College Musings

[DollyM]

The thread about "are we doing enough" and the fact that I wrote a letter to one of DD's college options (declining their offer of admission and generous scholarship) got me to musing.

DD completed her high school REQUIREMENTs at the end of summer after her Junior Year, so we enrolled her at the CC for one term (Dean's LIst 4.0 YESSSS!) , and allowed her to work at the Barnes & Noble for Spring term while continuing with her ballet.

When we began the college search process I thought our main issues would be 1-Will the college accept a homeschooler, 2-Will we find a good fit for DD, 3-Will we be able to afford it.

It became clear pretty early on that YES they love hs-ers, YES there were many potentially good fits, and YES their scholarship offers made it very affordable.

So, our issues during the deliberations of WHICH COLLEGE to choose became much more esoteric: If you are the department's first pick (after auditions) do you really want to go there - does it mean they will love you and look out for you or does it mean you will suffer more of a burden not to disappoint them? Should you take a full ride at a lesser institution or go into modest debt for a truly worldclass education? DD wrestled with these issues and more. What about the issued related to PLAYING FAVORITES. Mom's favorite was not DD's favorite. DH looked only at the money. DD and I had our hearts tugged in different directions by different schools. (FYI in the end, DD's heart prevailed.)

Another issue of musing: DD is really looking forward to going away. She is NOT unhappy here at home. She is NOT straining at the apron strings - but she IS looking forward to the new challenge of college - academics, dance, friends, a change of scenery of church/worship/bible study and so on. She is ready and prepared. I think back on all the ways homeschool benefitted out family and her development and I praise him for his faithfulness to sustain us through the adventure and to use that time to prepare a lovely young woman to go out and do His will. God is good.

Anyway, I'm rambling. Have a great day!

[Gwen in VA]

It ssounds like you and dd have done some hard thinking. Good for you! And how wonderful to have CHOICES!!!!! Congatulations to your dd (and the hardworking homeschool mom as well!)

Our ds will be dealing with those issues in a week. He has two full-tuition scholarships and is in the running for two full-ride scholarships, BUT....his heart is set on his first-choice school, which happens to (probably) be the top school in the country for his chosen major. It happens to be rather pricey. It also happens to be a 2-day drive away from home. :glare:

Decisions, decisions. I keep on reminding myself that these decisions are a good thing -- but I am not looking forward to the decision-making process. Now to go out and check the mailbox to see if the two remaining "acceptances" (hopefully!) and the five financial statements are here yet!

Congratulations to your dd and you -- what a wonderful way to end her "senior" year! She must be quite an accomplished young lady!

[Staci in CT]

I know that you two, along with your families and God's guiding hand, will make the right college decisions for your children. I don't believe there is one "perfect" college for each child. I believe many schools will work perfectly if given a chance. Even if you end up sending your son/daughter to the less expensive option with a tiny bit less prestigious name/program, it is likely to work out with the child being more than content during his college years.

I think the world is pretty evenly split on taking out as much loan money as possible for that dream/reach school, vs. heading to a lesser known school for no or little money. Personally, I have a feeling that the child would rather not be $100,000 in debt after 4 or 6 years. We are aiming for the latter alternative in my home. We are just not going to apply to schools with little or no chance of merit aid.

Now, if Gwen's son and Dolly's dd have to choose between 2 equally economical options, why don't you have them spend the night or weekend at the institutions to get a real feel for the environment that might suit them better? What is the social situation like? What percentage of the kids join a fraternity? What percentage stay on campus all weekend? I'm sure you know the other 100 questions to ask.

Best of luck,
Staci

[DollyM]

Stacy - I heartily concur that an overnight visit is a must when getting down to that final decision. DD traveled to each of her last two choices and stayed the night TWICE. (apparently overkill is my middle name LOl) In fact, it was the welcome and "feel" on campus (determined from those visits) that weighed her more heavily on the final choice.

I guess, my original musings were about how the issues we THOUGHT would be important turned out to be NOT so relevant, and how surprised I was at the nature and variety of final "issues" we faced vis a vis the whole college search thing - and YET - how clear it was to us (in the end) how the Lord was in control over all ... all along.

Gwen: I know RIGHT where you are this week ;) I hope your mailbox IS FULL today!! Let us know what he decides ...

[Gwen in VA]

Dolly,

You put it so well when you said that God is in control. Last year when my dd was a senior I thought we had the whole college process all figured out -- and we received so many surprises! It was a rocky road, but God directed all the bumps......and in hindsight the process is so clear! Dd1 is exactly where she should be.

I know that a year from now we will be able to talk about how "of course" ds is at the college he is at.....but right now the decision process certainly is muddy! I can list reasons why ds1 might end up at any of five schools.....

