your young children this very important concept? I honestly never had to actually "teach" this w/ my older dc.

[Whisperlily]

Does he tell "stories?"

Most 4-5 year olds go through a phase where they sort-of believe that if they say it, it will be true. It's easier if they're storytellers, because you can help them by saying something like... "That is a really neat story, wouldn't it be fun if it were true? But what really happened was X, wasn't it?" You can help them separate imagination from reality that way, and let them have their fun stories.

In your case, it might be similar. He might be saying what he "wishes" were true. I wouldn't ASK if he did it, if there's any doubt. If he says that the 2yo did it, and you know better, then TELL him that you understand that he wishes he could change what happened, but he can't. I'd focus on HELPING him tell the truth, unless you know his intent is a deliberate choice.

We don't accept lying here. We have a no-tolerance policy. BUT, there is a certain stage/age where you have to help them understand what a lie IS... or rather what the TRUTH is before holding them to the same standard you would an older child.

I think sometimes I talk circles around my kids. They seem okay with it. Having one child who needs everything explained from all angles before he really "gets" things will do that to you. ;) I talk about stuff when it's happening, I talk about how it affects other people, I talk about how it makes them feel, I talk about all sorts of things.

Not lecture. Talk. In a nice positive, conversational way.

Like I tell my Mom. "You know me, I just talk, talk, talk 'til their ears fall off."