We are praying that God will clearly open some doors and clearly shut others.

(This sounds weird, but right now we are SO thankful that dd1 didn't get into MIT, even though last April the rejection hurt a bit!)

[K-FL]

I found this interesting as it's a "what I wish I'd known" piece.

http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-search-selection/471442-freshman-year-college-almost-over-what-i-wish-i-had-known-before.html

[Ms. Riding Hood]

We are praying that God will clearly open some doors and clearly shut others.

Exactly my prayer, too. I have to say that when MIT announced its new financial aid, I did feel like it was a door opening...but I'm trying to keep putting it back in God's hands. I *know* He has a place for ds, but I'm got good at waiting patiently as all that becomes clear. And ds is only a jr. so I've got a lot of waiting to do. :001_unsure:

I'm always so glad to read these posts of "those who have gone before".

[Janet in WA]

This comment may or may not be helpful, but...none of our sons chose the "right" college on their first try. All of them transferred after giving their "first choice" college a try and only then really knowing themselves and what would work for them. One chose a college that was too small and didn't have enough to offer academically. Another chose a college that was too large and impersonal. And the third chose a college that was too far from home (he made that choice based on the friends he knew going there -- and we all know, including him now, how that usually turns out). Their own father earned his degree by attending 3 different colleges, so I guess it's a family tradition.

Ideally, we'd all make the right college choice when we're 17 or 18, but realistically, that just isn't going to happen. Changing colleges wasn't really a big deal. Seems like such a heavy decision, though, doesn't it?

[Tokyomarie]

This may be a male/female difference to consider since females tend to be more relationally oriented than males (as a generality of course!) but when I went to college years ago, I found it highly disruptive to my social development when I transferred to a different university after 2 years. I even anticipated the transfer from the beginning, knowing that I could not afford to start at the university 2.5 hours from home but in order to complete my major I would have to finish there. By moving away from home onto campus at an unfamiliar school for the first time at age 20, as a junior, there was no support for making that transition. All the other students my age and older had already made their friends and connections and weren't really interested in getting to know someone new. It was very hard to break into study and social circles. Of course I survived and eventually thrived, but I've never wanted any of my children to have to plan a transfer. If it happens because the first school was not a good match the social and academic dynamics might play out differently. Guys may not have quite the same challenges in this department as girls, though, and it's just something for others to considerr when they think about college plans.

[Tokyomarie]

Thanks for sharing, Dolly. We, too, found that homeschoolers with solid academic backgrounds were appreciated, even recruited. Both of our daughters found themselves in a situation where they chose well enough in the application phase that they had a final choice between two or more schools that were both affordable and suitable for their academic needs and personal/social makeup.

Preparing from the beginning with the end in mind helped them to get to (and for the first, through) the college phase of their education.

[DollyM]

Marie - I totally get what you are saying as this was my problem as well. I went to a junior college, then tranfered to UCLA as a junior. I didn't start making friends and feeling like I belonged at UCLA until my SENIOR year. In the mean time, I was mostly miserable. I generally considered that some of my misery was related to the SIZE of the school - I have counseled both of my kids about the importance of choosing a school suited to them on many levels (size being one). DS thinks a large university with a plethora of opportunities would be invigorating and wonderful. DD seemed to think it would be too overwhelming for her - she choose the small LAC. Nobody counseled me on ANY of these things LOL - I just did the same track as most of my friends (yeah, my friends were at UCLA, too, but it was so large and they in different majors - I never saw them.. sigh.)

Now, off to read that linked article above - thx.

[Gwen in VA]

I too would like to stress that transferring is a difficult process. (Wow -- I didn't know so many people transferred!)

I went to a small single-sex LAC my freshman year and hated it. I transferred to an engineering school (graduating class was about 20% women -- talk about a change!)

I had a great experience at the engineering school, but I was SO lucky! Transfers at this school aren't guaranteed on-campus housing -- I happened to be one of the few that got it. Despite the on-campus housing (and I was in a fabulous dorm), I found what Marie mentioned -- most students already had formed their close friendships, and I was an interloper.

I did make many good friends there, and I am glad I transferred, but it was a mUCH rougher road than I had imagined, both socially and academically.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

We are encouraging our kids to realize that while transferring is an option, it has costs -- socially, academically, and financially.

1) Marie talks about the social cost.

2) Academically, the classes may or may not transfer -- even if you take classes from a strong school. I lost almost all of my freshman credits -- and I was at Smith College!!!!! I lost my two semesters of honors chemistry, I lost two semesters of calculus.....that hurt! (At least I did get to keep two semesters of Great Books!)

3) There may also be a financial cost to transferring. Many merit scholarships are only awarded to incoming freshman; while they may be renewable for the freshman as they progress through the college, they may not be available to transfers.